The Skeleton Key (2005)

Any love for this one? I thought it was such a fantastic movie, i knew it was good beforehand (rewatch) but i forgot just how amazing it actually is and i don't usually dig supernatural horror flicks.

The Babysitter (2017) ... What a blast!

When you think about who directed this movie, you laugh. "McG" directed this, and we can't take a guy with a name like that seriously now, can we? He directed Terminator: Salvation, for fuck's sake! While he always struck me as a bit of a tool, I guess his heart was in the right place. Here, with Netflix's new Friday the 13th release "The Babysitter"... he might have finally redeemed himself!

So here we have a 12-year-old protagonist, who's a bit of a loser. He sucks at life, but at least his babysitter is hot as fuck. No, really! She seems too good to be true, and she absolutely is!

This movie is kinda goofy, kinda meta, and definitely violent. But if I'd describe it as anything... this movie is fun. I was thoroughly engaged, and while I normally hate kids as the lead actors in movies, I thought this kid was alright. Still, that babysitter was mighty fine... Plus, Bella Thorne plays a psycho cheerleader, so that's always a plus. Then, there's also a girl his same age who looks a lot like Chloe Grace Moretz. Just needed to be said...

What a movie though! Recommended.

RIP Sean Hughes

The Irish stand up comedian, writer and actor has died of liver failure aged 51. Probably best known for being a team captain on music comedy quiz Never Mind the Buzzcocks, he was also in a few films inc The Butcher Boy & The Commitments and briefly had his own sitcom.

He was well known to enjoy a hedonistic lifestyle, and kept his sense of humour until the end - "I went to the hospital with my psoriasis. They gave me a DVD of The Singing Detective and said "Good luck with your life"."

Town Without Pity: The History Of The Toxic Avenger



Yeah. Troma isn't really what it once was, is it? Nowadays it seems like they only pick up random garbage that nobody else is interested in. And this problem goes back well over a decade. Whatever notoriety they still enjoy is certainly not due to anything they've done lately. Kaufman or Non-Kaufman. I'd go so far as to say 2011's Father's Day is currently their last hurrah. Where did it all go wrong, you ask? Well, don't ask me. I'm not here to figure anything out, today. But we are going to revisit a better time in Tromaville. The very beginning of Troma's peak, actually. Before movies like Terror Firmer, before Redneck Zombies, and even before the timeless Deadly Daphne's Revenge. The one that is responsible for every bit of popularity Troma has experienced. Lloyd Kaufman's own Mickey Mouse. This is The Toxic Avenger!

It's just so perfectly cheesy in every way a bad 80's movie should be. Starting off in a New Jersey health club full of dumb fucks, pumping iron to that gloriously stupid song. We notice retarded looking mop boy, Melvin Ferd, who gets under the skin of two couples in a hot tub, who I'm guessing are Lloyd Kaufman's idea of asshole teenagers. The leader, Bozo, almost ends Melvin, but instead decides to have his meltdown in private. Much like many Tromaville citizens, these four are full of hate. One indication being the little game they play, later that night, where they go around running over people with Bozo's car. A pointless, but priceless scene just to confirm who the dicks are, I guess.

Of course, Tromaville is full of dicks. These four teenagers are just a tip of the ice berg. The toxic waste capital of the world lives up to its name in every way. Good people like Melvin Ferd are shat upon, while people like Bozo, and the 400 pound crime boss-Mayor, Peter Belgoody, are kings. Bozo and friends are still mad at Melvin, and come up with a plan to stick it to him once and for all, by humiliating him in front of the entire Health Club. I figure there would have been quite a few ways to do so, but leave it to Bozo to pick the right one. A plan that would change the course of Tromaville history forever...

Bozo gets his girlfriend, Julie, to seduce Melvin, who has clearly never even felt a boob. Well, one thing leads to another, and Melvin ends up kissing a sheep in front of everyone, leading to an eruption of laughter which follows him as he tries to escape the nightmare. Melvin is so desperate to get away from this unexpected ridicule, that he ends up taking a dive out the window, landing in a barrel of toxic waste, which was in the back of a truck, occupied by careless cokeheads. The laughter doesn't cease. As Melvin catches fire, he runs home to take a bath which is totally reasonable, considering. I'm guessing it was the water mixed with the toxic waste that did it, but at this point, Melvin transforms into a green, muscle-bound freak, who we later discover to have an uncontrollable compulsion to destroy evil, which means about 80% of Tromavlle is pretty much fucked.

We are then treated to a handful of some rather gruesome beatdowns. Most probably favor the taco restaurant scene, where the one guy says "always did wanna cornhole me a blind bitch". The blind bitch is Sarah, and she remains uncornholed thanks to Melvin, who decimates the bad guys in seconds, and gets a hot new girlfriend for his trouble. Melvin's first girlfriend. They fall in love, as the obviously low maintenance Sarah comes to live with Melvin at the dump. Melvin has it all, now. A girlfriend who can't see him, a hometown that's getting nicer and nice to live in, and most importantly, a purpose. Although misunderstood by some, Melvin only kills evil, and he is currently working on those hit and run pricks from earlier. However, that fat slob of a mayor is smart enough to know his days are numbered if he doesn't do something about this "monster hero" fast!

Never mind the mainstream appeal. Never mind the influence on future Troma and non-Troma B-movies. Simply put, The Toxic Avenger is everything that's great about the 80's B-movie and 80's Horror. A film which represents the decade every bit as much as a movie like Return Of The Living Dead. It's just fun, and fun is what the 80's were all about. However, our fun got pissed on a few years later with the release of two movies that was originally meant to be one. The Toxic Avenger 2 and 3 ruined our lives forever, or at least until Citizen Toxie saved the day, many years later. It's still unclear as to whether or not the Toxie franchise has already come to an end. Although I wouldn't mind if it ended with part IV, as it was a higher note than anyone probably expected. But most of us favor the grittier original above all. And rightfully so. The Toxic Avenger was a special movie from a special time, which breathed life into a B-movie company that probably never stood a chance, otherwise. So, for anyone wondering why Melvin Ferd's ugly mug has to appear on just about every piece of Troma merchandise, well, he earned it! 7/10



#Review

New Video: Trashcans of Terror

The Devil's Rejects

I still prefer House of 1000 Corpses but this is definitely a strong Rob Zombie horror film. Sid Haig, Ken Foree and Bill Mosely are all hilarious and terrifying. The role reversal at the end is interesting.

It's an interesting parallel that Tiny shows up at the end as a saviour figure for the evil characters when earlier in the film there was a scene with a victim calling out to God for help and no one came.

Junko: The History Of Toxie 2 & 3



Sequels. Yeah, they're ok, sometimes. There were a lot of them before the reboot revolution. And just like reboots, the sequel craze was a bit much. Very few were necessary, some were pretty good. However, most sequels are just obvious cash grabs, every bit as much as these stupid reboots we're now stuck with. The 80's was the point when so many directors got the idea that an overabundance of part 2's was okay and not at all cheapening otherwise legendary stories. Well, they did. Even if they're quality continuations that provide us entertainment, they usually don't do the original any favors, do they? Today, I'm going to say a few words about two unwanted sequels from the late 80's that's always annoyed me more than most. And I know I'm not alone. This is the Toxic Avenger Parts 2 and 3.

This was just a completely watered-down attempt at continuing the saga of The Toxic Avenger. The original wasn't perfect ... Or maybe it was, come to think of it. It was silly, but not too silly. It had a grittiness that wasn't even attempted to install in 2 and 3. Grittiness was replaced by a cartoonish tone that I can only assume was due to Troma's desire for mainstream success, and I guess it paid off considering the Toxic Crusaders Saturday morning cartoon that debuted a couple years later. That's great, but what about the fans of the original who miss the more gruesome, offensive style? Well, fuck them! They'll just eat up whatever they're given, right? what is this, Hollywood?



So, yeah. This was originally meant to be one movie. Toxic Avenger Part 2 became part 2 and 3 once Lloyd Kaufman realized that he had accidentally shot enough footage for two different movies. And after watching them both, I find that little fact kind of confusing. I mean, that's a lot of shit for one movie, regardless of how long it's meant to be. Ultimately, both movies clock in around 100 minutes, which often seems about twice that. But enough about disappointing changes and unnecessary run times. Here's how it all plays out...

In the mid-80's, if someone told you Troma was going to be coming out with another Toxic Avegner movie, how would you imagine the story? Exactly! Toxie goes to Japan! What else? This sequel is really about Toxie "Melvin" Fer-I mean Junko's quest to find his long, lost father. Not such a bad idea for a premise, as it could lead to all sorts of misadventures, but tell me. Why Japan? So we can all get a good laugh at how different Japanese people are, and how funny they talk? It seems like it, at times. A dumb and unnecessary route to take, in my opinion.

Toxie is tricked by Apocalypse Inc. into thinking this is where he can find daddy Junko. But while Toxie is doing stupid shit over there, while coming up short in his quest, the evil corporation takes over his beloved hometown with ease. Once Toxie heads home from his pointless trip, and sees what has happened, well, it almost seems like the story can finally begin, now, as Toxie takes care of business, but in a more silly, less exploitationy fashion, than what we remember. It's not too terribly tame, but comparing this to the original, let's just say, it's obvious which movie was closer to the 70's, and which was closer to the 90's. Take that however you want. 4/10

Somehow, Lloyd ended up with an entire story of scenes about Toxie selling out to Apocalypse Inc. and made a whole other movie with it. Some time later, Toxie has banished all evil from Tromaville, which is good, but that purpose he acquired in the first movie is now gone. Toxie feels bored and restless, but mostly, he just feels just plain useless. He was a hero, but for one to maintain such status, one much prove himself on a regular basis. And with no bad guys around to kill, well, Melvin is really nothing more than a nice guy, now.

With the combination of having no purpose and not being able to afford eye surgery for Sa-I mean Claire, Melvin does the unthinkable and signs on to work for Apocalypse Inc. Melvin immediately transforms into a fast talking, go-getter yuppie in short shorts, quickly forgetting the important things in life and remaining oblivious to the fact that the company is now taing over Tromaville. The once blind Claire opens Melvins eyes as to what's really going on, and he soon prepares for the fight of his life. But what Melvin doesn't realize is that he's been working for The Devil, himself. As Melvin learns, The Devil doesn't let his minions out of their contracts without a fight. 4/10

I don't know. It's not like these movies are even in the bottom 300 of the Troma catalogue. They're not terrible, but just not what they should or could have been. They're more or less castrated versions of the original. And aside from that, the other elephant in the room would be the abysmal continuity (or lack of caring). Really. It seems as though Kaufman hadn't seen the original in a couple of years, and just decided that he remembered it well enough to not require a refresher. If that's how it was, then, Uncle Lloyd was wrong.

Melvin Ferd became Melvin Junko, Sarah the cute ditz became Claire the seductive retard, Melvin's mom now looks like the old woman from Island Of Death who got pissed on. Ad to me, the worst part is that they got a noticeably different Toxie, this time. Two of them, I believe. The first either quit or got fired at some point. The thing is, the actor(s) playing Toxie are at least four or five inches shorter than the original. I don't want to nitpick, but really? You really couldn't find someone at least six feet tall to take over the role of someone who was probably 6'3? and don't even get me started on the 15 year old they hired to do the voice. It's not so bad if you're not a huge fan of the original. However, if you are, then, these movies will probably just make you want to go watch it!

Thoughts on The Innkeepers/YellowBrickRoad





Revisited these 2 movies last night, the rewatch for The Innkeepers did the trick, i appreciated it more and i changed the rating from 5/10 to 6/10 but for YellowBrickRoad while i absolutely love slow burn horror this one just didn't work for me, it had some truly terrifying scenes but as a whole the movie fell flat and aimless 4/10.

The most polarizing movie on Trash Epics

At the time of writing, the only movie on here which has the full gamut of votes from 1 to 5 is...

https://resizing.flixster.com/RbMBebWbVmc6WIR7wbLSEpIrXQg=/206x305/v1.bTsxMTE3MjMyMjtqOzE3MzE5OzEyMDA7ODAwOzEyMDA

I suppose it shouldn't be suprising that a remake/reboot of a beloved franchise can cause such differing opinion, but i thought it might be something more extreme or perverse like A Serbian Film or Pink Flamingos.

Anyway, don't really know where i'm going with this, bit bored.

What movies does your schizo bad self think would be most dividing?

What movies did you buy or watch this week? (10-8)

I just got Suspicious Death of a Minor a few days ago. Will probably be watching it in just a little while.