Jersey Boys (LOL)

Box, I'm sorry to put you in the position of having to decide whether to tolerate a post about Jersey Boys on/in this forum. But, I just had a funny idea, and didn't know where to post it... anyway, for anyone who hasn't seen it, Jersey Boys is a movie about the musical group The Four Seasons. I just saw it for the first time a few months ago, and I like it a lot.

I just wanted to say, there's a scene where they show one of the group members (who was the main songwriter of their songs), Bob Gaudio, suddenly getting the idea for the song Big Girls Don't Cry, when he's hanging out with some other members of the group and another guy who produces their records. They are watching a movie on TV, and a guy slaps a woman in the face in that movie, and one of the guys in the group says "Watch this, she's gonna cry now," and the producer of The Four Seasons just says "Big girls don't cry." Bob Gaudio slowly turns his face toward the producer guy... so anyway, you could all probably guess what that reminded me of: that popular meme of Chris Pratt where he turns toward the camera with the facial expression of a mischievously delighted two year old child. If anyone here is technologically capable of editing together some kind of Deep Fake or whatever, digitally editing Bob Gaudio's face together with Chris Pratt's face in that meme, I just think it would be pretty hilarious. Here, the moment I'm talking about in Jersey Boys happens at about :29 to :33 in this clip, and you all know the Chris Pratt meme I'm thinking of. Had to share.

Remember this exercise from the HB?

List your 3 favorite horror films from the year you're born.

The Wicker Man
The Exorcist
Messiah of Evil

Grizzly 1976

Grizzly is pretty boring. They don't show much of the bear, but he's a lot of fun when he gets there. He kills the shit out of those people, and for no reason. He's just an asshole.

I loved the scene where the bear was shaking down the tower. They probably reused the same footage of him in all those shots, because he kept shaking that load-bearing plank over and over again in the same way. Points for this movie having the balls to kill people. I'm pretty sure I remember them killing a kid, so bonus points for that. In a movie like this, none of the characters matter. I've forgotten them all entirely, and it's only been a day since I watched it.

The killer-animal subgenre is one I haven't delved into much. I think the idea lends itself perfectly to exploitation movies because the plot is this: angry animal kills people who get in the way. One could only write a movie like this around the kills, much like a slasher movie...


Therefore, is Killer Animal a type of slasher? They can often have claws for literal slashing, and they rack up a body count. How do you define the difference?


Also... recs?

#Review

What does October mean to you?

Happy October, jerks. It's that wonderful time of the year where horror is suddenly "hip" again, and everyone can act creepy or slutty and it's no big deal. October is a month for misfits, and that's why we need it!

It is cool to see a few come back for the challenge. It's a very personal challenge that isn't competitive. Only competitive against oneself. Sure, you could log your list anywhere, but you chose to log it on a website about trash. I love that.


I have a few streaming servicves to browse, and I renewed Shudder. I'll probably see Smile when that comes out, and I'll definitely see Halloween Ends when that comes out. In other words, I'm winging it, so if anyone has recommendations, let them be known. It's hard to trust my own judgment these days.



So the question...

What does October mean to you?
And what's happening on your Halloween this year?

Halloween Specials

When you take an ordinary show and give it a macabre Halloween-centric episode, the showrunners have chance to let out their horror influences. Everyone loves a good ghost story, or anything considered even remotely spooky sprinkled into the otherwise mundane sitcoms that we're forcefed.

Here are a few thoughts on some Halloween Specials.



The Simpsons' Tree House of Horror - This is a gimmick that started in season 2. Every Treehouse segment was an anthology, and the early ones were good. They had some great parodies that I loved to catch on tv.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_The_Simpsons_Treehouse_of_Horror_episodes

Some absolute gold in those first seven years, like Hungry are the Damned, The Shinning, and Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace, Like the rest of the show in general, they got pretty lame after about a decade, and I don't know anybody who still watches The Simpsons. I think they keep making episodes because they've got tenure or something. As the years went on, the treehouse segments became less about horror/halloween and more random scenarios on random dates.

Freddy's Nightmares - This only had two seasons, but that meant two Halloween specials. Freddy's Tricks and Treats is about terrorizing some girl in college, and it's okay. Photo Finish was the other one, which featured Freddy terrorizing an artist played by Patty McCormack, but the second half was about the FBI investigating a crime on Halloween night at a house, and Freddy's hungry. I appreciate that Freddy had Halloween specials at all. Too bad that episode of The Goldbergs was a garbage episode, but I always thought it was cool that October 2018 saw the return of both Freddy and Michael.

Charlie Brown and the Big-Ass Pumpkin - I'm pretty sure that's the title. He probably wants to use it for sexual purposes.

I had an orange VHS as a kid of three Nickelodeon Halloween segments. One was Rugrats, one was Doug, and the last was Ren & Stimpy. I rewatched it a lot. I'll always remember that tape fondly for its inclusion of the Bloody Head Fairy. My damn R&S "uncut" dvd omits that entire scene. I also saw a few Spongebob Halloween eps that were decent like the one about the Hash Slinging Slasher.

Chucky had a Halloween episode, but I don't remember specifics. I do, however, remember the cross-promotion with Halloween Kills with Michael and Chucky in the same commercial. That was cool.



What exactly is a Halloween Special? I've always thought of them as episodes of tv shows, or stand-alone short films that are about Halloween and released around Halloween. But not theatrical movies. But not necessarily excluding TV movies... would they count? Take something like Dark Night of the Scarecrow, for instance. It was released late October and the ending occurs on Halloween. It was a special event for the network about Halloween, but one could argue that it isn't a Halloween Special.


Tell us some of your favorite Halloween Specials.
Or argue about the validity of TV movies.

Mausoleum 1983

Points for weirdness. It opens with a little girl getting possessed after walking into a creepy and weirdly-lit mausoleum. Years later, she seems to be living a normal life, but she has these spells, and well... take a guess what happens.

The plot isn't important. The movie almost feels like an Italian flick, and I wonder why...

It was produced by the "Yuppie Don" Michael Franzese, former capo of the Colombo crime family. It was allegedly a form of money laundering. Wether it was a passion for film or simply a business venture is unknown.

There are a few noteworthy things about this movie. The lighting is very green and purple. That's another thing in common with Italian flicks is that heavy lighting. The creature effects are by John Carl Buechler, and the demon looks super cheesy, but not without charm. It also features aunt Esther (LaWanda Page) as a spooked house maid. Is that a nod to early horror films with the black bug-eyed servants who exist solely for comic relief?

It's not great, but I kinda liked it. Not to be confused with Mortuary 1983.

#Review

Hellraiser 2022

The last few entries put in exactly zero effort to make a passable movie, so the bar for this franchise is pretty fucking low. Dimension Films were shitting out sequels in order to retain the rights, but somehow, Hulu got involved, and decided to put in some actual effort for a change. What a concept!

It's not a sequel, but it's not a remake. It bears little in common with the original and is a fairly unique story among the series. Nobody escapes hell and craves blood to regrow their flesh in that whole plot thread. It's more about dealing with the ramifications of the puzzlebox's fuckery, but it hits all the right beats. The puzzlebox, the chains, the cenobites, and the bizarre machinations of hell.

I don't have anything really to say about the "new" Pinhead. Yup, it's a she now. It doesn't really add or detract anything. It probably could've used Doug Bradley to make it a legit entry, but whatever. I guess his days of raising hell ended a while ago. The cast does a good job, and I did like the main girl. I'd do her.


Pardon the pun, but the cenobites strike me as more fleshed out here. Particularly in that they play a bigger threat, have more defined mechanics, and are plenty weird. I'm not sure if they ever made much sense to begin with, though. Why does Pinhead always have powers while the others are purely pawns? What made him/her a hell priest/priestess? We wont get our answers to that here, because while the sequels tried to bank off of that character, this new one treats him more like in the original movie, where he was just the "lead cenobite". It isn't about that character, nor should it be. It's about solving the box and claiming your "reward".

One dude's reward is pretty interesting. And pretty gross. In fact, the whole movie has its gross moments, but it still seems pretty tame for the most part. But... I didn't hate it. That's the most you can hope for with a series that's been run into the ground as much as Hellrasier has.


And now, the real question... Is HBO Max's Hellrasier series still moving forward? Haven't heard anything on that in a while...

#Review

Popcorn 1991

Overall fun movie. The alternate title "Phantom of the Cinema" seems more precise, but I guess there is popcorn in this movie. It isn't killer popcorn like in Killer Klowns though. Just regular popcorn.

The plot is centered around a few gimmicky horror screenings. Boy, I tell you h'what, I've never seen a packed theater having a blast throwing shit around and partying like I've seen in movies. I like the idea of soaking in the audience reactions, but at the same time, I hate it when I'm trying to pay attention and can't hear what's being said. Audiences aren't like this, and theaters don't get gimmicky with fog machines and shock-seats now because they're too worried about "lawsuits" and "safe environments".

Sometimes, I think it would be fun to run a small movie house. If I only had a jillion dollars or whatever it costs, and if only I actually wanted to do it, but still. I did enjoy working in that business. Despite the company's shortcomings. Running a theater would be tough these days when everyone is so lazy and has all the movies they want on some device. You would need to create a buzz to lure people to a real movie theater, like how Alamo Draft House or whoever it was lured people there to meet George Hardy. Do you see these walls? Do you see how clean they are? Hospitality!

I tell myself, If I ran a theater, my concessions would be much cheaper. Theater food is outrageously priced. $12 for a hot dog? And they wonder why they're dying? I also tell myself if I were president, I would ban bicyclists from using the road when a sidewalk is present. I would be a terrible president. Fortunately, I'm only a terrible movie-reviewer.

The killer is a smug, whiny prick. I hate him. Some other stuff happens, then the movie ends. It was a cool movie.

#Review

The Horror Show 1989

Aka "House 3", despite having nothing to do with the House movies. The house in this movie is hardly a character, but to yoink from imdb:

According to Sean S. Cunningham, the film was going to be named 'House III', but the new distributor, MGM, wanted a fresh start with potential new series with a new iconic villain, so the script was modified to reflect the new approach, and it was re-titled "The Horror Show" for the US theatrical release, while the title "House III" was maintained for the non-US market.

So if it isn't a haunted house movie, then what is it? Obviously, it's a Shocker rip-off. (??) Brion James plays a maniac (as usual), and he gets the chair. He loves it, of course, and vows revenge against Lance Henriksen for being a cop.

There's a bunch of filler and boring nightmare scenes with this one-dimensional villain, and it's easy to zone out. I do remember seeing the kid in Amityville 4. I always thought he was a tool and made fun of his hair, but now I feel bad, because the actor Aron Eisenberg died a few years ago. That's not why I feel bad for him though. I feel bad because his last pic on imdb has him bald. I blame myself. I must have transmitted my thoughts a lot louder than I meant to.

But yeah, House 3 sucks. House 1 would be ashamed. Well, it probably already is ashamed, because I remember thinking House 2 was pretty lame. I did fixate on Lance Henriksen's face when I was paying attention though. It definitely is a face.

Currently holds a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

#Review

Halloween H20/jeepers Creepers connection?

Just a quick thought here. I am watching Halloween H20 right now, and I'm wondering if the Jeepers Creepers writers and production people stole the idea for the Creeper's truck from H:H20. In H:H20, MM steals two vehicles. First, a regular car, from the nurse from the original H movie, who he kills in the first few minutes in the 1998 movie. Second, he steals an old... I don't know what to call it, an old farm truck maybe? The vehicle he steals from the cute 90s mom and her little girl, who are forced to use the men's room at that rest stop. It's a very old, sort of crude looking vehicle... maybe from the 1940s, or even the 1930s. It doesn't even make much sense in H:H20, to have him drive such an unusual vehicle when he should just be trying to blend in as much as possible. But, I guess the intent was to put MM in a vehicle that seemed spooky or creepy enough to match his style.

Anyway, Jeepers Creepers was filmed just a couple of years later, and the Creeper's truck looked a bit like the truck I've been talking about. Maybe they borrowed/stole that idea. They clearly borrowed/stole the idea of the Creeper sleeping for 23 years from cicadas, or from the Ray Bradbury story The Burning Man.

Anyway. Whatevs. Had to share.