My Amityville Horror 2012

If you're interested in the Amityville horror story of George and Kathy Lutz, here's a documentary from the perspective of their son Daniel Lutz. There's a lot of debate of whether it's real or not, and this documentary doesn't push us any closer to the truth. It shows us that Daniel has never truly gotten over the experience, and he firmly believes in the weird happenings.

In addition to his firm belief in the paranormal presence, there's also a lot of shade thrown at George Lutz, ego-centric ex-marine and poor step-father figure with otherworldly interests. He was said to have books on the occult and even accused by Daniel of having telekinetic abilities. With that said, there is the assumtion that George was a catalyst for any hostile spirits.

I can't say I believe any of it happened, but I do believe that Daniel belives it happened. Some believe that the 1979 film and several decades have affected his recollection of the real events, but he has described some eerie incidents not featured in the movie. He also mentions that after the incident and more domestic troubles, he went to live in some church where the priests beat him and performed exorcisms on him. Yikes!

I don't know. He seems pretty fucked in the head, but at least he's a good guitarist. It's surprising considering the window incident that crushed his fingers only seemingly damaging the pinky finger, but it sounds like everyone was in hysterics while that bit was happening, and ghost ladies were walking through the house and whatnot...

It's a decent yarn, but there is room to poke holes in all of this Amityville horror talk. It features Lorraine Warren, and confirms that no tenant since has experienced any weirdness in the house.

Do you believe any of it? Or was George doing it for the money?

#Review

Terror Train 2022

A Tubi original! That ought to tell you enough, but I'll ramble anyway. It's almost a beat-for-beat remake of the 1980 film, so one might ask the valid question, "Why bother?"

One (in)significant change was setting it on Halloween instead of New Years Eve. That allows the costume party to make more sense, even though I never really questioned it in the original. New Years was simply another holiday to exploit, and the swip-swap makes no real difference.

If everything is the same as the original, then you know what happens. However, the end plays out a bit differently. This is mostly so the producers can say, "Look! Our film isn't exactly the same!". Hell, this movie even ends on an extremely predictable cliche, as if the movie couldn't be any more generic.

With all that said, this movie has no real reason to exist. The original is superior.

#Review

Halloween Ends 2022 - SPOILERS

This is the SPOILER thread. There are SPOILERS in this thread, because it is the SPOILER thread.



Did you get that? The part about the SPOILERS? Okay. I did like the protege angle. The opening was a shocker, but that evil manifested, really emphasizing that Christine comparison. Plus, there's the whole car salvage yard, bullies, girl problems, and gradual madness. I think Corey was a good character. Shit on by everyone, you want to root for him. Possibly even more so once Michael finds him a kindred spirit.

It is weird to see Michael as a feeble bum, but it also evens the playing field a bit. His interactions with Corey were highly amusing, because Michael is known as a solo act. One of his only comparable moments of sympathy before was in H8 when he gives the clown admirer his knife, but that movie is incredibly half-assed compared to this movie.

The bodycount was much lower this time around. When you think about it, Michael only kills what... three people? I do like how it rejuvenated his weakened body a bit though, but he was still too fucked up from his Kills injuries to be at 100%. And this movie retroactively removes one of his HK kills, just like HK removed Hawkins from the H'18 bodycount. I still don't know how that black lady could have survived that neck wound, but whatev. Nice touch to really guilt Laurie.

I'm not quite sure why the end was so divisive to audiences. Did they want him to seem dead, then come back to life? They seemed pretty pissed when that happened in HK. Did they want Laurie to die? Or both of them to kill each other? What did the audience want to happen? For what it's worth, it was a very cathartic end. I don't think any of us really wanted Michael to wind up being supernatural. He was just a tough motherfucker, but always a man.

Squirm 1976

More animal horror. Yeah, bugs count when there are a bunch of them, and there are a bunch of screaming worms with sharp teeth. Already, the movie sounds stupid as hell, right? Well, it's actually surprisingly watchable.

After a major storm in Georgia, the worms are squirming amok. Some nerd visits from NY and finds out firsthand how dangerous a worm can be when provoked. Throw in a skeptical sheriff, an irritable retarded handyman, and a few piles of bones and there's a story in there somewhere.


I think this movie had some influence on The Faculty. There's a part where worms are digging into some dude's face and the effect is pretty cool, much like that final bit in The Faculty. Also, I used to think the guy on the poster art for Squirm was Josh Hartnett, but I knew it couldn't have been since the years were a big mismatch.

The worms are gross though. And there are so damn many of them!

The amount of sea worms used in the film was countless, as the production would order shipments of 250,000 Glycera worms at a time. The production would end up wiping out the New England fishing industry's supply of Glycera worms that year.

And whereas I'm not so sure about that ozone connection in Day of the Animals, there is at least some scientific basis for the chaos in this movie:

The inspiration for the film came from a childhood experiment between director Jeff Lieberman and his brother. One evening the two hooked up a train transformer to wet soil and used the electricity to drive hundreds of worms out of the ground. Young Lieberman noticed that the worms tried to get away from the glare of the flashlight that the boys were using to see by because worms are sensitive to light. It became the scientific basis behind this film and the story of the experiment is re-told by the character of Roger Grimes.

Pretty decent track record for director Jeff Lieberman. He seemed a tad annoyed when I'd mentioned that I haven't seen Squirm yet, so I had to remedy that. Good flick.

#Review

When a Stranger Calls 1979

This one is usually regarded as a "classic", but not by anyone with high standards. It's a rip-off of both Black Christmas and Halloween, and starts off promising with some nice atmosphere and a bleak intro, but after that? Charles Durning hunts for the escaped guy, and our opening lead actress disappears for most of the movie.

The movie focuses some on mental illness, but the killer is still a tool. Not very frightening to the hardened viewer. I feel like the movie was conceived around the first 20 minutes, then a bunch of filler happens until a tame showdown.

If it's any consolation fo this movie's fans, it is still better than the 2006 remake. I remember when I was fresh on horror back then and I still thought that movie was fucking garbage.

1979 version had potential, but it falls a bit flat. It probably would've made a decent TV movie though, but that's what the sequel was for, apparently.


Black Christmas did it better.

#Review

They/Them 2022

This movie is gay. Take that both ways. Literally and figuratively, I mean. It's at a conversion camp run by Kevin Bacon, and a bunch of LGBT garbage happens. And barely any of those fuckers get killed. Instead, most of the kills are of the staff members. I guess they thought people would be offended if too many gay people got killed in one movie? I know I wouldn't get offended. I'd find it hilarious.

There isn't much horror here, but there is My Girl Anna Chlumsky. Kevin Bacon doesn't do much in this movie, but he helps keep it from being rated a 1. There was a funny bit where one of the campers comments that she has the feeling that Jason Voorhees might appear.

There's a reason this one skipped theaters. It's trash, and not the good kind.

#Review

The Black Phone 2021

This is a decent little movie by Scott Derrickson and Joe Hill. I say "little" because the scope of the movie seems very small. Sure, it deals with children, who are small, but it's also in a small town where people can go missing as often as they do and nobody can do anything about it. But don't get me wrong, they are little, and that's why the grabber wants them.

It's mostly through the children's perspectives, and they do a decent job. Plus, these kids are beating the shit out of each other, so it's great. Joe Hill inherited a lot from his dad's writing, including the theme of bullies, psychics, friendship, abusive fathers, and probably some other things. I can't vouch for any of the source material on account of my illiteracy, but the movie plays out pretty well.

There's a fair amount of buildup before the abduction plot gets going, but it feels right. What you wont get much of is Ethan Hawke as the grabber, but you can tell he had fun in the role. Kids would be scared of this guy.

Also worth mentioning is James Ransone. I love that guy. He plays an enthustiastic cokehead trying to solve a mystery.

#Review

Halloween Ends 2022 - No Spoilers

This movie is different. Very fucking different. The teases likened the movie to Christine, which is a very valid comparison. I'd call this movie more of a psychological-drama/romance than straight-up horror. If you're expecting another Myers' rampage, you wont find it here.

Instead, what we're given is an interesting deviation to the normal Haddonfield formula. We get to see a different side to the town for a change. When they're not getting killed on Halloween night, they actually go to work and stress out about personal drama and whatnot. This movie isn't about Michael. Laurie and Allyson play big parts. Yes, that means Laurie isn't confined to a hospital the entire time. Even still, it's more about a new character, and that part I wont get into.

You're probably wondering about the lack of Michael, but don't worry. There are plenty of interesting bits about him. You'll see a very different side to his character, and that doesn't mean he's fundamentally different. He's still the same, but you'll see what I mean.

Initial reaction? Satisfied. It's not your classic Halloween movie by any means, but that doesn't mean it's not interesting. I didn't know where they were going with this for a while, but it all comes together. The ending didn't piss me off, either.

#Review

Prophecy 1979

In the forests of Maine, something is terrorizing the locals. It even kills a dog right off the bat, and those animal killings often hit harder than human killings. Stupid humans... but yeah, it's killing them, and it's an asshole and whatnot.

It's a good cast here, featuring Talia Shire and Armand Assante, who funny enough often played Stallone's brother. There's some environmental junk to the plot, but that's to be expected in the animal horror genre, as I've been finding out. Try to guilt the viewer into being an activist, why don't ya? Fortunately, I completely forgot what man-made plight was responsible for the carnage, so I'm proud to say I didn't learn any lessons.

This movie is pretty fucking awesome for being PG. That sleeping bag kill? Holy shit! People's faces getting sliced by a bear claw? There was a decapitation in there too, right? I hope they show this movie to elementary school children when they try indoctrinate them about pollution or whatever the fuck this movie is preaching against. Had I known that this is where South Park got its inspiration for the infamous global warming / manBearPig spiel, I would have watched it much sooner.

#Review

Day of the Animals 1977

On the topic of killer animal movies, here's one from the good ol' 1970s about a group of hikers getting lost in the midst of some environmental propaganda. The animals are on the fritz, and they blame the depletion of the ozone layer. I'm not sure if there's any science behind any of it, but whatever. What's the worst that could happen on a friendly nature hike?

When someone goes into the woods in a horror film, you should have a pretty good idea of how things can go wrong. Our group of hikers is led by Christopher George, and includes some native American guide, an annoying mother and her eager son, some random filler characters, and most importantly... Leslie fucking Nielson.

He wasn't always a funny guy. He used to be... HILARIOUS! What a fucking asshole! Well, he starts off as a chipper albeit disrespectful patron, making racist remarks at the native guide and calling the tour guide "hot shot" all the time, as if he thinks he can be a better host than the perfectly reasonable Christopher George. As soon as things start to go south, his condescension gets overt. And when things go even more south, he starts insulting everybody and calling the nice little kid a cockroach. He really goes off the deep end and gets a god complex. If the plot were described as simply as "Leslie Nielson fights a bear", I'd be sold. I probably should have opened with that, but like the movie itself, you need a bit of buildup to something so extravagant.

It's not very gory, but there's definitely a bodycount. It's a fun adventure and I'm definitely willing to watch more from this killer animal subgenre.

#Review