Trash Epics is now secure

My webhost randomly decided I can have SSL, which is a security protocol.

So instead of:
http://junkepics.com/

Use:
https://junkepics.com/


What does this mean? Basically nothing. In all my years running this dump, I've never had any issues with security, but there used to be some people who wouldn't join the site because they complained that it wasn't "secure", but now it is, and they can all go fuck themselves.

If this works out well, I'll have it redirect any http pages to https automatically, but I'm still testing. One advantage of this is that I might be able to get the mobile/webcam functionality working again, so you can take pics and upload them directly to the site. This used to work just fine, but browsers decided to allow webcam access only to secure servers. (Those bastards!)

So yeah... I'm happy about this, but the average user wont really see any difference.

Finally got around to Super Troopers 2...

I missed it in theaters, but I watched it last night. Funny movie. On a first viewing, I'd hold it right up there with the first one. Now, rather than reviewing it, I figure I'll just post this clip of one of my favorite scenes:

It's Almost October...

And oh, what a month, huh? Everybody likes October because we go all out on horror movies. I mean, isn't that what life is all about? Especially here at Trash Epics. We love good movies, bad movies, exploitation, and cult cinema, but overall, we're definitely united in our love for horror. October is all about our favorite genre, so I'm hoping for a good season.

I hate to get into the dreaded statistical mode, but we haven't had much to talk about these past few months. Maybe that's just because not much of interest has happened, but we're going to change that. Halloween is a magical time of year, and I'm planning to go all out this October.

Don't misconstrue that as me having a plan for anything unique, but I just want to take the next couple of months to gather some material for what would make October our time to shine. I'll try to write reviews for stuff, make a lot of posts, etc.

Every year, Cinemassacre does it's "Monster Madness" stuff, which is great. I love when people can into the Halloween spirit, and this year should be good. We have a new fucking "Halloween" movie, for fuck's sake! I'm so damn excited for that, you don't even know!

So everyone, get some titles in mind for your October Challenge, because if there's one challenge that matters, it's this one.


Anybody got some titles in mind for their challenge? All I have at the moment is Halloween 2018 and Bodycount 1986.

Visually beautiful sheet music?

Any musicians here?? Or, anyone with experience with church music, or just any ability to read sheet music...?

I volunteer sometimes in a local community library, and people bring in boxes of donations all the time. It's usually books, of course, but sometimes people bring in old VHS tapes, CDs, etc. One time someone brought in some old sheet music. I couldn't really read it, except very, very basically being able to see that some notes were higher than others. But, I thought some of it LOOKED kind of beautiful. I have no idea if it actually SOUNDED (or sounds) beautiful, but it looked terrific.

It got me wondering about what the most beautiful looking sheet music would be. I think it would have to be complex, and maybe have little side notes with Italian words that look and sound cool, whether I know what they mean or not. But, I can barely even write anything bout this idea, I don't really have enough of a feel for the topic to be able to say anything intelligible.

Anyone know what I'm trying to say here? I'm not interested in how it sounds, at the moment. Just how it looks. Does anything come to mind for you? I would like to see what people come up with. Here are some threads I found, talking about this general topic (sort of):

This person is clearly thinking along the same lines as I am, although she seems to pay as much attention to the beauty of the old yellowed paper as to the beauty of the actual notes... but whatever, that's cool I guess.
https://www.pinterest.co.uk/wendypooz/music-sheets/

Some good stuff here:
https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-of-the-most-complex-hard-to-read-songs-considering-music-notation

These are not what I was thinking about, but still interesting to see:
https://www.classicfm.com/discover-music/latest/graphic-scores-art-music-pictures/

Why does hair in people's food gross them out so much?

I've never really understood this (but then, there are a lot of things in life I don't understand.)

Why does it gross people out so badly like it's the most heinous thing you can imagine finding in there? I'd be super grossed out if it was a bloody band-aid. Or a cockroach. Or a clump of hair. But like, just one hair? Just take it out. It's not that big a deal, is it? Sure, I'll tell the manager, but only so that the cook or whoever is aware and it doesn't happen to anyone else. If they wanna comp my meal, hell yeah I'll gladly accept that. I'd be a fool not to. But it's not like I'd lose my appetite or not wanna finish eating. Oh, and if the hair is found in food that I'm eating at home, like cooked by a friend or family member, I'd really be unconcerned.

And just to be clear. I'm talking about hairs on one's head, not pubic hairs. That's a whole other situation.

So, does it really sicken you to find a hair in your food?

What movies did you watch or buy this week? (7-30)

My Friend Dahmer
The Vanishing of Sidney Hall

What shows are you watching?

I think I did this before, but different seasons yield different shows, so let's keep it up to date. Go ahead and rant about what tv shows you're watching, or just finished watching, or are excited to watch.

---

I'm trying to get back in the swing of tv shows. I'm currently watching:


Chuck season 1 - It's fairly amusing. Adam Baldwin is cool, and the rest of the cast is pretty likeable too. Some people from Dexter are on there, that black security guard from T2 is there (the one who goes "Down on the floor!" to "Face the wall!"). The whole concept of seeing an email and subsequently being triggered into new missions is pretty stupid, but surprisingly, I don't think about it too much, and just run with it.

Luke Cage season 2 - I've heard it's pretty awesome, so I'm gradually going through it. The netflix Marvel shows can be pretty ballsy sometimes, and I'm waiting for this one to get violent. I quit season 2 of Jessica Jones after a few episodes. Wasn't feeling that one at all, and I'm told I'm not missing anything.

Castle Rock season 1 - This just premiered, and as a Stephen King fan, I have to check it out. I'm sure a lot of references will go over my head, but as of one episode in, I can say I'm wowed, but I'll certainly give it a chance.

Dark Shadows set 20 - Barnabas is locked up in a coffin as this parallel time storyline seems to be going nowhere. Parallel Quentin is all we've got to root for, and... they just introduced their Jeckyll and Hyde premise. 🤔


I'm really anxious for more It's Always Sunny, coming this September. How will they handle the Dennis situation? And will it have a strong slasher plot, or is this just a marketing gimmick?


Shows. Let's go.

But What About The 2000's?



When one thinks of the term "cult classic", the first film to pop into their head is usually something from the 70's or 80's. Maybe early 90's. At least I assume such. I don't know about the kids of today, or even if this term exists in their world. If it does, then, I'd assume such status would also carry on over into the 2000's, because, to plenty of young people, the 2000's was like forever ago. So, it would be realistic to assume there are people out there who may consider movies from a decade ago to be classics. And if so, then what are the cult classics? Or what should be the cult classics?

I rented my cult classics and weird, random B-movies countless times from the old video stores throughout the 90's, and gradually lost interest, which lasted for some years, up until around 2005, which is when I really started checking out all the cool shit one could purchase online. Better late than never, as my dvd collection would begin and old favorites would get an upgrade. I do miss the video stores, but even I got to admit, Amazon is pretty sweet. While I did upgrade most of my old favorites when going digital, I also blind bought a ton of newer B-movies which I had never heard of. Unfortunate that I wasn't curious enough to do a little research on some of these, beforehand. I came across some cool stuff in my early days of DVD collecting, but I have also discovered that in the B-movie world, at that time, the bad by far outweighed the good. These sort of movies did, at one time, have a golden age. And it was goddamn definitely not the 2000's.

But it wasn't all bad. Every decade since the 60's has had it's B-movies which represent the times. From Herschell Gordon Lewis https://trashepics.com/post/9/84/ to John Waters https://trashepics.com/post/9/126/ to Troma https://trashepics.com/post/9/86/ to whatever abysmal shit was going on in the 90's https://trashepics.com/post/9/67/. But what did the 2000's have to offer? That's what we're going to talk about, today. The overlooked and misunderstood B-Horror and Throwback/Exploitation films which best represent the 2000's. So, what are they?

How 'bout we start with Special Dead? There are few things more refreshing than political incorrectness in the 2000's. Just as the Zombie fad was starting to lose popularity, here we have this micro-budgeted, self-distributed Horror Comedy about a bunch of retards and slacker pothead councilors, fending off the living dead while trying to make their way out of their retard camp. Very badly and very slowly, I might add.

Machiavelli Stone, who may be the second coming of Henry Winkler, leads his wheelchair-bound sister, two chicks he's been fucking, and some other retards, to safety. Along the way, we're treated to tons of gore, stupid humor, and amusing racial stereotypes. However, the special people are guaranteed to be treated with the utmost dignity. Nobody seemed to take this project all that seriously, in front or behind the camera, and I tend to think that's the charm of it all. This may be as genuine of a B-movie as you're going to find from this era. But I'd be willing to bet that most of us who have seen this would agree that the highlight is by far that sweet tune dedicated to the MILFs of 80's sitcoms, which can be found in the trailer. That alone makes Special Dead worth checking out. 5/10

This decade saw an overload of uninspired homages. One unlikely homage that deserves a mention is 2007's Black Devil Doll. Now, I'm not sure I could do a complete review of this movie and make it funny without sounding racist, which is one reason I'm sticking this one on here. I've actually wanted to do something on it for a while. Black Devil Doll, from what I gather, is a very loose remake of 80's shot-on-video oddity, Black Devil Doll From Hell, which was just ridiculous enough to deserve one.

A movie that portrays black people as sadistic criminals, chicks as idiotic fuckholes, and, well, that's about all we see, here, which is perfectly ok, sometimes. Some bored, big-titted bitch with bangs plays with an Ouija board, and ends up summoning the spirit of executed black serial killer, Mubia, who takes possession of a doll, which just happens to be sitting nearby. Mubia's smooth talk, abusive attitude, and blatant disrespect earns him a spot between Heather's legs almost immediately. As she starts to fall for him, Mubia slaps her around, quickly putting her in her place. Mubia demands Heather bring over her whorish friends and take off for a few hours, so he can have a little fun, raping and slaughtering them. And if there's time, some salad tossing. The only thing better than killing white women is eating some dead white ass. Everyone should see this movie. 6/10

Then, there's Bone Sickness https://trashepics.com/post/9/77/. I already did a review for that one a while back, so, you're stuck with Fetus. Because Brian Paulin's contributions to the 2000's must be addressed in some form, and this gruesome little beauty deserves some love, anyway. While not quite as ambitious of a project as Paulin's prior film, Fetus is technically a better made movie. Not quite as gory, either, but the gore is of better quality. In fact, I'd say this is one of the best all around gore films ever made.

Brian Paulin plays a normal, happy husband and father to be, as the wife is expecting. Everything goes to hell as the wife dies in childbirth, and sadly taking the fetus with her. Devastated beyond comprehension, and quickly sinking into a depression, Kevin is desperate to make contact with his loving wife, to the point that suicide seems like the only answer. Unfortunately, Kevin decides to rely on the occult instead, which has disastrous consequences, making him wish he'd just gone ahead and pulled the trigger. Yeah. This shit is dark. And I don't care what it was filmed on, this is one beautiful Horror movie with some amazing, earth shattering gore fx, including the infamous dickhole birth. This is how it's done in the 2000's. 6/10

And what would a 2000's B-movie tribute be without a few words about Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker!? Yes. The one that started it all for Chris Seaver https://trashepics.com/post/9/79/ , who, in my opinion, is very much the Ray Dennis Steckler of the 2000's. Take that however you want. Nowhere near his best movie. Some might even call it an annoying pile of shit, but this film opened the door for many opportunities, and set the tone for what to expect from this guy.

Mulva stars Missy Donatuti in her only role as the buffoonish, candy-addicted Mulva, who would probably feel right at home in Special Dead. The unfortunate-looking Mulva was once emotionally scarred by a couple dicks on Halloween some years ago, and is just now getting over it. This Halloween, Mulva will be back to doing what she loves the most. Zombie outbreak be damned! This movie is absolutely one of the most terrible S.O.V.s in existence, while flaunting a certain charm that might make one give it another look out of sheer curiosity. If you think Chris Seaver movies suck, but Mulva is the only one you've seen, you should fuck off and go watch some of his newer movies like Terror At Blood Fart Lake or Evil Night. The man has come a hell of a long way since this one. And nobody has contributed more to the 2000's than the Seavage. 4/10

And then, there's The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made. Not quite, but close. Hopefully, this won't be the film Bill Zebub will be remembered for, as it's quite the mess. On purpose, sure, but it's just a bit much to digest, at times. Bill went to great lengths to break every taboo imaginable, overuse every Horror cliché he could think of, and shock, disgust and/or entertain the everloving hell out of anyone he can. And for that, he deserves a pat on the back. if you can overlook how hard this movie tries, you'll be sucked in to a wild, insane story that seems to go on for years. Bill is a Metal-loving, overly opinionated atheist and sexist who has little patience for his gold-digging Dutch girlfriend, Jeanne. Although, he appreciates the fact that she only wears lingerie. Jeanne, however, appreciates nothing.

After a game of strip-poker involving the mismatched couple and a bunch of random people, they're interrupted by an unexpected axe massacre, Bill and Jeanne flee and are plunged into a world of non-stop, Z-grade chaos. We the viewer are subjected to crude, immature, sometimes confusing gags, ludicrous dialogue, ridiculous situations, horrid CGI, all types of blasphemy. And really, really bad acting, which is, of course, intentionally exaggerated. Possibly the most extreme case of someone trying too hard to make a bad, offensive movie in existence. I suppose The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made is the 2000's in a nutshell. Like Seaver, this Zebub fella has come a long way. 4/10

There was this one movie I bought a long time ago that was directed by a guy named William Hellfire, director of Orgasm Torture In Satan's Rape Clinic, which I have yet to check out. 2005's The Devil's Bloody Playthings. A film that has been compared to Dave Friedman's Sexploitation of the 60's. Guess I haven't seen enough of those to pick up on the similarities. This poorly acted S.O.V. stars Ruby Larocca as a hopeless control freak who has made a lifestyle out of blackmailing those close to her, just to always have a slave on hand. It's obvious from the beginning that having control over others is very much Christine's drug of choice.

Christine's new roommate, Karen (Zoe Moonshine), has no idea what she's in for. One night, Karen makes the mistake of masturbating in her own room. What she doesn't know is that Christine recorded the whole thing, and makes it crystal clear to Karen the next morning that she now belongs to her, and has to do what she says from now on, or... everyone will know she masturbates, I guess. Karen is horrified, although, you would never know it, going by the otherwise Angelic Miss Moonshine's performance. Karen quickly caves in and becomes the power-hungry Christine's slave, which leads to many humiliating and disgusting "tasks". But we can tell this arrangement is merely temporary, as it's only a matter of time before Karen explodes, and Christine regrets her sociopathic ways. An enjoyable little Thriller that could have really been something special, had better acting and more thought been put into the story. Deserving of a broader audience, nonetheless. 5/10

In '03, director, Marc Fratto, released his debut film, Strange Things Happen At Sundown. A still unknown Vampire epic with a runtime at a whopping 2 hours and 15 minutes. Strange Things feels a lot like a poor man's True Blood, although, it came years before the TV show. A very mean-spirited movie we have here, as well as ambitious for what looks to have little in the way of budget. Not unlike True Blood, Strange Things adds lots of depth to the Vampire legend.

One thing that turns me off about it, though, is the fact that the movie mostly revolves around gangsters. Not a fan, personally. But that's about it. In Strange Things, the world is co-populated with Humans and Vampires. Humans aren't aware of them, but these Vampires not only need blood to survive, but they need to inflict pain and suffering, or they'll more or less lose it. The longer they remain undead, the more sadistic they get. We witness several intertwined stories, as Gangsters enlists the help of a thousands of years old hitman to take out Marcel, who ripped them off. A hitman whose wife has severe anger issues. Marcel and his dimwitted girlfriend, Amy, are on the run. Their snack that they brought along is a born again Christian, and she's doing all she can to bring the impressionable Amy over to the darkside. And then, there's the plot to turn humans into Zombies. There's a lot to take it, here. Really good stuff, though. Ridiculously underrated. 6/10

I should probably say something about August Underground. Man, B-Horror flicks really got fucked up in the 2000's, didn't they? In '01, Fred Vogel made a movie which was supposed to come off like that of a snuff film. A concept that worked a little too well, as Vogel did eventually have to prove to the authorities that this was indeed a movie with actors playing roles. This first installment of the Trilogy was inspired by one particular scene from Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer. It was the home invasion scene, which reeked of realism. A vibe Fred Vogel successfully recreated. Although, in my humble opinion, this seems far more real. No story, really, as this IS supposed to be real life.

We have two lowlifes, who are portrayed as ignorant degenerates more so than psychos. They're not crazy. They're just bad people. And they're meaner than hell. These degenerates, whose identities are irrelevant, keep people in the basement, to rape, torture, beat, mutilate, and whatever else they want. We get to sit in on their mayhem, as one of them is gleefully recording everything. They ride around, looking for prey, or at least someone to fuck with a little. They're not hard to please, but if they get you, you're gone forever. A lot of people understandably hate this movie, but it accomplishes everything it was going for, as a repugnant, terrifying exhibition of depravity. August Underground Ain't no joke. But as true, raw Horror, it is a success. 6/10

I was going to try and not use a movie from the same director more than once, and in no way am I implying that this film should represent the 2000's or should even be watched for that matter, but something should be said about Chris Seaver's Teenape Vs. The Monster Nazi Apocalypse. Although released in 2012, it was shot in '09. I'm not exactly sure what the hold up was, but there's a bit of a story behind this one. And it doesn't have a happy ending.

This Teenape movie was supposed to be Chris Seaver's masterpiece, as well as a thank you to the fans. A would-be epic with a significantly larger budget than usual, thanks to Troma. A movie which would feature many returning actors/characters from past Seaver flicks, all coming together in a larger than life story involving the resurrection of Hitler https://trashepics.com/post/9/122/ and a coming of age for the legendary Teenape, who was once the LBP mascot and has appeared in dozens of Seaver films. This was to be Teenape's last hurrah, and possibly Chris Seaver's finest hour, but it's been said that Lloyd Kaufman and Troma took complete control of production and editing, sucking the Seavage right out of it, and turning it into one big dead fuck of a movie. And after years of hearing about how nobody should get their hopes up, and always thinking it couldn't be all that bad, well, it is. Sometimes, rumors turn out to be true. It could have been great, but even Chris Seaver himself would tell you that Teenape Vs. The Monster Nazi Apocalypse just wasn't meant to be. 2/10

Now, there's one I was going to try to avoid mentioning, because, honestly, I'm not really a fan, and feel like it doesn't deserve even half the notoriety it's gotten over the years. However, notoriety does = cult classic, last I heard. So, I guess there's no avoiding Gutterballs. The reviews I read for this really made me want to like it, but it just ended up leaving a bad taste in my mouth, for some reason. Gutterballs is an obnoxious, mean-spirited slasher which tries way too hard to be dark and edgy. A somewhat colorful 80's throwback, as well, which, I guess, would also count as a legitimate gore film, as it offers a whole lot of it, as well as acts of cruelty and mutilation. Like the bowling pin up the cooter, for example. Which is mostly what this movie is known for. Although, I much prefer the "death by 69".

Not much to the story. Just a bunch of frat boy jocks talking shit and saying fuck a lot, who all gradually get slaughtered in a dimly-lit bowling alley. There are a few fun moments, and there is a certain style to it all that didn't go unappreciated. But ultimately, I just found Gutterballs to be too unlikable to like, and the characters to be a bit much. Obviously, that was the intent, but I feel like this desperately needed a layer of fun somewhere amongst all the yelling and cussing. Something besides the killings, I mean. The many lame attempts at humor didn't cut it for me, either. Gutterballs is just too busy trying to be a badass to be as fun as it should be. But I'll still check out the sequel., as it will be coming out of a far better decade. 3/10

The 2000's is nowhere near my favorite decade for film of any kind, but I'm pretty sure I just said a whole lot of shit that needed to be said. With everything now having such pristine film/video quality, sometimes, it's difficult to see anything made past a certain point as a true B-movie, unless it's some sort of throwback with intentionally degraded film quality. But then, all the bad qualities are usually intentional in those, which may or may not kill the magic, depending on your taste. One could also make the argument that the mystique of the once great B-movie is long dead, anyway, and that such a thing really has no place in a post-20th century world. And going by some I have seen, I can see why. Although, I happen to disagree. The 2000's does indeed have a place in B-movie history. The decade was cluttered with ripoffs disguised as homages, with a ton of random garbage in between, and never a hell of a lot of originality in sight. However, the 2000's did offer some genuine labors of love and original ideas, here and there, which would properly carry on the B-movie tradition of decades past. You just have to dig a little deeper for these.

Bugs

They gross me out. My room is more like an added on enclosure, and it's not always sealed well. Bugs get in. Some stupid... some disgusting. I don't mind the dirt dobbers so much, because they're clumsy stupid fuckers that go SPLAT when I hit them with my shoes. I can't stand waterbugs, because I'll scream like a little bitch if I see those. But what the hell kind of bug did I just encounter, and why does it concern me so much?

So there was this beetle looking thing that was about an inch long, and rather slender. My policy on bugs is that if you can hear them... as in they're big enough that they make sounds... then they must be destroyed. This fucker crashed into my tv, so I took a peek at him, and wanted to crush him with my shoe. I knocked him onto the concrete ground, and WHACK! Got him.

I lift my shoe, and he's still in tact. Not splattered like a good bug ought to be, but stunned. A second later, he clicks, and springs off into a random direction. Why the fuck did it CLICK!?

If you don't hear from me, just assume that I burned my house down. I hate bugs.

George "Buck" Flower

Is it just me, or was this man one of the greatest actors to ever live? Sure, he usually played a drunk, but every movie he was ever in was made significantly better by his presence.