What shows are you watching?

I think I did this before, but different seasons yield different shows, so let's keep it up to date. Go ahead and rant about what tv shows you're watching, or just finished watching, or are excited to watch.

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I'm trying to get back in the swing of tv shows. I'm currently watching:


Chuck season 1 - It's fairly amusing. Adam Baldwin is cool, and the rest of the cast is pretty likeable too. Some people from Dexter are on there, that black security guard from T2 is there (the one who goes "Down on the floor!" to "Face the wall!"). The whole concept of seeing an email and subsequently being triggered into new missions is pretty stupid, but surprisingly, I don't think about it too much, and just run with it.

Luke Cage season 2 - I've heard it's pretty awesome, so I'm gradually going through it. The netflix Marvel shows can be pretty ballsy sometimes, and I'm waiting for this one to get violent. I quit season 2 of Jessica Jones after a few episodes. Wasn't feeling that one at all, and I'm told I'm not missing anything.

Castle Rock season 1 - This just premiered, and as a Stephen King fan, I have to check it out. I'm sure a lot of references will go over my head, but as of one episode in, I can say I'm wowed, but I'll certainly give it a chance.

Dark Shadows set 20 - Barnabas is locked up in a coffin as this parallel time storyline seems to be going nowhere. Parallel Quentin is all we've got to root for, and... they just introduced their Jeckyll and Hyde premise. 🤔


I'm really anxious for more It's Always Sunny, coming this September. How will they handle the Dennis situation? And will it have a strong slasher plot, or is this just a marketing gimmick?


Shows. Let's go.

But What About The 2000's?



When one thinks of the term "cult classic", the first film to pop into their head is usually something from the 70's or 80's. Maybe early 90's. At least I assume such. I don't know about the kids of today, or even if this term exists in their world. If it does, then, I'd assume such status would also carry on over into the 2000's, because, to plenty of young people, the 2000's was like forever ago. So, it would be realistic to assume there are people out there who may consider movies from a decade ago to be classics. And if so, then what are the cult classics? Or what should be the cult classics?

I rented my cult classics and weird, random B-movies countless times from the old video stores throughout the 90's, and gradually lost interest, which lasted for some years, up until around 2005, which is when I really started checking out all the cool shit one could purchase online. Better late than never, as my dvd collection would begin and old favorites would get an upgrade. I do miss the video stores, but even I got to admit, Amazon is pretty sweet. While I did upgrade most of my old favorites when going digital, I also blind bought a ton of newer B-movies which I had never heard of. Unfortunate that I wasn't curious enough to do a little research on some of these, beforehand. I came across some cool stuff in my early days of DVD collecting, but I have also discovered that in the B-movie world, at that time, the bad by far outweighed the good. These sort of movies did, at one time, have a golden age. And it was goddamn definitely not the 2000's.

But it wasn't all bad. Every decade since the 60's has had it's B-movies which represent the times. From Herschell Gordon Lewis https://trashepics.com/post/9/84/ to John Waters https://trashepics.com/post/9/126/ to Troma https://trashepics.com/post/9/86/ to whatever abysmal shit was going on in the 90's https://trashepics.com/post/9/67/. But what did the 2000's have to offer? That's what we're going to talk about, today. The overlooked and misunderstood B-Horror and Throwback/Exploitation films which best represent the 2000's. So, what are they?

How 'bout we start with Special Dead? There are few things more refreshing than political incorrectness in the 2000's. Just as the Zombie fad was starting to lose popularity, here we have this micro-budgeted, self-distributed Horror Comedy about a bunch of retards and slacker pothead councilors, fending off the living dead while trying to make their way out of their retard camp. Very badly and very slowly, I might add.

Machiavelli Stone, who may be the second coming of Henry Winkler, leads his wheelchair-bound sister, two chicks he's been fucking, and some other retards, to safety. Along the way, we're treated to tons of gore, stupid humor, and amusing racial stereotypes. However, the special people are guaranteed to be treated with the utmost dignity. Nobody seemed to take this project all that seriously, in front or behind the camera, and I tend to think that's the charm of it all. This may be as genuine of a B-movie as you're going to find from this era. But I'd be willing to bet that most of us who have seen this would agree that the highlight is by far that sweet tune dedicated to the MILFs of 80's sitcoms, which can be found in the trailer. That alone makes Special Dead worth checking out. 5/10

This decade saw an overload of uninspired homages. One unlikely homage that deserves a mention is 2007's Black Devil Doll. Now, I'm not sure I could do a complete review of this movie and make it funny without sounding racist, which is one reason I'm sticking this one on here. I've actually wanted to do something on it for a while. Black Devil Doll, from what I gather, is a very loose remake of 80's shot-on-video oddity, Black Devil Doll From Hell, which was just ridiculous enough to deserve one.

A movie that portrays black people as sadistic criminals, chicks as idiotic fuckholes, and, well, that's about all we see, here, which is perfectly ok, sometimes. Some bored, big-titted bitch with bangs plays with an Ouija board, and ends up summoning the spirit of executed black serial killer, Mubia, who takes possession of a doll, which just happens to be sitting nearby. Mubia's smooth talk, abusive attitude, and blatant disrespect earns him a spot between Heather's legs almost immediately. As she starts to fall for him, Mubia slaps her around, quickly putting her in her place. Mubia demands Heather bring over her whorish friends and take off for a few hours, so he can have a little fun, raping and slaughtering them. And if there's time, some salad tossing. The only thing better than killing white women is eating some dead white ass. Everyone should see this movie. 6/10

Then, there's Bone Sickness https://trashepics.com/post/9/77/. I already did a review for that one a while back, so, you're stuck with Fetus. Because Brian Paulin's contributions to the 2000's must be addressed in some form, and this gruesome little beauty deserves some love, anyway. While not quite as ambitious of a project as Paulin's prior film, Fetus is technically a better made movie. Not quite as gory, either, but the gore is of better quality. In fact, I'd say this is one of the best all around gore films ever made.

Brian Paulin plays a normal, happy husband and father to be, as the wife is expecting. Everything goes to hell as the wife dies in childbirth, and sadly taking the fetus with her. Devastated beyond comprehension, and quickly sinking into a depression, Kevin is desperate to make contact with his loving wife, to the point that suicide seems like the only answer. Unfortunately, Kevin decides to rely on the occult instead, which has disastrous consequences, making him wish he'd just gone ahead and pulled the trigger. Yeah. This shit is dark. And I don't care what it was filmed on, this is one beautiful Horror movie with some amazing, earth shattering gore fx, including the infamous dickhole birth. This is how it's done in the 2000's. 6/10

And what would a 2000's B-movie tribute be without a few words about Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker!? Yes. The one that started it all for Chris Seaver https://trashepics.com/post/9/79/ , who, in my opinion, is very much the Ray Dennis Steckler of the 2000's. Take that however you want. Nowhere near his best movie. Some might even call it an annoying pile of shit, but this film opened the door for many opportunities, and set the tone for what to expect from this guy.

Mulva stars Missy Donatuti in her only role as the buffoonish, candy-addicted Mulva, who would probably feel right at home in Special Dead. The unfortunate-looking Mulva was once emotionally scarred by a couple dicks on Halloween some years ago, and is just now getting over it. This Halloween, Mulva will be back to doing what she loves the most. Zombie outbreak be damned! This movie is absolutely one of the most terrible S.O.V.s in existence, while flaunting a certain charm that might make one give it another look out of sheer curiosity. If you think Chris Seaver movies suck, but Mulva is the only one you've seen, you should fuck off and go watch some of his newer movies like Terror At Blood Fart Lake or Evil Night. The man has come a hell of a long way since this one. And nobody has contributed more to the 2000's than the Seavage. 4/10

And then, there's The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made. Not quite, but close. Hopefully, this won't be the film Bill Zebub will be remembered for, as it's quite the mess. On purpose, sure, but it's just a bit much to digest, at times. Bill went to great lengths to break every taboo imaginable, overuse every Horror cliché he could think of, and shock, disgust and/or entertain the everloving hell out of anyone he can. And for that, he deserves a pat on the back. if you can overlook how hard this movie tries, you'll be sucked in to a wild, insane story that seems to go on for years. Bill is a Metal-loving, overly opinionated atheist and sexist who has little patience for his gold-digging Dutch girlfriend, Jeanne. Although, he appreciates the fact that she only wears lingerie. Jeanne, however, appreciates nothing.

After a game of strip-poker involving the mismatched couple and a bunch of random people, they're interrupted by an unexpected axe massacre, Bill and Jeanne flee and are plunged into a world of non-stop, Z-grade chaos. We the viewer are subjected to crude, immature, sometimes confusing gags, ludicrous dialogue, ridiculous situations, horrid CGI, all types of blasphemy. And really, really bad acting, which is, of course, intentionally exaggerated. Possibly the most extreme case of someone trying too hard to make a bad, offensive movie in existence. I suppose The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made is the 2000's in a nutshell. Like Seaver, this Zebub fella has come a long way. 4/10

There was this one movie I bought a long time ago that was directed by a guy named William Hellfire, director of Orgasm Torture In Satan's Rape Clinic, which I have yet to check out. 2005's The Devil's Bloody Playthings. A film that has been compared to Dave Friedman's Sexploitation of the 60's. Guess I haven't seen enough of those to pick up on the similarities. This poorly acted S.O.V. stars Ruby Larocca as a hopeless control freak who has made a lifestyle out of blackmailing those close to her, just to always have a slave on hand. It's obvious from the beginning that having control over others is very much Christine's drug of choice.

Christine's new roommate, Karen (Zoe Moonshine), has no idea what she's in for. One night, Karen makes the mistake of masturbating in her own room. What she doesn't know is that Christine recorded the whole thing, and makes it crystal clear to Karen the next morning that she now belongs to her, and has to do what she says from now on, or... everyone will know she masturbates, I guess. Karen is horrified, although, you would never know it, going by the otherwise Angelic Miss Moonshine's performance. Karen quickly caves in and becomes the power-hungry Christine's slave, which leads to many humiliating and disgusting "tasks". But we can tell this arrangement is merely temporary, as it's only a matter of time before Karen explodes, and Christine regrets her sociopathic ways. An enjoyable little Thriller that could have really been something special, had better acting and more thought been put into the story. Deserving of a broader audience, nonetheless. 5/10

In '03, director, Marc Fratto, released his debut film, Strange Things Happen At Sundown. A still unknown Vampire epic with a runtime at a whopping 2 hours and 15 minutes. Strange Things feels a lot like a poor man's True Blood, although, it came years before the TV show. A very mean-spirited movie we have here, as well as ambitious for what looks to have little in the way of budget. Not unlike True Blood, Strange Things adds lots of depth to the Vampire legend.

One thing that turns me off about it, though, is the fact that the movie mostly revolves around gangsters. Not a fan, personally. But that's about it. In Strange Things, the world is co-populated with Humans and Vampires. Humans aren't aware of them, but these Vampires not only need blood to survive, but they need to inflict pain and suffering, or they'll more or less lose it. The longer they remain undead, the more sadistic they get. We witness several intertwined stories, as Gangsters enlists the help of a thousands of years old hitman to take out Marcel, who ripped them off. A hitman whose wife has severe anger issues. Marcel and his dimwitted girlfriend, Amy, are on the run. Their snack that they brought along is a born again Christian, and she's doing all she can to bring the impressionable Amy over to the darkside. And then, there's the plot to turn humans into Zombies. There's a lot to take it, here. Really good stuff, though. Ridiculously underrated. 6/10

I should probably say something about August Underground. Man, B-Horror flicks really got fucked up in the 2000's, didn't they? In '01, Fred Vogel made a movie which was supposed to come off like that of a snuff film. A concept that worked a little too well, as Vogel did eventually have to prove to the authorities that this was indeed a movie with actors playing roles. This first installment of the Trilogy was inspired by one particular scene from Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer. It was the home invasion scene, which reeked of realism. A vibe Fred Vogel successfully recreated. Although, in my humble opinion, this seems far more real. No story, really, as this IS supposed to be real life.

We have two lowlifes, who are portrayed as ignorant degenerates more so than psychos. They're not crazy. They're just bad people. And they're meaner than hell. These degenerates, whose identities are irrelevant, keep people in the basement, to rape, torture, beat, mutilate, and whatever else they want. We get to sit in on their mayhem, as one of them is gleefully recording everything. They ride around, looking for prey, or at least someone to fuck with a little. They're not hard to please, but if they get you, you're gone forever. A lot of people understandably hate this movie, but it accomplishes everything it was going for, as a repugnant, terrifying exhibition of depravity. August Underground Ain't no joke. But as true, raw Horror, it is a success. 6/10

I was going to try and not use a movie from the same director more than once, and in no way am I implying that this film should represent the 2000's or should even be watched for that matter, but something should be said about Chris Seaver's Teenape Vs. The Monster Nazi Apocalypse. Although released in 2012, it was shot in '09. I'm not exactly sure what the hold up was, but there's a bit of a story behind this one. And it doesn't have a happy ending.

This Teenape movie was supposed to be Chris Seaver's masterpiece, as well as a thank you to the fans. A would-be epic with a significantly larger budget than usual, thanks to Troma. A movie which would feature many returning actors/characters from past Seaver flicks, all coming together in a larger than life story involving the resurrection of Hitler https://trashepics.com/post/9/122/ and a coming of age for the legendary Teenape, who was once the LBP mascot and has appeared in dozens of Seaver films. This was to be Teenape's last hurrah, and possibly Chris Seaver's finest hour, but it's been said that Lloyd Kaufman and Troma took complete control of production and editing, sucking the Seavage right out of it, and turning it into one big dead fuck of a movie. And after years of hearing about how nobody should get their hopes up, and always thinking it couldn't be all that bad, well, it is. Sometimes, rumors turn out to be true. It could have been great, but even Chris Seaver himself would tell you that Teenape Vs. The Monster Nazi Apocalypse just wasn't meant to be. 2/10

Now, there's one I was going to try to avoid mentioning, because, honestly, I'm not really a fan, and feel like it doesn't deserve even half the notoriety it's gotten over the years. However, notoriety does = cult classic, last I heard. So, I guess there's no avoiding Gutterballs. The reviews I read for this really made me want to like it, but it just ended up leaving a bad taste in my mouth, for some reason. Gutterballs is an obnoxious, mean-spirited slasher which tries way too hard to be dark and edgy. A somewhat colorful 80's throwback, as well, which, I guess, would also count as a legitimate gore film, as it offers a whole lot of it, as well as acts of cruelty and mutilation. Like the bowling pin up the cooter, for example. Which is mostly what this movie is known for. Although, I much prefer the "death by 69".

Not much to the story. Just a bunch of frat boy jocks talking shit and saying fuck a lot, who all gradually get slaughtered in a dimly-lit bowling alley. There are a few fun moments, and there is a certain style to it all that didn't go unappreciated. But ultimately, I just found Gutterballs to be too unlikable to like, and the characters to be a bit much. Obviously, that was the intent, but I feel like this desperately needed a layer of fun somewhere amongst all the yelling and cussing. Something besides the killings, I mean. The many lame attempts at humor didn't cut it for me, either. Gutterballs is just too busy trying to be a badass to be as fun as it should be. But I'll still check out the sequel., as it will be coming out of a far better decade. 3/10

The 2000's is nowhere near my favorite decade for film of any kind, but I'm pretty sure I just said a whole lot of shit that needed to be said. With everything now having such pristine film/video quality, sometimes, it's difficult to see anything made past a certain point as a true B-movie, unless it's some sort of throwback with intentionally degraded film quality. But then, all the bad qualities are usually intentional in those, which may or may not kill the magic, depending on your taste. One could also make the argument that the mystique of the once great B-movie is long dead, anyway, and that such a thing really has no place in a post-20th century world. And going by some I have seen, I can see why. Although, I happen to disagree. The 2000's does indeed have a place in B-movie history. The decade was cluttered with ripoffs disguised as homages, with a ton of random garbage in between, and never a hell of a lot of originality in sight. However, the 2000's did offer some genuine labors of love and original ideas, here and there, which would properly carry on the B-movie tradition of decades past. You just have to dig a little deeper for these.

Bugs

They gross me out. My room is more like an added on enclosure, and it's not always sealed well. Bugs get in. Some stupid... some disgusting. I don't mind the dirt dobbers so much, because they're clumsy stupid fuckers that go SPLAT when I hit them with my shoes. I can't stand waterbugs, because I'll scream like a little bitch if I see those. But what the hell kind of bug did I just encounter, and why does it concern me so much?

So there was this beetle looking thing that was about an inch long, and rather slender. My policy on bugs is that if you can hear them... as in they're big enough that they make sounds... then they must be destroyed. This fucker crashed into my tv, so I took a peek at him, and wanted to crush him with my shoe. I knocked him onto the concrete ground, and WHACK! Got him.

I lift my shoe, and he's still in tact. Not splattered like a good bug ought to be, but stunned. A second later, he clicks, and springs off into a random direction. Why the fuck did it CLICK!?

If you don't hear from me, just assume that I burned my house down. I hate bugs.

George "Buck" Flower

Is it just me, or was this man one of the greatest actors to ever live? Sure, he usually played a drunk, but every movie he was ever in was made significantly better by his presence.

The Perfect Location For A Hixploitation Abomination



How 'bout those Brownrigg movies? Hopefully, I'm not the only fan out there who sees him as more than just the guy who made 1973's Don't Look In The Basement. Sure. That one was, by far, the best thing S.F. Brownrigg ever did, but he would soon prove to have more to offer than just the one hit. Of course Brownrigg would also prove, later on, that he can make really boring movies, as well. However, let's not get too ahead of ourselves. Today, we're going to take a look at good ol' S.F's second feature, 1974's Scum Of The Earth: The most mean-spirited Hixploitation film I've ever seen!

Paul and Helen have just gotten married, and just now arrived at their Honeymoon destination out in the backwoods. A place where they can have some real privacy. And the second Paul is out of Helen's site, he gets it with an axe by an unknown assailant. As the sun sets, a petrified Helen runs off into the deep, dark woods, with no real plan in mind. The plan is to not die, I guess. After what seems like hours of running, Helen runs into a scary-looking old bastard who would be mistaken for a killer by anyone in Helen's shoes. Odis Pickett does look capable of murder, and I'd be surprised if he's never taken a life, but Odis did not murder that man. Helen reluctantly takes his word for it and accepts his invitation to follow him home because where else is there to go?

Odis leads Helen down into the darkest depths of nowhere, where we find Odis' home, lived in by him and his family, all of which come off far more approachable than Odis, himself. This here house probably wouldn't be the first choice of hideouts for someone who just witnessed the murder of a loved one. Although again, where the hell else is there to go? She probably couldn't even find her way back to where she started, even if that was a good idea. While still alive, Helen's life is over. The Pickett house is now all there is. This filthy house, which seems to reek of dust, humidity and hopelessness. As Helen gazes out the window, she realizes all that exists outside this unwelcoming place is darkness and death.

Odis promised Helen she could use his phone to call the Police, which is the only reason she's here, but Helen quickly finds out from the family that there is no phone. Why would Odis go and lie about a thing like that? Well, if he hadn't, she might have gone somewhere else for help. And as we all know, somewhere else ain't here. Odis needs Helen here if she's to be raped, later. Odis usually feels a bit rapey after so many hours of drinking Moonshine. Yeah, I think we all saw that one coming. His ability to think so far ahead, not so much.

The Pickett family consists of the pregnant wife, Emmy, who Odis bought off her pa some time ago. Then, there's his grown up kids from another marriage, Bo and Sarah. Nobody expects much out of Bo, who may be borderline retarded. Sarah despises Bo and gives him a hard time every chance she gets. The chip on Sarah's shoulder is obvious. The reason for it soon becomes known, as Sarah takes issue with her father' plans to rape Helen. She doesn't want what's already happened to her to happen to anyone else, as she's quite blunt about it. Sarah doesn't so much care what happens to this woman as she simply despises Odis and might as well deprive him of some pussy if she can. Despite her and Emmy's efforts, the horny old drunk takes what he wants, further traumatizing Helen.

Last night, Odis got so drunk, he actually forgot about Bo getting murdered by the still faceless killer. Now would be a good time to discuss sending Helen on her way, but Odis would prefer keeping her around a while longer. The reason for this seems mostly due to Odis' growing boredom with the already available holes in the house. A man ought to not take family for granted, but 'ol Odis never claimed to be perfect, now, did he? Odis has no real plan on what to do about Helen, or how long to keep her here, or what to tell the cops once they get called. A rape accusation is coming sooner or later, and he knows it. Odis will handle that when the time comes. Right now, Sarah is missing, and he's liquored up enough to go out there and shoot a hole through a somebitch. So, Odis threatens the wife with violence so she doesn't let his guest escape, and tries, once and for all, to nip this problem in the bud before all holes are lost.

A bit of a change of pace from Don't Look In The Basement, huh? This one is strictly for B-movie lovers with an appetite for the dirty ones and the mean ones. And anyone who enjoyed Brownrigg's last film will want to check this out, regardless, as we have several cast members returning to help out. Most notably, Gene "Judge" Ross and Camilla Carr, who are clearly far too close in age to be playing father and daughter. I'm guessing Ross was playing a role about a decade older than he actually was. Gene Ross does a fantastic job portraying what should now be known as the poster-child for Hixploitation. Nasty in every sense of the word. Newcomer, Charlie Dell, did a fine job channeling the dim-witted hick within him. The other newcomer, Ann Stafford's, portrayal of Emmy was a much needed addition, as her sweet demeanor, and constant offering of moral support, only served to make the rest of the Pickett family come off all the sleazier. A tiny cast for a straight-forward plot that wastes no time getting to the point. A tone which tells me no one in this movie will experience happiness ever again, regardless of how things end up. This is Hixploitation done the right way! 5/10



#Review

How important is acting to you?

Oftentimes I'll read reviews for a movie that I've seen, and see that most of them complain about how terrible the acting is. And I have to admit, at least 95% of the time, I have no idea what they're talking about. Maybe it's because I mostly watch B movies, but I very rarely notice bad acting. For me to be distracted by bad acting, it has to really really bad. Like grade school play level bad. Like "Flesh Eating Mothers" bad. Does bad acting make much of a difference to you?

Disney fires James Gunn

Take a look at this shit. Our man James Gunn went from Troma to Disney, and they fired him. He'll no longer direct their sci-fi/space Marvel movie sequel, because of some rape joke he made 10 years ago.

Google James Gunn and see:
https://lmgtfy.com/?q=james+gunn

Pretty harsh, for someone who was able to give a little of his own personality to this Marvel continuity where the director truly doesn't matter. You can swap out the directors of those movies, and they'd still be exactly the same. Gunn made Guardians a little different. Hell, we had a goddamn Lloyd Kaufman cameo in Guardians, and that's what this is all about. Yet, Disney wont let bygones be bygones, and he's out.

I've been losing interest in these Marvel movies lately. They're getting too formulaic. The be-all-end-all of cinema. I hope they fade out soon.

Unsane - the 2018 movie

Like sfpx pointed out, "Unsane" is also an alternate title of "Tenebre", but we'll forgive 'em. It is a good name for a movie, and Tenebre obviously didn't want the name enough, since it opted to be called just that. "Tenebre". Tenebrae? Well, whatever. This has nothing to do with that movie, but that's still a good movie.

Anyways...

Unsane had a damn short theatrical run, and the trailer was pretty decent, so I wanted to see it while I could. I'm not sure if it's a common thing, but this movie was shot on an iPhone, so I was quite curious to see how that would play out. Video-wise, it worked fine. Didn't bother me one bit. Inspiring, if anything, because it can be done by crazy person. Even me. (And maybe you?)

The plot is gonna make you angry, just like the main chick in this movie. She's mad that this bullshit is happening somewhat legally, and she's in her right mind to be mad about it. Right?

It's nothing mind-blowing, but it'll keep your interest. I'd probably watch it again, mostly because I had to leave the theater to during an important scene. To take a shit. Twice.

My verdict? Decent movie. Probably didn't make enough of a dent in the cinema to be considered a success (lasting only a week at my cinema, while Strangers 2 is nearing a month), but it'll probably be a sleeper hit. I think the main actress did a good job, and acts as we all would in her situation. She's in an unjust situation, but she wont take shit from anyone.

What movies did you buy or watch this week? (7-22)

I managed four this week.

Who Can Kill a Child
Every Mother's Worst Fear
Case of the Scorpion's Tail
Hangman

Shark Week - Progress Thread

July 22nd through July 28th

I figure I'll keep this separate from the Camp Slasher thread, so mark your spots for the shark challenge.

+1 point per movie featuring a shark
+1 point per FTV
+1 point per victim (killed OR bitten BY a shark)

Here's a List of Shark Titles:
https://junkepics.com/film/?category=1&tags=shark&sort=value