Richard Donner (1930-2021)

At least he got through last year, right? Dude was pretty fuckin' old, but I'd heard news even recently that he was still interested in doing Lethal Weapon 5. Of course, that could have been dementia talking for all we know, just to make us LW fans aroused, but whatever. The point is that he was active for a while and kept the dream of directing alive, because a good filmmaker doesn't let age stop him from having a vision.


I could care less about the Superman movies. DC isn't exactly my cup of tea, especially when it comes to an invincible superhero, so my favorite of his earlier work is easily one of the most tense films I've ever seen: The Omen.

God, that movie gave me nightmares. I couldn't watch it often because I wanted to retain that creep factor, but it's a great fucking movie. One of the scariest I've seen.

Besides my apparent love for Lethal Weapon, I also love The Goonies. It's a childhood favorite and staple of 80s pop culture. Just a fun fun movie.

Then, to get relevant with our primordial interests, he was a producer of Tales from the Crypt. I'm currently almost done with Tales from the Darkside and can't help but compare the two, whereas Crypt was a much more vivid experience. Star-studded and effects heavy, it was a horror fan's wet dream (much like how Creepshow is today). Of course, there were a handful of great producers involved in that show, but Donner was part of the team, so a special thanks to him for leaving a great experience for budding horror fans (I was very young when it came out).


How do you feel about Richard Donner's filmography? What are your faves?

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

Why? Because it's the 4th of July, and John Connor is going to get murdered by the T-850 on July 4th, 2032, so it's barely relevant!


T2 left a big set of shoes to fill, and it took 12 years before they shat out another movie, so it had to be good, right? Well, sorta.

Since James Cameron and Linda Hamilton refused involvement (and Eddie Furlong was a junkie at the time), this one relies solely on Arnold's star power, which is enough to make it a passable entry. Surely, without our epic cast and crew from the previous entries, we needed to beef up our storytelling with this entry, so who better to write this movie than the guys who wrote Married with Children and Halle Berry's Catwoman?

Yeah, that's a real head-scratcher right there... what's even more confusing is how they hired these guys back to write the next movie too, but we're not talking about that piece of shit. We're talking about T3, Arnold's last big movie before he ran off to destroy California or whatever he was doing for 8 years.



So with Cyberdyne destroyed, our writers decided to demean the ending of T2 by saying those fuckers didn't do a good enough job and thus spawned a near identical company, Cyber Research Systems, to fill in. What we get is a total rehash of T2 with less humanity and more explosions.

With that said, it isn't all bad. I really hate how every subsequent entry creates an even more powerful and more ridiculous impervious killing machine, as if the T-800 wasn't enough, but she (the T-X) does alright I guess. I remember being at a Terminator panel in 2014 and Robert Patrick was hitting on Kristanna Loken. That was pretty funny. She's okay as the villain, but definitely overpowered and nonsensical. Her robot is also kind of horny, and you can see her getting off sometimes, which is pretty fuckin' weird for a robot.

Nick Stahl plays John this time around, and he bears a stronger resemblance to Michael Biehn than Furlong. I have no beef with him in the role since he's a pretty good actor. Claire Danes is shoe-horned into the role of empowered woman because the writers probably needed to rewrite Sarah's role for her.

Since history was "changed", our continuity is a bit off, but it's passable. Our 2029 "history" in which Skynet's defense grid was smashed and "we'd won" is now considered an alternate timeline, and our main travelers come from 2032. Whatever keeps the story going, right?

I'm also very stumped as to why this movie had so much comedy in it. Like seriously, wtf? The original movie was bleak and haunting, and this one feels compelled to throw in some comic relief every few minutes. Then part 4 didn't have ANY comedy, and then part 5 had even MORE comedy...

Fortunately, the movie redeems itself with a downer ending that paves the way for what must happen to avoid anymore paradoxes: Judgment Day. What's also unique about this movie is that is was still following the primary continuity. It wasn't part of that shitty trend of picking and choosing which movies you were going to follow and which ones you were going to ignore. It simply followed the previous movie, which is what sequels used to do.

I definitely feel that this movie lacked the depth and complexity of the first two movies, but as an irrational terminator fan, I overlook these things because I'm obsessive. It's not a great Terminator movie, but it is a great Arnold movie.

#Review

Ghoulies go to College (1990)

WTF is a ghoulie? Well, they're small demons that are summoned out of a toilet, obviously. Going to college is the third venture of these hooligan gremlin rip-offs. I saw this entry before I saw the others, and what is there to say about the others?

All I can remember about the first one is that I don't remember any of it. The 4th movie was made by Jim Wynorski, who has a tendency to make sequels to films he hasn't seen, so his movie retains little to none of the lore, so where does that leave us for part 3? Surprisingly, in a good place.


This 1990/91 sequel is fresh out of the 80s and it retains a lot of that atmosphere. Our setting is a college under a severe and inconsequential prank war. Nobody here cares about academics, and it pisses off the dean, Professor Ragnar, played by a maniacal and over-the-top Kevin McCarthy. I always liked that guy, and he had to stoop down to some petty shit like this movie, which makes me like him even more.

The cast is pretty good, featuring a few familiar faces from Heathers, a bunch of hotties, an inept security guard (Stephen Lee), Jason Scott Lee and Matthew Lillard before their big breaks, and Kane Hodder as "Man in Rolling Mop Bucket". After all, Kane was friends with director John Carl Buechler, who happens to be known for his effects, and this movie has some goofy effects and zaniness to keep it fun and light-hearted.

Considering how much emphasis is placed on the pranks and panty raids, this movie makes college look like so much fun, and the ghoulies almost take a back seat to everything else. Of course, none of these college antics would fly in today's age of PC bullshit. When I went to college, I had to sign a form promising I wouldn't rape anybody. This movie was more like Animal House. Very stupid, and a lot of fun.

#Review

The Vault of Horror (1973) 7/10

Five men end up trapped in an office building basement and tell spooky stories.
1) A man has a recurring dream about finding his sister, who turns out not to be human.
2) A neat-freak pushes his wife just a bit too far.
3) A magician tries to steal a trick, but ends up paying for it.
4) A man tries to commit insurance fraud.
5) An artist infuses his paintings with a touch of voodoo.

Very effectively done anthology. Usually there is one story that is a weak link, but these are all really well done. Even the overarching storyline is interesting.
Recommend.

Christine (1983)

It took a while for me to warm up to this one, but it's a pretty solid movie overall. Part of me was reluctant to like it because it's a movie about a fucking killer car. A dumb premise can work in the right hands though, and John Carpenter was at his best in the 80s.

I guess it does have some Stephen King vibes, but it always seemed more like a Carpenter movie than a King movie to me. The soundtrack helps, which always reminded me of Halloween III (same era), and it's got that classic Albertus font for the credits, which I love so much I've incorporated into the no-theme design.

Both of our lead actors went on to become decent directors, but any movie with Harry Dean Stanton automatically gets a passing grade.

The Lighthouse (2019) 8/10

Two men assume their month-long duties to tend a lighthouse, but madness starts to set in.
Shooting in B&W worked great for this film, not only for the time period it took place in, but with the overall feel of the film. Same with the aspect ratio. Seeing as how there were only (for 99% of the film) two characters, it made it feel more personal.
Not positive exactly what the film was about. It was either Ephraim going insane, Ephraim already insane, or we were seeing two different sides of the same person.
One of those movies that doesn't wrap everything up in a nice package and hand it to you. Which I really enjoy, because it's fun to get challenged and have to think.

Criss Cross (1949) 7/10

A man returns to LA in hopes of rekindling a romance with his ex-wife, but ends up getting mixed up in an attempt to hijack an armored truck.
This is one of the few movies I've seen that fall into the film-noir category. It's also one of the few Burt Lancaster movies I've seen.
There was a lot going on in this film. Tragic romances, double-crosses, double-double crosses, gunfights, fistfight.
This was a really well put together film. The acting was above par (with one brief scene excluded), sets, direction. And a very interesting story that really drew me in.

Spiral

If you've seen any other Saw movie, you know what to expect here. Yeah, they're trying to pretend it's not really a sequel, but a spinoff, but who are we kidding here? Okay, so it's a copycat killer who has no real connection to John Kramer, but so what? It's still the same old shit. This is as much a sequel to Saw as "A New Beginning" is a sequel to Friday the 13th.

The fact that it stars Chris Rock is something interesting, I guess. He's actually not such a bad actor in a serious roll, but I still find him hard to take seriously. It's that voice. I hear it, and I can't get his stand up out of my mind.

1917 (2019) 7/10

During WWI, two British soldiers are tasked with a mission to stop an ill-fated attack on a German fortified position.
I'm ashamed to admit that I don't really know that much about WWI, aside from the basic facts, such as cause, combatants and the immediate outcome and how the terms basically made WWII inevitable.
The movie itself is gritty and action-packed, with an occasion lull to let the viewers catch their breath before things blow up again (sometimes literally).
The British accent and slang is for the most part easy to understand. The acting is very good, with special nods to George Mackay as Lance Corporal Schofield, who is the protagonist of the movie.
Recommend if you're looking for a good war movie.

What TV Group Would You Hang With?

So, I've been watching "How I Met Your Mother" lately, and it made me think this would be a fun group to have as friends.
If you could pick any TV family, friends, group, etc., who would they be?