Goofy IMDb Headshots
Joe Pilato
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0683334/
David Gale
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0301834/
Christine Kossak
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0467282/
And the best ever...
John Amplas
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0025355/
Anymore?
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Blood Feast 2016
As far as remakes go, this wasn't shit. It always helps when the movie being remade is shitty from the get-go because you might have room for improvement in that case. Here, production values are better than both BF movies, but are we really going into a movie like this for production values?
Robert "Elm Street 2 Grady" Rusler plays the new Fuad Ramses, a family man who moved to France to run a not-so-successul diner business with his wife Caroline "Stretch" Williams. Already, the cast is alright. As luck would have it, Fuad goes off his meds and starts having visions of Ishtar.
This movie takes a while for anything to happen. Sure, they had a gory intro credits, but it feels more like a flashy opening than an actual part of the narrative, whereas the original starts off with our antagonist already mad and abruptly killing. There was no buildup before because the movie was intended to be dumb, and the remake tries to play it a bit more serious. It's not necessarily a bad direction, but it isn't as memorable and lacks the camp value.
Ol' Herschell Gordon Lewis has a cameo as Professor Lou Herschell, reminding us of the good ol' days. For a movie called Blood Feast, the gore is more realistic, but there isn't that much of it. The ending is different and intended to be more deranged, but nothing will compare to the real Fuad "dying a fitting end for the garbage he was."
#Review
As far as remakes go, this wasn't shit. It always helps when the movie being remade is shitty from the get-go because you might have room for improvement in that case. Here, production values are better than both BF movies, but are we really going into a movie like this for production values?
Robert "Elm Street 2 Grady" Rusler plays the new Fuad Ramses, a family man who moved to France to run a not-so-successul diner business with his wife Caroline "Stretch" Williams. Already, the cast is alright. As luck would have it, Fuad goes off his meds and starts having visions of Ishtar.
This movie takes a while for anything to happen. Sure, they had a gory intro credits, but it feels more like a flashy opening than an actual part of the narrative, whereas the original starts off with our antagonist already mad and abruptly killing. There was no buildup before because the movie was intended to be dumb, and the remake tries to play it a bit more serious. It's not necessarily a bad direction, but it isn't as memorable and lacks the camp value.
Ol' Herschell Gordon Lewis has a cameo as Professor Lou Herschell, reminding us of the good ol' days. For a movie called Blood Feast, the gore is more realistic, but there isn't that much of it. The ending is different and intended to be more deranged, but nothing will compare to the real Fuad "dying a fitting end for the garbage he was."
#Review
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Halloween Resurrection
I used to think this movie was bad, but it's worse than bad. It's one of the dumbest money grabs I've ever had the misfortune of seeing.
We'll start with the god-awful retcon... In H20, Laurie gives Michael a slew of stabbings to the chest before he falls off the second-story balcony. While she's headed down the stairs to give him the final blow, a paramedic finds him and examines him before Michael awakens and rises to his feet to crush the guy's throat. Michael proceeds to undress himself, then undress the paramedic, then redress himself in the paramedic's clothes, then redress the paramedic in his clothes, position him exactly as he fell, stab the knife into his chest, and casually walk away ALL BEFORE Laurie can make it down a single goddamn set of stairs.
Then we have that shitty asylum scene where all the guards are either incredibly scarce or incredibly inept, and somehow, Laurie has the gall to escape and set a trap within 5 seconds of getting to the rooftop and...
Ugh... Why am I bothering explaining this to any of you? We all know it's the dumbest shit in the entire franchise. Even worse than H6's convoluted cult garbage, and worse than Rob Zombie's shit-stains on the series.
Rick Rosenthal directed this entry, and John Carpenter admitted that H2's production was subpar on Rick's account and required his intervention to make it the honorable entry it is. So they brought back that guy to make this stupid fucking movie as if he was a respected series veteran.
"How can we make this movie any worse?" the producers asked. Well, cast Busta Rhymes and cater to a juvenile MTV crowd and use a shitty angry-looking mask instead of an emotionless mask, and let them all dig their own graves with their own stupidity.
I don't understand how our victims felt so trapped in the Myers' house. It's a small fucking house! There's no excuse for it. Oh no, he's coming after you! But don't dare drop off the second story and run for help, because that's not in the script! The script calls for us to ignore common sense and act like a bunch of cunts.
This movie made me embarrassed to be not only a franchise fan, but a horror fan in general. It's a disgrace, and it wasn't the only turd in 2002. This movie fucking SUCKS.
#Review
I used to think this movie was bad, but it's worse than bad. It's one of the dumbest money grabs I've ever had the misfortune of seeing.
We'll start with the god-awful retcon... In H20, Laurie gives Michael a slew of stabbings to the chest before he falls off the second-story balcony. While she's headed down the stairs to give him the final blow, a paramedic finds him and examines him before Michael awakens and rises to his feet to crush the guy's throat. Michael proceeds to undress himself, then undress the paramedic, then redress himself in the paramedic's clothes, then redress the paramedic in his clothes, position him exactly as he fell, stab the knife into his chest, and casually walk away ALL BEFORE Laurie can make it down a single goddamn set of stairs.
Then we have that shitty asylum scene where all the guards are either incredibly scarce or incredibly inept, and somehow, Laurie has the gall to escape and set a trap within 5 seconds of getting to the rooftop and...
Ugh... Why am I bothering explaining this to any of you? We all know it's the dumbest shit in the entire franchise. Even worse than H6's convoluted cult garbage, and worse than Rob Zombie's shit-stains on the series.
Rick Rosenthal directed this entry, and John Carpenter admitted that H2's production was subpar on Rick's account and required his intervention to make it the honorable entry it is. So they brought back that guy to make this stupid fucking movie as if he was a respected series veteran.
"How can we make this movie any worse?" the producers asked. Well, cast Busta Rhymes and cater to a juvenile MTV crowd and use a shitty angry-looking mask instead of an emotionless mask, and let them all dig their own graves with their own stupidity.
I don't understand how our victims felt so trapped in the Myers' house. It's a small fucking house! There's no excuse for it. Oh no, he's coming after you! But don't dare drop off the second story and run for help, because that's not in the script! The script calls for us to ignore common sense and act like a bunch of cunts.
This movie made me embarrassed to be not only a franchise fan, but a horror fan in general. It's a disgrace, and it wasn't the only turd in 2002. This movie fucking SUCKS.
#Review
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The Evil Cat (2008?)
I came across this DVD at a swap meet. Never heard of it, so thought I would give it a whirl.
My GOD, what a piece of shit. After watching it, I did a little research. It is not on IMDB, but it IS on TMDB.
The first half was filmed in probably mid to late 90s, and includes wonderful scenes, such as having camera sitting on the floor filming a wall for about two minutes while the action was in a different room.
The second half was filmed probably 2008, and has (I'm guessing) at least five minutes of a guy driving around swearing about something.
When the writer and the director and the producer and the composer and the editor and the fx designer and the cameraman and the wardrobe and the sound effects guy is also the star, you've got issues. When said person was twelve when the first half was shot, it just takes everything down another notch.
I think it might have been filmed here where I live, as at least three of the people involved have names that match local residents.
It's almost worth tracking one down and just holding the DVD up and saying "You?"
I came across this DVD at a swap meet. Never heard of it, so thought I would give it a whirl.
My GOD, what a piece of shit. After watching it, I did a little research. It is not on IMDB, but it IS on TMDB.
The first half was filmed in probably mid to late 90s, and includes wonderful scenes, such as having camera sitting on the floor filming a wall for about two minutes while the action was in a different room.
The second half was filmed probably 2008, and has (I'm guessing) at least five minutes of a guy driving around swearing about something.
When the writer and the director and the producer and the composer and the editor and the fx designer and the cameraman and the wardrobe and the sound effects guy is also the star, you've got issues. When said person was twelve when the first half was shot, it just takes everything down another notch.
I think it might have been filmed here where I live, as at least three of the people involved have names that match local residents.
It's almost worth tracking one down and just holding the DVD up and saying "You?"
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Do you ever have Nightmares?
I never dream. It's not that I dream and forget what I dream about, because I would at least remember that I don't remember what the dream was about. For some damn reason, I had sooo many dreams last night, and they were all NIGHTMARES!
If I were to go into detail about all of it, they wouldn't seem nearly as frightening or engaging as they were to me, but the gist of it is that I continually fell asleep, had a nightmare, and woke up in a sweat since I'd exhausted myself in the process of mentally running from all sorts of things: a slasher in a shopping mall, then fast and hungry zombies in a mall and then a trailer park, then Hodder's Jason (the most intimidating Jason), then even a brief run-in with Freddy himself. Each time, trying to reach higher ground that the threats would ascend to or would or cause to collapse back to ground level. I couldn't catch a break.
Ironically, I've had far more nightmares about Jason in my life than I've ever had about Freddy, so this was a real pleasant surprise. Yes, I say pleasant because I love getting nightmares. My mind can never rest if my dream avatar is running for his goddamn "life", so it's a total thrill to me.
But wait! I fall back asleep and get right back to the weirdness! Next thing you know, I have some more dreams dealing with outer space sci-fi, zombies again, VR gone bad, government cover-ups, and then being chased by the goddamn Hulk.
Safe to say, I'm pretty exhaused by all this, but it might have been the greatest nightmare experience of my life.
Have you ever had a slew of nightmares like this?
I never dream. It's not that I dream and forget what I dream about, because I would at least remember that I don't remember what the dream was about. For some damn reason, I had sooo many dreams last night, and they were all NIGHTMARES!
If I were to go into detail about all of it, they wouldn't seem nearly as frightening or engaging as they were to me, but the gist of it is that I continually fell asleep, had a nightmare, and woke up in a sweat since I'd exhausted myself in the process of mentally running from all sorts of things: a slasher in a shopping mall, then fast and hungry zombies in a mall and then a trailer park, then Hodder's Jason (the most intimidating Jason), then even a brief run-in with Freddy himself. Each time, trying to reach higher ground that the threats would ascend to or would or cause to collapse back to ground level. I couldn't catch a break.
Ironically, I've had far more nightmares about Jason in my life than I've ever had about Freddy, so this was a real pleasant surprise. Yes, I say pleasant because I love getting nightmares. My mind can never rest if my dream avatar is running for his goddamn "life", so it's a total thrill to me.
But wait! I fall back asleep and get right back to the weirdness! Next thing you know, I have some more dreams dealing with outer space sci-fi, zombies again, VR gone bad, government cover-ups, and then being chased by the goddamn Hulk.
Safe to say, I'm pretty exhaused by all this, but it might have been the greatest nightmare experience of my life.
Have you ever had a slew of nightmares like this?
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Halloween II - TV Cut
When you've seen the theatrical cut as many times as I have, this version seems a bit bizarre in comparison. Many scenes are re-arranged and there's a lot of alternate takes used as well as additional scenes, which come at the cost of less graphic kills and some completely removed kills. Some characters just disappear after a certain point, and if this is the only version you've seen, it might cause a bit of confusion.
A notable difference is that this is only presented in full screen. The film begins with the intro credits immediately and the titles are squished into the frame. The recap doesn't feature the erroneous 7-shot 6-shooter, but it omits little bits and lines here and there.
Basically any scene with blood is trimmed or removed entirely. The bit with Alice and Mrs. Elrod is altered, Mr. Garrett's exploration scene uses footage of Myers chase with Laurie from much later in the movie, the darkness of the hospital is more thoroughly explained as an electrical disturbance, the marshall's death has Myers wrestle him off the ground and it doesn't make much sense at all as to why he dies with blood on his body, the explosion makes Jimmy fall, and then there's the ambulance alternate ending...
This isn't even the half of it. The first movie was tame enough to show on tv as mostly the same movie with a few added scenes, but this movie is edited vastly different. The theatrical version is superior, but I definitely appreciate all the added scenes and alternate takes.
A few scenes that simply don't work now are Janet complaining about Bud (not) using profanity, as well as Loomis's shots fired at the end. They fixed the 7 shots in the beginning, but he only shoots Myers twice in the clinic (plus his warning shot in the car), so he should have three bullets left, but he points at Michael and the gun goes click. He must have gotten too lazy to load all the chambers this time around.
The TV cut is available on the Shout Factory 2-disc dvd.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082495/alternateversions
A lot of the entries in this series have alternate versions, but I feel that this version is the weirdest.
H1 has the extended TV cut.
H3 may or may not have an uncut version. Clarification anybody?
H6 has the producer's cut and a rumored Director's Cut.
H20 has the FX TV cut.
H8 has alternate endings that were intended for a theatrical gimmick.
RZ's H1 and H2 both have director's cuts, which demonstrate that he had no clear vision as to what he wanted out of these movies.
I guess H4 and H5 are the only one-cut movies out there.
#Review
When you've seen the theatrical cut as many times as I have, this version seems a bit bizarre in comparison. Many scenes are re-arranged and there's a lot of alternate takes used as well as additional scenes, which come at the cost of less graphic kills and some completely removed kills. Some characters just disappear after a certain point, and if this is the only version you've seen, it might cause a bit of confusion.
A notable difference is that this is only presented in full screen. The film begins with the intro credits immediately and the titles are squished into the frame. The recap doesn't feature the erroneous 7-shot 6-shooter, but it omits little bits and lines here and there.
Basically any scene with blood is trimmed or removed entirely. The bit with Alice and Mrs. Elrod is altered, Mr. Garrett's exploration scene uses footage of Myers chase with Laurie from much later in the movie, the darkness of the hospital is more thoroughly explained as an electrical disturbance, the marshall's death has Myers wrestle him off the ground and it doesn't make much sense at all as to why he dies with blood on his body, the explosion makes Jimmy fall, and then there's the ambulance alternate ending...
This isn't even the half of it. The first movie was tame enough to show on tv as mostly the same movie with a few added scenes, but this movie is edited vastly different. The theatrical version is superior, but I definitely appreciate all the added scenes and alternate takes.
A few scenes that simply don't work now are Janet complaining about Bud (not) using profanity, as well as Loomis's shots fired at the end. They fixed the 7 shots in the beginning, but he only shoots Myers twice in the clinic (plus his warning shot in the car), so he should have three bullets left, but he points at Michael and the gun goes click. He must have gotten too lazy to load all the chambers this time around.
The TV cut is available on the Shout Factory 2-disc dvd.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082495/alternateversions
A lot of the entries in this series have alternate versions, but I feel that this version is the weirdest.
H1 has the extended TV cut.
H3 may or may not have an uncut version. Clarification anybody?
H6 has the producer's cut and a rumored Director's Cut.
H20 has the FX TV cut.
H8 has alternate endings that were intended for a theatrical gimmick.
RZ's H1 and H2 both have director's cuts, which demonstrate that he had no clear vision as to what he wanted out of these movies.
I guess H4 and H5 are the only one-cut movies out there.
#Review
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The Sentinel (1977)
I wont get too long winded here, but this was a pretty decent flick. It has one hell of a cast if you haven't noticed with the leads being Alison (Cristina Raines) and Michael (Chris Sarandon). Alison moves into a Brooklyn apartment and things get weird quick.
This is a religion horror in the vein of Rosemary's Baby, complete with an apartment setting and weird neighbors, both based on books released within 7 years of each other. It's fairly engaging, and though it gets a little slow in the middle, it comes back full swing with a crazy ending. Also, did I mention the great cast?
#Review
I wont get too long winded here, but this was a pretty decent flick. It has one hell of a cast if you haven't noticed with the leads being Alison (Cristina Raines) and Michael (Chris Sarandon). Alison moves into a Brooklyn apartment and things get weird quick.
This is a religion horror in the vein of Rosemary's Baby, complete with an apartment setting and weird neighbors, both based on books released within 7 years of each other. It's fairly engaging, and though it gets a little slow in the middle, it comes back full swing with a crazy ending. Also, did I mention the great cast?
#Review
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A Shit Post
Monsturd. Now that's a good movie! Set in Butte County California. I know the name is supposed to be the "butt" of the joke, but it's even funnier that it's set in California, because that whole state is bullshit, just like our killer Jack Schmidt, aka The Shit-Man!
This movie will make you fear the toilet like Jaws made you fear the water. Don't get caught with your pants down! And protect yourself from the shit-man by wearing diaper armor and stocking up on pepto bismol and a million flies.
I rate this movie 💩💩💩 out of 5 shits.
#Review
Monsturd. Now that's a good movie! Set in Butte County California. I know the name is supposed to be the "butt" of the joke, but it's even funnier that it's set in California, because that whole state is bullshit, just like our killer Jack Schmidt, aka The Shit-Man!
This movie will make you fear the toilet like Jaws made you fear the water. Don't get caught with your pants down! And protect yourself from the shit-man by wearing diaper armor and stocking up on pepto bismol and a million flies.
I rate this movie 💩💩💩 out of 5 shits.
#Review
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Friday the 13th Lawsuit
I think it's pretty fucking stupid that Victor Miller won the infamous Friday the 13th lawsuit. He shat out a screenplay while Sean Cunningham produced, directed, and breathed life into the damn movie. It's much more his movie than Vic's, and also much more his franchise since he produced later installments. If Cunningham had the rights, we'd probably have another Jason movie already.
I think it's pretty fucking stupid that Victor Miller won the infamous Friday the 13th lawsuit. He shat out a screenplay while Sean Cunningham produced, directed, and breathed life into the damn movie. It's much more his movie than Vic's, and also much more his franchise since he produced later installments. If Cunningham had the rights, we'd probably have another Jason movie already.
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Jack Frost 2
What better way to start off the Halloween season than to watch a Christmas movie set on a tropical island? Since I have the worst taste in movies, this is a no-brainer.
For no reason, a group of scientists revive the killer snowman from the last movie, and he somehow manages to travel 2000 something miles to a Caribbean island resort where our sheriff and his wife are taking a vacation. The first movie was dumb, but this one is definitely dumber and with shittier effects.
The kills are funny. Is that swimsuit model not excited enough? Here's some ice for her to rub on her nips. Evil ice! And that stupid guy with the eye patch made me laugh due to the redundant stock music that accompanied him. Naturally, the only way to one-up a movie about a killer snowman is for him to have multiple killer snowman babies, right?
In a bizarre and unfortunate twist, I looked up the lead actor Christopher Allport who plays the sheriff in both films and found out he died in 2008. Cause of death? A goddamn avalanche! Did Jack Frost win? 😟
#Review
What better way to start off the Halloween season than to watch a Christmas movie set on a tropical island? Since I have the worst taste in movies, this is a no-brainer.
For no reason, a group of scientists revive the killer snowman from the last movie, and he somehow manages to travel 2000 something miles to a Caribbean island resort where our sheriff and his wife are taking a vacation. The first movie was dumb, but this one is definitely dumber and with shittier effects.
The kills are funny. Is that swimsuit model not excited enough? Here's some ice for her to rub on her nips. Evil ice! And that stupid guy with the eye patch made me laugh due to the redundant stock music that accompanied him. Naturally, the only way to one-up a movie about a killer snowman is for him to have multiple killer snowman babies, right?
In a bizarre and unfortunate twist, I looked up the lead actor Christopher Allport who plays the sheriff in both films and found out he died in 2008. Cause of death? A goddamn avalanche! Did Jack Frost win? 😟
#Review
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