Brian De Palma movies 

I'm watching The Untouchables and it's great. There's that whole bit with the baby carriage falling down the stairs, the camera angles, the pacing, etc. He always has that one long tense scene in his movies and nobody does that anymore. Where's our new Hitchcock? Where are our masters of suspense?

Of course, I'm referring to a select output of his filmography. I think I quit after Carlito's Way, his last great movie, cuz Mission Impossible and Black Dalia sucked. I still think he's essential to any aspiring film snob.

What's your fave?

Stepfather III (1992)

Oh my... this one was laughably bad. My buddy was ecstatic to show me just about any VHS he had on his 6" TV/VCR combo, so we went with this. The first two movies were all right on account of Terry O'Quinn playing the titular psycho character, but this one doesn't have him. Instead, this one has some other guy who gets plastic surgery to justify the recasting, and that's the only good/gross part of this movie. The rest had me turn into one of those rifftrax assholes who makes fun of the movie the entire time, and I'm not proud of it.

Priscilla Barnes is the new lady of interest, and she has a wheelchair bound son (who's cause of being in a wheelchair made me lol). For some reason, this kid is always hanging out with a priest and he's always trying to solve mysteries with a shitty old 90s computer that he insists on letting his pet turtle walk all over. I wanted to smack this kid senseless.

The movie plays out as you expect, with our antagonist/hero gradually going crazy and killing people that threaten his stupid family existence until the kid, having not used his legs for years, ignores muscle atrophy and musters up the courage to walk and fight back against this subpar stepfather who isn't conscientious at all. He'll kill people basically in public, get blood all over himself, and in the very next scene have no blood on him at all. This neighborhood is oblivious, just like the screenwriters. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even have a scar on his chest from when he got stabbed in the fucking heart at the end of the previous movie. Also, when he bangs women, there's no nudity. It's super gay, just like everything else about this movie.

#Review

September looks like it's going to be a good month for new releases

Alone in the Dark (1982) and Drop Dead Fred (1990) both coming out on Blu-ray.

Unknown TV episode or movie from the late 70s

This is something I've been trying to figure out for many years. I think I posted this on the old Horror board on IMDb once too, but never got an answer. Back in 1978 or possibly earlier (No later as I know it was before The Dain Curse and Salem's Lot), I saw part of a TV movie or possibly an episode of some show where a woman was groping around inside a dark house at night, presumably where she was not supposed to be because she had to get out fast when a car pulled into the driveway. She dropped an object into the drain of the kitchen sink that resembled the headdresses worn by the guards at Buckingham Palace (only much smaller and on a stick like a popsicle). She dropped it fast because it was either hot or smelled bad, and it fell into the drain in the sink and sat there with the end of the stick sticking up. On one of the walls of the house was a poster like the one seen in every episode of Three's Company of the swallowtail butterfly with the human female body with the word Life on the top, but in this one it was a Cecropia moth with a skeletal body and the word Death instead.

Does anyone remember seeing this and know what it was? For a while I thought it could've been an episode of Kolchak: The Night Stalker, but I have seen all those since. It could've been some made for TV horror movie, or maybe an episode of some detective series.

DVD Special Features

Interactive Menus!
Digitally Mastered!
1.0 Mono Soundtrack!
2.0 Stereo Soundtrack!
English AND Bulgarian Subtitles!
Scene Selection!

The Ramones Movie

Roger Corman gives us this high school comedy about students just trying to rock when the new principal is a tight ass who hates anything with a beat. Naturally, she has to hate The Ramones!

If you didn't already know it, The Ramones are great. Apparently, they weren't the first choice for the band in this movie though. They wanted Todd Rundgren, Cheap Trick, Devo, Van Halen.. fuck it. Let's just use The Ramones!

So our main character is P.J. Soles and she's pretty hot in this movie. She's a Ramones super fan (apparently not before starring in this movie though) and strives to give her new song to the band, "Rock and Roll High School". There are some other side plots in the movie, including one where Clint Howard gives a guy dating advice. That's pretty laughable when you think about it.

During the 21-day shoot, Dee Dee Ramone got arrested for fighting with a roadie, overdosed in jail, and wound up in Cedars Sinai Hospital with a $3,000 medical bill.

Despite playing a high school student, P.J. Soles was 28 when the movie was filmed, and was actually older than three of the four members of the Ramones.

The Ramones are actually kinda ugly, too. Fortunately, this movie doesn't care, much like the attitudes of The Ramones themselves. There's no glue-sniffing in this PG movie, but there is cocaine!

When all is said and done, the movie is entertaining enough, but I feel like I'm going to forget most of it by tomorrow, and that's not because I've been drinking all day.

#Review

Face the Music

Since everyone has been waiting for this movie for so long... and I say that with some sarcasm and some legitimacy... I just watched it. Alex and Keanu have been trying to make a sequel for years, and for some reason, it took 'em a quarter of a century, but it somehow ended up alright.

So Bill and Ted have fallen flat and aren't the bigshots they hope to be. They're still married to their former princesses, but their relationships are somewhat stagnant. They also have daughters who are super hot music slackers who decide to help them on this new bogus journey.

The premise is given away in the trailer in which they haven't written the song yet, but they decide to steal it from themselves. This involves multiple hilarious run-ins with themselves and various other callbacks that are very welcome. I thought this shit was pretty hilarious at times. Lots of laughs.

Night of the Living Dead... Part 2

Yeah, that's coming out. They sure do love shitting on Romero's immortal classic due to its public domain status, releasing a bunch of awful spin-offs that no one will remember. This one happens to feature our protagonist actors from Day of the Dead, which also had its fair share of shitty "sequels". Anywho, we have...

NotLD (1990)

NotLD 30th Anniversary Extended (1999) +15 mins
NotLD 3D (2006)
NotLD: Resurrection (2012)
NotLD (2014)
NotLD: Darkest Dawn (2015)

What are your thoughts on these turkeys?

Texas-Sized Biscuits: The History Of The Chooper



I mostly hate the films of Ray Dennis Steckler. Especially the ones he made in the 60's, which has always been considered his hey day. Wacky, silly, somewhat fast-paced, yet uninteresting films like The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed Up Zombies, as well as the nearly unwatchable Rat Pfink A(nd) Boo Boo. Movies which were obviously made by someone who loved what he was doing and had a good time making them with people he liked. Which I totally respect. But I still think they were stupid. From what I've heard, life treated ol' Ray pretty well in the 60's, which reflected in his goofy bullshit. Not so much in the 70's. And this too could be seen in his 70's films. Something a little dismal and lifeless about his 70's stuff. Almost as if they were made by a different person. Plus, he made alot of porn around this time as well, but that's another story. This here story is about one of those dismal, lifeless films Steckler came up with in the 70's. In fact, this may be his worst film ever, quality wise. And ironically, it's the only one I don't hate. What can I say? There's just something about The Chooper.

Mainly a cinematographer, Ray Dennis Steckler fancied himself a silent filmmaker, at times. Personally, I don't know what anyone would see in such films, but he was a big fan of them. And because of this, he had a strong dislike for using live sound. Which becomes obvious as soon as The Chooper begins. Steckler's ex-wife and still regular cast member, Carolyn Brandt, is doing a voiceover, giving us the alleged details on the origin of the pointless story we're about to see unfold. An old shack sits out in the middle of a desolate desert ranch, supposedly cursed due to the accidental death of the son of a vengeful Indian Chief long ago. The curse of the Chooper. Carolyn goes on about this for a couple minutes, implying it has something to do with the story, although this is the very last we hear about it.

We cut to the always shirtless, scrawny ranch hand, Daniel, as he picks up rocks and rakes dirt and stuff. A couple of little girls are playing nearby, and you can already tell Daniel is about to get testy as he explains that they need to stay away from the nearby shack. Later on, in an awkwardly acted scene, some ornery chick shows up with a couple of dudes. They stand around and joke about spending the night in the haunted Blood Shack that everyone talks about. The chick suddenly gets serious about it, and turns into a confrontational twat when the dudes aren't into it. So, they take off and leave her there to spend the night. But the equally ornery Daniel ain't having it. He immediately starts screaming at her to stayout of there. "The Chooper'll gitcha". But hequickly gives up when she argues with him, claiming that if she's stupid enough to sleep in there, then she deserves to die. This won't be the last time Daniel will go from being frantic to indifferent.

Another Carolyn Brandt voiceover. Carolyn is playing the role of Carol. Somewhat of a fictional version of her real life self. Carol is a burnt out scream queen whose uncle just recently died and left her this awesome ranch. Carol is using the opportunity to get away from it all like she's been wanting to do. After Daniel buries the freshly killed corpse of the stupid twat who wouldn't listen, and helps himself to whatever money it had, he picks up Carol at the bus station and brings her to what seems is now her new home. The minute she gets there, a rude neighbor named Tim Foster makes her an offer on her ranch. And he's a little too demanding about it. As she is at first at a loss for words, Daniel quickly butts in and expresses his outrage at the mere thought of Tim buying the ranch, quickly giving reasons as to why it shouldn't happen. Daniel is flat out offended when Tim mentions plans of tearing down the old shack if he can pry the ranch away from Carol. Daniel replies by referring to the shack as a "historical monument".

As people come and go on the ranch, several of them end up in the shack for one reaosn or another. Or no reason at all, in some cases. And every time, Daniel freaks out on them, quickly accepts what's going to happen, and then gets this self righteous, "I told you so" attitude with the corpses whilst burying them. Always making sure to get their money. Carol is oblivious to all of this, as she's got her hands full with the abrasive Tim Foster and his constant offers which are starting to sound more like demands at this point. But there's just something up with Daniel. Or atleast that's what we're (unintentionally?) led to believe for most of the movie. He's just too wrapped up in this shack that's on a ranch that's not even his. He's not so much concerned about saving lives from the deadly Chooper, but rather protecting the chooper from itself. Daniel's undying devotion to this thing is completely random and serves no purpose to the story regardless of how much it seems like it is.

Alot about this movie is left to the imagination, and it does not seem intentional at all. The movie just moves along at a slow pace, seemingly on life support, at times. Much like Carolyn Brandt's acting. We go from voiceover narrarated arguements betwen Carol and Tim, to rodeo footage to Chooper killings, to rodeo footage to rodeo footage to rodeo footage. we're given ideas and hints as to who The Chooper may actually be, assuming it's not the Demon which is implied early on. Possibly Daniel, or even Tim. But no actual closure for the most part. We're left to draw our own conclusion. My conclusion? Chooper is Chooper!

Well, whatever the hell it is, it's really just a guy in a black body stocking, running around with a sword and roaring. The most primitive slasher villain of all time. The Chooper may not have proved to be Daniel, but I suspect it was played by the same actor, as the roars sound alot like Daniel's voice that we hear yelling at people throughout the movie. So many scenes involving Chooper killings are seemingly meant to build up tension, which fails miserably each time. And on to Carolyn Brandt. For whatever reason, 95% of her lines are done in voiceover. Even in the one or two scenes she uses live sound, this is still one of the most disconnected performances I've ever witnessed. It almost seems as though Carolyn is in an entirely different movie. Never reacting, never showing the least bit of emotion. She doesn't act so much as she just exists.

As a straight up Horor flick, This $500 budgeted disasterpiece is a epic failure on every level. As an odd, yet endearing Z-movie, however, it really is something worth checking out. The unsuitable score, the bleak desert atmosphere, the extremely grainy screen quality. It all works to Chooper's benefit. But I guess I should say something about Blood Shack, which is technically the same movie. Just a very different cut with a very different score. More menacing than the uplifting Chooper score. And even though it's the definitive version, Blood Shack is also about 15 minutes shorter, and includes less rodeo footage. That being the only positive. Blood Shack can be found on the Shriek Show DVD from Media Blasters. Where as The Chooper is hidden in the extras, but has a sweet Joe Bob Briggs commentary track where he makes sense out of it all in what is by far the most entertaining commentary I've ever heard. In closing. I'll just say that I get that it's a little strange to be such a big fan because The Chooper is nothing short of a mess. But a mess with a heart of gold. It kicks ass on a level it was never meant to. Highly recommended to bad movie lovers only... Well, atleast a few of you. 6/10



#Review

Cheerleader Camp (1988)

When it comes to slashers, the tail end of the 80s almost became a caricature of itself, but that doesn't make these movies any less fun. Anchor Bay discs were pure gold to horror fans, and Cheerleader Camp is one of those titles I was perfectly happy blind-buying because of this.

Who doesn't like cheerleaders? Who doesn't like camp slashers? Who wouldn't want to watch these two glorious things mingle? The ladies here are fine as fuck and the vibes are just right.

Betsy Russell plays our lead cheerleader, who right off the bat is kinda crazy. She has weird dreams and she's insecure, but only the screenwriters would know why. For those who don't know, Betsy was in a Saw sequel or three playing Jigsaw's wife, and this here is where she got her horror start. This lady is super hot I wish she would have gotten naked in this movie.

Of course, the other ladies are plenty hot too, and they do get naked. There's a fair amount of titties here, but we have other great things to elevate this into a more memorable film, such as George Buck Flower in a more prominent role than he'd usually been given, as well as a fun-loving fat guy (Travis McKenna) who's pretty damn awesome in his own right. If he isn't spying on our girls, someone else is, because this movie is all about voyeurism.

Some of the kills are kinda lame, but there's no shortage of blood and guts. I say they're lame because they're off-screen kills or they don't show the actual stabbing sometimes, but other kills make up for it.

The film is a whodunnit, so our killer doesn't have a costume or mask or specific weapon, but it isn't a big deal considering how much fun the movie is. There's plenty of leeway throughout for shennanigans, which oddly enough remains even after several bodies are found.

People getting killed at camp? Call the sheriff, but don't think too much on it. We're still going to have our cheerleading competition if it kills us! And funny enough, our primary group of cheerleaders are pretty shitty at what they do, but who fucking cares? It ain't about being the best of the bunch. It's about killing the whole bunch so you're the best by default.

A few years later, Betsy Russell would return to a different cheerleader camp in "Camp Fear" 1991, which uses the same cover art from 'Bodycount' and even has Buck Flower back as 'wino'. It was written as a sequel, so I'd love to check that one out.

#Review