Clownado Gore

This was the first Todd Sheets movie I've seen, and it wasn't completely deplorable as one might expect. I still wouldn't say I liked it though, but this isn't a review. This is more of a compliment/complaint about the gore.

Yeah, the movie has a lot of gore, and it looks somewhat realistic and gross. The slicing through flesh is great, but the blood is inconsistent. Sometimes, it looks like normal dark blood, but other times it looks like goddamn ketchup.

But that isn't the real complaint. My biggest beef with the gore is the framing. Every time someone gets stabbed or maimed or something, it's an extreme closeup. For some damn reason, the gore will NEVER be in the same frame as the character, which is pretty damn annoying. It's like all the gore scenes were filmed separately using a prosthetic they couldn't match to the actor, and it ruins the effect.

I know HG Lewis liked to zoom into his gore while his villains were playing in the guts, but he would also show the gore ON the person too. Clownado doesn't understand how to accomplish this effect at all, so it doesn't seem like the attacks are happening to the character at all. It's fucking stupid.

2021 Viewings

This is for anyone who wants to keep a log of their viewings/ratings every month so please feel free to add yours.

The links for the previous 4 years viewings are here if anyone still needs to access them for reference:

2020: https://trashepics.com/post/30/31/
2019: https://trashepics.com/post/30/9/
2018: https://trashepics.com/post/30/5/
2017: https://trashepics.com/post/9/97/

January



Dunkirk (2017) - 7.5
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) - 7.5
Unhinged (2020) - FTV - 6
The Nightingale (2018) - FTV - 8
Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (2020) - FTV - 6
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) - FTV - 7
Mr. Bean's Holiday (2007) - 5.5
Spree (2020) - FTV - 6
Dark Waters (2019) - FTV - 7
Color Out of Space (2019) - FTV - 6.5
They're Watching (2016) - FTV - 5
Avengers: Infinity War (2018) - 8
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) - FTV - 4.5
Wrong Turn (2003) - 6
The Rental (2020) - FTV - 6
Avengers: Endgame (2019) - 7.5
The Witches (2020) - FTV - 5.5
The Body (2012) - FTV - 7

February



Batman Forever (1995) - 5.5
Saint Maud (2019) - FTV - 7.5
Bad Samaritan (2018) - FTV - 6
The Wolf of Snow Hollow (2020) - FTV - 6
Villains (2019) - FTV - 6
Relic (2020) - FTV - 6.5
The Incredible Hulk (2008) - 6.5
Willy's Wonderland (2021) - FTV - 5
Batman & Robin (1997) - 3.5
Se7en (1995) - 8.5
The Prestige (2006) - 8
Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020) - FTV - 6
Wrong Turn (2021) - FTV - 5.5

March



Tenet (2020) - FTV - 7
Inception (2010) - 8
Late Phases (2014) - FTV - 6
Naboer (2005) - FTV - 6.5
Gravity (2013) - 7
Pacific Rim (2013) - 6.5
Sunshine (2007) - 7.5
Miss Violence (2013) - FTV - 8
Aquaman (2018) - FTV - 6
Passengers (2016) - FTV - 6
The Dark and the Wicked (2020) - FTV - 6
Violation (2020) - FTV - 6.5

April



Kong: Skull Island (2017) - 6.5
Dead Silence (2007) - FTV - 5.5
Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) - FTV - 6.5
The Queen of Black Magic (2019) - FTV - 7
Godzilla Vs Kong (2021) - FTV - 6
Run (2020) - FTV - 6
Night of the Demons (1988) - FTV - 7
The Monster Squad (1987) - 7
In Search of Darkness (2019) - FTV - 7.5
The Vanishing (1988) - 9
Alien vs. Predator (2004) - 5
Mortal Kombat (2021) - FTV - 6
Re-Animator (1985) - 7

May



Star Trek (2009) - 7
Bride of Re-Animator (1990) - FTV - 6
Love and Monsters (2020) - FTV - 6
Sound of Metal (2019) - FTV - 8
Oxygen (2021) - FTV - 6
Arachnophobia (1990) - 6.5
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) - 8
I Care a Lot (2020) - FTV - 6
Army of the Dead (2021) - FTV - 6.5
The Mitchells vs the Machines (2021) - FTV - 7
Candyman (1992) - 7
Psycho (1960) - 10
The Father (2020) - FTV - 8
Tremors (1990) - 7
Hostel (2005) - 5.5
Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) - 7
The Cabin in the Woods (2011) - 6.5
Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) - FTV - 7

June



Child's Play (1988) - 6.5
Doctor Strange (2016) - 7
It (2017) - 7
Avengers Assesmble (2012) - 7
The Nun (2018) - FTV - 4
Bloody Hell (2020) - FTV - 6.5
Psycho Goreman (2020) - FTV - 6
The Devil All the Time (2020) - FTV - 6.5
The Thing (1982) - 8.5
Terminator Salvation (2009) - 5.5
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999) - 5
VFW (2019) - FTV - 6
Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021) - FTV - 4
A Quiet Place Part II (2020) - FTV - 6.5
Joker (2019) - 8
Night of the Living Dead (1968) - 7.5
Men In Black: International (2019) - FTV - 4.5

July



Fear Street Part One: 1994 (2021) - FTV - 6
Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance (2002) - 8
Fear Street Part Two: 1978 (2021) - FTV - 5.5
Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) - 6.5
Another Round (2020) - FTV - 8
A Classic Horror Story (2021) - FTV - 6
Black Widow (2021) - FTV - 6.5
Critters (1986) - FTV - 5.5
Fear Street Part Three: 1666 (2021) - FTV - 6.5
Guns Akimbo (2019) - FTV - 6
Star Trek Beyond (2016) - FTV - 6
Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021) - FTV - 8
A Quiet Place (2018) - 7
Stardust (2007) - 7.5
Aliens (1986) - 9

August



Mulan (2020) - FTV - 5.5
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002) 5.5
Promising Young Woman (2020) - FTV - 7.5
The Suicide Squad (2021) - FTV - 8
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005) - 6
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019) - FTV - 5.5
Vendetta (2013) - FTV - 5
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) - 5
Commando (1985) - 7
Child's Play 2 (1990) - 6

September



Joker (2019) - 8.5
Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) - FTV - 6.5
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005) - 6
Boss Level (2021) - FTV - 6.5
Malignant (2021) - FTV - 6.5
Jaws 2 (1978) - 6
Deep Blue Sea (1999) - 6
Star Wars (1977) - 8.5
The Empire Strikes Back (1980) - 9

October



Till Death (2021) - FTV - 5.5
Halloween IV: The Return of Michael Myers (1988) - FTV - 5
Return of the Jedi (1983) - 8
Nightbooks (2021) - FTV - 5.5
Halloween V: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989) - FTV - 4.5
Slaxx (2020) - FTV - 4.5
Mom And Dad (2017) - FTV - 6
No Time to Die (2021) - FTV - 7.5
Superhost (2021) - FTV - 6
Terror Train (1980) - FTV - 5
The Mortuary Collection (2019) - FTV - 6.5
Mon Mon Mon Monsters (2017) - FTV - 6
Van Helsing (2004) - FTV - 4
There's Someone Inside Your House (2021) - FTV - 4
Ma (2019) - FTV - 5.5
When a Stranger Calls (1979) - FTV - 6.5
Burial Ground (1981) - FTV - 5
Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981) - FTV - 7
Candyman (2021) - FTV - 6
Stage Fright (1987) - FTV - 6.5
Blood Quantum (2019) - FTV - 5.5
A Quiet Place Part II (2020) - 6.5
Halloween (1978) - 8.5
Halloween Kills (2021) - FTV - 5
Braindead (1992) - 8.5
The Strange Vice of Mrs Wardh (1971) - FTV - 7
All the Colors of the Dark (1972) - FTV - 7
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015) - 7
Old (2021) - FTV - 5
Halloween II (1981) - 6
The Fog (1980) - 7
Alone in the Dark (1982) - FTV - 6
Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017) - 6.5
Prince of Darkness (1987) - FTV - 7
The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) - 8
Just Before Dawn (1981) - FTV - 6

November



Nobody (2021) - FTV - 6
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019) - 6
Speed (1994) - 7.5
Pitch Black (2000) - 7
Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021) - FTV - 7
The Trip (2021) - FTV - 6.5
Jumanji: The Next Level (2019) - FTV - 6
Don't Breathe 2 (2021) - FTV - 5.5
Red Notice (2021) - FTV - 5.5
Last Night in Soho (2021) - FTV - 7.5

December



Jungle Cruise (2021) - FTV - 5.5
Titane (2021) - FTV - 7
Alien (1979) - 9.5
Free Guy (2021) - FTV - 6
Die Hard (1988) - 9
Jingle All The Way (1996) - FTV - 6
Home Alone (1990) - 7
The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) - 7.5
Gremlins (1984) - 8
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) - 6.5
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) - FTV - 7

TV Shows



Alice in Borderland (2020) - FTV - 7
Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel (2021) - FTV - 6
Ash Vs. Evil Dead - Season 3 (2018) - FTV - 7.5
Time (2021) - FTV - 8
American Horror Story: Asylum (2012) - FTV - 8
American Horror Story: Coven (2013) - FTV - 7
The Mandalorian - Season 1 (2019) - FTV - 8.5
The Walking Dead - Season 10, E17-E22 (2021) - FTV - 7
The Mandalorian - Season 2 (2020) - FTV - 9
WandaVision (2021) - FTV - 8
The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021) - FTV - 7
Loki (2021) - FTV - 8.5
The Walking Dead - Season 11, E01-E08 (2021) - FTV - 7.5
Squid Game (2021) - FTV - 8
Hawkeye (2021) - FTV - 7

What movies has everyone bought or watched lately?

With the challenge I figure people maybe are buying more lately. I sure have, after some time of not buying much. Lots of good stuff has come out on Blu ray recently, and more is on the way in November from what I've heard.

One Dark Night (Blu ray)
Terror Train (Blu ray)
Anthropophagus (Blu ray)
House on Sorority Row (Blu ray)
Byleth (Blu ray)
And Now the Screaming Starts (Blu ray)
Switchblade Sisters (Blu ray)
Crimes of the Black Cat (Blu ray)
Puzzle (Blu ray)
Someone is Watching Me (Blu ray)
The Evil (Blu ray)
Forgotten Gialli Vol. 2 (Blu ray, 3 films)
Open House (DVD)
Cockfight (DVD)
Living in Peril (DVD)

Anyone seen any of these films?

Nightmares (1980, not the anthology one)
The Fourth Victim (1971)
Girls Night Out (1982)
Living in Peril (1997)

Radical Jack (2000)

For a Billy Ray Cyrus movie with a 2.4 rating, I would have expected something a lot worse. I think people jump at the chance to give it a bad rating simply because it has Mr. Achy-Breaky Heart in it, but he does a decent job as the drifter Navy Seal vet who's being used by the government to stop an arms dealer in a podunk town.

When I was searching for this movie on Tubi, they only had the Rifftrax version, and I'll be damned if I let those fuckers talk throughout the whole movie trying to convince me I'm watching shit. Let me be the judge of whether it's shit! So I found the regular version on IMDb TV, and quite frankly, I didn't find this movie nearly as deplorable as its rating would suggest. I actually found it pretty engaging.

Basically, this movie is a big ripoff of Roadhouse. It even has some roundhouse kicks, and the fight choreography is pretty good. It has a couple babes in it, and the production values are decent, but the most noteworthy thing about it is... George Buck Flower! And he isn't reduced to a minor role, nor is he playing a hobo. In fact, he's playing a lead antagonist! One who happens to be wealthy! Kudos to the film crew for including a legend in such capacity.

#Review

Samurai Cop

Not the biggest score for turkey points, but these movies sure are a lot of fun. A 90s beefcake with long hair and his bland partner have to take down some Yakuza, with the big bad being Robert Z'Dar. Obviously, nobody in this movie knows Kung Fu nor do they act the part of a samurai, but it works as a crappy buddy cop movie, complete with gratuitious sex scenes and violent cops who never follow the rules. Full of cliches, including the angry captain and random-ass scenes of bad guys trying to a kill lead heroes at inopportune moments, only to fail miserably because our heroes are "the best".


One aspect I thought was pretty funny is during a car chase early on, the car clearly isn't moving, but the characters pretend it is as they shoot out of the car door windows. I saw it once, forgot everything about it, and watched it again and found it to be a bit of a gold mine.

A few years ago, they crowd funded a sequel. How do you improve upon a cult classic that was already pretty awesome to begin with? Get Tommy Wiseau to play the villain! While our protagonist's cheesy vibes ought to be enough, Wiseau really hams it up with his typical bad acting. It's like the director didn't script his scenes at all and simply gave him a sword and told him to go crazy and act like a samurai master. Z'Dar at least tried to play it serious, but Wiseau is a caricature of himself. It's amazing.

October Challenge 2021 - Progress Thread



Rules:

> At least 31 horror films must be watched during the month of October. 16 of these must be FTVs (first time viewings).
> You get 1 "point" per movie watched.
> Runtime is 45 minutes minimum.
> Kiddy-friendly "Halloween themed" movies will be permitted as long as there is some element of horror, i.e. A Nightmare Before Christmas, Coraline, Goosebumps, Hubie Halloween, etc.
> If unsure on whether a movie is "horror" or not, please refer to the usual suspects: IMDb, Wiki, Letterboxd, etc.
> Documentaries (non-feature length) and TV shows will not be accepted.
> The challenge will begin at 00:00 hours on October 1st in your time zone.

If there is anything I have missed, let me know over on the discussion thread:

https://trashepics.com/post/30/39/

Previous year threads:

https://trashepics.com/post/9/160/
https://trashepics.com/post/9/218/
https://trashepics.com/post/142/130/
https://trashepics.com/post/30/34/

So make your spot and have fun!

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I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)

For a movie with a 3.5 on imdb, it wasn't terrible. I avoided it for a while because it's a sequel in concept only, but that isn't always a bad thing. The second movie wrapped up all those loose ends, so where do we go from there? Colorado, apparently.

Yeah, WTF is the fisherman from North Carolina doing in Colorado mountain territory? Well, our characters start their descent with a prank involving him because their too damn stupid to realize they're landlocked. It's like telling a story about Leatherface outside of Texas, or Freddy not on Elm Street. Pretty weird, but whatever.

Anywho, it plays out as expected with our super-2000s cast gradually becoming aware that they're being stalked and eventually killed by someone who, well... knows what they did last summer. The guys all look like genuine douchebags, but the girls are hot enough to keep me watching.

It's actually kind of slow and nothing happens for a while. You're expecting a logical reveal of who may be doing the killing, but there is none. Don Shanks of Halloween 5 fame plays the fisherman, but he doesn't have enough screentime to be very menacing.

One of the more ridiculous aspects of this movie is that they don't tie up loose ends. Some of our characters involved in the initial prank simply disappear after all is said and done. Maybe they'll be revealed to be the killer in the end? Nope. The writers simply forgot about them. It doesn't surprise me that people think poorly of this movie, but it was at least mildly entertaining.

#Review

The Disillusion of the Physical Copy

In my room, I have 4 distinct shelves loaded to the brim with dvds that I've collected from the heydey of my youthful era of teenage angst and self-exploration. These titles are primarily (though not exclusively) horror films that struck my fancy when I was perhaps impressionable enough to deem them as essentials. Classics of the genre that stood the test of time.

However, some movies take a while to gain the appreciation they deserve, and some are billed as classics almost immediately. It's hard to think of some of your favorite films being as old as they are, and you can reflect on when you first started to enjoy them when they were "old", but not nearly as old as they are now. I became obsessed with Terminator 2 when it was fresh on VHS. Now that movie is nearly 30 years old. I became obsessed with Halloween when it was nearly 20 years old. Now, it's over 40 years old.

I guess what I'm getting at is how some movies have that essential quality, and you know you want them in your life as permanent keepsakes of mankind's greatest achievements, at least in the cinematic realm. I feel that a lot of 60s through 80s movies knew they were breaking new ground with what they were doing, and inherently made themselves classics regardless of whether they could have been done better or not. I tend to always look back at the days of Anchor Bay with extreme favorable bias, because even if they had releases of movies that were subpar, their influence over me in that era was uncanny. I would eat that shit up because that catalogue had a notoriety about it. Today, nothing impresses me.

The last dvd I bought was a $2 copy of Porky's, because temporal distance can surprisingly give merit to almost anything. Not to say this movie is bad. I thought it was hilarious when I first watched it a few months ago, and I suppose that's a way of saying that movies back in the day can sometimes hold up better than modern movies where anyone can get a camera and make a pristine movie, but do most of them have souls? Not likely.

With all that said, I definitely don't need anymore dvds in my life. I have enough that I don't watch already, but most of them still have impacted me in such a great way that I couldn't recreate now if I tried desperately. Sure, I may see some great movies today, but I don't feel the need to have ready access to them. There's something missing that I can't pinpoint. Everyone knows that I can fall on that nostalgia trend just as easily as most, but the oldies had something of great value and I miss that. Even bad movies don't seem as bad if they were made in the right era. I watched Jaws 3D the other day and thought it was great. Does anyone care about Jaws 3 though? Not really. Do I only like these movies because they're old as dirt and have gained a mythical status that I irrationally adore? Or have physical copies become so polluted with re-releases and demeaned by streaming services that I feel completely unmotivated to possess movies that I have high opinions of, unless it was a sentimental purchase from decades ago? What are the rules?