Leatherface: TCM III (1990) 

Not even remotely worth writing a review for, but thought I'd say something after giving this one yet another shot last night. Yeah, I'm just not feeling this one. Never will.

What the hell happened here? That was a pretty sweet trailer they had there, but what a mediocre, somewhat pointless attempt at keeping a series going. The first one is legendary for a reason. Genuinely scary. TCM2 was almost equally as good, but in a more crazy 80's slasher kinda way, which I think was a wise route to take at that point. Part 4, of course, is the one literally everyone on the planet hates except Fuad. But this Leatherface movie is just kinda there. It's not that bad, it's certainly not that good, but does anyone give a fuck about this movie or even have opinions one way or the other?

And I'm still not entirely sure if this is supposed to be Leatherface from 1&2 (well, obviously not 2), or just some similar character. Who's all those people he's lving with? Like a foster family? And is that supposed to be the same grandpa? That fucker is clearly long dead. Are they ever all that clear on how we got from the original to this one? Because I'm pretty sure that narration in the beginning doesn't clear up as much as it should.

Olwen Fouere (from Mandy)

I'm not sure where to post this. I just think it's interesting. In anybody here is into Celtic stuff, or maybe if you ever went through a little period when you were into it and spent time googling Celtic stuff or clicking around about that topic on Wikipedia, you might enjoy this.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olwen_Fou%C3%A9r%C3%A9

This lady was in Mandy. Apparently her parents were ethnic Bretons, from the Brittany area of France. It looks like they probably spoke the Breton Celtic language, or at least her dad did. She was born and raised in southwestern Ireland.. I imagine that quite a few people in that area would have still spoken Irish, when she was a child. Wikipedia says she performs, as an actress, in both French and English, but it is interesting to speculate that she may know some Breton and Irish Gaelic as well.


I just think that is striking. I don't think I have ever encountered anybody with that combination of heritages before, someone of Breton ancestry but Irish citizenship. Plenty of people have ancestry from the Celtic nations or regions, but their ancestors long ago moved to London, the USA, or some other major global geopolitical and economic hub, for the opportunities. I bet a lot of young Bretons move to Paris, for example.

OK, I guess I was right to find this striking. Look, her dad, Yann Fouere, helped found this organization. He was super active in Pan-Celtic identity.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celtic_League

RZ Halloween (2007)

So I rewatched this for the first time in a long time. I was never a big fan of it but I never understood the hate for it at the same time. I think I do now in retrospect. The first half of the film isn't terrible imo, the cutoff point where it really goes downhill for me is after Michael escapes and kills Ken Foree in the rest stop bathroom stall. I am a big fan of McDowell and Dourif but they're wasted here. Sheri Moon is terrible and grating per usual. I recall liking 2 the Directors Cut better than the first as long as you ignored Sheri Moon and those ridiculous white horse scenes. Any thoughts?

V/H/S/99

If you like anthologies and/or found footage, this series never disappoints. The theme here is the year 1999, and we're plunged into stories about punk bands, sorority sluts, kids' game shows, the skater scene, and a trip straight to hell. I think all the segments were pretty good, but I can't delve too deep in them without giving away too much.


For those who have seen the movie, here are a few quick thoughts...


The punk band skit was a bit weak in comparison to the rest. Decent ideas and visuals, but it didn't grab me as much as the rest.
I thought the sorority hazing skit was really good. Reminds me of that Ryan Reynold's movie where he's in that very same predicament, but he didn't have spiders to exacerbate things. He might have had snakes instead, so yeah... fucked either way.
The gameshow host was also pretty funny. I loved how he made smug jabs at his less-than-wealthy participants. I found the black lady's rage a bit awkward. Did she have to strip? The ending of that bit was stupid though. Abrupt and less than satisfying.

The medusa one was entertaining, and even though those kids are assholes, I found them and their antics entertaining. It feels somewhat authentic.

And lastly, that depiction of Hell was really cool. I missed the setup and thus didn't understand the ending, but that didn't hamper my enjoyment of it.



Now comes a tangent curiosity. The next entry is already in the works. V/H/S/85, which is to suggest that it is set in 1985. Just how common were VHS and camcorders in that year? I'd imagine that technology wasn't very prevalent at the time, probably costing a lot. This is the furthest back that the series will venture thus far.

#Review

Not Another Halloween Rant

I saw Halloween Ends for the third time today. This time in theaters. They really don't bother with picture quality anymore, and they never get the aspect ratios right. It's like they don't give a fuck, but anyway... I hope it can cross 100 million in the box office by the end of the month.

I rewatched the original and the new trilogy this month, and as single-minded as Myers may be, he never stops my brain from spinning new thoughts, so bear with me as I ramble.


In the beginning of H1 '78, we see it through young Michael's POV. Did he snap then and there on Halloween night 1963, or was he always crazy? And if he did snap, what caused it? Hypothetical scenario: Michael was watching TV and saw someone die on a show. Then he thinks to himself, "Death, huh? I'll give her a shot."

Halloween '78 succeeds in its simplicity. Slow creepy buildup. Tense climax. No motives. The lack of explanation gives the fans things to think about. A fundamental aspect of Michael Myers is his mystique. Don't try to explain the bogeyman, and I'm glad the new trilogy didn't.

H-Ends does pose a lot more questions about Michael that the other sequels couldn't, like what does Michael do when he wins? Where does he go? Has he ever treated his own wounds, and has he ever washed his outfit in the four years between movies?

The new trilogy disregards old sequels, but pays fan service to them anyway. I loved the Silver Shamrock masks and H3 font use, but where was Tom Atkins? And the sewer life was an H8 homage I guess. Didn't he eat rats in that one? And how does he get his vitamin D down there?


Since they never imagined the first movie as spawning a jillion sequels, there wasn't much attempt at continuity after H2. The series went off the rails and the depiction of Myers was vastly inconsistent. Same goes for the Myers house. H3 could've only worked if H2 was an unrelated story too, but they botched that idea. H4 only had Donald Pleasence to anchor it, as did H5, but everything got weird in that one. I would describe H5 as a weird movie. And H6 is a flashy 90s piece of shit, and H20 is bizarre way of reconciling bad continuity by making it even worse. It was at that point that the series lost any hope of having a single canon. Continuity was never a strong point in this franchise... until the trilogy decided to follow only the best of the movies: part 1.

This franchise's inept continuity parallels the Universal Solider franchise. Van Damme and Dolph in the first, recast Van Damme for 2 and 3, have him return for a shitty reunion movie, then have him return for the "real" gritty sequels with Dolph.

Firestarter 2022

I don't care much for the 1984 movie, so there's no bias to dismiss this "remake", which is more adequately a "new adaptation". The movies play out very differently. This one feels more like Stephen King's X-Men.

The cast does a good job here. Zac Efron plays the dad, and he also has powers, along with the mother, who underwent some experiment in college, which explains that much. They live their lives with discretion, though the young girl is having a hard time dealing with her growing pyrokinetic abilities. Obviously, things exacerbate, and that's when the government assholes come a' knockin'.

This movie feels more like a Stephen King story than the original. It has psychics, bullies, conspiracies, and a few unsettling bits scattered throughout. I actually found it pretty well done, but it didn't seem to make much of a dent in theaters. As far as King remakes go, this one is way better than the likes of Pet Sematary. I'll even place it higher than "It", and definitely higher than "It Chapter 2". Those movies are hella overrated. Firestarter 2022 is underrated.

#Review

Children of the Living Dead (2001)

Children of the Living Dead (2001) is the most retarded movie I have ever seen in my entire life. That is all. Kirk out.

Tobin Bell returns for Saw 10?

Any theories thus far? Oh, I know... how about a flashback? This guy will have done 20 years worth of shit in the few months between his cancer diagnosis and death, or however long that was.

Also, what's the verdict on that last entry, Spiral? More of the same?

Auntie Lee's Meat Pies 1992

Karen Black leads a satanic cult of sexy chicks in some psycho house in the middle of nowhere. She grinds up hapless travelers into meat pies to sell to people. People like the sheriff, Pat Morita. Mister Miyagi himself, but with a very Americanized accent, which is plenty amusing in itself.

There are hotties in this movie, but as far as my weary eyes could figure, none of them got naked, which is fucking stupid. I wanted to see these women nude. But the opening scene is plenty amusing. It involves one of the knocked-out girls getting raped by a crude fugitive. She wakes up and apathetically stabs him in the head with something and doesn't think twice about it. This isn't a movie you should even think once about. He's just pie ingredients.

A highlight of the movie is Michael Berryman's performance. He plays a toothless retard servant. Pretty classy guy in real life though.

So as awesome as this movie sounds, it's mostly boring with a few kills sprinkled throughout to keep it from being a complete waste of time. Sounds like just about everything I look for in a trash epic.

#Review

The Omen 4: The Awakening 1991

I've avoided this one for a while because I heard it was shit. Then, I began to realize that I like shitty things. Furthermore, I don't even like the other sequels in this series, so there's no real hype to live up to. This is a Canadian made-for-tv 90s movie, after all. There's no way this could be good.

Co-directed by H5's Dominique Othenin-Girard, this movie is bound to feel weird. The new demon spawn is a little girl this time, and it's easy to draw parallels to the Bad Seed. Our pending antichrist is Delia, and she's fun to watch. But after a while, she takes a backseat as the rest of the film follows her mother's descent into madness over satanic babies. There are a few kills scattered throughout, and the end is a different take on the first movie's ending. But since it's basically the same ending, there's no real impact and you'll walk away completely indifferent to the whole experience.

For what it's worth, I probably enjoyed this one more than 2 or 3. Those movies are boring. Almost as boring as this review.

#Review