The Believers (1987)

Not everyone likes this movie, but I think it gets a lot of things right, somehow. I don't think I completely understand why or how, but I'm going to just say what my thoughts are.

If you don't instantly remember what it is... it's that 80's Santeria run amok in NYC movie, with Martin Sheen, Helen Shaver, and Jimmy Smits. And Robert Loggia! Quite a cast, really.

Apparently it's not exactly a Santeria movie. It's about some very dark, evil form of witchcraft that has some common ground with Santeria, but is different. Just from Googling around, I get the sense that a lot of people of Caribbean and/or Latino heritage really disliked the movie because it portrayed Santeria negatively. I'm not sure what to think about that... I know that people's feelings about these things are real, and just because I personally don't understand what the hell kind of problem people have with the movie, doesn't mean that people might not have a legitimate gripe. So, I'm sorry if i pisses anyone off that I like the movie. I'm not making any kind of political statement in liking it, I just think it's a pretty effective scary movie in some ways.

Right at the beginning, there's a really scary scene where a woman gets electrocuted. Yeesh. And, relatedly (I think), there are several scenes throughout the movie where we see a kid's little 80's plastic toy robots getting turned on, and making their funny little noises and moving around. There is also at least one scene in a thunderstorm. I think these things are supposed to make us think about electricity, a force that most of us don't exactly understand, but which is present in our lives at all times, whether as a force for good or for evil. I think the director probably wanted us to feel like ths supernatural world is sort of like electricity in that way. It is around us all the time, and it can be harnessed in some ways, but it can really fuck you up bad if you don't treat it appropriately. I don't know, that's just how I interpret the electicity stuff in the movie.

There are also a LOT of scenes that involve food preparation, in kitchens and in restaurants. I am having a harder time stating clearly exactly what they intended by including so many of these scenes. Maybe it's the idea that we are constantly taking different life forms into our bodies? Like, to draw a parallel with being possessed, and making possession seem less outlandish, and similar to things we do and experience every day?? There are scenes where people go into a sort of trance, and I think they are supposed to be possessed.

What else could the food preparation scenes mean.... I feel like they must mean something. Maybe to bring up the idea that we are all part of a web of life, or a chain of being, and that there are other lifeforms below us that we know of... just to raise the possibility that there could be other lifeforms ABOVE us, tthat we don't ordinarily percieve but which could exert power over us if they chose? I bet I'm close here, even if that's not exactly right.

Jimmy Smits had a really cool part, I thought. He played an NYC cop with some kind of Caribbean heritage, and he knew right at the beginning that there was some seriously awful shit going down. The look on his face when he was crying "they know who I am... do you want them to know who you are?" really gives me the willies. He was supposed to basically be an American guy, but maybe he had lived in Cuba or somewhere as a child, and had been exposed to some freaky Santeria-ish cultural stuff that was still in his mind.

Anyway, I coud probably say more about this.... Helen Shaver was a babe, for one thing. Anybody have any thoughts on this movie??

Return to Return to Nuke 'Em High

Tornadoes are in the forecast today. I fear I may perish as I have nothing left to live for, for I have just seen what is probably the the trashiest trash epic ever.

Return to Return to Nuke 'Em High (Vol II) is the dumbest shit ever. Loaded with dicks, dykes, ducks, farts, titties, and toxic waste. Featuring trademark cameos by Lemmy, Joe Fleishaker, Stan Lee, and Ron Jeremy as God. It's sad that we wont see more of them in the next Troma movie, if ever there will be one. Except in archive footage, of course. It wouldn't be a Troma movie without that same ol' car crash from Kabukiman, or blatant references to previous Troma projects like Toxic Crusaders and Return Vol 1.

As usual, there's an evil corporation out to poison everyone with unhealthy foods, and it's run by Lloyd Kaufman. If you'll remember, Lloyd did (not) play the main character in the original Nuke 'Em High film, which is why he is reprising the role here. If you're wondering why Lloyd looks so young, it's because he's been sniffing farts directly out of student's toxic assholes. It's his own personal fountain of (P)youth.

Kaufman's own Troma films are always so hectic. There's so much going in any given scene, you're bound to find something hilarious to fixate on. There's no time for sentimentality here, because there's always something crude going on. I liked when Mark Torgl jerked off into the monster's eye. Then he took a shit. It was a heart-warming scene.

I can't say this movie was lacking in any of the things i look for in a great movie. There were soooo many farts. So many topless women. So much ooze and foaming at the mouth. Highly recommended for the squeamish.

#Review

Phenomena (1985)

Aren't there any posts about Phenomena here? We have definitely discussed it, at least the excellent scene toward the end with the impromptu abrupt beheading.

I just wanted to mention something cool about it. The Wikipedia article on it says Argento intended the film to be set in a world in which the Nazis had (perhaps secretly, I think) actually WON WWII. I guess he ended up deciding not to stress that idea too overtly, and instead spent his energy developing the dreamlike atmosphere of the film. But, if you pay attention, you can definitely see very clearly that that idea was in his mind. First of all, click here, scroll down to the section titled Production, and read the little box of text that appears on the right.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phenomena_(film)

Anyway, yeah, if you watch it attentively, I can totally see that that's what he had in mind as he was working on the film. Just look at the headmistress in the school, for one thing. Major Nazi vibes going on there. Bigtime. Also, the school was supposed to be the former home of Richard Wagner, sooooo... yah. Also, the only character who is obviously Jewish does not last long at all, when he shows up (see my comment earlier, concerning abrupt beheadings). This might also apply to Jennifer's roommate at the school, the French girl Sophie, just because she is French. I'm not as sure about that.... also, in the scene in the classroom, the quote they discuss has something to do with remembering the past... if you read the Argento quote in the Wikipedia text box, it makes a lot of sense that he would want to include a discussion somewhere where they talk about memory of the past.

The movie is also completely insane, of course, because of all the bug stuff, and for plenty of other reasons. I like all the shots they have of trees in the dark, at night, with branches blowing in the wind... I have talked about that here before, I think there is something very effective about including shots like that, it just helps set the mood somehow.

Anyway, yeah, I just wanted to share this.

Unpopular opinions 

Name an unpopular opinion you have. Or two. Or more.

Star Wars and superheroes are for children. Seriously, if you're over the age of 12, and you care about that shit, I think you're a loser. No offense. 😬

Straight porn is for bisexuals. How can straight men watch that shit? Cocks are so fucking gross, and they turn me right off.

Here's some for the horror fans:
Lucio Fulci was a talentless hack.

Halloween is one of John Carpenter's worst movies.
28 Days Later is one of the worst movies of all time.
Exorcist III is better than the first.

Cocaine Bear 2023

The movie begins with the same song used over and over again in another Elizabeth Banks series. "Jane" by Jefferson Starship. I had to laugh at that. She can't get away from that song. Or she simply doesn't want to.

Overall a fun movie. A step up from the other turkeys I saw recently. I love the popeye/powerup effect the coke has on the bear. That was also a thing in The Wolf of Wall Street and it made me lmao.

Ray Liotta's final role, huh? It's a pretty generic villain role, but he does his best with it. It's weird to think that he seemed physically capable enough in this movie, but fate wanted him anyway soon after.

See it. Or don't. Like with Grizzly, I liked what I saw, but I'll probably forget it in a week.

#Review

New Feature: Casino

The casino is where you gamble your TE moneys in turn-based games. Card games and board games.

Located in the "Junk" dropdown menu.
https://junkepics.com/game/multi/


How does it work?

Some bozo user will create a lobby for some specific game to be played. Users may then join the game, or spectate.

In the lobby where you are viewing the game, you will be allowed to make certain actions depending on the state of the game. The general flow is this:


The seating process, where you sit in on a game in a set your wager. You can bet nothing, but that would make you a pussy.

Then, the lobby's host will initiate the game, and all of your wagers will be deducted and appropriated upon the game's end. The game will then commence through a series of events, iterating through player turns, all depending on the game.

When the game is over, the result will be displayed and the lobby's host may reset the lobby to be used for another game.


How is this different than the Arcade?

The arcade is single-player browser games that run on the client's end. Therefore, they can be hacked, as @ballz gloriously demonstrated. Since it deals with (fake) currency, this multiplayer casino runs on the backend to manipulate the game's current state of functionality, so invalid actions cannot be performed. No hacking.


WHaT GaMeS?!

Starter games include blackjack, checkers, and connect 4, with more on the way. I have an outdated version of chess somewhere that I plan on converting too. Beyond that, I'd like to add monopoly, poker, and scrabble.

Feedback and nitpicks welcome. I'm sure I screwed up somewhere...

Steve: Portrait Of An Irritable Fuckhead



I think it's safe to say that the slasher is one of, if not the most beloved of all horror sub genres. More specifically, the 80's slasher. What is basically movies about serial killers slowly picking off a group of people. Usually teenagers and usually for a random, often very personal reason. These movies usually focus on the group above the killer, and mainly the one member of the group that is to survive. One of the most entertaining types of horror movies, but never to be taken the least bit seriously. A sub genre which horror itself became synonymous with during its 80's heyday. As the decade went on, the more unrealistic, and in many cases, less respectable they became. Perhaps these types of horror movies overshadowed certain others more deserving of our attention. One type in particular I have always found far more interesting. It's just too bad there aren't nearly as many of them. I'm talking about Serial killer movies of the 80's. Stories which are vaguely similar to that of slashers, but are more realistic and focus more on the killer. I'm sure we've all seen at least one. Movies like Maniac and Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer. One in particular, I'd like to talk about today. One that seems to have gone somewhat unnoticed. Nothing too original or groundbreaking, but still pretty entertaining. Certainly better than many slashers I've seen. Today, I'd like to talk about Murderlust.

Steve Belmont is not what one would call a nice guy. Steve doesn't seem to like or give a shit about anyone but himself. This doesn't take very long to figure out. He seemingly lives a pretty normal life, working as a security guard as well as a Sunday school teacher on the side. The sunday school gig is weird as Steve's personality away from the church often contradicts certain things he says while on the job. Why does he work there? He doesn't seem to be the least bit religious, and sure as hell doesn't seem to like kids very much. It's a job Steve more or less goes through the motions for, while always knowing the right things to say when questioned. Deep down, Steve is a lazy, immature scumbag with a sense of entitlement. While on Sundays, he's not. On Sundays, Steve is a great guy. Or at least he says the things a great guy would say. Seemingly not caring enough to put much feeling into his nice guy lines he so easily regurgitates once a week, there is obviously something up with this guy. Why the act? Does Steve need the money that bad? Or maybe it's all a cover. The perfect cover for his chosen hobby. Steve kinda sorta rapes and murders hookers, and buries their bodies in the Mojave desert.

Despite being an obvious sociopath who is pretty good at keeping his lies organized, Steve is a trainwreck of a human. An all around lousy attitude prevents him from having the life he probably thinks he deserves. Steve lives in a shitty apartment where he is visited often by his snide cousin who he seems to despise, but keeps around just in case he needs something. Neil is sure to let Steve know the feeling is mutual as he makes it quite clear he has no respect for Steve whatsoever. Their back and forth bickering is probably the highlight of the movie. Meanwhile, during Sunday school, Steve deals with an unruly teenage girl who seems to have an equally shitty attitude towards life. Steve chastizes and disciplines the girl, pretending to care about her well-being, while being unable to resist making subtle attempts at antagonizing her. Steve seems to think of this girl as some sort of opponent rather than the thorn in his side which he would have everyone assume.

As he reads "the Mojave murderer" headlines in the paper, Steve feels a sense of accomplishment nothing else in the world can give him. Steve may be an underachiever, and what many may call a piece of shit, but no one can take away from him the fact that he is very good at manipulating women. A gift that comes from pure hatred and resentment of the opposite sex. Whether he wants it or not, Steve gets a chance at a little normalcy as he runs into a girl from way back in high school. She claims to have had a crush on him, but he doesn't even remember her. They get to talking, one thing leads to another, and Steve finds himself in the early stages of a normal relationship with a woman. Steve has to be extra careful not to blow his cover if he wants to keep this one around. Throwing a tantrum when she tries to fuck him probably isn't the best move, but I'm guessing ol' Steve has a hard time getting it up when rape isn't involved. All I know is this guy better watch his step because this one might surprise him if provoked.

I can't help but notice a vague similarity between this movie and American Psycho. While Steve the immature loser is the antithesis of materialistic snob Patrick Bateman in just about every way, this movie seems to focus more so on the quirks than the psychosis. We've got a ringside seat for all his killings, but in this story, Steve's bloodlust often takes a backseat to his shitty attitude and all around irritable nature. It often feels as though I'm watching a movie about some asshole as opposed to one about a deranged serial killer. That might have a little to do with what little violence and blood this movie has to offer. I'm not sure what's going on there, but personally, this doesn't ruin the movie for me. Things are entertaining enough watching this mustached prick arrogantly pull fast one after fast one until the very end. What I like most about this movie is that the story is solely from the killer's point of view. No cops, no investigation. Just this fucking guy. Steve is a slick one, but not nearly as slick as he thinks. An Otis who thinks he's a Henry. A story about an insecure little man who believes everyone else is stupid. A story about a serial killer slowly digging his own grave. 5/10



#Review

Amerika (1987 miniseries)

I just heard about this. It sounds pretty interesting. Some sort of a Red Dawn type of deal.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amerika_(miniseries)

Here, this is the first episode, and you can click to the other episodes on the right.

Flirty Harry

Quantumania

Disney has officially turned Ant-Man 3 into a Star Wars movie. When I first heard that, I thought Guardians of the Galaxy would obviously be the more suitable candidate for Star Wars rip-off, but nope. This movie is way more Star Wars rip-off than Guardians, for sure. It's full of wacky aliens, dumb robots, weird sci-fi visuals, rebels versus the empire, blasters, and more. The main difference is that instead of dealing with outer space, it deals with inner space.

It also ripped off Rick & Morty pretty hard, particularly s2e1 with the Schrodinger's cat state of uncertainty bit. Obviously, I'd draw a comparison to the Vindicators 3 episode about the character 1-Million-Ants, but that's obviously a rip-off of Ant-Man himself. Then there's the obsession with one's holes and how many holes one has, which brings me right back to the Eyeholes Man...

So the movie itself doesn't waste any time getting into the quantum realm, where we're overloaded with a CGI visual feast that's enough to make any naturalistic film fan gag. I bet 95% of this movie was CGI. The story is okay, using some convenient retonning to weasel the new big-bad into the story, but the dimensional logic doesn't hold up, particularly in the rate of time-passage we established in previous films, but whatever. Marvel is already terrible with their continuity, constantly revising their timeline on account of them winging it with every project, despite allegations of a master plan.

I like Paul Rudd as much as the next guy, but his character is pretty thin here. His whole team is generic, and the only character worth a damn is the villain. No, I'm not talking about MODOK. They changed that character's backstory and made him even dumber. He looked stupid, he acted stupid, and he was completely... fucking... stupid. I'd take that shitty Patton Oswalt Hulu garbage over this bogus MODOK, and I hated that show!

Jonathan Majors as Kang is the only saving grace here. His variant in the Loki show was quite interesting, and he gets to play a more comics-accurate version of the character here. He gives off vibes of Vader, which is funny because Kang is allegedly a descendent of Dr. Doom, and Doom was the direct inspiration for Vader. That's pretty much full circle there.

I will also point out that there is no time-travel in this movie, which is one of Kang's trademarks. Instead, it focuses more on the multiversal aspect, but without actually venturing there. The plot will make sense of it, when it isn't being boring with its super formulaic plot. At least it's better than Ant-Man 2. That movie was complete garbage.

#Review