Dark Night of the Scarecrow 2

Good God, why did anyone feel the need to make a sequel to a TV movie after all these years? Let alone the writer of the original? What's he trying to prove, except that lightning doesn't strike twice?

This one looks and feels DTV. They get the scarecrow costume right and they make sure to reference the original film's events to establish canon, but it was super boring. At least in the first one, you have the charming asshole Charles Durning to keep you entertained, but here? We got nothing. None of the characters are worthwhile, they use unnecessary bad CGI, and did I mention how boring it was?

At least this movie was less than 90 minutes. I don't think I could handle any more than that.

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The Town that Dreaded Sundown 1976

Ah, the old 70s doc/slasher... once a rare collectors item unavailable on dvd for the longest time, thus a coveted title with a sort of biased popularity to it among us genre fans. Does it hold up, though?

From director Charles B. Pierce of Bog Creek fame, this guy seemed to like the documentary approach. I guess it works though. We skip all that boring exposition with a guy simply telling you the less interesting inbetween moments, and sometimes we see the law on his trail. Then we jump into some killer action, and this killer is pretty dope. Bag-headed and very Jason 2 esque, with some angst and zodiac vibes thrown in. He uses musical instruments as weapons, guns, knives, whatever. He stalks people in their cars, homes, wherever. He'll fuck with you a little before he kills you, because why not? I like his heavy breathing in the mask. Pretty effective, probably creepy as hell for the people who saw it back in the 70s.

And I got some vibes of Last House on the Left with the inept cop. Some real clown shit, like the clown cops in Halloween 5 sometimes. I guess it needed some comic relief for those wimps in the audience who couldn't handle those horror scenes.

I also like the part where he barges in the woman's home after shooting her husband dead through the window, then he shoots the woman in the face. She doesn't even die, and he shoots her again I think, and she still doesn't die. She crawls away and ends up surviving. That's some real Serpico shit, getting shot in the face and surviving.

Pretty good flick. I remember thinking the 2014 meta requel was okay, but I haven't seen it in about a decade. Maybe I'll give it a watch, but maybe I'll forget about it for another 10 years. We'll see...

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An Important Matter For All Right-Thinking Americans to Ponder

In the hockey movie Miracle (2004), does the Kurt Russell character ever yell "Hey Sweden!" at the Swedes, at any point, when his team is playing against Sweden in the 1980 Olympics? If not.... damn, that was a hell of a missed opportunity. They totally could have come up with some excuse for him to say that.

What's Your Favorite Evil Corporation?

This topic happened to come up for me several times, over the last week or so. Actually, of course, it really comes up dozens if not hundreds of times every single day, if you are paying attention in real life.

Anyway, what is your favorite evil (fictional) corporation? Or law firm, it could be a law firm like Wolfram & Hart, from the Angel TV show. I'll make a little list to get started, starting with that.

Wolfram & Hart, from Angel
The RAMJAC Corporation, from Jailbird, by Kurt Vonnegut
Bromley Marks, from Daybreakers
The Umbrella Corporation, from Resident Evil
The Tyrell Corporation, from Blade Runner
The Wallace Corporation, from Blade Runner 2049
ZomCom, from Fido

You get the idea. What is one of your favorites? Please add new ones to my list. I guess I will pick the RAMJAC Corporation, for myself. I always liked that idea of a dotty old homeless lady who secretly owned nineteen percent of the United States.

The Strangers 2008

When this movie came out, everyone praised it as a Halloween-esque suspenseful home invasion movie. I saw it and I hated it. I've been known to come around to a movie after some space, so about 15 years later, I gave it another whirl, and it still sucks.

I'm not crazy about Liv Tyler to begin with. Something about her is awkward to me and I can't pinpoint it. The other lead Scott Speedman is an incredibly dull actor as well, so what does this movie have going for it besides a few well dressed villains?

Well, it has Glenn Howerton for some reason. He's the needy friend who doesn't mind his own business and causes our protagonists to make rash and stupid decisions.

What can I really say about this movie? It's a lot of ineffective tension and buildup to a lack of any real conclusion, and it tries to play upon that whole "based on a true story" angle with TCM opening narration, but it doesn't quite work. This movie is overrated.


Fortunately for everyone, the sequel is a LOT better. However, it seems to have wrapped up its killers in a nice little bowtie/bodybag, but wait a second... Renny Harlin just directed a new trilogy? WTF? Fingers crossed it copies part 2 more than part 1.

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Among Friends 2012

Since I've been on a Danielle Harris kick, I can't ignore her first/only solo directorial effort. It was around this time that her career was hitting a horror resurgence, so she jumped in with both feet.

The premise has a group of friends heading to an 80s murder mystery party. Whenever there's one of those in a horror movie, you know it always ends up as more than just that. Our guests are quickly drugged so they can't use their legs, sat around a table, and forced into playing a sadistic game of questions and consequences. It's reminiscent to Would You Rather from the same year, though not so much about rich pricks getting their rocks off. This is more about revenge, even if the perpetrator of such acts is being a bit dramatic with her motives.

It's not a terrible movie. It has a good cast, a few laughs, and some gross out scenes, which is pretty much all you can hope for with a movie like this. There's one scene where a guest on mushrooms (coupled with the paralysis drug) starts hallucinating something heavy and then we get something mildly amusing. Not only does Michael Biehn appear in a flashback playing this game and complaining a lot, but Danielle herself appears, dressed in her H4 Jamie Lloyd costume, just for the lulz. I imagine she found herself that costume and decided to throw it in the movie for laughs, and it worked for me.

This movie seems like it's going somewhere, leading to a possible ending of intrigue where maybe they all deserve the punishment, but then it just kind of ends on a really inconclusive note. Okay then. Could have used more Michael Biehn and Danielle Harris. And more Kane Hodder.

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The Boogeyman 2023

I'll spare you all of a meaningful review, because this movie doesn't deserve your time. This PG-13 turkey sucks a dick.

It's kind of like that movie Lights Out, since it has to do with monsters coming out in darkness. That movie also sucked, and so did Pitch Black, so fuck off with the darkness monsters already.

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Danielle Harris

I forgot how I used to obsess over her when I was a kid. I saw Halloween 4 when I was about 10, so she was always alluring to me. She had captured my feelings in an interview where she said how a lot of her fans are right around her own age bracket because most of them were kids when they had seen her Halloween movies. She also mentioned that many of these fans have also told her that she was their first crush. It's like she's reading my mind.

I'm more inclined to believe that Danielle isn't human, but something more magical, like an elf. She is short, she looks exotic, and she has a magnetism. The ability to shine even in bad movies, which she has plenty of. Here's a few I watched on Tubi:



Cyrus: Mind of a Serial Killer (2010) - Think Henry, but more DTV. Lance Henriksen is the guy spilling the beans on a serial killer scoop to reporter Danielle. She's not in much since her role is to hear the story, though she does join into the big story at the end... in a minimal capacity. Okay then...

Hatchet II (2010) - Adam Green had to give her something respectable. Her lines are a bit redundant, "my family is dead!" but she looks damn good in this movie. The first movie's girl was okay, and I'm not sure why she didn't want to come back, but Danielle is always the best choice.

Hatchet III (2013) - I was starting to think that she could make for Crowley's perfect nemesis, should this franchise keep going. She looks damn good in this movie too, like in her jail cell outfit. They hose her down to get the blood off, and you can see that huge tattoo on her side. Not a fan of that tat. Covers/ruins too much of her skin. And then at the end, they have her go down in a blaze of glory... I could have sworn she was cut-and-dry dead at the end, but that final gasp in the end credits has me wondering if she could come back in part 5...

Camp Dread (2014) - You know you're in trouble when you're in a movie with Eric Roberts! This is a camp reality/slasher thing that I've already forgotten most of. She's barely in it. She comes in looking like she'll serve a good purpose, but then they write her out quick.

Redwood Massacre: Annihilation (2020) - Finally, a better effort. This movie looks a bit better made for a DTV type, and Danielle looks like she had a little more fun with this one. Some government slasher experiment in a military compound out in the redwoods, and Dani plays a tough type. It's funny seeing her little self overpowering a big guy. I'm not convinced! She can take me down anytime though. It's actually a decent effort, but the ending sucks.



Danielle Harris is too good for this world. The little girl who played Jamie Lloyd is going to be 50 in a few years. Time frightens me. I think she's aging great though. She was able to play a teenager at 30 in RZ's Halloween movies. I think about how I'm the same age as she was when I met her at my first con 11 years ago. Her life was already filled with loads of acting credits. I'm as old as she was then and I still haven't done shit. She's an inspiration, being in all kinds of random-ass horror flicks all the time. Her life must be awesome.

Creepshow TV show, segment called 20 minutes with cassandra

I have watched this twice now, yesterday and today. I thought it was quite good. I can't say much about it without giving spoilers... I can just say that it's about a very frazzled-looking young woman who shows up at a somewhat older (30s or early 40s) woman's home, raving that she is being chased by some kind of monster. I want to talk about this, but I shouldn't... I guess I'll just black out everything I say, and if you're sure you'll never watch it you can read it anyway. Or better yet, watch the show.

I was just very impressed by the segment, they did a hell of a job. I hope it gets some kind of acclaim. At first the dynamic between the two women feels a little like Hellraiser 3, where the kinda wild but desperate and borderline homeless young club girl ends up being friends and roomies with the slightly older, more established female reporter. But in this case, the young girl knows that she is being followed by a monster, and that it will attack and kill anyone that they might try to call in for help. Proof of this concept is provided in the next few minutes, as a UPS guy and a pizza delivery guy are both brutally killed by something very big, and very fast. Soon, we even get to see the monster, and it is pretty scary looking. It made me think of a much bigger, hairier version of wolfed-out Evil Ed from the 1985 Fright Night, or maybe one of the werewolves from The Howling.So, things get off to a scary start. But gradually, you start to notice that the young woman (who looks a bit like one of the punk chicks from Dolls) is strangely chatty, and keeps making conversation about practically anything other than what she clearly should be talking about: the huge monster that is prowling around outside, killing delivery people and apparently getting ready to kill them too.As it goes along, the tone of the segment gradually changes. The older woman is approached for a sort of parley, like in John Wick 3, by the monster. The monster is actuallly quite articulate, and even nice, in a gruff way. He doesn't seem to like his job very much.I don't know how much I should say. It's just really funny to watch the monster and Lorna (the older woman) talking, and even sitting next to each other on the couch, sharing a bottle of wine. They kind of get to know each other, and they find that they share a dislike for the younger woman (Cassandra). Cassandra has her reasons for what she does, and we end up having some sympathy for her. Nowhere near as much as we have for Lorna though. Or as much as we have for the monster! We are increasingly sympathetic to the monster, if not exactly "on his side," as the episode goes along.Another thing is that they seem to make a few Stephen King references. I'm not sure if they are just for fun, or if they mean something. A local coffee place that they refer to a few times is called Stillson's, like Greg Stillson in The Dead Zone. Lorna's last name is Snell, which MIGHT be some kind of reference to Sue Snell from Carrie. Also, I saw somewhere online that the street address of Lorna's house is apparently a reference to a place in Stephen King's It, somewhere of significance to Pennywise.The two things that stand out for me, and that I'm pretty sure I'll be thinking about for awhile, are Cassandra's reasons for allowing the monster to be in her life, and what the ratio is of her conscious to unconscious complicity to what the monster does might be. That's one thing. The other thing is just the way Lorna and the monster talk to each other. It is so funny to see, and to hear.
Anyway, I just wanted to write my thoughts out before I forget them. I hope you find this episode and watch it. The main actresses are Samantha Sloyan and Ruth Codd, maybe that will help you track it down.

Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday (1993)



The 90's was an awkward time for Horror. The first few years, especially. Attempts at originality had about the same effect on the audience as uncalled for sequels to 80's franchises that had already ran their course. For one reason or another, the Horror genre had once again fallen dormant. But there was one Horror masterpiece that would come out of the 90's which would transcend the decade, as well as breath new life into the genre. Jason Goes To Hell is not that movie!

While technically, this film is Friday The 13th part IX, offically, the series was over due to copyright issues. This as the beginning of a new series. Even in the 90's, Jason must live on. Original creator Sean Cunningham returns to give us F-13 fans something a little different. And why not? It's a new decade. The way of the 80's slasher is old and tired. Everyone knew that in 1993. So, something different is definitely in order. But this? Come on! Really?

Last time we saw our hero, Jason Voorhees was in Manhattan, practically killing anyone he could get his hands on. Does anyone know how long ago that was? Or what he's been up to since? And most importantly, why he's still alive? No? Well, so far, it feels like a genuine Friday tThe 13th movie. And besides, these minor details don't matter much since Jason just got blown up by the F.B.I. And we're not even 10 minutes in! No. This is no typical F-13. This time, they're thinking outside the box. And maybe that would be a good thing if they hadn't just blown up the only reason anyone wanted to see this abomination in the first place.

So, yeah. Jason's dead for realz, this time. As his remains get examined in the morgue, something strange is happening to the examining doctor. Something evil, which can be seen in his face. What we are now seeing is one more example of the fact that our hero, Jason Voorhees can never be stopped. Even after death, even after getting blown to pieces, he still keeps coming back. But without a body of his own, he has willed his own soul into the body of this doctor. You can tell because he just took a big bite out of Jason's heart, which made sparkly stuff (Jason's soul) invade his body. So, Jason's back. Just in another form. Clever, right?

Something we never knew about Jason. When necessary, he can simply make his soul jump from body to body. So, he never really dies. 9 movies and somehow, this is just now becoming clear? Well, whatever. There is a catch. Even if nobody kills him again, he only has a limited amount of time in each body. So, he's gonna do his killing and spare a few here and there so, he can transfer his sparkly soul into new bodies. Eventually, the origin of Jason's alleged immortality is explained, which leads to more plot holes than ever.

These movies actually made some sense before now. But no longer. Jason has a sister, a niece and a great niece, and for him to finally be ressurrected as a guy wearing a hockey mask, he must make one of their bodies his own. Hopefully, someone can get a hold of the Voorhees dagger. Because apparently, stabbing him with that is the one and only thing that will send Jason to Hell and keep him there. But of course it has to be someone who is related to him. Something tells me all those F-13 fans who wanted something different are feeling pretty silly right about now.

But not quite as silly as the person who's idea it was to add this new take on Jason. Not a bad idea. Just not for an already established series such as this. It just doesn't make sense on a completely different level than anything from past entries. And not to mention this weird new take only allowed about 10 minutes of screen time for Kane Hodder. That's what really killed this one. in my opinion. Maybe such major changes would have been a little easier digested had they been allowed to call it "Friday The 13th Part IX: Jason Goe To Hell". It really is a shame they couldn't have. Would it have really mattered in the end? Doubtful. This one just wasn't meant to be. Jason Goes To Hell may have meant to breath new life into this series. But ultimately, it sent Friday The 13th straight to hell. 4/10



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