Vampire films come in many forms. As a huge fan, I'm open to just about anything having to do with the subject. Whether they're old new, big budget or low, there's a certain classiness about a Horror flick with a Vampire. Although, "classy" might not be the first word to come to mind when watching the film I've been meaning to tell you about. Darkness. Or Leif Jonker's Darkness, as it seems more known as. One of many micro-budgeted unknowns I came across courtesy of my favorite video store back in the 90's. As soon as the cover caught my eye, I was sold. There was just no way I'm passing this one up. I had a feeling about Darkness from the beginning. Going by the cool, gory cover and the description on the back, I knew I was in for something different. But I still had no idea what a cool discovery I had just made.
Three things that this movie has going for it. Three things which I feel makes up for its shortcomings. Shortcomings mostly being an obvious lack of story or script. Although, this doesn't hold the movie back nearly as much as it should. Three things make Darkness. Atmosphere, score and gore. Three qualities that give this unlimited rewatch value for me. Even 20 years later, Darkness impresses me to no end. The atmosphere is all in the camera quality. Grainy, blurry, dark. This looks very much like something from about 20 years prior. The songs chosen for this film are dark and nightmarish, and fit perfectly. At the time of my first viewing, For me, this experience was second only to Peter Jackson's Dead Alive in the gore department. But there's no slapstick or any type of lighthearted humor in the world of Darkness. This world is a dreary one. An apocalyptic tone rears its ugly head from the beginning. We don't know where or when we are, but we know there is something to run from. But all we can see is, you guessed it. Darkness!
As we soon discover, the world is in the early stages of being taken over by Vampires. Not a bunch of Draculas and Barnabas Collins'. Basically, a bunch of zombies which are killed by daylight. Technically, this is a zombie movie. And a running zombie movie on top of it. But they ARE vampires, which automatically makes this more interesting than an actual zombie movie. So, we begin with some hysterical teenager in a convenience store, trying to talk some sense in to a cop and a clerk. Their inability to get it quickly leads to the kid borrowing a gun and blowing his own brains out, out of sheer hopelessness, I guess. The first five minutes is nothing short of insanity and lets the viewer know that whatever is to come, it won't be pretty. Head Vampire, Liven soon arrives and cleans house. Taking everyone's blood and making a couple new vampires. The suicide kid's friend, Toby, witnesses all this carnage, but manages to get away unharmed. Since discovering that his family, as well as everyone in his hometown, is gone, Toby's goal in life is to get rid of any and all vampires using his shotgun, chainsaw and Holy water. Liven won't be so easy, but so far, he's tearing their shit up good. And once he discovers some other surviving young people, they may get one step closer to figuring out a solution to this nightmare. But ending Liven is the only way.Here's a Horror film which really lives up to its name. It's all about Darkness, here. Even the scenes which were shot in daylight have a bit of a tint to them. While the nights looks blacker than the depths of Hell. Leif Jonker's Darkness is unlike anything I've seen before or since. As mesmerizing and fascinating as the nightmarish atmosphere can be, it's equaled only by the massive doses of blood and gore. This Jonker guy is generous to say the least. And his film is truly for the splatter fan by the splatter fan.
One thing you could call this movie is rough around the edges. This isn't exactly Blade, here. In a way, something far better. Jonker originally made this film as a "demo" or sorts. Just a taste of what he was all about, before making an "actual movie". And as Darkness got out there, it slowly gained a cult following throughout the 90's making this alleged real movie a real movie. After several releases on vhs and dvd, Leif Jonker's Darkness got its own official dvd release from Barrel Entertainment in 2006, as we were finally introduced to Darkness: The Vampire Version. The long awaited Director's cut, which was all cleaned up and featured a new score and even more gore. The gore is fine with me, but personally, I never took to this new version as the new score kills it for me. However, I still have to recommend this release, as it is packed with extras, including the original Darkness, making this one of the most prized dvds in my collection. So, decide for yourself which version suits you. but to me, Darkness doesn't get any darker than the original '93 version. Vampire fans and living dead fans alike might want to give this a chance. Fans of the obscure and unique definitely need this in their lives. But for gore fans, Darkness will be a wet dream come true. 7/10
#Review
While the story isn't completely unoriginal, the first half does tend to drag a bit, and it does take a while for the gore to really get started. But my advice would be to stick with this one, even if you get a little bored, as the pay off is massive. But until then, we're given a look into a pretty hopeless scenario where a guy named Alex is suffering from a rare bone disease, and has about a zero percent chance of living. A disease that is slowly turning him into a zombie who vomits and shits worms. Big ones. And some maggots here and there as well.
Much like the other two Paulin films I've seen (At Dawn They Sleep and Fetus), this here's a fine example of a filmmaker making the most of what he has. Which was actually next to nothing from what I hear. The three Brian Paulin movies I've seen are low budget even for low budget standards, but never fail to entertain or impress. The gore and zombies both seem very inspired by Italy's heyday. As you might notice, The zombies do share a resemblance to those of Zombi 2 and Burial Ground. Paulin's films are what they are and never try to be anything other than what they are. Dark, morbid gorefests for Horror fans who require a little more than what the mainstream choices offer. Besides the earth shattering gore, one thing I appreciate about Bone Sickness is that it doesn't try to take an ironic or comedic approach in the least. There's never a point where they're trying to be cute or clever. Bone Sickness is some good old fashion ballsy Horror with no desire for compromise. Bone Sickness, above all, is refreshing. That is if you like that sort of thing.
Before I begin, I'd like to just point out that the only reason I watched Twilight is because I was curious after seeing this one. Just throwing that out there. Anyway, this shitty (but hilarious) movie begins exactly the way a Twilight spoof should; With Josh Suire taking a big shit. Playing LBP icon, Leo DeChamp's twin brother, he's quickly killed off by a vampire, after a very necessary nod to Friday The 13th Part V. We now cut to the always hilarious Meredith Host, playing the female lead of "Stella". This comically dull chick is on her way to her dad's house, to live. And we're off to a great start, as it's made clear immediately that Stella's dad is all about sticking it to her. Soon, her old friend, Jack, stops by for a visit. He seems more interested in fingering her vagina than anything else, and succeeds in making the first five minutes in her new home even more awkward.
Fagpire is not what they call vampires in his movie. It's what they call vampires who are little twats. But there are actual vampires in this, too. A pack of "real" vamps set their sites on Edgar so they can have sweet li'l Stella all to theirselves. Her pal, Jack, more or less makes his feelings known, as well as the fact that he's a Michael Jackson-obsessed Werewolf. And a really shitty-looking one at that. Meanwhile, the sun causes bubbles to ascend from Edgar's crotch, as Stella becomes his. Fun stuff. Although, the incest jokes are still the highlight for me...
One thing I'd like to point out in Chris Seaver's defense is the lame title of this movie was not his idea. This was originally meant to be called Twatlight, which sounds about 10,000 times cooler if ya ask me. Shame on Tempe for being pussies and depriving this film of extra cool points. But coolness lies elsewhere, with a hysterical performances as always by Meredith Host, along with Kurt Indovina, Jason McCall and Andrew Baltes. And the always delightful Billy Garberina as the mustached incest dad. We even get a cameo from Chris Seaver, himself, as Jock De Queaf, who usually edits these fine films. And I have to mention the return of an old LBP regular, A.J. Stabone, who plays jack. Great to see him back. I figured he was gone for good. And speaking of returns. A very long-awaited return was also made by Jesse Green, who repsrised his role of Razor McBleed. A very nice touch. I definitely thought HE was gone for good. Glad to see old LBP regulars wander on back from time to time.
Hard to tell what's going on, right? That's from a gay porn loop that's come to be known as The Anal Birth of Bert. Porn loops were short movies, usually recorded on 8mm cameras without sound, that would be played in adult theatres and jerkoff booths. When home video came around, and porno quantitatively exploded like a volcano of babysnot from Peter North's dickhole, the old-school porn loops only survived the transition by a few crafty entrepeneurs taping them by pointing their cameras at the screen. Let's face it, noone was gonna put forth the cash to give these dirty stag shorts a nice crisp remaster. In a sense, VHS copies of 8mm porn loops are like the birth of cam rips. Although this process allowed such pornographic goodies to remain existent, it left them somewhat incomprehensible, as seen in the above pic.
It's been admitted that Bert and Ernie are a gay couple, but more specifically and what's gone unacknowledged by the Henson company, is that they have a sub-dom relationship. The Anal Birth of Bert gives us some background information and enriches their characters. The homosexual "mother" of Bert is a submissive. I don't know this for certain, but I'm making an educated guess, because anyone who takes a fist in their ass and it's still not enough is usually a sub. Common sense, really. Hence, Bert grows up calling the shots in the household and develops into a natural dom. He'd give the orders, stamp his feet and always end up getting his own way, which is why he's so bossy to Ernie. And Ernie always putting up with grumpy-bum Bert suggests that he's clearly a sub, just like Bert's dad. See, there's even Freudian shit in there.
The late 50's and early 60's saw an emergence of Exploitation sub genres. Some weirder and more random than others. Many low-budget directors indulged in various types of Exploitation, very few of them being known for one in particular. And while Herschell Gordon Lewis is mostly known for the gore film, he was always one to go back and forth and experiment with many subjects besides graphic violence. Today, we're going to talk about a Hixploitation flick from good 'ol H.G. called Moonshine Mountain.
You may recognize the patriarch of this family as the man who played Mayor Buckman from Two Thousand Maniacs. Always a pleasure to see the human version of Foghorn Leghorn in anything. The always likable Jeffrey Allen makes this movie just a little easier to sit through. Another returning actor from previous H. G. Lewis films is Gordon Oas-Heim of Color Me Blood Red Fame. Credited under the name of his role from said movie, Oas-Heim plays the drunken, no good Mayor who is in no way above murder or rape. And hell bent on keeping away Revenuers. If not for him, there really wouldn't be a story at all.