High School Confessions

Nothing is more revealing about someone than a HS confession.
Post yours here.

I was a major loser my sophomore year.
I got a 19 on a World History mid-term. Yes, a nineteen.
Despite being average height and build, it took me over 11 minutes to run the mile.
Yes, over eleven.
I feel better not taking these harmless yet jaw-dropping secrets to my grave.
Praise be to Allah (per se).

HIM announce farewell tour

The Finnish love metal band "HIM" have announced that they're calling it quits after 26 years. Not sure if many people know of this band, but they've always been one of my favorites.

When I was a teenager, I wanted to BE Ville Valo, and based my life around him. He is one sexy dude. Now, I'm not nearly as into the band as I once was, but they've always been pretty solid. Everything's gotta come to an end eventually...

Return To Sleepaway Camp (2008)



The Sleepaway Camp franchise is an unusual one. Some might even say an unnecessary one. And I might tend to agree. The first installment is an otherwise mediocre slasher from the early 80's which flaunts a mind blowing ending. One of the scariest as well as shocking endings in Horror history, in my opinion. And an ending which permanently put this film on the map. Some years later, Two sequels were made. Two very different sequels taken in a new direction by a new director, and starring a new actress in the lead role, as Angela. Practically a new character all together. Played by Bruce Springsteen's little sister, Pamela, Angela 2 was more of a wise cracking prude in these sequels who just went around killing people who annoyed her. Both these films lacked storylines for the most part, and came off more like shameless cash-ins, having almost nothing to do with the original. Both dissappointing if you're a huge fan of the original, but somewhat fun if you don't put too much thought into it.



Alot of people probably don't know it, but there was a part 4 in this series made in the early 90's. Almost, that is. An abondoned project with only a fraction of the intended scenes intact. They were released on dvd a few years ago mixed with scenes from the first three movies in order to pad it out and make it somewhat relevant to the series. It didn't work. In 2008, original director, Robert Hilzik, finally returned to make some sense of all this and once and for all give us the real sequel we've all been waiting for. It didn't work.

First of all, Return To Sleepaway Camp is a bad movie, and there's no getting away from that. It's absolutely mind blowing that THIS is what Hilzik finally came up with after 20 years to think it over whilst watching these pseudo-sequels tarnish the series. Return is universally hated, And for many good reasons. I could never fault anyone for seeing it as anything but a dissappointment. BUT I personally found it to be one of the funniest goddamn movies I've ever seen. But only because of one character. One very pointless, random character that seems to exist mainly to mess with the viewer's heads. No other explanation makes sense. Some might say this person is annoying. And he certainly is. But I very well might be the only person on the planet who sees Alan as a positive for this movie. Because, without him, there's not really anything left to say. Like it or not, Alan IS Return To Sleepaway Camp.

Alan is a ridiculous sack of fat shit with serious anger issues and an apparent fear of bathing, or changing clothes. A whiny spaz who allegedly has mental problems, and milks this for all it's worth to get sympathy. He gets picked on mercilessly by his peers to the point that you might feel sorry for him. But then he turns around and does the same to the smaller kids. And is a complete dick to the authority figures who could otherwise be on his side. But nobody cares about Alan's fat ass. And within the first minute of watching him in action, you can't really blame them. As unhappy as he is at camp Manabe, Alan is stuck here for the Summer. He seems to take great pleasure in tormenting those smaller than him, yet, one could easily picture him going on a killing spree once the tables are turned. That's what this movie mainly is. Just one teaser after the other. Is Alan insane or simply misunderstood? Does it even matter? No, it does not. We are treated to a few inventive murders between Alan's tantrums. So, there is a killer amongst all this stupidity, which doesn't seem to have anything to do with anything. It's painfully obvious who is doing this, but then we keep on going back to the fat kid. Insane or misunderstood? Again. Doesn't matter.

Besides Alan, and the return of the original "you know who", Return To sleepaway Camp also has South Park's Isaac Hayes playing the role of "Chef", that Big Pussy guy from The Sopranos, the counselor with the short shorts from the original, and also, Angela's cousin, Ricky. If there was anyone in this movie to root for, I guess it would be those two. Although, they're nowhere near being significant characters. Oh, no! There's only one significant character in this movie. And he's got plenty of sand in his vagina. Alan goes back and forth between getting shat upon by everyone, to fucking with the little kids, to having an emotional breakdown, to taunting those who pick on himn, to telling the authority figures "your ass stinks". A phrase used about a dozen times in this movie. And God help me, it never gets old.

I'm sure most people find the Alan character a confusing one. And most likely, an infuriating one. Especially if you were hoping for a sequel where Felissa Rose is the main attraction. I'll admit, it does take alot of nerve to pull something like this after making fans wait decades for the real sequel. Like it or not, this one's it. But I think I get what Robert Hilzik was going for with this kid. Alan is a parody of the idea that the kid that gets picked on could one day snap and kill everybody. It's all just done in a completely outlandish manner. And while I think it was a great idea that was done very well, at times, Hilzik seemed to neglect every other aspect of the story. and the movie, as a whole, turned out pretty bad. At times, It seemed as though Hilzik put no thought into what Sleepaway Camp fans might want to see, and just got high and lost track of everything after coming up with this weird plot that should have been more of a comical sub-plot. At some point, he should have realized this approach would kill the movie's chances of ever gaining a fanbase. But he just never did.

Unfortunately, not enough people got the joke (or thought it was funny) for there to be future sequels. I heard about a possible Sleepaway Camp Reunion for years after this came out. A finale, I asume. But I'd imagine funding isn't so easy to come by for Robert Hilzik, anymore, because I haven't heard a thing about this in forever. I guess that's all she wrote for Angela Baker. Thanks alot, Hilzik! You and your fat little asshole finally killed the franchise just when it was getting back on its feet. But I don't care what anyone says. I still like this movie. Hopefully, one more will happen one of these days. But I'm not holding my breath. Like it or not, Return To Sleepaway Camp IS currently the finale, and probably always will be. Who knows? Maybe future generations will get the joke, and be able to overlook the horrible mistake this movie actually is. 7/10



#Review #Slasher

Is anyone interested in playing forum rpgs

If anyone interested in playing forum rpgs. Like you pick a character and then pick actions for them and thrn dice are roled to see if the action is good or bad.

Attack Of The Beast Creatures (1985)



When writing about a movie, I usually like to start out by offering some sort of backgroud info, regardless of how loosely related it might be. But that's just not going to happen, this time. This time, I don't know shit. And sadly, I don't know how to know shit. That's because the movie I'm going to tell you about is that obscure. The term "obscure", when referring to film, is somewhat obsolete, these days. Since dvds popped up, that word has had less and less meaning. Movies which were once obscure became easily obtainable. And with even more ways to find movies, nowadays, along with audio commentaries and documentaries, the term "obscure" doesn't get used much. And if it does, it probably shouldn't. But there are a few Horror films left still worthy of this status. Today, I'm going to talk about a movie called Attack Of The Beast Creatures. Not impossible to find. In fact, it can currently be watched on Youtube. However, no dvd of this exists, while vhs copies are becoming harder and harder to find. And from what I've seen, no information exists. That, I find intriguing.

How did this happen? Of all the horrible, boring B-movies that have even made it to Blu-ray by now, and have long gotten their stories told, why has no one bothered to dust off this gem and introduce it to a new generation, as well as the old one who missed out? That's a question which may never be answered. But for now, lets try to make a little sense out of this lost enigma of backyard cinema.

Alright, well, making sense probably ain't gonna happen, but I can try my best to explain things. First of all, I would put this in the category of the many Gremlins ripoffs of the 80's. In fact, this might be the first, since it was made the very next year. Attack Of The Beast Creatures is no doubt the most unusual of its breed. Aside from having a surreal, almost dreamlike tone, this movie takes place in 1920, which isn't all that obvious at any point. It starts out reminding me very much of Troma's War, of all movies. There's no explosions, and nobody ever gets infected with the AIDS, However, we start with some survivors of a sunken ship, barely making it to a near by island. They all get along fairly well, except some cranky old bastard, making things more difficult than they should be. One of them dies, or is pretty close to death. The others take off and leave him, regardless. Later, a couple of them go back, only to discover his bones have been picked clean. This is our first indication that these people are probably fucked. One of them wishes out loud that it should have been the cranky old bastard who died, which seems to hurt his feelings, as he storms off in a huff.

And that night, just as everyone gets comfortable enough to sleep out in the woods, it happens! People from behind the camera start throwing these red dolls at everyone, as they freak out and act as if they're being killed in a violent manner. No claymation, no fx of any kind. Just dolls being thrown and dolls being held while people pretend to be bitten. This happens quite a few times over the next day or two, as the survivors make their way to higher ground, and possibly food or help. As they fight off the little red bastards, they encounter an acid creek. No. Not the good kind of acid creek. The type that melts your skin off. One guy finds that out the hard way. As their numbers decrease, the survivors stumble upon the creature's turf, where they find them all worshiping a giant statue. This discovery does add some unexpected character development to these things, as pointless as it may have been. Strangely, this is nothing that's ever followed up on or explained in the least.

One thing I love about this movie is that nothing really ever is explained, or made sense out of at all. I'm sure this is at least partly due to a lack of creativity. However, it really works, as there is a certain mystique about Attack Of The Beast Creatures. Being rare is only half of it. There's just something about it that sets it apart from other low-budget Horror movies. An indescribable tone that can only be found in movies like Troll 2 or Manos:The Hands Of Fate. I don't know if this film was meant to seem as surreal as it does, but as someone who obviously wasn't very knowledgeable on movie making, the director did a great job at coming up with something unlike anything else, before or since. Besides the whole Gremlins thing, of course. But who knows? Maybe this just happened to be made around the same time, automatically putting it in that category. We don't know. We don't know anything about beast creatures. At least not yet. 6/10



#Review

Anyone Else Love Pinky Films?





I Love pinky violence & girl boss films... i also like Pink films splitting at the seams with rope bondage, rape & torture... sprinkled with straight up misogyny to make the feminazis cry. Nothing makes me more happy than seeing a guy winched up and used as a fuck tool to go balls deep in his own sister....

That being said I do prefer pinky violence over the porno shite & i also love Kōji Wakamatsu arthouse type exploitation.

Here's a cool list i found on Letterboxed: https://letterboxd.com/jimdelrio/list/exploitation-101-pinky-violence-roman-porno/

Anyone else feeling the vibes?

#Asian

Baaad Shit: The History Of Blood Stalkers



For some twenty years, when I hear the Everglades mentioned, I automatically think of this one movie I rented as a teenager. Nothing mindblowing, or overly memorable about this movie, really, but I can't recall knowing jack shit about The Everglades before I saw it. Blood Stalkers, they call it. Less commonly known as The Night Daniel Died. A backwoods, would be-Slasher from the late 70's, which makes poor attempts at also being a Bigfoot movie. Blood Stalkers more or less educated me on this infamous Florida location. Or, at the very least, taught me all I needed to know. I'm pretty sure they were trying to tell us that The Everglades sucks and to stay away forever, even if there's no actual danger. Living in far better part of Florida, which still kind of sucks, I can appreciate this message. When going on vacation, Always go North. Never South!

Two couples are nearing the end of a road trip which is supposed to culminate with a long awaited vacation in The Everglades. Mike's parents owned this cabin, which now belongs to him. Mike is determined to treat his best friend, Daniel, and the wives, to two weeks of South Floridian bliss, with the mosquitoes, humidity and all. This isn't just Florida, This is a more untamed version of Florida than what most of us may be aware of. Nobody besides Mike is into this. The wife is all sarcastic about it, and their city slicker friends seem intimidated at the thought of roughing it for a while. In this case, a while is going to be two whole weeks. And Mike basically says "tough shit" to anyone who has an issue. Mike has decided that there is not a better place on Earth to vaycay than this rundown cabin which is very literally in the middle of nowhere.

The vacationing couples stop for gas and directions, as it's been years since Mike was out here. At first, they get the cold shoulder from the ornery old man. All questions go unanswered until they let slip where they're headed. The old man, along with his three intimidating friends, warn them to stay away. it's not entirely clear whether this is a threat or a an actual warning, but it was implied that there's some kind of creatures out there called 'blood stalkers". Although, it seemed like they may have been referring tothemselves. We still don't know what type of Horror movie this is.

Mike wipes his ass with everyone's concerns, and drives off to find the cabin, anyway. After finally getting directions from a mute, Mike, Kim, Daniel and Jerri park a peace away and hike up to the cabin with luggage in hand, which includes a single 12-pack of beer. That's right. A two week vacation in a cabin with no electricity, nearby hostile locals, and possibly some damn thing out there. Yeah, sure. A 12-pack of beer should do nicely.

I'll admit, this is a cool little place, but it's unclear what Mike expects everyone to do to pass the time. He just seems caught up in reliving childhood vacations. And everyone but the wife is too polite to say anything. But even Kim warms up to this ordeal a little when they find a nice place to skinny dip. Which is when the danger begins, as they're given a scare by what sounded like a Panther. But maybe not. As Mike and Kim rush back to the cabin to warn their friends, they decide not to say anything and just play it cool for a while. After a relaxing evening, things seem like they're going to be ok. As everyone heads to bed, all hell breaks loose when someone (or something) reaches through the window and grabs Jerri, rendering her husband useless, as he freezes in his tracks and begins to pour sweat for what seems like hours. The more manly Mike gets Jerri free, although, she is now catatonic due to this scare.

Mike fires a gun several times, accidentally killing their own dog. Now, it sounds like there's someone (or something) on the roof, making some racket. If that's bigfoot up there, then, he's probably going to kill everyone. If not, then, it's probably those backwoods fucks trying to give everyone a scare before killing them. Mike then makes the most important decision of his life. He leaves the gun with Daniel, and runs off into this piss poor little town of 38 in order to find some help.

Nobody Mike comes across wants anything to do with him. Obviously, there is something to be afraid of, and Mike is the only one who doesn't know what that is. Despite all the pleading with strangers, Mike never got any help, and never made it back to the cabin, that night. But he eventually did. And what he found there would set off a once dormant killing machine, damaged by the atrocities of Vietnam. From what we understand, Mike was always a hair away from reverting back to what he once was. However, it appears there'll be no help for Mike, this time.

Aside from the story, I don't have a hell of a lot to say about this film, simply because there's just not much that I am aware of. But I will say that was one great location they picked for this weird little film. They did a superb job capturing that backwoods vibe, along with the uncomfortable, insect-ridden humidity and isolation the tiny cast and crew had to endure. All of this, complimented by a haunting score. The cast was actually pretty good. Mike vaguely reminds me of John Denver for some reason. Toni Crabtree's character of Kim was delightful with her cokey red nose. Mike's chubby, metro-sexual pal and his stripper wife made everything all the more amusing with their one-liners. So, no complaints there.

Aside from my love of nostalgia, this movie fascinates me to no end, as many films like it always have. Blood Stalkers is one of the few remaining Horror films which has yet to get the digital treatment. And unlike so many other formerly obscure films, there's still really nothing out there in the way of information about it. Just some leftover vhs tapes if you are lucky enough to find one. This one is long overdue for a dvd/blu-ray release, along with the informative extras it will provide. But one of these days, I know it will happen, and maybe then, I can tell the real story in a review with a little less filler. But in the meantime, I'll keep on appreciating the mystery that currently surrounds Blood Stalkers. 5/10



#Review

Klownz Lists

Since TE has this lists & recommendations section I might as well throw mine in here! These lists are updated fairly regular but are not in order of what I like best.

Obviously can't safely recommend all these films but I personally like them all.

Japanese Horror - https://letterboxd.com/klownz/list/japanese-horror/
South Korean Horror - https://letterboxd.com/klownz/list/south-korean-horror/
Hong Kong Horror - https://letterboxd.com/klownz/list/hong-kong-horror/
Asian Horror Mixture - https://letterboxd.com/klownz/list/asian-horror-mixture/
Thai Horror - https://letterboxd.com/klownz/list/thai-horror/
Foreign Horror Mixture - https://letterboxd.com/klownz/list/foreign-horror-mixture/
Italian Horror - https://letterboxd.com/klownz/list/italian-horror/
French Horror - https://letterboxd.com/klownz/list/french-horror/

Feel free to recommend me films to watch (and add to these lists if I like the film) I eventually get round to watching everything I get recommended. :)

Also if you are on letterboxed like my lists & give me a follow! I follow everyone back!

Reviews with Ballz: The Grapes of Death

I have seen Jean Rollin's The Grapes of Death (or if you prefer the French title, Les raisins de la mort) twice now. The first time was in 2007 after I asked for some foreign zombie movie recommendations on IMDb. I remember this being one of the main movies recommended and being a fan of some of the other French horror movies I'd seen around the same time, I sought this one out promptly.

Well, to put it simply: I was disappointed.

I imagine the main thought in my mind at that time was: where the fuck are the zombies? By standard ideas of what counts as a zombie both back when this was made and now, the things in this movie are not what I would call zombies and quite frankly, I certainly wouldn't recommend it to someone looking for zombie movies, at least not without a warning.



However, having forgotten most of what actually happens in the movie outside of the opening and the music that accompanies it, I recently decided to give it a second try, this time with more of an open mind, which admittedly, I probably lacked back in 2007. And with that open mind, I've realized that this has a lot more in common with The Crazies (original and remake) than any particular zombie movie. It's still not a movie I want to go out of my way to buy anytime soon, but do I still hate it?


Let's find out with another... Reviews with Ballz!

The Grapes of Death starts out simple enough. Some guys are working at a vineyard and are spraying the grapes with some kind of chemical. Almost right away though, you see that one of the guys is in some discomfort and you soon find out that he's not feeling well because of the chemicals. His boss takes no pity on him, telling him to get back to work, with the promise of better masks arriving the next day for the workers. As you probably guessed by now though, the damage has already been done.

The movie then goes to the interior of a train where you meet Élizabeth (Marie-Georges Pascal, who I'm not even going to pretend to know from anything else). From here you follow her for the rest of the movie in her quest to reach her fiancee, who happens to be one of the workers at the vineyard. It's not long though before the worker complaining of not feeling well at the vineyard boards the train and sits down in the same compartment as Élizabeth. She notices a gross mark on his neck, partially covered up by his hair. At first she just stares, but as the mark spreads, she runs out of the compartment screaming and finds an emergency break to stop the train so that she can get off.

Now, it's here that I realized that the zombies in this movie are far different from any other zombie I've ever seen in any movie, TV show, video game, or book. Because instead of chasing Élizabeth endlessly, he gives up when she proves to be too fast for him and proceeds to sit down on the train tracks, looking rather depressed. Walkers, runners, or a mix of that's controlled by a parasite, I've never seen a zombie give up and sit down just because a victim proved to be too fast for them.

After this point, the movie really starts to get going and you watch as Élizabeth ventures through the French countryside, looking for anyone else along the way who hasn't been affected by the chemicals from the vineyard. More about what's going on exactly is also revealed, such as the spots that appear on people is actually rot. I guess that's why people call this a zombie movie, but considering that they can talk and even are capable of acting normal around Élizabeth when they want to be, I still disagree with calling them zombies.

To answer my question from before, no, I don't still hate this movie. It definitely has some flaws as far as the plot goes and the low budget definitely shows at more than one point, but I feel that if you watch it knowing ahead of time that it's not really a zombie movie, you'll probably get some enjoyment out of it. It's also far from the goriest movie I've ever seen, but there's a few moments of decent gore. The rotting spots on the crazed people also look pretty nasty, especially when they start oozing.



If you're in the mood for some old school, low budget, European horror, you'll probably like this. My rating: 3/5

#JeanRollin #LesRaisinsDeLaMort #Review #ReviewsWithBallz #TheGrapesOfDeath

90's Horror: An underrated decade.

So most people site the 90's as being a terrible decade for horror and being the worst. While certainly not the best I think it is very underrated when you get by all the Scream clones and style and really delve into the decade you find some real gems. I had a list on IMDb but when my account got deleted I lost the list. I made another one of films I like from the 90's but might be forgetting some. Obviously as with any list I am sure there are some that people will disagree with. If anyone has anymore good horrors from the 90's let me know and I might add it to the list.

The Addiction (1995)
Aftermath (1994)
Alien 3 (1992)
Arachnophobia (1990)
Army of Darkness (1992)
Aswang (1994)
Audition (1999)
Baby Blood (1990)
Bad Moon (1996)
Basket Case 2 (1990)
Basket Case 3 (1991)
Begotten (1990)
Blade (1998)
Blair Witch Project (1999)
Blood and Donuts (1995)
Brain Dead (1990)
Campfire Tales (1997)
Candyman (1992)
Cast a Deadly Spell (1991)
Castlefreak (1995)
A Cat in the Brain (1990)
Cemetery Man (1994)
Cronos (1993)
Cube (1997)
The Cure (1997)
Dark Waters (1993)
The Dark Half (1993)
The Day of the Beast (1995)
Dead Alive (1992)
Demon Knight (1995)
The Dentist (1996)
Dust Devil (1992)
Ebola Syndrome (1996)
Evil Ed (1995)
The Exorcist III (1990)
The Faculty (1998)
Flatliners (1990)
Frankenhooker (1990)
The Frighteners (1996)
From Dusk Til Dawn (1996)
From Dusk Til Dawn 3 : The Hangman's Daughter (1999)
Funny Games (1997)
The Guardian (1990)
Hardware (1990)
Highway to Hell (1991)
Idle Hands (1999)
In the Mouth of Madness (1994)
Initiation: Silent Night Deadly Night 4 (1990)
Innocent Blood (1992)
Jacob's Ladder (1990)
Kolobos (1999)
The Last Broadcast (1998)
Leatherface: Texas chainsaw Massacre III (1990)
Lisa (1990)
Little Witches (1996)
Lost Highway (1997)
Man Bites Dog (1992)
Maniac Cop 2 (1990)
Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence (1993)
The Manson Family (1997)
Mikey (1992)
Mindwarp (1992)
Misery (1990)
Mosquito (1995)
Mute Witness (1995)
Nadja (1994)
The Nameless (1999)
Necronomicon (1993)
Nekromantik 2 (1991)
New Nightmare (1994)
Night of the Living Dead (1990)
Nightbreed (1990)
Ninth Gate (1999)
The People Under the Stairs (1991)
Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead (1994)
Phantasm IV: Oblivion (1998)
The Pit and the Pendulum (1991)
Popcorn (1991)
The Prophecy (1995)
Psycho IV: The Beginning (1990)
Puppet Master II (1990)
Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge (1991)
Raat (1992)
Ravenous (1999)
Return of the Living Dead III (1993)
Ringu (1998)
Scanners II: The New Order (1991)
Schramm (1993)
Scream (1996)
The Sect (1991)
Shakma (1990)
Shock Em Dead (1991)
The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Singapore Sling (1990)
The Sixth Sense (1999)
Slumber Party Massacre III (1990)
Sombre (1998)
Sorority House Massacre II (1990)
Split Second (1992)
The Stendhal Syndrome (1996)
Stir of Echos (1999)
Subspecies (1991)
Tales from the Darkside (1990)
Terror Firmer (1999)
Tesis (1996)
Tetsua II: Body Hammer (1992)
Ticks (1993)
Trance (1998)
Trauma (1993)
Tremors (1990)
Troll 2 (1990)
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992)
Two Evil Eyes (1990)
Two Orphan Vampires (1997)
Uncle Sam (1996)
The Untold Story (1993)
The Vagrant (1992)
Waxwork II: Lost in Time (1992)
Wild Zero (1999)
Wishmaster (1997)
I Zombie the Chronicles of Pain (1998)