Go for a walk in the middle of the night. Right now it is 3:45 AM, where I live, and I just got back from a walk. I was having trouble sleeping, obviously. Anyway, what a cool feeling it is, to go for a walk in the middle of the night. I only saw one car, and one skunk, in half an hour. That's a pretty good car to wildlife ratio, eh?!?
I actually live quite close to my local city, and it was still very quiet and peaceful. I could hear some air conditioners, and a few transformers on telephone poles, but basically it is as quiet as it ever gets around here... what a treat. Somehow it is just easier to think, when there are no people walking near you. That makes no sense, but it is true, for me at least.
I was hoping to hear crickets and katydids, but they aren't active yet, apparently... maybe in another couple of weeks.
I used to do this fairly often (go out very late at night), a few years ago... I think I probably mentioned it on the IMDB horror board, and possibly here as well. I just have to remind myself not to watch videos of creepypastas like Smiling Man before I go out, or I'll be so scared I can't enjoy the experience.
Bad, but somewhat redeeming if you enjoy total trainwrecks. If there was ever a reason to be a closet fan of one of these, I'm sure plenty of them can be found right here. But I'll tell you what can't be found: Ideas. It just seemed like nobody had any real ideas for this. It all feels a little incomplete. There's killing, gore, titties, cheesiness, sleaziness, but this movie feels very thrown together, as if someone just wanted to make one of them S.O.V.s, and just went out and did it. Preparations be damned. Not to say there's not a story. I mean, there's not at all, I guess, but there is a reason for the madness. Some dude's cheating whore of a wife. She gets caught in the act and pays for her infidelities with her head, leading to a bunch of random murders. So, there's your story.
So, yeah. Sam mutilates B.L.O.W. one my one. Drilling a hole in one's head, and pulling an arm off another. The ugliest got the worst of it, though. The pregnant chick, whose hairy areolas are the size of pancakes, gets her stomach sliced open, and is de-fetused the old fashion way. The still pissed off Sam then throws said fetus like a football. Meanwhile, the others are tied up in the other room, doing an atrocious job at acting scared. One of them insists that there's nothing to worry about because he's probably just a lunatic who aims to rob them. This is one of those movies that makes it easy to root for the bad guy.
Well, we finally made it! The bottom of the barrel. We'll get back to the genre issue, later, but there is a lot to be said about the more obvious issue. It's just so mind numbingly bad. Usually, that statement is meant as a figure of speech. But not in this case. Night Of Horror, at one point, had to be the worst, most incompetently made Horror film in existence. And to this day, it's probably in the bottom five, if you exclude movies that are intentionally bad. Coming up with words for this non existent story is going to be a chore, but you need to know about this one, so, here goes.
It all started during a road trip Steve recently took with his half-brother and his wife, Colleen, along with her sister, Susan. The trip is mostly an opportunity for the half-brothers to check out a cabin in Virginia which they recently inherited. This trip can only be described as "ordinary". It doesn't seem like a movie road trip. It's like any road trip you've been on with your family. Sitting, waiting, some small talk, silence. Maybe a little bickering near the end. It becomes clear what few ideas they had to work with for this movie, after several drawn out scenes which included nothing but outdoor shots of the car moving, while narrator, Steve, comments on his preference for the backseat, countless times. He seems to have a crush on sister-in-law, Colleen, because he thinks she's deep. She proves this by reading him some Edgar Allen Poe. Steve approves.
Colleen is even deeper than Steve thinks, because she happens to be able to see and communicate with spirits. One night in the woods, Colleen is approached by the spirits of some Confederate soldiers, who talk far too slow, and without Southern accents. After a seance is held, these ghosts make it clear they need assistance of some kind, so they can rest in peace. But first, they want to talk about The Civil War for a while. And at this point, we are plunged into an eternity of boredom that makes us wish we were still out there in the woods with these people, merely hearing about it, as it would have to be more interesting than the Civil War reenactment footage that would not die! And let me just point out that I have never been one to fall asleep during a movie, regardless of how boring. And this one was no different until about half way through this scene, which only turned out to be about 6 or 7 minutes. An hour later, I awaken and immediately realize what had happened. Goddamn that Civil War footage! It was too much, even for me.
Night Of Horror is a movie without a pulse, a movie without a story, a movie without a clue. Night Of Horror takes the cake in a lot of areas. None of which are very favorable. However, there is something about it that is somewhat hypnotic. A no doubt unintentional dreamlike atmosphere, along with the most unfitting score imaginable, does make the mind wander. Or depending on what time you watch it, might make the mind shut down, all together. That score, though. It's a pretty one. But it also sounds like it was meant for something far more meaningful than this. Music like that usually has a story attached to it. Director, Tony Malanowski, must be one of those Civil War weirdos, because the very next year, he made another movie which could easily be seen as a loose remake of Night Of Horror. Originally titled Cuse Of The Screaming Dead, it was later retitled Curse Of The Cannibal Confederates, by Troma. A far, far better movie. However, Night Of Horror is special. This isn't just another bad movie. This isn't just another boring movie. Night Of Horror is part of an exclusive breed of schlock which transcends what we know these qualities to be.