Secret Santa (2015)

A very simple plot - Everyone at a Christmas Party gets a gift from their Secret Santa. This gift is the what is used to kill them in this slasher that attempts to be a retro 80s style slasher.

I have mixed emotions on this one. The acting was terrible and the script was uneven. The kills were done too quickly without any real suspense in them. There was too much comedy in it too. I also wasn't fond of the added lines trying to make it look like a Grindhouse film.

With all the faults, I did enjoy the kills in this one. It was also refreshing to see the old fashioned gore effects. If you have Prime, it might be worth checking out.

Orca The Killer Whale (1977)

Bring back the 70's killer animal movie!

This is a pretty good movie, it has an Ennio Morricone score.

It also has a fun dig at Jaws by killing a Great White which Jaws 2 followed up with their own dig by killing an Orca.

Rant on movie companies

Disney is going to buy 20th Century Fox for $50 billion dollars. Comic fans are happy that they can now have their Marvel movies with X-Men and Fantastic 4 now, but I say too little, too late. Infinite War has been built up as the culmination of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), featuring the crossover war featuring all sorts of characters. Litterally dozens of characters, but not all of them. That's why "fans" will piss and moan about this forever. Since it's a Disney property, they wont include the Netflix characters, because they're too hardcore. And of course, X-Men and Fantastic 4 weren't available at the time, so it's all kind of a cop-out.

Fox was finally on the right track with recent X-Men, making its entries violent and fucked up, with Deadpool and Logan. Great movies. However, Disney is guaranteed to pussify the brand, since they wouldn't dare go beyond a PG-13 rating. Where's the child audience they cater to, then?


So that's a lot of money, because Disney is getting out of hand. I always kinda joke about how Disney is the enemy, but they're on their way to monopolizing the industry, and that ain't good. Think of 20th Century Fox, for example. What are their good properties? I like Alien. Will that turn PG-13 (again 😞)? Will they make R-rated movies? Or will they buy up the company, and continue to make their A-list big-budget super movies non-stop, in their effort to own everything?


New Line Cinema used to be a thing. WB bought it, and you never hear much of it anymore. MGM used to be huge, but it barely exists anymore, if for nothing more than novelty. Yet, in a more contrasting point, the old 80s-early-90s company "Orion" sorta made a comeback. That's kinda funny. Anchor Bay used to be the best horror dvd company, then Starz bought 'em and who cares now? At least they're making the Evil Dead show though...

Universal is all hung up on Fast & Furious movies, and their shitty Dark Universe movies. They've got nothing good on the superhero bandwagon, and those movies are crushing the competition these days. Paramount? What have they done good lately? Baywatch? Then a bunch of other shit probably, but I can't remember any of it, because none of it is really good.

Sony is trying to jumpstart its own universe with a new Venom movie coming out, but other than that, Sony hasn't put out much lately. 2017 hasn't been a great year for movies. Nothing truly awesome besides Logan, and I'd been debating whether "Three Billboards" might be my fave of the year or not, and that only came out last month.


Fuckin' Disney and their comic movies and Star Wars, trying to take over the planet... I don't even think The Last Jedi will be that great, but people eat up anything Star Wars. People are crazy.

Maybe all the good movies are the lower-budget ones that sneak by, made from random indie companies. Maybe that's how it's always been?!

I'm losing my train of thought here, because the industry is pretty mind-numbing. I need to see Disaster Artist. That'll fix my brain.

What movies did you buy or watch the last two weeks? (12-10)

I haven't had time to do this the last two weeks but still not a lot to watch movies either.

Lisa Bright and Dark
Uninvited (not the one with the cat or the one with Ray Milland)
Demonic
Stag
A Stranger is Watching
Death Weekend

The Toy/Christmas Challenge Progress Thread



Here is where you signup and record your progress. I hope you all have fun!

The Rules

Challege will be scored by minutes watched. There is no minimum time requirement.

For something to count for the challenge it must have at least ONE or more of these elements

1. Anything to do with toys or dolls. They must be the main focal point of the movie if no other elements listed are in the movie. Movies that may have a cast entirely out of puppets also count. For example, Meet the Feebles. Anything with puppets is included.


2. Anything that has a Winter setting. Snow/ice


3. Anything that has to do with Christmas counts.


This challenge includes any and all genres. It doesn't have to be horror.

Finally, the winner will receive the one and only Drunkle Bear from mine and Messiah's line of Trashed Teddies!

And if anyone has any questions, here's the discussion thread. https://trashepics.com/post/85/80/


Drunkle Bear is sort of a running joke amongst the others. He's not really part of the group, and I doubt he's anyone's Uncle, but "Drunkle Bear" as they call him, usually crashes the party in the latter hours, often making things awkward by hitting on certain under aged bears. Creepy old prick, but not completely useless. Drunkle's good for a laugh, and he's been known to buy beer for the gang. I wouldn't leave him alone with my sister or anything, but yeah, whatever. he's cool, I guess. just keep him in check.

Drunkle Bear Video

A Christmas Carol - best version?

Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Even if you've never celebrated Christmas, you've likely heard of this story. It's as common as The Night Before Christmas. A Christmas Carol has had far more movie adaptations however.

The main two Christmas Carol movies I'm familiar with are Scrooged (1988) and The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992). Scrooged is a black comedy with Bill Murray. Bill Murray's presence alone should be enough to convince you to watch it for this month's challenge if you've never seen it. The Muppet Christmas Carol is... Muppets. Not a bad thing, but not something I feel an urge to watch every December either.

So what about the many other adaptations of A Christmas Carol? Anyone here got another version to recommend? How about a horror version? Scrooged has horror elements, but I wouldn't call it a horror movie. I can imagine a horror version where the ghosts are intended to be frightening with a dark ending.

Silent Night, Deadly Night + Shitty Sequels

I'm watching the 5th and final entry in the original "Silent Night, Deadly Night" series, and man... this series is all a stinker. Obviously, the 1984 original film is a goddamn classic, and legitimately one of the 80s best slasher flicks, and now one of my favorite Christmas films period. The first is tied with Black Christmas '74 for being the coolest Christmas horror films ever. But the damn sequels... Why?!

The first sequel is mostly flashbacks, and I don't know why ANY movie producer would think this is a good idea. This is a series that could have been amazing if they handled it right, but I guess there have to be a few duds to give us contrast, right? Other than "Garbage Day", there's really nothing of value to say about part 2. Or part 3, 4, or 5, but I'll try.

3 has Bill Moseley. And two cast members from Twin Peaks. However, they don't really do anything worthwhile. Moseley is wasted in a Franken-role, and that fucking dude could have made for ONE HELL OF A SANTA CLAUS. Why did this movie waste a talent like him? Why GOD, why?!

4 has Clint Howard, being a stupid bastard like he always plays, and people also may or may not get turned into bugs and roaches. Not sure. It's hard to pay attention to either of these movies, even though this one is Brian Yuzna. Reggie Bannister cameos, but the movie still isn't good. I might be biased, because these are shitty Lionsgate fullscreen VHS prints, but I still don't think the movies are any good.

Watching 5 right now, directed by Martin Kitrosser. MK co-wrote Friday the 13th parts 3 and 5, which are among the best of the series, yet he goes on to direct this movie? Toys that seem to attack people... until they inadvertantly get themselves killed. Some kid is traumatized after his dad dies by a toy, and it's kinda meh. Brian Yuzna produces, but it doesn't show much. It's just kinda meh.



What is it with shitty sequels to awesome movies?

For Silent Night Deadly Night, ALL the sequels are lame.

That also seems to be the case for The Howling sequels. I guess 4 was okay for the melting scene, and 5 was an alright mansion whodunnit, but the series is generally pretty low-recieved, from what I gather.

None of the Wrong Turn sequels are any good, really. Part 2 is okay, 3 is terrible, 4 is crap, 5 is alright because of Doug Bradley alone, and 6 is crap. Crap crap crap.

Children of the Corn? All garbage.

I'm pretty sure Leprechaun wasn't any good, but we've had half a dozen of those movies anyway.

Beside part 2 and the latest film, Amityville has had a lot of shitty sequels.





What sequels do you think are really stupid?

Unfinished Business: The History Of Martyrs



Torture Porn is a weird term to label a movie with. I'm not sure where the "porn" part comes in, unless you're a sadist, or something. It's really just a term that describes a post-2000 Horror film which includes excessive violence and gore, with an emphasis put on the pain and suffering. Unlike some newer Horror fans, such qualities aren't necessary for a film to win me over. There is enough real life pain and suffering out there without a need for the fake stuff clogging up the Horror genre. I can definitely take it, and I do find it mildly interesting at times, but for the most part, I see the torture stuff as merely cutting corners. However, there is one film that was immediately labeled "Torture Porn" upon its release in 2008, and if said quality was all it had to offer, then, you probably wouldn't be reading this, now. The movie I want to discuss today is Martyrs. A powerful, French film which has been on my list of top 10 favorite Horror films since my first viewing. It's so much more than torture. Martyrs is a horrifying and heartbreaking look into what physical torture can do to someone's life, as well as their soul. But that's just the beginning.

Forget porn. Martyrs is a torture epic. An epic that, at times, isn't easy to watch. This film is about a girl named Lucie and her friend, Anna. Both have issues, but Lucie's are the kind from which one never recovers. When Lucie was a child, she was kidnapped and tortured by unknown assailants whom she narrowly escaped, but not without scars. Physical and mental. In fact, a different person escaped that day. Whatever type of woman Lucie was to grow up to be was already dead. In her place would be a withdrawn basket case, incapable of accepting love or kindness, and literally plagued by demons who are slowly gnawing away at what's left of her soul.

While Lucie did escape her captors, they were never brought to justice. Now in her 20's, Lucie is still far from ok with this. In fact, she is so not ok with this lack of justice, that she is about to take matters into her own hands. As we now oversee a seemingly normal family eating breakfast, a knock is heard at the door. As the father answers, he is suddenly blown away by a young woman with a shot gun. Lucie barges in and goes on to destroy this family in cold hearted fashion. Yeah, the little girl gets it, too. Shot right in the back. While harsh, Lucie was simply THAT pissed at the parents. After years of searching, Lucie had finally found her tormentors, and had finally given herself a little bit of peace ... or has she? Lucie's scars are so deep, there is no level of retribution that can turn back time, at this point. What's done is done.

And then, there's Anna. Lucie's only friend, who is loyal, maybe to a fault. Make that definitely. Either way, Anna loves Lucie with all her heart, and will do anything to help make things easier. Lucie knows this and gives Anna a call from the now dead family's house, asking for assistance in disposing of some bodies. As always, Anna is on her way. While we wait with Lucie, we witness yet another side-effect of her scars: Delusions. Delusions which seem as real to Lucie as they do us. At some point, the poor girl dreamed up a friend which is far more damaged than herself. A friend who sometimes attacks her, making even more scars. Of course, it's merely Lucie attacking herself. However this "friend" of her's is based on a real person whom she refused to help escape as she was almost out the door all those years ago. That's where a lot of the mental scars come from: Guilt over what probably became of that other girl who only wanted to live, and maybe could have even had a somewhat normal life, had Lucie only taken the time to set her free before limping to freedom. Nothing can change what happened that day. Even after doing what was asked of her by killing this family, it's still not good enough. What's done is done.

As always, Anna tries her best to help Lucie, but she is only getting more and more out of hand. Unfortunately, ending this family somehow only made things worse. That night, Lucie ended her own life. And in an instant, all the years that Anna dedicated to her dear friend had become a waste. Anna is now alone in the world, and she is about to make the biggest mistake of her life.

Anna just hangs around the dead family's house with seemingly no plan. Long enough to notice a secret passage way in some cabinets, leading to an underground torture room. In this room, Anna discovers the final victim of this evil couple who destroyed her friend's life. And Anna being Anna, she helps this poor girl who is easily ten times more fucked up than Lucie was. Once a girl, now a grotesque freak, incapable of even communicating. All this person wants to do is destroy herself. Anna should have left, but she stuck around. Maybe she felt like she had failed Lucie, and saw this creature as her retribution.

It is unclear what Anna's plan was, but she makes an attempt at cleaning up the freak, and later, tries in vain to get her to calm down, although, she's about to calm down permanently, as a bullet randomly flies in, putting this tortured soul down, where she belongs, to be honest. Anna now has some visitors who have a lot of questions for her. As Anna fills them in, it soon becomes clear. These people are the employers of the original captors. And as they force Anna down to the torture room, she is clued in as to what all this business is about. There is a bigger picture that even the sickest of minds wouldn't have considered, and Anna is about to become the center of it all, as she is sucked into a hell far worse than the one Lucie experienced. Goddamn, it sure doesn't pay to help people, these days, does it?

Occasionally, I come across a movie that I find so interesting, and packs such a punch, that I decide right then and there that I will only revisit it once every two or three blue moons. Such strong feelings must be preserved, and with so many rewatches, that isn't always possible. I figure once a year is good for this one. And with my most recent viewing, the magic is still there. Martyrs is still every bit as powerful and devastating as it was during my first experience. From the moment Lucie blew away that family, I knew that all the hype was justifiable, and all the naysayers were full of shit. In my humble opinion, Martyrs is as good as 2000's Horror gets. At the very least, it's the cream of the modern French Horror crop. yeah, I said it! Sorry, High Tension fans. In closing, I'd like to make mention of one quality I believe more Horor films would be better off with: An ending which provides more questions than answers. People will forever wonder and debate about the true meaning of the last scene. I have my theory as you have your's if you've seen it, but I suppose there is no wrong answer. The truth lies in our imaginations. 10/10



#Review

CUNT

Vagina
Pussy
Flower
Snatch
Cooter
Coochie
Cooch
Gash
Beaver
Snapper
Muff
Minge
Poontang
Slit
Twat
Vajayjay
Flange
Penis Fly Trap
Juice Box
Banana Basket
Little Red Wagon
Pink Panther
Pink Taco
Panty Hamster
Axe Wound
Hot Pocket
Bearded Clam
Sausage Wallet
Beef Curtains
Furburger
Pink Puddin' Cave

Fans of thrash metal and 80's horror need to listen to this album.

1981, by F.K.Ü.

Every song besides the title track opener is about a horror film from the golden year of slashers, 1981.

1. 1981
2. Nightmares in a Damaged Brain
3. Hell Night
4. Corpse Mania
5. Friday the 13th Part 2
6. The Burning
7. The Funhouse
8. The House by the Cemetery
9. Burial Ground
10. The Prowler
11. The Beyond
12. Halloween II
13. Night School
14. Ms .45
15. The Evil Dead

This stuff is pure thrash. Nothing too original, mind you, but it's full of energy and lots of fun. It's like listening to a slasher movie. The only movie here I haven't seen is Corpse Mania. I've never even heard of it. I'll definitely have to check it out soon.