Rank Daniel-san's bitches

Ali Mills (Elisabeth Shue)


Kumiko (Tamlyn Tomita)
https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/p__/images/b/b9/Kumiko.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20131217013943&path-prefix=protagonist

Jessica Andrews (Robyn Lively)


My pick back then:
1-Tamlyn
2-Elisabeth
3-Robyn

Masked Killers

Slashers are one thing, but a killer who wears a mask? Are they trying to get away with it? Are they ugly as sin? Or are they wearing it simply as a joke?

I'm watching "Valentine" at the moment, and this killer acts like a Michael Myers rip-off, only his nose bleeds. It's all about the mannerisms of characters like these. Still. Calm. Focused. I guess Michael Myers set a precedent, but Jason kinda ran with it. He wears a mask because he's ashamed of how goddamn ugly he is. He could chase you without a mask and it would be just as frightening, but the mask is iconic. It's how you market the Crystal Lake killer.

Mannerisms have gotten pretty important to his character, because you can tell a Kane Hodder Jason from a regular guy's Jason. He's angry, and it's great how much he can convey without sound and facial expressions.

Leatherface's portrayals tend to be radically different in some of his sequels. I basically view them each as different characters, because they don't seem like the same guy ever.



What are your Favorite Killer Masks?

Ever since the slasher genre started, movies have been trying to find a great new mask for a killer, but nothing quite works as well as the few that happened in the dawn of this subgenre. I think most killer masks are stupid, like this movie I'm watching (Valentine), and The Hills Run Red, Chromeskull, and definitely Happy Death Day (but that was more intentionally stupid, I think). And so is Terror Train. Prom Night is too dark for me to ever see what he looks like clearly. Maybe that was the point/solution for not having a good mask? And don't get me started on The Prowler... wtf is he even wearing?

I like the potato-sack-that-dreaded-sundown look of Jason-2/Malevolence, I love Michael Myers masks (H1 & H2 only), and the Miner from My Bloody Valentine is great.

What else is there? Who wears a great mask that creeps you out?

Shitty (or underwhelming) movies with potential

Ever watch anything that you really didn't like, but almost liked or wanted to like? Movies that maybe had the wrong director or could have used some extra money thrown into it. What had the potential to be great, or at least not a piece of shit?

I saw this one movie from Sub Rosa that was almost kinda sweet, but mostly annoying, Called Ice From The Sun (1999), which was directed by Eric Stanze, who did Scrapbook and I Spit On Your Corpse, I Piss On Your Grave. Ice From The Sun was actually the first Super-8-shot film to get a dvd release. A gory, Horror-Fantasy would-be epic that could have used an extra 100 grand and maybe a better script with some more creative ideas, improving it with more substance. It's still mildly fascinating and a good example of what one can do with a small budget, but all I see is wasted potential with this one.

The Crime Challenge Progress Thread

Welcome to the Crime Challenge! If you like movies and TV shows about cops, private detectives, or vigilantes and the criminals they chase, this is the challenge for you. Make your spot here.



What Counts

Any movie, TV show, and whatever else you can watch that features either someone fighting crime or someone committing crime. Any genre is acceptable, but crime should be an important part of the plot. This includes shows that examine true crime such as Forensic Files.

Points

Let's keep it simple: one point per minute watched. People seem to like that scoring system. Please include your total points at the bottom or top of your spot.

Since we're already into February, this challenge starts now and ends when February's over in your timezone.

Questions or comments? Discussion thread: https://trashepics.com/post/8/39/

Sacred Riana

Was watching YouTube videos, and Sacred Riana was on the recommended video. She is the 2017 Asia's Got Talent winner.
She does magic with a horror twist to the stage show.



(Just out of curiosity, how do you embed the video here?)

The Spectacular Love Challenge

Mark your spot for this love-making extravaganza, from Sunday, February 11th to 17th. The criteria is based on this post https://trashepics.com/post/128/7/ , since I'm sooooo clever and can't think of my own spin on it.

1 Points) Movie with the word "Love" or other romance related words in title
2 Points) Individual killed while "making love" (not combined with #3 below)
3 Points) Two or more killed at the same time while "making love"
4 Points) Each person killed by a loved one (husband/wife, father/daughter,boyfriend/girlfriend. Basically immediate family or dating)

Edit, in case anyone's overlooking my contribution to the challenge:

0.5 Points) Two people getting laid
1 Point) Three or more getting laid

This is kind of a tough one to get good points for, unless you know movies that have scenes for those points. I'll probably default to movies with love words in the title. "Valentine" is a love word, and so is "kiss", "romance", "love", and many pornographic titles.

I will add a new option to this, not covered in the basic point setup. You'll can get half a point for every time two people are getting laid. If there's a threesome, go ahead and give yourself a full point. A lot of this challenge relies on people getting killed while going at it, so I figured I'd throw in some traditional love-making points as well.

The winner of this challenge will get an assortment of wonderful prizes, such as 1.) a boosted self-esteem, 2.) bragging rights among friends, and most importantly, 3.) the winner will never see that annoying floating heart ever again!

Passing Judgement, a lament reconfigured

So I watched the new Hellraiser movie last night, was probably a bit too drunk as immediately afterward i began writing a review here on TE and subsequently deleted the post by accident after a fairly lengthy alcohol iduced ramble on the Hellraiser series as a whole.

This morning i gave the film another go, sober, and may as well give the review another go. •••contains spoilers for Hellraiser Judgement & other films from the franchise•••

I love me some Hellriaser. The movies, the stories, the comics, the art, everything. I mention this so you have an idea of bias, or maybe more predisposition, in my writing about these films. I know the vast majority of them are bad, even terrible. I just don't care.

Anyway, we don't need a recap of the 9 films spanning 30 years leading up to this latest installment, everyone knows about Pinhead & co, but i'm gonna do a brief one all the same.

The Theatrical Years
Clive Barker adapts his own short story The Hellbound Heart into a movie, Hellraiser (1987). Given a decent amount of control for a first time director he delivers a twisted tale of lust, greed, obsession, madness and blood. And introduces us to the Cenobites.

Successful enough to spawn a sequel a year later we get Hellbound (1988), which is also well received. In '92 Pinhead becomes the focus of the franchise with Hell on Earth, one of the weaker entries with some needless backstory. Finally (as far as the cinematic releases go) Bloodline comes out in 96, part slasher in space, part origin story this movie is undeniably a mess (it has an Alan Smithee credit for director), but kinda entertaining nonetheless.

The DTV Years
After the relative disaster of HIV (ha!) the studio took to adapting original screenplays into Hellraiser flicks and blasting em out on video, mainly just so's Dimension could keep the rights.

Inferno (2000) is my favourite of the sequels, maybe the entire franchise. A psychological thriller in the vein of Angel Heart with Pinhead stuck on, or in, via a couple of cameos. There's also a Barker link as the film stars Nightbreed's own Craig Sheffer

Next up comes Hellseeker (2002), basically a poor repeat of the previous movie that brings Ashley Laurence back and heralds the start of the Rick Bota era. in 2005 Bota made back to back 'Raisers with Deader (awful) and Hellword (Lance!)

The Wilderness Years
Much like Henriksen's Host, Hellworld buries the franchise and almost kills it off entirely. Many mooted reboots and sequels are rumoured, including Clive's return, or Pascal Laugier lending some French extremity to the nightmare realm of the Cenobites, but nothing surfaces.

Until 2011 & Revelations. Ugh. Even i found this hard to stomach, not just for the total lack of budget (not necassarily a bad thing) the shoddy script, clunky acting, all this could be overlooked, but the betrayal of Doug Bradley was the straw that broke this donkey.

Englund is Freddy, Hodder is Jason, Bradley is Pinhead. Simple. Apparently not, the story goes 'they' refuses to let Doug read the script before signing on, and he was worried (correctly as it turns out) the new film might further tarnish an already battered series. One thing I will say about Revs is that it at least tries to be faithful to the original Hellraiser movie and universe, which is the least you'd expect when it's the first one written specifically to be a H movie since 1996.

Anyway, sorry that was meant to be brief, did ok for the first eight...

Hellraiser Judgement 2018
We open with Pinhead and what I presume to be The Auditor, a Cenobite or just Pinheads lackey, chatting about how to lure human souls in for the torturing. They flipping love that stuff.
This leads us to the Ludivico house of interrogation - immediately warning bells go off. Is writer/director/star Gary J Tunnicliffe suggesting I may have to clamp open my eyelids to endure the next 80mins? Surely this is better than Revelations, which he also wrote. And, thankfully, it is.

The Auditor presides over a sort of courthouse where he type up victim's confessions. These are then fed to a fat dude, who pukes up some blood into a funnel which syphons through to three topless top heavy blood honeys who deliver a verdict. Usually guilty is the impression that i get.

After which the victims are 'cleansed' then killed horrifically by a surgeon, or butcher, or both i dunno. The Jury (for that is what the semi nekkid ladies are) reminded me of Odd Nerdum's painting 'Dawn', which is pretty cool and was also referenced in another horror movie, Tarsem's The Cell. Fun fact: David Bowie owned the original painting.


All this is the ten min intro to the main story, a cop/serial killer one that we've all seen before. Once in this very franchise... Dude Bro Dets Carter & Carter, along with Token Lady Det Edgerton, are hunting for the Preceptor a violent serial killer who's murders have ritualistic elements.

We get a one scene cameo from Nancy, plenty of blood thrown around & some strange expansion of the Pinhead mythos with the introduction of Jophiel, who may be a fallen angel, or may not.

Meanwhile The Sheff is still chasing the Engineer (wrong one) Ahem. Meanwhile Dets Carters & Edgerton are still chasing the Prolapser and the religious Carter Jr is developing some nasty nightmares, where's this going? Yeah, there.

The finale sees some old friends return (flying chains, Jesus weeping) and a silly twist to presumably, er, justify the title.

Ultimately i enjoyed this 10th installment to the canon, but then i more or less like the other 9 too, making my opinion redundant and your reading this a waste of time...

The Ritual (2017)



I loved it up to the first half after they spent the first night into the cabin, palpable foreboding atmosphere but it went downhill after that point they couldn't sustain the eeriness up to the 3rd act that things are revealed it dwindled into a horror comedy.

Shot-On-Shiteo: Never Recycle Trash



Anyone ever wonder what became of crazy fat Ethel after that abrupt ending to Criminally Insane? Yeah, me either. As much as I would have loved an extra 15 minutes more of that movie, I'm good, and am definitely capable of using my imagination regarding the immediate and distant future of Ethel Janowski. So, no, Mr. Millard. That's quite alright. No need to risk making the worst part 2 in the history of part 2s just to give us Criminally Insane fans closure. That is, unless you have some really good ideas planned ... Just kidding. He already made it. That's just what I would have said to Nick Millard in 1987, had I heard about this and was someone he knew and listened to. I'm sure you get the joke. However, Criminally Insane 2 is no joke. At least I'm pretty sure it's not. Let's just assume this was an honest attempt at a movie, as we've been given no reason to think otherwise. Yet, one thing made abundantly clear right off the bat is that, somewhere between 1973 and 1987, Nick Millard became a lazy pile of shit.

Adding filler to movies isn't exactly a crime, but that's not really what we're looking at, here, is it? We're looking at more than 60% of the runtime consisting of scenes from the original movie. And right after some familiar opening credits, the tone is set as we get a quick glimpse of Ethel in the mental hospital, only to be shown an immediate flashback which lasts thrice as long. Ethel sits there, day dreaming about the good old days during that short time period between grandmother's death and her inevitable capture. And even more tone setting as Ethel indulges in some old looking pudding after a light lunch. Ethel feels as if it wasn't enough and makes this known at the top of her lungs. At this point, we've practically already seen the entire movie.

The mental hospital where Ethel has been staying hasn't been getting the funding it needs and is being forced to release the less necessary patients. For some reason, they think Ethel fits into this category. She doesn't. One could make the case that she doesn't seem quite as delusional or dangerous as she once did but we can tell Ethel isn't sorry. We can tell she's still that crazy fat fuck who would kill a relative for a plate of baked potatoes. Ethel may have shed a few pounds, but she's still Ethel.

As luck would have it, the nice people from the asylum hooked Ethel up with a spot in a halfway house, ran by Mrs. Bartholomew, whose motto is "We must never lose hope". And considering her first name is Hope, I'd say she really means this. Hope Bartholomew looks pretty old, but insists she's not Ethel's dead grandmother when accused. There's also some guy with a mustache, hanging around. Ethel thinks he's George "Buck" Flower, of all people. He's not.

After thinking about the events of the first movie for a while, Ethel takes a nap and dreams about the events of the first movie. Meanwhile, some idiot eats broth containing dead flies. Later on, the same idiot eats some dog food which Ethel thinks is funny. A few minutes later, she kills a guy for eating a candy bar in front of her, even though he had offered her one. After the much-needed laugh and murder, Ethel is all tuckered out and ready for another nap. During this nap, Ethel dreams about the events of the first movie. Later on, Ethel gets blackmailed out of her pudding by the mustache guy. Although I don't know why she even cares because it looks like that same old pudding from the asylum. But believe me. She cares! After a failed poisoning of her blackmailer, Ethel does the dishes, has an apple and stabs him to death. After thinking about stuff she did in the first movie, Ethel kills everyone else, leading to one last nap. You'll never believe what she dreams about, this time...

What kind of careless dickhead does this? I get that not all directors take themselves or their movies super seriously, but this is so much more than an inferior sequel. And like I said, I don't even think this is a joke. Criminally Insane 2 is a scam. I'm not sure if Millard stood to make anything off this, but one afternoon in 1987, something resembling a sequel to Criminally Insane came to be. Like it or not. Whatever. I personally never asked for a sequel, so, this guy can shove it up his ass as far as I'm concerned. Seriously, though. It wouldn't have killed him to have a couple of those flashbacks take place during Ethel's stay at the nut house. Or if he was so in love with the original, why not remake it? Or do the sequel and have it be a short film. Literally anything but this would have been an improvement.

I couldn't help laughing when I watched Ethel, sitting there, eating pretzels. Even something so minor stays true to the tone of the movie. Think about it like this: We've gone from Exrta large Ethel to medium Ethel. We've gone from film to video. And yes. We have gone from watching Ethel choke down Nilla Wafers to sorry ass pretzels! You won't find one aspect that's not completely inferior to that of the original. One more thing I should point out. I've seen three post-Criminally Insane 2 films by Nick Millard. Death Nurse 1 and 2, and Cemetery Sisters. All three of these 60 minute SOVs include scenes from Criminally Insane, yet, none of them has a single thing to do with it. So, there's that. Take from it what you will. Well, maybe THAT was a joke? Maybe he got into drugs? Who knows? All I can say is Nick Millard is a real piece of work. 1/10



#Review

Thoughts on Valentine's Day horror movies

The obvious three are My Bloody Valentine (1981), Valentine (2001), and My Bloody Valentine (2009). I think the original MBV is a solid 80s slasher, and the remake is great because Tom Atkins is in it. I try to watch them both every year, and this year, I'll get points for it. 😜

I don't remember much about Valentine, but it's due for a rewatch. I remember thinking it was kinda stupid, because his nose is always bleeding. What a loser he was.

It's also come to my attention that X-Ray is aka "By My Valentine, or Else..." (also aka "Hospital Massacre"), and that was another solid 1981 slasher. I don't remember much to do with the actual holiday or love themes, but I want to give it a rewatch anyway.

Also, the 1972 Tales from the Crypt has that segment with Peter Cushing where he receives all those wonderful valentines cards from the children.

Never saw Picnic at Hanging Rock yet, but that's set on V-Day apparently.



I totally googled this list, but it looks like Valentine's Day doesn't have a lot of other horror titles to offer. I still don't understand why MBV never started a franchise. Even the remake was fun, despite it's stupid twist ending.