yeah mate, ukraine holiday

now Im about off in like 21 days
but being the good soul I am, I think perhaps I should throw this out there, I love enriching other ppls lives thats just how I am
Normally with a holiday I go with myself alone, last time was hawaii (though that was with my GF) but normally its alone, now this one is alone, alone to East europe for a month or so.
I was thinking how about one or more of yous joining me, Nicko,Znep,Hairy box (we'll see plenty of those in eastern europe believe me)
All I promise is the time of your life, 2 weeks =$800US (plus you pay your airfares), the 800 is all accomodation and as much bnooze as you can drink in 2 weeks, surely you can afford that?

all I promise is some great sites (chernobyl) , and the most beautiful woman on the planet



... Im not joking ... I've visted a lot of lands but here FFS, I can remember the first time I was behind the iron curtain ~1993 my jaw dropped from the womans beauty, my comment was to noone since noone spoke english, "now I know why they built the iron curtain" Im paraphrasing but the jist is true

Shithole: The History Of Desperate Living



Prologue - Dreamland is dead. David Lochary is dead. Divine is busy and probably not interested in Dreamlandish shenanigans by now, anyway. This is a new day for John Waters' film career, but far from a departure. John Waters isn't done making trash just yet. One more, and then, maybe something normal. Next up is Desperate Living. An insane fairy tale about killer lesbians and other social outcasts, doing what they can to survive in a town they never imagined they would be apart of. A town which is the only thing standing between a criminal and justice. When all else fails, there's always Mortville.

Once upon a time, there lived an upper class snob named Peggy Gravel. Peggy actually has a pretty swell life in a nice house with a nice, normal family. Peggy's only real problem is that pesky insanity that is making it impossible to get any peace. And when Peggy gets no peace, nobody else does. Today, Peggy is having quite the meltdown, and pretty much anything anyone says or does makes things worse. After taking her frustrations out on some kids, playing outside, Peggy turns her aggression to her own kids, whom she shames for playing Doctor. Well, in her defense, that WAS a little weird.

I take it Peggy was never overly fond of the husband even when she was sane, assuming she ever was. Bosley is as understanding as a husband can be in this situation, and only wants his wife to get better. He means well, but there's only so much Bosley can do by himself. The maid is pissed at him and probably wouldn't be any help, anyway. As Peggy carries on about Bosley's murder attempt on her, Grizelda rushes in, not at all interested in facts, takes Peggy's word for it and crushes Bosley with her ass, destroying him for all time!

Bosley is dead, the kids are probably hiding under their beds by now, and all these two ladies know is that they are in some deep shit. Or they will be if they don't leave this place, now. Peggy and Grizelda take off, and of course, Peggy immediately starts bitching and ranting, but quickly gets put in her place by Grizelda, who outweighs her by 300 pounds, and makes it clear that she is no longer the maid. These gals have no game plan, but are pointed in the direction of a place to hide by a cop who makes sure and gets payment for the info. Peggy and Grizelda have learned of a town called Mortville, where fugitives can go to find sanctuary. This is a town populated entirely by people who should be in prison. Mortville isn't exactly what Peggy and Grizelda had in mind, but killers can't be choosers.

This is the kind of town where you might actually catch something by breathing the air. A real shithole, populated by killers, drug addicts, freaks of all types, all controlled by the the tyrannical Queen Carlotta and her guards, who aren't above taking liberties by bullying the town's people. After moving in with an angry dyke and her slut, Peggy and Grizelda are seized by the Queen, but only to be smartened up as to how things go around here. That and to be transformed into ugly bitches!

The ugly bitches head back to their new home to trade stories with Mole the dyke and Muffy the slut, where we learn a thing or two about them. Mole's story is pretty simple. She was a Pro Wrestler who got a little carried away and killed a guy. Muffy's situation, however, seemed to involve temporary insanity, which caused the death of her drunken husband and neglectful babysitter. And in Mortville, Muffy found the person of her dreams. Mole is a bit on the abusive side, but it's nothing Muffy can't handle. Mole will probably lighten up once she gets that sex change she's been talking about... Or not.

And just as the four ladies do some bonding, we are then plunged into a scene we can never unsee. Mole and Muffy getting it on is to be expected, but I guess the moans got to Grizelda. As she gets all hot and bothered, Grizelda turns to Peggy for sexual relief. Peggy naturally isn't crazy about the idea, but finally gives in. On this night, everyone got their cooters licked clean. Yes. Everyone.

But then, there's Princess Coo-Coo: A kind woman who wants nothing to do with her mother, the Queen, and even less to do with her evil ways. Injected with Rabies for rebelling, the Princess has nowhere else to turn but the four Lesbians, which creates some dissension. Peggy not only refuses to help Coo-Coo, but she takes it upon herself to offer her services to the Queen as the new and improved, evil Princess. Peggy proves to be an exceptional replacement for the now dying Coo-Coo, and quickly gains Carlotta's approval.

After a brief discussion, it is decided that the entire population of Mortville needs to be killed off as soon as possible. It's now up to Mole, Muffy and some other dykes, to band together and exterminate this evil, so that maybe Mortville can become a nice place to live. Just give Mole a minute to recover from her sex change, which didn't exactly go as planned. Nobody is better at overthrowing evil Queens and liberating sanctuary cities than angry dykes. This is a new day for Mortville and a new day for low-life scum. The End.

Epilogue - Desperate Living really did turn out to be John Waters' last hurrah before making the transition to mainstream. It would have been nice if Divine had been a part of it, though. Instead, we have Liz Renay in the role he was originally meant for. I'm not a fan, as she always sounded like a dumb fuck to me, but at the time, this was the biggest actress Waters ever had in a movie. Then, there's Susan Lowe, who really threw herself into the "dyke" role and made the movie far more entertaining than it would have been, otherwise. Edith Massey was great, Mary Vivian Pearce was great, despite aging 20 years since Pink Flamingos. What exactly happened there? Well, the highlight for me was Mink Stole's portrayal of the neurotic snob who wishes death on anyone she sees as beneath her. Oh, and good God! How could I forget Jean Hill? A person who was on her way to making two of Divine. Her presence was nothing short of a nice touch, and filled that void Divine's absence had left.

Desperate Living tackled just about every taboo Water's earlier movies didn't, and at the time, was despised by the very audience it was meant for. Yep, Shockingly, the lesbians didn't get it at the time, but have since warmed up to it over the last 40 years, as all Waters' trash classics were eventually immortalized by a future generation. 7/10



#Review

Rob Zombie's Halloween or Eli Roth's Death Wish?

Which was the 'better' remake?

If you wrote a book...

My mind has been blank lately. I'm zoning right the fuck out, and I don't have any inspiration for anything. I spent the last few months writing my second book "White Trash Dracula", and that took a lot out of me, but I enjoyed the process. I want to write something else to keep me distracted, but I don't know what.

I have ideas for more stories based on universal monster movies, but I don't want to push the next one until I've got a solid outline, so I'm debating whether or not I should try writing something else in the meantime.

Sometimes, you hear an idea that sounds so stupid, you need it in your life. I'm trying to find the right idea to write about, but I can't think of anything that clicks just yet.

Maybe I just need to write something very gimmicky? Something different? Something that's pure horse shit, but what?


Anybody written a story that you're particularly proud of? Anything you wish could have been written better? In fact... do any of you even write? Does anybody write anymore, in this age of micro-tweets and vanity posts?

And then there's La Casa....

1. The Evil Dead AKA La Casa (1981)

2. Evil Dead II AKA La Casa 2 (1987)

3. Ghosthouse AKA La Casa 3 (1988)

4. Witchery AKA La Casa 4 (1988)

5. Beyond Darkness AKA La Casa 5 (1990)

6. House II: The Second Story AKA La Casa 6 (1987)

7. The Horror Show AKA La Casa 7 (1989)

The first two and last two aren't even Italian. Evil Dead I and II are classics, of course. Ghosthouse and Witchery are kind of dumb, but I like them for some reason. I saw Beyond Darkness (not to be confused with Beyond the Darkness) less than a year ago but I don't remember one single thing about it, but I gave it a 5/10. House II is stupid as hell, but kind of amusing. The Horror Show, known as House III in some places, was kind of a dull, unfunny version of Wes Craven's Shocker.

Night of the Living Dead: Genesis

I still haven't seen this. Have many people here managed to watch it somehow? What did you think?

I'm not sure how to watch it. it reminds me of Radio Free Albemuth in that way, like, they made it years ago and it got stuck in legal limbo somehow.

RPG game advice

started this game 196 hours ago https://thehorrorboard.com/game/strategygame.7z (windows 64 only) ~15mb
any gameplay advice I should add/change?

its not fun/that playable ATM, Im just focusing on getting it to work, but should give an idea of approx wgat I'm trying to do
I will be away from the PC for 2 weeks so won't be able to update it any in that time, but will take notes

Brutal Bop Movies

So I was watching Jeremy Saulnier's "Green Room" the other day. Damn, what a great fuckin' movie... I've seen it several times, and I really love it. Probably my favorite movie of 2015 (even though I think it came out theatrically in 2016?). The acting, the story, the gore, and it all packs one hell of a punch.

It's a survival movie where a band of misfits are being framed and must fight for survival. Much like "The Warriors", only violent as fuck. That's a genre I like, where the protagonists have to bop their way to safety, when everyone else is out to get them.

Any similar movies? Stuff like "Dredd" and "The Raid".

What's the deal with that Zombi series?

I don't really like those movies too much. I figure Zombie 4 After Death might be a bit underrated, but I hated 3 and Killing Birds, and am not overly fond of the shark vs. zombie one, but I recently came across a list of what's supposedly the complete Zombi(e) series, and what I found was pretty surprising. So, yeah. I didn't write this.

1. Dawn Of The Dead (1978) - "Dario Argento was an admirer of George A. Romero's work, and vica versa. When Argento heard that Romero was contemplating a sequel to Night of the Living Dead (1968) he insisted that Romero come out to Argento's native Rome to write the script without distractions. Romero knocked out the script in 3 weeks and, though Argento read the script as it came out, he left all the writing to Romero. Argento later assisted in raising funds for the film, provided most of the film's soundtrack and edited a slightly shortened cut of the film to be shown in non-English-speaking countries." The title was changed to Zombi and the rest is history.

2. Zombi 2 (1979) - Despite being called 'Zombi 2', the film is not a sequel to anything. When 'Dawn of the Dead (1978)' was released under the title 'Zombi' in Italy, this film was retitled 'Zombi 2' to cash in on the success of the American film." "The film was written before Dawn of the Dead (1978) was released in Italy, as an action/adventure thriller with no link to George A. Romero's films. The opening and closing scenes (which take place in New York) were added to the script later when the producers wanted to cash-in on the success of Dawn."

3. Zombi 3 (1988) - "Zombi 3 (known as Zombie Flesh Eaters 2 in the UK) is the in-name-only 1988 followup to Zombi 2, itself an unofficial sequel to 1978's Dawn of the Dead (released in Italy as Zombi). Beyond its title, Zombi 3 has little to no relation with the characters or plotlines of Zombi, Zombi 2 or in fact any subsequent "Zombi" films." "Lucio Fulci is asked to film a script for the sequel to Zombi 2. Fulci reportedly completed 70-or-so minutes of film before leaving due to health problems. Writer Fragasso's friend Bruno Mattei was brought on board to do reshoots, and to finish the film. The result was released to Italian theatres in July, and later to home video internationally."

4. Zombie 4 (1988) - "After Death is an Italian zombie movie made during the height of the zombie craze. Released in the United States under the title Zombie 4: After Death and in the United Kingdom as Zombie Flesh Eaters 3, the movie has no connections to the other official or unofficial Zombi films. It was directed by frequent zombie writer/director Claudio Fragasso under the pseudonym Clyde Anderson."

5. Zombie 5 (1987) - "Killing Birds (Italian: Uccelli assassini) is an Italian horror movie released in the United States under the title Zombie 5: Killing Birds. It was released in 1987, while After Death (Called Zombie 4: After Death in the United States) was released in 1988."

6. Day Of The Dead (1985) - In Germany this film is called "Zombie 2 - Das letzte Kapitel" and then it is followed by the Italian "Zombi 3

7. The Hanging Woman (1973) - In the late 90s in America this film was released by T-Z Video (aka Edde Entertainment) as "Zombie 3: Return of the Zombies." The first two in the series remained the same, however.

8. A Virgin Among The Living Dead (1973) - The was the follow-up released by T-Z, called "Zombie 4: A Virgin Among the Living Dead."

9. Revenge in the House of Usher (1983) - Released by T-Z as "Zombie 5: Revenge In the House of Usher."

10. Monster Hunter (1981) - Released by T-Z as "Zombie 6: Monster Hunter." The funny thing about this being that this is actually D'Amato's sequel to Antropophagus [Anthropophagus: The Grim Reaper], so it's a sequel to two completely different films.

11. Zombie Holocaust (1980) "Zombie Holocaust, also known as Doctor Butcher, M.D. has also been released as Zombie 3, and it stars Ian McCulloch, who appeared in Zombi 2."

12. Hell of The Living Dead (1980) AKA Virus. Funny thing about this film is it's been called "Zombi 4" in Italy and "Zombi 5: Ultimate Nightmare" in America. It also steals the Goblin score from "Zombi."

13. Burial Ground (1981) This film has also been released under the titled "Zombie 3."

14. Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (1974) - This is also known as "Zombi 3 - Da dove vieni?" in Italian and Greek territories.

15. Nightmare City (1981) - This too has been called "Zombi 3."

(I also noticed IMDb has Zombie '90 listed as aka Zombi 7. Guess they missed that one.)

Thoughts on the Zombi(e) series?

What movies did you watch or buy this week? (6-10)

Hollow Creek
The Shape of Water
Death Laid an Egg