Messrs. (misters, whatever) Hammond, Happer, and Hadden

I just noticed this recently. Mr. Hammond from Jurassic Park, Mr. Happer from Local Hero (1983), and Mr. Hadden from Contact (1997), are probably all thinly disguised fictional versions of Howard Hughes. Just think about it: they all have the H names, of course, but also they are all staggeringly rich, eccentric entrepreneurs and visionaries, who can function almost as gods in the movies they are characters in. Mr. Happer from Local Hero might have inherited his wealth, I forget... he's certainly staggeringly rich, though, and has godlike powers over the characters in the movie.

Mr. Hammond actually could have been a direct reference to John Hays Hammond Jr., who was a real inventor who built Hammond Castle in Massachusetts. Michael Crichton, the author of Jurassic Park, went to college in Massachusetts. Maybe he visited the castle at some point, and was inspired by Hammond.

Well, maybe I'm wrong, but, whatever. Had to share.

Turkeys on Youtube

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972) - 1.3



The Pickle Goes in the Middle (1973) - 4.2



Las Vegas Serial Killer (1986) - 2.6



The Black 6 (1973) - 3.9



Rot (1999) - 3.6



It's Alive! (1969) - 2.7



In the Year 2889 (1969) - 2.9



Toxic Zombies (1980) - 4.0



Fatal Possession (1995) - 3.2



High Kicks (1993) - 3.8



Alien Beasts (1991) - 3.8



Escape From Galaxy 3 (1981) - 3.1



Planet Of Dinosaurs (1977) - 4.0



Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women (1968) - 3.0



The Worm Eaters (1977) - 3.3



Savage Water (1979) - 3.4



Honeymoon Horror (1982) - 3.8



Mardi Gras Massacre (1978) - 3.7



Feeders (1996) - 2.4



Feeders 2 (1998) - 2.3



The Abomination (1986) - 4.4



The Nostral Picker (1993) - 3.4

Terror in Beverly Hills (1989)

Because all the best things happen in Beverly Hills. Beverly Hills 90210, Beverly Hills Cop 3, Beverly Hills Chihuahua...

---

I was looking for a real piece of shit to watch, and this turkey jumped in front of me. Terror in Beverly Hills is a low-budget "action" movie starring Stallone. That's right, Frank Stallone plays our "bad-ass", even though this guy is only in the movie for 20 minutes it seems, and even then, he doesn't do much.

The plot is similar to Escape from New York in a way. A middle-eastern terrorist comes to the United States to kidnap the president's daughter and he takes her to Beverly Hills, because why not? Only one man can stop him... Ex-special forces karate master Hack Stone.


Yeah, I know what you're thinking. This movie sounds like it should be awesome, but let me tell you why it fails hard enough to have a 3.3 on imdb: it's super fucking boring.

Half of this movie is simply the terrorist getting through airport security and getting to the states just to make his damn point, because the scenes are more drawn out than they need to be. If the pacing were as tight as it should be, this movie would be 30 minutes.


I suppose my biggest problem with Hack Stone is that he really is a hack. This Stallone doesn't exhibit any of the charm of his brother. You'd think that Sylvester would have given him some tips on how to make a good action movie, but nope. Frank is on his own in this one, and he forgot to put the action in the movie.

And when there is action in the movie, the guns tend not to fire, but rather the guy shooting simply pretends to recoil. It's okay ma, these are just a bunch of big kids play fighting. And when Hack Stone confronts the guy for a final showdown, it's just a bunch of punches to head, back and forth, and really sweaty... CUT TO... we're not sweaty anymore, and we're abruptly ending this movie because we've already shot up a door and broken a window, so our budget is gone gone gone.


In the end, this movie was surprising in how much one Stallone can excel and how another can miss the mark completely. Hack Stone is a hack, he didn't do anything cool in the movie that he was barely in.

#Review

What were your other usernames?

Just shooting the shit here. Internet forums in particular required a username to get by, so what are some of your old monickers on the world wide web?

I've gone by a few Ren & Stimpy names, as well as a bunch of Cornbugs song titles. Some of my nicknames were pro-communism, some of them were asinine... but most of them are Cornbugs songs. Cornbugs Cornbugs, everyone's a cornbug.


Also, with the death of message boards, I sadly no longer feel the need to create a new username ever. Not that I should feel sad about that trivial shit, but it's the end of an era nonetheless.

Porky's II: The One without Porky

To clarify, this one isn't a turkey... but the next one is!

As the film's actual subtitle implies, this movie is set "The Next Day" after terrorizing Porky's bar out in the swamps, as well as getting Pee Wee laid. We have the same crew and the same sex-fueled hijinks, and most of them are still plenty amusing. I got a lot of good laughs out of the first movie, and almost as many this time.

I love the improv parts of certain scenes though. My favorite is when they're doing the whole graveyard act and the dancer lady "dies" and the boys struggle not to laugh through Peewee's hysterics as they convince him he killed her with his libido. But he's got a new love interest who snags her fair share of screentime, most notably in a scene acting as a big busted obnoxious "teen" in a fancy restaurant as she extorts a crooked politician.

A movie like this isn't high on narrative, but rather a loose narrative tied together by a series of jokes. In this overall narrative that ignores Porky entirely, our heroes find themselves interested in acting in the school play. However, when a native american scores the lead (this was set in the 50s mind you), this Shakespearean play becomes blasphemy and must be stopped!

One thing I enjoyed was an appearance by Anthony Pena as the native's family member (brother?), because his appearance dictates strong indian vibes, kna'am sayin? This movie deals with a few racist topics, mostly about the ku klux klan harrassing the native locals, but this movie is a comedy, and that means that our villains are always inept.

Before I wrap this up, I'd like to point out that the "next day" monicker is only partial, as the film continues at least another day or so after the intial next day. So these guy's are having crazy wild adventures literally all of the time. Due to the exaggerated lifestyle, I'd like to compare this sequential setup to Wet Hot American Summer, which I'm sure was inspired by the Porky films.

#Review

October Challenge 2020 - THE RESULTS

Another year (and what a shite one at that) and another October challenge done and dusted. Congratulations to those who completed the target of 31 horror movies in 31 days, and thanks to those that came back especially to contribute. I am sure Box would love you all to stick around or at least drop by when you can. Sadly I am embarrassed and ashamed to say that yours truly fell short but hey, there is always next year. A special congratulations to our overall winner, the Asian Movie Enthusiast (check out his YT channel) himself ebossert who even managed to hit the 100 mark. Box will be delighted to supply you with 2 tickets, 7 nights in a 5 star hotel, all-inclusive, to any destination of your choice (COVID-19 restrictions permitting of course). Here are the results in full...

(FTVs)

OVERALL WINNER WHO KICKED EVERYONE'S ARSES
ebossert - 104 (52)

THOSE WHO EXCEEDED
Tromafreak - 61 (50)
Brett_Lives - 54 (25)
Ballz - 52 (37)
Jimb14red - 48 (46)
Amon_101 - 46 (45)
shroudoftheimmortal - 42 (30)
Box_a_Hair - 41 (17)
Johan_WoW - 40 (27)

THOSE WHO COMPLETED THE CHALLENGE
Triggerhappy - 35 (31)
NoseofNicko - 34 (20)
BloodWank - 32 (31)
ConditionedResponse - 31 (17)
BaseBallZombies - 31 (16)

THOSE WHO TRIED.. AND FAILED
markus-san - 27 (18)
OnyxHades - 24 (11)
zed - 15 (15)

THOSE WHO DIDN'T REALLY EVEN TRY
Cornpop - 8 (2)
Bambithedeer - 7 (5)
Red_Otter - 5 (2)
PickOfDestony - 2 (0)

VOID
Iceflamez - 0
Trump2020 - 0

MAYBE NEXT YEAR, EH?
Znep27
Snowy_Owl
VincentPriceIsRight
Tommix

Unknown (2011) (solid Liam Neeson movie)

Is anybody else here a fan of this movie? I am one. It's not UNBELIEVABLY original... if you try to imagine a combination of the old Harrison Ford movie Frantic (1988) and The Bourne Identity (2002), you can imagine the general idea. There might be some elements of other Jason Bourne movies, and maybe even a little Trading Places (1982), in a totally non-comedy sort of way... and, there is, arguably, a little Resident Evil (2002) in there, too. OK, sorry, this is probably just a confusing way of describing it. As I said, it's not super super super original, but it's gripping, interesting, has some good twists and good performances, and just generally does not feel like a waste of time.

Anyway, yeah, if you are a Liam Neeson fan, you shouldn't miss this one. Without giving too much away: his character and January Jones' character, a married couple, fly into a Berlin airport at the beginning of the movie. They are on their way to some sort of big biotechnology conference... it sounds vaguely impressive and globally elite, but we don't get a super-clear sense of what it's all about, at first.

They take a taxi to their hotel. Liam Neeson is outside the hotel getting their bags out of the taxi, as his wife goes in, to the concierge desk area, to check in. Suddenly Liam N realizes that they accidentally left one of their suitcases at the airport, and he heads back to the airport, without really explaining what's going on to his wife. You can tell he's going to let her know what's happening by phone, but he just has to really hurry back to the airport if he wants to have a prayer of getting their suitcase before some lowlife nabs it. On his way back, his taxi gets in an accident and is thrown into a river (probably the Spree river, I think... is that a famous thing in Berlin?!?!? I had to google it). Liam N is knocked unconscious during the accident, and ends up in a coma. He is in a coma for several days, and when he wakes up in a local hospital he is very disoriented and confused, with some memory loss.

After he wakes up, he goes to see his wife. But... she doesn't recognize him. She has no idea who he is, and is absolutely cold (albeit polite) to him, although they seemed to be very much in love in the earlier scenes. Also, there is another man claiming to be who he thinks he is, and this guy has plenty of ID to prove it, unlike Liam N.

Liam N doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to get into too much trouble with the hotel security guys, and this whole thing is all complicated for him because he doesn't really speak German. Also, it is very cold out, (they say it's four below zero... that's probably in Celsius, but the 20s are still pretty cold if you're afraid you'll have to sleep on a park bench). ALSO, this is all happening on the American Thanksgiving, so the American embassy or consulate services staff are all taking the day off, and are not available to him.

Also, by the way... someone is trying to kill him.

He has no idea what the hell is going on. He still has very limited, unclear memories of who he is. A nurse from the hospital writes down the address of a friend of hers who she says might be able to help him, but she can't communicate much more because her English is not so great, and also because the killer guy kills her, so that affects her ability to communicate.

He ends up connecting with his former taxi driver (Diane Kruger!). They try to figure out what to do, as they are pursued by the killer(s). They go to see the dead nurse's friend, an ex-Stasi secret police operative guy, played by Bruno Ganz. I liked his scenes a lot, you can really see the wheels turning in his mind as he tries to understand what the situation is. He has some interesting interactions with a Frank Langella character who shows up soon. Those might be my favorite scenes in the whole movie, actually, although seeing Liam N in action is also always great of course, and getting to look at January Jones and Diane Kruger for long periods of time doesn't suck either.

So... I shouldn't say much more, but there are great car chases, excellent mayhem in general, and some cool looks at the underclass of refugees from various places in the world, trying to survive in Berlin.

Soooooooo yeah. Check it out!

FUCK AMBER HEARD!!!

Okay... so just another reminder! Amber Heard Sucks, and Johnny Depp deserves better. I think he handled stepping down from his role very respectfully, but if he has to step down due to his controversy, shouldn't Amber Heard have to step down from her role in aqua man sequels? Personally I think this is all BS!

Deepwater Horizon movie

I am watching it on FX right now. Jesus. I keep thinking, people should use clips from this movie, from just before the explosion, to connote extreme pressure. Like, you know... pressure not to fail, pressure to do the right thing, to say the right thing, whatever... just any kind of psychological pressure that people feel. I guess I mean they should do it in comedy movies, but Deepwater Horizon is not funny at all. Whew.

Oh dear... a new Dark Shadows?

https://bloody-disgusting.com/tv/3582757/classic-tv-series-dark-shadows-making-return-cw-dark-shadows-reincarnation/

This will be the third time they've tried to revive it, and the second time that the CW will try their hand at it. The CW though? Really? The guy doing it claims to want to make it a "sequel" series as similar to the original as possible, but you know that wont happen. They're going to fudge it up for sure, but I'll still keep my eyes on this one, just out of sheer curiosity.