The Californians (old SNL running sketch)

I think I had seen this skit before, but I just watched some compilations on YouTube and JEEZ it is so funny. For anyone who hasn't seen it, it's supposed to be a soap opera set somewhere in or around Los Angeles, with rich people getting in soap opera situations and giving complex highway driving directions. OK, it sounds like something that an emotionally and psychologically healthy person would want to avoid like The Black Death, but it's incredibly funny. Probably one of the funnier things they have ever done on SNL, in fact.

I think Rosa the maid is kind of hot, just for the record.

I wanted to ask: where do you think they got the accent from? I mean, of course they are imitating Valley Girl speaking to a great extent, but specifically what movies, or what movie characters, would you say they are basing their manner of speaking on? I keep thinking of the Bill and Ted movies, especially, and maybe Encino Man. Kristen Wiig's character makes me think of the Melanie Hutsell character, in the old SNL Delta Delta Delta sketches. The way the characters live makes me think of some of James Spader's scary, shitty, disturbingly rich friends in Less Than Zero... Obviously, we have all seen a shitload of movies set and/or filmed in Los Angeles over the course of our lives, and probably even met a few real people who actually have that accent. But, just tell me any specific movie that comes to mind when you hear and see these characters talking.

Also, before I forget, I just wanted to say that we have all probably had the feeling that having that accent is at least a little DESIRABLE, God forgive us all. Just in the sense that L.A. has always been considered a pretty hip, happening, cool place, compared to practically anywhere else. So, to have just a small southern California accent is probably at least a little desirable. But the beauty of these sketches is that they make it sound absolutely ridiculous, and completely retarded and UNdesirable. I have to respect that. Anyway, here are the sketches. Be ready to laugh pretty freaking hard.

Freaky (2020)

Christopher Landon's Happy Death Day was a lot of fun. It took old concepts and mashed them together into something that was surprisingly enjoyable. The sequel was a bit of a convoluted mess that already insisted in retreading the same ground, only the charm was cut in half in favor of weird sci-fi vibes that didn't really do it for me. This time, he took the old body swap concept and applied it slashers, and somehow he managed to get Vince Vaughn to step into the shoes of a slasher again (well, Psycho 1998 doesn't exist 😐).

The mood is very similar to the aforementioned films. The plot and victims are entirely predictable, but what are we expecting? Aren't slasher films supposed to be that way? We're watching a bunch of recycled plot devices after all, full of all the cliches you can think of. Dumb jocks, gay best friends, high school bullies and bitches, etc. We're not watching this for them though. We're watching it because we want to see Vince Vaughn as a masked serial killer. For a few minutes anyway. Then we're watching it because we want to see him act like a teenage girl. And unlike the other films, this one is actually rated R, so we get a few decent kills in there, but being that it's so mainstream, they opted out of any nudity or true grit, but oh well. There's enough suggestive content to make up for it.


I wont go into much more detail, but you can tell Vince had a lot of fun with the movie. I think I might have liked the movie better if there weren't any supernatural twists and he was just killing people as himself. How often do you get A-listers to step off of their high horse to play a slasher villain? Basically never, so this is a treat.

There are a few laughs, but some of the scenes are cringe-worthy. Like the awkward drawn-out dressing room scene where people are far too candid with "strangers". Also, the movie features Alan Ruck as an irritable shop teacher who simply hates our shy and meek protagonist. Like really, he fucking hates her guts for some reason and wants to see her fail at life. Hmm... okay?

And one last question... why do high school athletics need a cryo freezer? Is that a thing now? And why is it a thing?

#Review

I almost went to jail last night!

You guys are not gonna believe this one. On my way home from my parents' last night, around midnight, I got pulled over because my license plate light was out. No big deal.

But the cop was acting real funny, kept shining the light in my eyes and asking me the same questions over and over. And he said some code numbers and stuff into his walkie. I thought maybe he thought I was drunk, but I hadn't had any alcohol all night.

A couple more cops showed up, and another one came to my car and was asking me all these questions, what my name is, my age, my social security number.

Turns out neither one of them believed that I was the same person from my drivers license photo. It is true, I looked different. The photo was taken six years ago, I was thinner, had short hair and a light beard, but come on! I still have the same eyes, nose and ears!

They asked if I had any guns in my car, then had me get out, put my hands on my hood, and frisked me for weapons.

While one continued to ask me things like where I live, and what color my eyes are, another went to his car. After a few minutes he came back with his tablet. It had my photo on it blown up to life size. They put it next to my face and finally they were satisfied. They let me go with a warning for the license plate light and no apology.

Massive Headwound Harry

Someone to invite to your next social gathering. Or perhaps not. Don't click away until you've seen the part with the dog, it's amazing.
https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/massive-head-wound-harry/3505897

Slay Belles (2018)

...and blood covered boobies. Dread Central gives us this Christmas/Krampus horror flick, which should tell you right away that there will be a strong emphasis on gore, comedy, and shitty cliches to represent all the reasons why non-horror fans dismiss the genre for being stupid and lazy. This is Slay Belles, and I'm still not sure why there's an extra 'e' in "Belles".

Our story is pretty thin, featuring three cosplay girls who go into a rundown Santa-themed amusement park for some social media material, only to run into the malevolent Krampus and the jolly old (biker) Santa, fortunately played by Barry Bostwick to keep this movie at least somewhat entertaining.

The main girls are Alexi (Kristina Klebe, who seems to have a thing for holiday horror), Dahlia, and Sadie (who's apparently an actual cosplay/influencer Hannah Minx), and these girls are written as paper-thin characters, but at least they like to showcase their boobs, because what else have they got going for them?

For a movie executive produced by Darren Lynn Bousman, you would expect more gore, on-screen kills, and maybe just a tiny bit more nudity, but nope. The budget for this turkey must have been pretty low if none of that could be accomplished, but whatever. You can tell right away that this movie is going to be dumb as shit, and if you expect anything else from a Barry Bostwick movie, you better get the fuck out of here.

#Review

Fatman (2020)

It's getting harder to have a merry Christmas with kids acting the way they do. It used to be easy. He used to be an optimist, but he's got enough scars to question his faith in this holiday season.

The economy makes it hard to make ends meet, but still, he goes on with his duties because the few that appreciate his efforts make it all worthwhile for him. Of course, some people are bound to be let down because they haven't been very nice. No, they haven't been very nice at all, and the only way to make up for their lack of holiday cheer is to take it out on somebody... It's time to murder Santa Claus.

This bizarre gritty take of old Saint Nick features Mel Gibson in the titular role, because his beard is enough to justify this casting. Walton Goggins is the man sent out to put an end to this festive holiday because he's not only getting paid, but he has a personal vendetta to settle with Chris Cringle, because Santa never gave him what he truly wanted, and so he must die!


The trailer gives away the whole plot progression, but I couldn't care less since this movie has the Gibson and the Goggins. They steal every scene they're in, and when they're both on screen, your head might explode. Give it a watch.

#Review

Election 2020

With the US election on the horizon I figured it would be nice to have a place for CIVIL political discord. That being said feel free to drag your third world non-american politics into the mix as well

What movies has anyone bought lately?

I haven't bought a lot other than these, almost all at the same time and all blu-ray:

Friday the 13th Part 2
Massacre in Dinosaur Valley
Massacre at Central High
Death Laid an Egg (supposedly with an English language dub option this time)
Living Dead at Manchester Morgue

Peter Dinklage as the Toxic Avenger??!

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT??!!!!

Oh, I get it. Because Toxie is huge, let's make the new one small!

https://screenrant.com/toxic-avenger-reboot-movie-peter-dinklage-casting-perfect-reason/amp/


Okay, I know Screen Rant is a pile of shit that is only still in business because of the Pitch Meeting videos, but what the hell is this? Is this for real? He better only be playing the Melvin version.

Oh what the fuck, I'm sure it'll suck either way....

I don't know where to ask this

Can someone just explain something to me. I don't know where to ask this question, I'm just gonna ask it here. Please just leave this up until someone has explained this to me, I reallly want to understand it.

When people in the comments section on Youtube videos, or on Twitter, or probably just basically everwhere online... when people make a post that goes like this:

Nobody:
Nobody ever:
Something something: punchline

What the hell does that mean? What are they talking about? I must have some kind of mental block, I can't understand it. I sort of get that.... no, I just don't get anything, it makes no sense to me. Can someone just tell me if it's a joke from Two And A Half Men, or if you have a minute just walk me through the logic of it? It must mean something, I see people posting it all the time.

Help!