What's going on with Zac Efron's face?

He used to be the sexiest man alive. Now he looks fucking stupid.

The Crazies - 1973 vs 2010

Pretty fresh off of Night of the Living Dead, Romero was still tackling the infection and mass hysteria angle. The Crazies was the bridge from Night to Dawn and it has a great premise. This movie popularized the hazmat/military type of villains you'll see in some shitty Italian flicks later as they try to stop the menacing Trixie virus. This thing really drives people... crazy.

Despite a great concept... it really doesn't do much for me. Almost 40 years later, hot on the remake trend, The Crazies come back. This time, it's pretty fuckin' good!

Timothy Olyphant plays the sheriff of a small town that finds itself in the middle of the outbreak, and most everything about this movie is more engaging than the original. Of course, I think Timothy is Olyphantastic in most of what he does, giving credibility to what could have been another shitty remake.

When the movie begins, he has to take down a hostile character in the middle of a children's baseball game. He shoots the "crazy", and I was very much expecting him to say, "It was justified."

So yeah, it goes on a while and it's all good, but there are a few standout scenes that are pretty damn frightening. Notably the gurney scene with the pitchfork crazy. That dude was creepy!

Going back to the first crazy he had to take down, Olyphant's character had felt guilt over killing the former town drunk when the man's family shamed him for it. What was more disturbing to me than any of that though was how old the "son" of that lady was, acting like her "young" boy would be traumatized, but the "child" looked like he was 40+. Then eventually, there's a confrontation between them which turns into a gnarly spectacle. It's one of those moments where you simply say, "Wow, that was bad-ass!"

In the end, my preference is definitely for the remake in this case. It begs the question as to why they never went further with these movies. Sure, they may contain the virus in a sense, but there's always room for more craziness.

Cold Pursuit (2019, a Liam Neeson movie)

Has anybody else seen this one? I saw it last night, and I'm giving it Tommix's Seal of Approval, which, of course, is all that really matters.

I had to think about it a little after I watched it. In fact, I probably should have paused it now and then. I think the best way to think about this movie is to see it as the Scream of Liam Neeson movies. By that I mean that it is a movie ABOUT Liam Neeson movies, while simultaneously BEING a Liam Neeson movie. Sometimes the sense of humor in certain scenes just feels a bit strange, and you wonder how they want you to think about what is being said and done, but if you just try to think about it as the Scream of Liam Neeson movies, you should be able to appreciate it and enjoy it.

It's basically the story of a snowplow driver in a small town in the Colorado Rockies, whose son dies of what the coroner says is a drug overdose. The snowplow driver (Liam N) learns that there was foul play, follows some clues to find out who did it, and goes on a killing spree. You know how these things go.

Also, if you are a fan of Charles Bronson movies, you would definitely enjoy this. It also has a little bit of the sense of humor of Crank, at times... not nearly as demented as Crank, but sort of similar, just in the sense of an action movie making fun of itself.

Anyway, had to share. Two thumbs up from me.

Parenting 101: An Ozploitation Abomination



As we all know, not all parents are great. I believe most parents, while far from perfect, either try their best, or more commonly, believe that they do. Either way, I figure most parents are mediocre. Better/smarter than their offspring gives them credit for, while probably not quite as great as they consider themselves. Unfortunately, they can't all be Ward and June, or even remotely decent in some cases. Sometimes crazy people have children. Like Bubby's mum for example. Left high and dry, and knocked up 35 years ago, Bubby's mum probably shouldn't have been allowed to be a parent, but she went ahead and gave it a shot anyway. 35 years later and we have one fucked up man-child on our hands.

I'm sure it's a bit more complicated than it seems, and no doubt a long story, but we'll just say Bubby doesn't really have a mind of his own. Bubby's only way of communicating is mimicking the random phrases he hears, most of which come from his dear mum. This mentally deranged woman keeps her son in a dark, dingy apartment, keeping him in the dark in more ways than one. Bubby has been told he will die if he goes outside without a gas mask, as the air is poisonous. So, it goes without saying the obedient Bubby stays indoors, and apparently always has. Cooped up with mum in a tiny, smothering world of poverty and physical/sexual abuse. Abuse Bubby is oblivious to because this is the only reality he has ever known. And we might as well be honest: Bubby doesn't exactly hate fucking his mother every night. And as we observe, he very much prefers it. Whether it was by design or not, Bubby needs this woman for everything: To bath him, to dress him, to prepare his meals and to tell him when to eat them. Bubby has probably never been allowed to do anything for himself, therefore he may not even realize that he can.

Bubby does things for his mum too, like applying her favorite lipstick, "Princess Pink". And yes, this comes off every bit as creepy as it sounds. Ok, he certainly enjoys shooting loads into his mum. That is confirmed. However, aside from that, who is to say whether Bubby is happy or unhappy with this life? It's hard to say. At times, he seems somewhat robotic, his brain being a clean slate, waiting patiently for anyone to fill it with their thoughts, ideas, and knowledge. It's just unfortunate that the only new information Bubby is provided comes from someone who probably needs to be locked up and/or heavily-medicated.

Is Bubby also insane? Not exactly. Probably mistaken for retarded by most, the poor boy has just never been taught how to communicate or think like a normal person. Isolated from the world and all the common sense most of us take for granted. However, this 35 year old man-child might soon be forced to learn a thing or two about life. One day, Bubby's pop finally wanders back home, ready to continue whatever the hell was going on before he took off. Pop doesn't seem crazy. Clearly an uncaring dick who is oblivious to the harm his absence has caused, but mum is the real villain, here. This only becomes more true as the plot thickens. So, now, on top of destroying a potentially normal future for her son, this woman has the nerve to cast poor Bubby aside the second her husband shows some affection. Horny and lonely, Bubby tries to regain mum's attention/vagina, even mimicking pop's insincere sweet nothings, but she doesn't want him anymore. Experiencing something resembling desperation, Bubby makes a few discoveries whilst performing some hard-to-watch experiments on the cat, and manages to discover that the outside world isn't quite as "off limits" as he was led to believe. So, Bubby does what any rational man-child in his position would do, and murders his parents. Finally free of all the abuse and deceit, the world is now Bubby's oyster.

I would imagine Bubby is pretty eager to have some fun and meet some people. I know I would be, being shacked up with the old hag for so long. However, the rotting corpse of said old hag is now a distant memory. She will always hold a special place in Bubby's heart, along with pop, but now is the time to move on and live life. It's hard to tell what Bubby's intentions are after this point, really. He knows he is now alone, but seemingly oblivious to what has actually happened. Bubby mainly just wanders around town, observing whoever or whatever catches his curious eye. Bubby still only knows to repeat the phrases of other's, possibly not realizing what he is even saying, yet he easily attracts the attention of what we will go ahead and refer to as "normal people". Just something about the guy makes certain types want to take him under their wing. A morbid fascination, I guess. Bubby's undiscriminating naivete leads to some unusual, often dark adventures, giving him all new experiences and thoughts, thus allowing him to finally evolve as a human being. And at this point, the sky is the limit for the one they now call bad boy Bubby!

For some reason, I don't normally consider Australian cinema to be all that interesting. And I'm not sure if it says more about me or them that I consider this to be, by far, the most interesting thing to come from this country. Nearly two hours long, Bad Boy Bubby sure as hell gets its point across. They spend over a half hour establishing Bubby's issues and relationship with his mum before he sets himself free, so, I'd say they pretty much got it all covered, incest and all. Perhaps one might appreciate their own parents a little more after seeing this one. Perhaps you'll feel compelled to thank them for not fucking you up so bad that you don't even know what stuff is. And if they did, then, sorry... I probably shouldn't have said anything. Oh, and if they're dead, double sorry! Didn't think about that either. Just sayin'. This one is just plain wrong. It's not every day a film leaves an impression on me, but this one certainly did just that. The story is a dark one, and even when it's not, it still totally is. There is something strangely endearing underneath all the insanity, while also kind of sad, but always fascinating. This all very much takes a back seat to the outrageousness and the absurdity of it all. Above all else, Bad Boy Bubby is hilarious. Maybe I'm in the minority, here, and I don't want to get all uppity, but I'll just say it: If you can actually sit through this entire movie without laughing, I just don't get you, and I probably wouldn't want to. 8/10



#Review

Super Accurate Toy

Saw this on facebook and thought to myself... here's a toy designed by someone who actually knows his shit:

Cannibals: The World's Biggest Assholes

I was just watching one of the very few jungle/cannibal films I haven't seen, called Primitives, and started thinking: Fuck these assholes! It occured to me that every time I watch one of these for the first time, I not only root for the civilized folk to get away, but for as many of these primitive cocksuckers to get killed as possible in the process. What did that guy say at the end of Cannibal Holocaust? "I wonder who the real cannibals are"? It's THEM! The fucking cannibals are the cannibals! Are you serious? Those guys did the local animals a service by burning all those "people" alive. Not to mention anyone who stumbles upon these cunts with their bullshit religion that says it's ok to slaughter, torture and/or eat anything or anyone. Even each other. Entertaining movies. But seriously. What a bunch of unreasonable dicks! Kill them all!

This post is 100% Death Proof

I never held this in a very high regard among Tarantino's filmography, but if I'm baked enough, I'll like anything. This movie is gold.

Sure, Grindhouse was the double feature they put out, but Tarantino's half of it was a double feature in itself. The first half was the more grindhouse-y of the two, and it can be appreciated for the retro grainy look and some dialogue, but I appreciate the other half more. That's when it seems less like a gimmick and more like a Tarantino film, which is all about characters. And dialogue.

Kurt Russell is great as both a charming villain and a whiny bastard. All the cast is, and I still wonder how Tarantino gets A-listers to be in sleaze so readily. The Weinstein guy not only raped woman or whatever, but he was more notorious for raping movies and ruining the director's visions. Somehow, he always let Tarantino slide. He could do anything in his movies. Weird.

Retroactive (1997) 6/10

A police psychologist leaves her position on the force after a hostage negotiation goes south, and ends up an unwitting participant in a time travel experiment.
Pretty good movie, all things considered. I liked how every time she went back in time to fix what went wrong, she ended up making things a LOT worse. Pretty violent film.
I thought Frank Whaley was Matthew Broderick.
Watching "According to Jim," I knew Jim Belushi could act the crazy part, but I was surprised at how well he did with crazy.
Recommend.

Edit: Ever since seeing the Outer Limits (90's) episode "A Stitch in Time," it gave me a whole new way to look at time travel stories. BTW, that is among my top five episodes of the 90's Outer Limits.

Cloned: The Recreator Chronicles (2012) 5/10

Three friends on a hiking trip end up in a house that likes to make duplicates of people who enter the house, but they are superior to the originals.
While watching this film, most of the time I was thinking "What the hell is going on here?"
About halfway through they explain what the hell was going on. It still didn't really make a lot of sense, but at least they tried.

House of the Damned (1996) 4/10

A family moves into a house that has a dark secret.
Kind of interesting film. The basic story isn't anything too original. I did like how after the story seemed to be resolved, the horror really began.
Alexandra Paul did a good job with her part.
For the most part, however, there isn't enough to make it really stand out. Just enough to keep your interest. Well, maybe not yours, but it did mine.