Does the dog die?

This question gets asked about pretty much every movie that has a dog in it. Nobody cares if the human dies. Kill all the people you want, but if you kill that dog, I can't watch. Not just dogs either, pretty much any animal. Or any mammal, anyway. I can't remember anybody complaining about the death of a fish or a reptile off hand.

Seems weird, doesn't it? I mean, we are humans. It feels like the death of a fellow human should upset us more, but it doesn't. Maybe it's not that way for everybody, but it certainly is for me. I get upset just seeing an animal in a horror movie, because I know there is a 95% chance it will die. I have to keep telling myself "it's just a movie" to get through it. The people though? Fuck 'em.


Why is that? In the past I may have tried to come up with excuses. But let's be real here. The reason is obviously because I like animals a lot better than people. I'm not going to deny it anymore. Now I'm not saying I hate people across the board. There are some good ones. But no animal has ever done anything to hurt me the way a human has.


Yet for some reason, I eat animals, but not humans....🤔

Dare I Say, The Marvels...

... looks kind of interesting.

I still won't watch that shit though. I can't even get excited about James Gunn's Guardians 3. Or new Daredevil. Or Deadpool 3, since they hired She-Hulk writers. Brie Larson is hot though.

Elm Street 2 and Amityville 2

There are some plot similarities between these two 80s sequels. Both are about families moving into a house with a haunted history that ends up possessing the teenage male of the bunch. Both guys hear voices and have sexual hang-ups too. Jesse is a closet homosexual and Sonny has incestuous feelings toward his sister. Also, the fathers are both assholes played by cool actors.

NoES2 is more of a haunted house movie than you might initially realize. Besides the gradual possession, it's always hot inside. The AC never works and birds explode. After this movie, I'm pretty sure the house was featured in at least 1 or 2 episodes of the show, but would quickly be deemed too haunted to live in and thus existed mostly as a decayed dream figment until Lori move in for FvJ. It was still never depicted strictly as a haunted house, considering Freddy's spread was never confined to just that house, but rather the titular Elm Street (and part 6 proves that bit isn't even a firm rule).

I guess I can sort of understand why Amityville 2 changed the DeFeo family to the Montellis. They wouldn't want to sympathize the actual killer and bank off a real family's misfortune, but I'm not sure the sequels ever really acknowledged the Montellis, nor Sonny's fate.

I was wondering what ever happened to Jesse after NoES2 also. He's never featured in any sequels outside of some non-canon comics, and the actor believes he's alive, but in what state? I guess that's another thing the two have in common: lack of closure. We never know what happened to these guys after their movies, despite there being a bunch of sequels after that could have mentioned something. Also, both movies are not set in the years they were made. And both movies were also written, directed by, and starring human beings, as far as I know.

D&D: Honor Among Thieves 2023

I was into the video games in the early 2000s. Swords and sorcery always seemed cool to me, but then I'd go and watch something like Lord of the Rings and get bored as hell. Game of Thrones didn't do it for me either, so maybe the genre just isn't meant for cinema? Suffice to say, I went in with low expectations, but what a pleasant surprise. I have no complaints about this movie.

For all the nerds out there, this movie has it all. The locations, the races, the beasts, the classes, the spells, dungeons, (fat) dragons, traps, parties, quests, undead, and probably some other stuff. They packed a lot in here and it's fun. Not long and boring like LotR. Not royalty drama like GoT. Fun.

I was actually considering skipping this one with the idea that it would be another CGI shit show, but... yeah, there is CGI, but there are some cool scenes. I loved the druid's shapeshifting escape. I also loved all the portal stuff they did, because that's also a great fuckin' game.

Chris Pine strikes me as a cool guy. He reminds me of Jack Burton here, in that he's the main guy, but he's pretty worthless in the party. He is the glue that binds the team, but everyone else is clearly better than he is, and that makes him relatable to an inept tool like myself.

Medieval fantasy finally done right.

#Review

Ain't That A Peach??



As an impressionable teenager who was eager to get high for the first time, Cheech And Chong's Up In Smoke was right up my alley. As of 1995, I had never even heard of these guys until my sister recommended I check out some of their movies. If I wasn't convinced pot smoking would be a positive experience before I watched Up In Smoke, I sure as hell would be afterwards. For the most part, I was right. Sure, becoming a regular pot smoker put a huge dent in my ambition, and I gained a pound or 50, but no more boredom! And my outlook on life became a bit less serious, which can be good for some people. My still existing love affair with marijuana can be traced back even further than my first time smoking it. In fact, it can actually be traced back slightly further, to the night I watched Cheech And Chong's film Debut. Still one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. A pretty well-made film, directed by a guy named Lou Adler. Up In Smoke would kickstart a series of movies which Adler would not be involved. A couple years later, Tommy Chong himself would try his hand at directing and make an attempt at keeping the duo's momentum going. And so Cheech And Chong's Next Movie was born.

In Up In Smoke, Cheech Marin played a guy named Pedro and Tommy Chong played some random guy whose name we never learn and identity is a bit of a head scratcher. In this sequel, they are more or less playing the same roles, but are now referred to as "Cheech And Chong", who I'm guessing are supposed to be fictional versions of themselves. Probably what most people would expect or hope for them to be like at the time. We begin in the middle of a random day where the burnouts are in the process of stealing some gasoline so they can get Cheech to work on time. While successful in their theft, this leads to some rather explosive consequences once they attempt to light one up.

As Cheech fucks up at work, we watch Chong do jack shit with his day, which includes smoking a cock roach and terrorizing the neighborhood with his guitar-playing. Once Cheech returns home, we are treated to one hilariously random scene after the next until Cheech gets a call from his cousin, Red. Red happens to be in a bit of a pickle. From this phone call, we are given the impression that Cheech isn't overly fond of his cousin or the least bit interested in helping him with his problems. At the moment, Cheech is expecting a lady friend to drop by, so, he sends Chong out to find Red and hang out with him, and basically keep him away for as long as possible.

Chong tracks down Red at a hotel in Hollywood where he's being kept out of his room due to a failure to pay his bill. Pee Wee Herman isn't feeling especially reasonable today and isn't interested in excuses. However, Red's money is still in the room, nonetheless, so, something needs to be worked out. The "little asshole", as Chong angrily calls him, is merely trying to let enough time pass so the bill will increase. Long story short, Red and Chong break in and get Red's stuff, including a duffle bag full of pot. Pee Wee calls the cops, ultimately getting himself arrested. Listening to "dark Pee Wee" scream "YOU FUCKIN' ASSHOLE!" while being carried away by cops is every bit as funny as it sounds.

As Chong discovers Red has 20 pounds of pot in his possession, he quickly befriends Cheech's loud mouth cousin, and they go looking for some shit to get into. They end up at a massage parlor/enema clinic/whore house (?) where they run into some weirdos. Red pisses in the hottub and later walks in on some people in the middle of an unusual sex act, which he quickly gets Chong in on so they can make fun of them. Eventually, Red decides the logical next step should be to play a tape recorder of some police sirens that he just happens to have handy. This, of course, freaks out everyone and the place empties pretty quickly. Red doesn't seem to have one bit of self-control as he immediately acts on every given impulse.

The tied-up chick Chong and Red had walked in on decides to follow them where ever they go from this point forward. After causing a ruckus at some music store, they all follow some other chick home, which happens to be where that one guy who tied up the first chick lives. I assume he's the father of the second chick they just met. They are all greeted by the guy's wife, who has the thickest Minnesota accent you've ever heard. This lady isn't like other people. She seems to genuinely believe her visitors are the cowardly lion, Toto and Glenda, the good witch of the north... don't ask me! She has no idea who they are or why they are there, but for some reason, she is thrilled that they decided to drop by. After a bunch of singing, laughing and pot smoking, they all take a late-night drive and end up at a comedy show.

At the comedy show, the group runs into none other than dark Pee Wee himself, who is apparently moonlighting as a comedian. Funny, because this version of Pee Wee comes off like a miserable cunt with no sense of humor. Red being Red, he decides to heckle Pee Wee during his routine, angering him beyond words. First, Pee Wee challenges them to get on stage and see if they can do better. When that doesn't go to his liking, he tries getting them all kicked out, or in his words, "killed". As chaos ensues, Chong and Red hightail it and get separated from the others as well as their pot. Chong is not happy about this and insists they find more. What they end up finding makes me think Tommy Chong had no idea how to end this movie, because that was truly some random shit he came up with to wrap things up.

Cheech And Chong's Next Movie isn't like other movies. The story, if you can call it that, doesn't get started for a good 40 something minutes, and almost seems to abandon the familiar three act pattern most movies include. It was a bold move having Cheech and Chong separated for most of the movie, but worked since "Red" was really just Cheech in a wig with an obnoxious, Texas accent. The second half of the movie isn't completely devoid of Cheech as we go back and forth between Chong's and Red's shenanigans and Cheech waiting impatiently for his would-be fuck partner to arrive, which seems to take years. It's hard not to feel bad for him at times.

By far my favorite of the Cheech And Chong series. This movie is a perfect representation of what pot smoking can do to one's thought process and life, especially if you consider the first movie. While Up In Smoke had a more clear cut premise and characters with specific goals, this sequel has more in common with someone who's been getting stoned non-stop for a couple of years. This one is dumber, trashier, all over the place, and in no hurry whatsoever to get started. Next Movie is very much in it's own little world. Unlike the more professional production of Up In Smoke, this actually feels like it was made by someone who was stoned off their ass the entire time. Perhaps it was. 7/10



#Review

1883, that western show

There's another Yellowstone spin-off watched. Very bleak and depressing. Ever see that movie A Million Ways to Die in the West? It's a lot like that. A group fleeing the lawless Fort Worth travels across the country en route to Oregon. Some of them are pioneers. Some of them are clueless foreigners. Most of them can and will die along the way.

It's never very clear as to who will carry on the Dutton family name in these shows, and I think Sheridan leaves that ambiguous on purpose. These shows act more like period pieces rather than firm continuity benchmarks, and as period pieces, they sure love to remind us how easy we have it today. If I was alive in that time, I would be dead in a week.

Country singers Tim McGraw and Faith Hill give a solid performance, as does the lead actress Isabel May. Sam Elliott is also in there, basically playing himself as he can only do, but he's cool on account of his mustache and longevity and whatnot. I guess his character isn't supposed to be a descendent of Yellowstone's Lloyd? Okay then. 😐

So yeah... good show. Where Yellowstone is more of a soap opera, these prequel shows seem to be more defined in the stories they intend to tell. Anyone debating watching these shows due to the overwhelming continuity, I can say it's safe to skip Yellowstone entirely if that part intimidates you. The prequel shows can stand on their and they're sadistic and depressing as fuck, if you like that shit. I do.

#Review

Your desert island discs

I was just listening to an episode.
In case you don't know its a radio show thats been going on for 80+ years on the BBC where each week a (famous) person chooses 8 music tracks (and a book and luxery item) so lets hear yours?

Mine: (work in process), not in order btw

1. The Gunners Dream - Pink Floyd
2. Black Waters Blowed/Engine Broke Blues - Silver Mt Zion
3. Lost on Yer Merry Way - Grandaddy
4. The Black and White - NOFX
5. Baton Rouge - Lou Reed
6. Karen Revisted - Sonic Youth
7. Massage the History - Sonic Youth
8. Script for a Jesters Tear - Marillion

And the one to choose to save would be Black Waters Blowed/Engine Broke Blues

book:
luxery item:

my top 101 trash films

Since I watched Cannibal Terror, I had to put that in my top 101 trash epics (The Beast of Yucca Flats dropped out)
What are yours? Perhaps I can get some good recs


Dünyayi kurtaran adam (1982)
Deadly Weapons (1974)
Don't Go in the Woods (1981)
Eegah (1962)
Cannibal Terror (1980)
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)
The Weekend It Lives (1992)
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
Tai Chi Warriors (2008 Video)
La figlia di Frankenstein (1971)
Night of the Demon (1980)
The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962)
Dracula 3000 (2004 TV Movie)
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
The Hive (2008 TV Movie)
Lake Placid 2 (2007 TV Movie)
Troll 2 (1990)
A.I. Assault (2006 TV Movie) / with the other one
Frankenstein's Daughter (1958)
La horripilante bestia humana (1969)
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002 Video)
Rottweiler (2004)
Il boia scarlatto / bloody pit of horror (1965)
Mr. Nanny (1993)
Santa with Muscles (1996)
Fear Chamber (1968)
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (2009 Video)
Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2000)
story of ricky Oh
legion of the dead (2001)
war wolves (2009)
house of the deadpython (2000)
The Mansion of Madness / Dr. Tarr's Torture Dungeon (1973)
Plan 9 from outer space(1959)
hercules in new york (1969)
Burial Ground (1981)
Fantasy Mission Force (1982)
Elves (1989)
razortooth (2007)
City Hunter (1993)
Rats Night of terror (1984)
All Souls Day: Dia de los Muertos (2005)
blood freak (1972)
Hell of the Living Dead (1980)
Dead Fall (1993)
Mardi Gras Massacre (1978)
the brainiac(1962)
Teenagers from outerspace (1959)
Nightbeast(1982)
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)
redneck zombies (1989)
the wild woman of wongo(1958)
Burial of the Rats (1995)
Hard Rock zombies (1985)
Tongan Ninja
Mardi Gras Massacre (1978)
The Body Shop (1973)
raw force (1982)
blood thirst (1971)
The Last Slumber Party (1988)
Bog (1983)
a night to dismember(1983)
children of the living dead(2001)
The Dragon Lives Again (1977)
mesa of lost woman(1953)
the love butcher(1975)
freeway maniac (1989)
McCinsey's Island (1998)
Shriek of the mutilated (1974)
Horror House on Hiway Five
Frankensteins Island (1981)
teenagers from outerspace
Beyond the 7th Door (1987)
Ozone! Attack of the Redneck Mutants (1986)
Violent Shit 3 - Infantry of Doom (1999)
Death Car on the Freeway (1979)
Robot Monster (1953)
Wheeler(1975)
Cruel Jaws (1995)
The Curious Dr. Humpp (1969)
Plankton (1994)
R.O.T.O.R (1987)
Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare (1987)
The Pumaman(1980)
Howling: New Moon Rising (1995)
Mahakaal aka The Monster (1993)
Dr. Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks
Man in the Mirror: The Michael Jackson Story (2004)
The Item (1999)
Devil Story (1985)
The Crawling Terror
Samurai Cop
Don't Open Till Christmas (1984)
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
I Don't Want to Be Born (1975)
Scream for Help (1984)
Psychocop (1989)
Die Hard Dracula(1998)
Dracula (The Dirty Old Man) (1969)
The Worm Eaters (1977)

Maggie (2015)

I'm not seeing any posts about this movie. Sorry, if I'm missing any. Anyway, Maggie is a zombie near-apocalypse story featuring Arnold Schwartzenegger. But, it's not what you might have expected, if that was all you knew about it going into it.

The idea is, there is a sort of slow-moving zombie apocalypse going on. People get bitten, and they turn into zombies, but the transformation takes much longer than in most of these movies. I think they said it takes six to eight weeks for someone to turn. In this movie, the action takes place over the course of about a month or six weeks, if I have this right. We are told that Arnold's character has spent two weeks looking for his daughter after she was bitten, prior to the beginning of the movie. She ran away from home so as to keep her family safe from her, as she changed, but Arnold was having none of that, so he hunted her down and brought her home so they could enjoy as much time as possible as a family before she totally zombied out. "Home" is an isolated house surrounded by fields and some woods, in farm country, supposedly somewhere in Missouri or eastern Kansas. The house reminded me of Melinda Dillon's character's house, in Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

The US (possibly the whole world) is clearly in pretty rough shape, in this movie, but it isn't in a state of total anarchy. Hospitals still function, most people still seem to be employed, the police (or at least the local rural sheriff) are/is still doing their/his job, etc etc etc. But, there are zombies here and there, and they are biting enough people that the plague keeps moving along. It looks like probably the vast majority of people are uninfected and going about their lives, but enough people are infected that it does affect people's lives, at least a little. Sayyy... maybe three or four percent of the country is infected? Something like that.

When the authorities learn that someone is infected, their job seems to be to go get that person, and take them to a quarantine facility. But, the quarantine facilities are absolute nightmares, where they just stash all the infected people in close quarters together, even the ones who are still very early in the progress of the disease. Beause the quarantine facilities suck THAT MUCH, lots of people choose to keep their infected family members at home, and just keep it a secret. They try to keep an eye on the infected family members. But, of course, things aften go wrong, because it is not possible to foresee precisely when someone will completely zombie out. So, the disease continues to exist and spread, although it doesn't spread as fast as it could because at least people are aware of what is happening.

The story is mostly sort of a dual character study of Arnold and his infected daughter Maggie, who is played excellently, I thought, by Abigail Breslin. It is about their father/daughter love, and how they try to maintain their bond for as long as possible, as the disease progresses inexorably. There is never any talk about a cure, it is just known from the outset that Maggie is doomed. You just root for her to have as normal a ife as possible, for as long as possible, and you root for Arnold to have the chance to be as good a dad as the situation allows for him to be.

The mood, or the atmosphere of this movie, seems to be what they wanted to develop the most here. It is usually sad, and mostly thoughtful, with only a little gratuitous violence and gore. There is some of both, but not too too too much of either. For me, the sombre mood kept making me think of Stake Land (2010), or even of the very sad post-nuclear war TV-movie Testament (1983). In a bizarre way, I was also reminded of Leaving Las Vegas (1995), just in the sense that one of the main characters is known to be doomed right from the beginning, and you are just supposed to accept that and deal with it.

There are some really memorable moments... I'm not sure if I should talk about them, because they could spoil things. I will just say that you should keep an eye out for signs and symptoms of Maggie's gradual zombification. Some of them are subtle, and they aren't always announced explicitly.

I just thought it was a moving, sad movie, and not at all what I expected from an Arnold S zombie apocalypse movie. I mean, come on. But, I respect the movie, and I have to say I respect both Arnold and Abigail B for choosing to do it. Joely Richardson is in this too, as the stepmother, by the way! I wanted to say more about her, but it would probably get a bit spoilery if I said too much about her scenes.

Anyway, yeah. Interesting stuff. If you want to try something a bit different, you could do a lot worse. Two thumbs up from Tommix.

The Most Ridiculous Movies you Know

What are some movies that you can think of that are just completely ridiculous, have no redeeming qualities whatsoever, yet you watch them anyway, now and then, much like I am watching Weekend at Bernie's right now?

I'll start.
-- Weekend at Bernie's
-- Tammy and the T-Rex (Terry Keiser again! A two-fer)
-- Beerfest