Neon Fear: A Friday the 13th Fan Film

I've been seeing this weird shit plastered all over facebook and I really don't know what to think of it.

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/neon-fear-a-friday-the-13th-fan-film

A dystopian future with Jason kill-bots, time-travel back to the 80s, and using real Jason to kill the kill bots? Like seriously, wtf? 😄

Looks like a lot of AI/CGI, but I can't say I'm not intrigued. And this whole fucking mess is made by a woman? And a hot one at that?

I'll probably have to watch this.

Double Dragon (1994)



In the 80s and 90s, there was an emergence of kid-friendly martial arts movies and video games that made every kid want to be a ninja. Karate Kid, Big Trouble in Little China, Showdown in Little Tokyo, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, 3 Ninjas, you name it. Here is another one based on a video game, turned into a super cheesy action/adventure romp about two brothers in a gang-ridden "New Angeles" trying to stop a typical over-the-top mogul from taking over the city.

Our two leads are Scott Wolf (Billy) and Mark Dacascos (Jimmy), orphan teens living in the dystopian post-earthquake island formerly known as Los Angeles in the year 2007. Similar concept to Escape from LA which was set in 2013, isn't it? So Billy & Jimmy are tasked to protect a magical amulet and keep it out of the hands of the generic villain, because that's an easy enough plot for anyone to follow.

Robert Patrick (Koga) is our smug, bleach-blond villain. He can turn into a somewhat fluid shadow form and imitate others. I bet he's never played a role like that before, am I right?

Alyssa Milano (Marian) is here also, playing a punky gang leader working to keep the streets safe from the various lunatics and henchmen under the employ of our douchebag villain. Suffice to say, both of our lead protagonists like to gawk at her ass, because she's looking pretty fine in this movie. I'd like to watch the extended ending where the double dragons double team her, but that footage has yet to be recovered.

Yeah, it's a total cheesefest, but as a kid, I'm sure I would have loved it. Hell, even as an adult, I found it's retro-futuristic LA ninja-punk vibes to be surprisingly fun either way. And to make this movie legit, it features Al Leong as... you guessed it... a fucking henchman!

I give it 1 out of 2 half-medallions.

#Review

M. Night's new film "Trap"

Looks pretty decent. I haven't seen Hartnett in anything in a while, and he looks like he'll be having some fun playing this character.



I hope it's better than Knock at the Cabin. God, that movie sucked.

New Feature: Lottery

https://trashepics.com/lottery/

Here's another means to win some of those wonderful trash bucks. Pay $1 of your fake moneyz and pick 6 numbers. Each week, you could win more of that stupid fake cash.

Honestly, I don't imagine this will be used much since this place is a goddamn ghost town, but it seemed like a funny idea at the time. Use it or don't. I don't give a fuck.

This will be filed under Junk > Apps.

Virgins, Cougars & Whores, Oh, My!



Remember that guy who called Crispin Glover a "dead fuck" In Friday The 13th Part IV? Lawrence Monoson is his name. A fine little actor. I saw him in this other movie once called The Last American Virgin, which came out a couple years prior. Directed by Boaz Davidson, who is best known for the Lemon Polsicle series. A bunch of Israeli teen sex comedies set in the 1950's. A totally watchable bunch of movies not unlike American Graffiti, or even American Pie at times. In the early 80's, Boaz would come to the states to try his luck with a contemporary, Americanized remake of these movies, and the result would be one of the most fun and all around teen sex comedies of the decade. The Last American Virgin... A Lemon Popsicle story.

imageThe Lemon Popsicle movies always include the same three characters, none of which ever acknowledge the events of any other movie in the series. And in The Last American Virgin, there are three characters which represent the originals: The slick, good looking one who usually turns out to be a dick. The loudmouth fat boy who turns out to be a loyal friend and an all around swell guy, but is mainly meant for comedy relief. And of course the main character, who is usually after something a little more real than just sex. That's where Lawrence Monoson comes in. He plays a kid named Gary. Gary, along with his two best friends, Rick and David, are all about prying the lady's legs apart by any means necessary. On any given Friday night, the game plan remains the same: Get that pussy!

imageOf course all that pussy gettin' usually includes a fair amount of unwanted craziness like getting caught and chased away by angry husbands and parents before they can get all their clothes on, or getting a case of the crabs. It's hard to synpathize with the relentless little fuck boys as they usually bring it all on themselves. Their ambition and determination almost always outweighs their common sense. Soon, something will happen which takes Gary's mind off the game, and ultimately disrupts the harmony within this trio of besties. As Gary notices the new girl in school, he immediately has to kiss his heart goodbye as it now belongs to Karen. Gary is clever enough to get his foot in the door and become somewhat aquainted with Karen, and even get her to like him a little, but not quite clever enough to get her to agree to go out with him. And just like that, it's too late. Gary's smoother friend, Rick, gets the girl instead. You snooze, you lose, little buddy.

imageGary is crushed, and doesn't even attempt to hide his disapproval, while said disapproval seems to go more or less undetected for some reason. We're not sure Rick's intentions are quite as pure as Gary's, but we get to that a little later. However, for now, Gary doesn't seem to be totally giving up on making Karen his girl. Gary makes it a point to peer pressure Rick into continuing on with him and David in their quest for all the pussy, which, in all fairness, doesn't take a hell of a lot of effort. Rick comes off somewhat oblivious to Gary's inability to hide how he feels as he gets visibly upset any time Rick brings up his new girlfriend. That Gary sure does wear his heart on his sleeve. If he's not careful that mentality is going get that little heart of his broken, and maybe even cost him a friend. But first things first... get rid of these damn crabs, then sort everything else out.

Remember that girl who fucked her brother for some reason in Amityville II: The Possession? That was Karen, AKA Gary's would-be love interest. Diane Franklin was pretty good as the all-American teenage girl next door, clueless to Gary's feelings. However, Gary's feelings border on obsession as he continuously loses control of his emotions, making everyone elses cluelessness all the more of a headscratcher. Or maybe everyone else was too self-involved to notice or give a shit. In that case, I guess that was a pretty accurate portrayal of teenagers, to be honest. One thing that sets The Last American Virgin apart from pretty much every other 80's teen sex comedy I've seen is this one has heart. This one has something to say, and ultimately feels a little more real. And one thing this movie seems to be known for, above all, is that genuinely depressing ending that very well might leave you feeling a little bummed out and reminded of that fact that life just ain't fair sometimes. But with all the 80's shennanigans and 80's tunes along the way, the harsh reality check is well worth it. 6/10

New Feature: Inventory

Example:
https://junkepics.com/user/1/inventory/

Users can now own fake items. I've been meaning to do this for a while now, but I forgot about this. For years. It's still pretty unrefined and subject to change, but it has potential for some laughs.

I've taken the liberty of giving you regs some "items", which you can view through a link in your user profile. I'm pretty terrible at gifting stuff, so you get what you get.

I'll update this feature more as needed, ie sell/trade/drop whatever. And if I get this working well, I'll do likewise with people/creatures, so you can pit them against each other, but for now... it's just items.

Ass to ass!

Need I say more?

Why is it "unmanly" to drink anything that tastes good?

My only real options for drinking alcohol are beer and hard liquor. If I want to have a delicious daiquiri or wine cooler, suddenly I'm a pussy. The same thing for coffee. It has to be plain old regular plain ass coffee. If I want to have something in it that actually tastes good like hazelnut or caramel, I'm a fag. Do I really have to put up with things I don't like just to prove I'm a man? It's just a drink for christ's sake! IT'S NOT FAIR!!

2024 Viewings

This is for anyone who wants to keep a log of their viewings/ratings every month so please feel free to add yours.

The links for the previous 7 years viewings are here if anyone still needs to access them for reference:

2023: https://trashepics.com/post/30/55/
2022: https://trashepics.com/post/30/43/
2021: https://trashepics.com/post/30/37/
2020: https://trashepics.com/post/30/31/
2019: https://trashepics.com/post/30/9/
2018: https://trashepics.com/post/30/5/
2017: https://trashepics.com/post/9/97/

New Feature: Viewings List

https://junkepics.com/film/watch/

This is an alternative to the annual viewings thread. You can add what you're watching to your viewings list in a slightly more streamlined manner than in the usual threads for it, and this includes setting the date for when you watch it, leaving a little comment about it, and a checkbox for whether it's an FTV.

The titles will link to the database, but it should also allow you to put in stuff that isn't included in the db. My dumbass didn't test that part, but I'll fix it if it doesn't work.

It has potential to replace the challenge threads too, by calculating your points automatically. Since challenges are scored in different ways, this will require me to tweak things for each challenge as needed, but it should hopefully encourage you lazy bastards to participate more if it requires less steps. By less steps, I mean instead of updating your challenge spots and your viewings thread spot, you could (theoretically) only need to update this one list.

I know threads allow for discussion, so this may not take off, but whatever. It might be a decent alternative.