Philosophical Insight for All Bleak Souls (part 2)

What is joy? Is joy "God?" No, of course not. But then what is it? Is it a thing? Perhaps. But let's delve further than conjecture and consult the scientists who know everything.

I recently spoke to engineering evolutionary biological guy/science-person, Squeaky McKlean, who said, and I quote, "What is joy? Is joy '˜God?' No, of course not. But then what is it? Is it a thing? Perhaps. But let's delve further than conjecture and consult the scientists who know everything...."

He went on to report "I recently spoke to the engineering evolutionary biological guy/science-person, Squeaky McKlean, who said, and I quote, '˜What is joy? Is Joy "God?" No, of course not. But then what is it? Is it a thing? Perhaps But let's delve further than conjecture and consult the scientists who know everything...."

He then choked to death on a coffee table/slash/the wall of the room which he was chewing on.

I hope (and feel confident that) this post has answered all philosophical questions you may ever had.

Philosophical Insight For Your Benefit (Part 1)

Who here understands life and death? No one. That's why I'm here to explain it to you personally.

First comes life, both cuddly, squishy and sandpapery. All two of those three things at once. Then comes the knowledge that you're not alone, that you're a part of a system of other similar creatures bearing the same physical make-up that, if you inspect it far enough, is the same right down to the cells, chromosomes, genes and anatomical make-up. The only thing making you different from Auntie Fattie is your attitude (ie. your attitude sucks whereas hers is really cool and right-on).

But is attitude enough to make an individual? There are those scientologists who say "perhaps" and then there are other scientologists who say "perhaps... or perhaps not." As an interpreter of modern philosophical, philological, true scientific thought, I can say what they're really trying to say is "Perhaps, or perhaps not." But it's not up to us to judge, now is it? And if I may be blunt, who can own a raindrop? Is the sky a person?

In conclusion, I think I have solved all of the philosophical questions to which all sleaze scroungers seek answers. But to dumb it down, in a simple phrase: Death, life, birth: Oh my and oh me, to whom can we attribute a difference?!

The End!

Dystopia Timeline

I merged my Alien, Predator, RoboCop, and Terminator timelines together, and added a few more to create a timeline of the fictional events in some of our favorite retro post-apocalyptic films.

EDIT: This has been merged/moved here https://junkepics.com/calendar/timeline/

Some of the things these older movies have predicted isn't too far off. Thoughts?

They All Must Die! (1998)

One of my favourite sub genres in horror is rape and revenge. There's just something so inspiring watching a chick who was previously a victim, kick the shit out of the men that assaulted her. Among this sub genre, you'll find classics like;
I Spit on your Grave, Last House on the Left, Thriller: A Cruel Picture, Ms. 45 and I'll Never Die Alone. These excellent movies for the most part follow a simple formula. We follow a likable protagonist who gets fucked over. We then watch her fuck everyone else over. Must contain a harrowing rape scene and a fucked up revenge scene. That's what these movies are all about, right? A simple formula. So how did They All Must Die! manage to fuck it up?!

Directed by Sean Weathers, a man I know nothing about, They All Must Die! plays like a black version of I Spit on your Grave. Literally, it's essentially the same exact movie, only our rapists are from the ghetto, and it's set in New York City. Oh and our protagonist is a bitch. So already, you can see this movie isn't really setting itself up right. We're supposed to like the victim, that's why we feel bad when she gets raped, and we cheer when she grows some balls. But this chick is just unlikeable. So full of herself. It's hard to sympathise with someone like looks like this.



Not the most flattering picture of her, but still much more flattering then the cover. She's come all the way to New York to write a novel about black guys, or something. And gets annoyed when black guys hit on her. Which one does almost immediately. Cue our would be rapists.



Now these three losers see her move in and right off the bat, two of them just yell shit at her. Not trying to win her affections or anything, just trying to sound as 'gangsta' as possible. Saying stuff like;

"Yo........snowflake! If you aint ever been to the ghetto.......don't ever come to the ghetto. Cos...you wouldn't even understand the ghetto! So stay the fuck out of the ghetto!"

Oh. Are you guys in the ghetto? I'm glad you mentioned it, cos I wouldn't have noticed. Especially since it just looks like a regular street in New York City. And it's just the three of you losers and no one else. Yeah, they seem like real thugs alright. One looks like a 14 year old kid, who proclaims he's a virgin, and would rather be one than "eat pussy". Whatever the hell that means.
We got one that's skinny and who's too chicken shit to actually have sex with the chick, given the chance. And we got the big one, who runs over to her and flirts with her immediately. The big one actually does a pretty decent job at trying to win her affections in being friendly and welcoming. But remember, our chick is a bitch, so she'll reject him, more than once, after all, she's only here to write a book called "America through the Eyes of a Black Man". And who better knows America through the eyes of a black man, then a single white chick!

Well, after half the movie of trying to win over her affections and failing, the boys decide to actually act like thugs, and invade her house and rape her. And truth be told, it's the only good part of the whole movie. Lasting for about 20 mins, it's pretty damn uncomfortable and cringeworthy. But kinda annoying after a while too, both hearing our victim screaming a lot, and hearing the rapists talk shit the entire time and trying to sound tough. It would have been more effective if you actually liked the main girl. Oh well.

Unfortunately, the rape scene seems to be the only reason to see this movie. Everything leading up to it is boring and repetitive, and the revenge scenes after leave much to be desired. For a rape revenge film, there was shockingly little violence, and no gore. I find that very disappointing. The movie has the words BANNED on the cover, and there's no gore? Impossible! This whole movie is a tease!



Speaking of the cover, it's chock full of warnings and declaimers. Of course it is. The only thing offensive about this movie is the rape scene, but even that goes for too long and becomes almost boring at a point. This movie has heart, and wants to be as disturbing as possible. But it's far too obnoxious. While the rape scene tries to be disturbing, what's more offensive is the blatant splicing in of random lynching photos. I have no idea why these images are spliced in, but watch it for long enough and you'll noticed these images popping up for a mini second.

There's no musical score in this, much like I Spit on your Grave. But where I Spit had the peaceful tranquillity of nature and scenery, this movie has NYC. And bad actors pretending they're thugs. This movie plays out like some horror fans got a camera and asked their friends to improvise a movie. That's how low budget it is. So for the most part, it's a very decent effort. And pretty offensive and racist enough to raise some eyebrows. But too boring and obnoxious to be anything special.

4/10

Thanks for reading.

#Extreme #Rape #Revenge

Monkey Dust

From 2003-2005 the trusty, silky voiced, Queen's English BBC produced and released Monkey Dust.

If you haven't heard of it, go and find it at all speed.



A mix of animation styles from various studios, this sick, twisted, and wickedly funny comedy mish-mash knew no bounds. From paedophiles, cancer, suicide, and bestiality, to novice cottaging, telephone waiting queues, twats, and serial killers, no bar was too low, no line to far to cross, and recross, and the cross again for good measure.

Partly the brainchild of the late Harry Thompson (sadly taken from us by "Closure"), this epic series was trash in all senses of the word. And it had an epic soundtrack to boot. I'll never again hear Goldfrapp's Lovely Head without thinking of Clive up to his nuts in a King Charles Spaniel, or the denoument of Pulp's Sunrise without seeing Ivan Dobsky his... new... space-hopper...



And now, hopefully, neither will you!

Though some of the references are dated, and others peculiarly British, there's plenty here for all and sundry - provided they like the sickest of sick comedy.



A mildly amusing anecdote, if I may.

Some time after watching Monkey Dust, my kids got into a BBC kids show called Octonauts. When watching the Flying Fish episode, when confronted by an injured flying fish, I blurted out 'I never done it! I only said I done it because..." then realised where I was and who I was with. See for yourself (at about (3:44)...



#BBC #Bestiality #Jono #SickCartoons #SickFucks

Reviews with Ballz: Maniac

Franck Khalfoun's Maniac (2012) is a remake of the 1980 movie of the same name. Taking place in Los Angeles this time, the overall plot is still very much the same. Socially awkward Frank Zito (Elijah Wood) stalks women, taking his victims' scalps to attach to his mannequins, sending fear throughout the city. Some of the women he stalks are charmed by his somewhat shy behavior. Others are fucking terrified as he follows them, making his intentions of harming them very well known.

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Changing up the way I do these reviews, separating things into two lists: pros and cons.

Pros
- Elijah Wood does a far better job portraying Frank Zito than I expected. He's no Joe Spinell, but the look of innocence he always seems to give off is an interesting mix with the psychotic personality.

- Pretty much the entire movie is seen through the eyes of Frank, much like those moments in an old slasher movie when the killer is watching their victims. Easily the most memorable aspect of Maniac.

- There's a bit more character development to Frank than in the original. In this remake, he runs a mannequin shop that was his mother's and we learn more about her through memories he has, which are kind of fucked up. I don't wish they'd done this for the original, but it definitely adds some depth.

- While not exactly memorable, the score does stand out during a few moments of the movie. Very welcome compared the often bland and unnoticeable music of modern movies.

- The violence doesn't set any records, but it was enough to get me to pay attention to the murder scenes.

Cons
- The movie isn't exactly the same as the original movie, but it's close enough with how the murders and the rest of the plot play out that at times, I found myself wishing that I was just watching the original.

- Though the original movie isn't known for its intriguing characters outside of Frank, that's also an issue in this remake. Outside of Frank, who I found myself even sympathizing with a couple times, I didn't care about the characters. The victims especially were just too dumb to care about.

Final Thoughts
It's not a bad movie, but as a remake, it's pretty unnecessary. It doesn't really improve on anything from the original. They would have probably been better off using the plot idea for the intended sequel to the original, Maniac 2: Mr. Robbie.

My Rating: 3/5

#LosAngeles #Remake #Review #ReviewsWithBallz #SerialKiller

Don't set him off!

John Wick (2014), starring Keanu Reeves as a the titular character, grieving his late wife. Before her death, however, she left him a lovely little puppy as a parting gift, which he quickly grew to love. However, home invasion and robbery result in a second loss for poor John Wick. This time, he wants some good old-fashioned revenge. Against the mafia.

Everyone loves a good revenge movie, because it gives you a clearcut villain that you root against, and you want to see suffer. It's sadistic, formulaic violence, and its justified. Using my magical computer voodoo, I'll filter a list to reflect the best revenge movies (in some way or another)... on Trash Epics! Which means this list means shit all, so let's have fun with it.

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View the Best Revenge Movies list
https://junkepics.com/film/?category=1&sort=value&tags=revenge
and be sure to influence this list with your vote, and suggest more essential bad-ass revenge movies for us all to watch.

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Back to John Wick... this movie glorifies its protagonist as a legend, with the villains fear him, and know that he's gonna fuck them up, and he does. There's a lot of gunplay here, and people get shot and stabbed and killed in various ways. It's pretty gnarly. If you like violent revenge movies, then John Wick is for you. Don't set him off!

#Revenge

Devil's Night (2007)



Also known as Left for Dead. The movie starts off with fraternity brothers in masks chasing another guy. When they catch him they start pushing him around and then someone pushes him on a rock. Everyone gets scared and decides to leave him there without knowing if he is dead or not. And then a year later the fraternity brothers start getting picked off one by one.

Devil's Night is supposed to be a throwback to 80s slashers or at least that is what I thought. Anyways it seems more like a throwback to 90s slashers. It has some okay kills and so so acting. Probably it's biggest claim to fame is it stars Danielle Harris. This movie is predictable and boring at times. I really didn't like it. With that being said I would probably give this a 4/10. It really isn't that good kind of a shame because some of the ideas have promise. I would only watch this if you are a die hard slasher fan that wants to watch every slasher movie that comes out.

#slasher

Captain America II: Death Too Soon

Cap's back! And this time his helmet has wings!

This 1979 TV movie sequel reteams Reb Brown's Cap with Len Birman's Dr Mills, as they fight muggers and international terrorists.


After some foreshadowing shots of lots of people throwing frisbees at the beach, we see artist Steve Rogers painting portraits for the elderly. It turns out that these codgers (it should be pointed out here that if the writers had kept the orginal Cap origin there would be some poiniancy to this scene, as the old dear in question would have been a contemporary of Frozen!Cap, and most likely a veteran of the WWII years - if not a veteran herself) are being robbed of their benefits (or whatever the Yanks have) by some fiendish, dune-buggy riding hoodlums.

Cap swiftly, and rather pathetically dispatches of them with is frisbee shield, and a hilariously sped up beach chase, and makes sure that these crooks won't mess with the incontinent any more.

Matters then turn more serious, as Cap must stop the infamous international terrorist, Miguel (a seriously slumming Christopher Lee, who give his usual gravitas to the proceedings), from his fiendish plot to make people age quickly, while sending some rednecks to beat up any questions in the hick town he's based himself in.

Can Cap stop the evizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Wha...? Man that shit was boring, I must have fallen asleep!

Ok, so was it good? No.
Was it entertainingly bad? No.
Was it good Cap? No.

On the plus side, the cracking score is unchanged, and Cap get's to ride his jumping bike some more.



He even gets to break into prison!



So, in movie terms, Cap took a hiatus until 1990, and that's where I'll be heading next. In the meantime, here's Reb himself reminiscing on his Marvel days.



#Comic #SuperHero

To All a Goodnight (1980)

So I watched this movie again the other night. But it felt like for the first because Scorpion released it to Blu-ray restored. Before it was dark and I could hardly make anything out. To All a Goodnight(1980) is a typical Christmas slasher. It's directed by David Hess of all people, but there isn't any rape scenes in this slasher.

The film starts off with a heading Calvins Finishing School for Girls two years ago. Here we see a group of girls chasing another girl up the stairs. When they corner her the girl falls over the railing to her death. This is obviously a set up for revenge. Two years later we see girls heading home for Christmas break while a few girls have to stay at the school. The girls at the school plus their boyfriends start getting picked off one by one.

As a typical slasher, the killer isn't revealed until the end. Being a Christmas slasher the killer is dressed up in a Santa Claus outfit. The viewer gets plenty of sex scenes, some decent kills, and some goofy cops(well semi goofy). But all and all To all a Goodnight is a good slasher. 7/10

#Slasher