Criminally Insane (1975)

As horror fans, we're used to seeing and celebrating iconic evil images. Remember that feeling you felt when Regan's head did a 360 for the first time. Or the time Jaws finally popped his head out from the ocean? Well boys and girls, prepare yourselves for something truly terrifying, because I have seen the true face of evil! Never mind the likes of Freddy or Jason, beware of the one and only...Ethel!

Oh the horror! Don't look at it children, shield your eyes!

I bet you're thinking, "meh, she's just some fat looking chick" but you'll be wrong to underestimate her. She's not just some fat looking chick, she's one CRAZY fat looking chick, and she'll mess you up!...if you interfere with her eating habits....

That's right! Call her fat, call her ugly, insult her to her face and she'll probably not even bat an eye lid, but get between her and her food, and God himself could not save your tortured soul from the grasps of hell that bitch will send you! Ethel will not rest until her stomach is full, and god help us all...she's always hungry!

First of all, gosh I loved this movie! At 61 mins, it does not overstay it's welcome, matter of fact, I felt it was kinda cut a bit too short. But no matter, there is a sequel which I will be indulging in shortly, so my Criminally Insane binge shall be ultimately satisfied!

Welcome to low budget territory! Now for the past week, I've been watching some very low budget movies. Most of them only being successful if they were funny or gory. Criminally Insane is both! The dialogue is just magnificent. There were multiple times I burst out laughing, because I never expected such a ridiculous exchange. Take the conversation between Ethel and the boy who delivered her groceries straight to her house, for example. He brings her a whole box full of stuff, (remember, Ethel is fat, so she's buying in bulk). She's ordered a stack of food, so he asks for $80 which seems reasonable. Ethel responds with "I don't have $80. I only have $4.50".

Um.... how much did you expect that box full of sh!t was gonna cost?!
I could go on and on listing some of the brilliant dialogue, I haven't even gotten to Ethel's sister and boyfriend yet!

Speaking of the sister and her boyfriend, I really should mention these guys. Because good lord! Were they serious?! Rosalie is Ethel's skinnier sister, and is dating a guy that has no problem cheating on her, forcing her to be a hooker, and bitch slapping her. Doesn't sound like something that's meant to be funny, but seriously, check out this scene where Rosalie gets bitch slapped, it's hilarious!



Rosalie doesn't seem to have much problem with any of this. She puts up with it like it's nothing. I think she's got her own issues, but we don't really pay much mind to them. It's Ethel that's the real star of the show. Apart from her size, she's just hypnotic, it's hard not to become entranced in this movie just because of her.

So we've covered the grounds of it being funny, but did I mention it was gory? Cos it's drenched in blood. Red looking paint blood, but blood all the same. Sure, when she's hacking people up with a meat cleaver, it might resemble like she's slapping them with a rolled up newspaper, but it's the thought that counts and it equals to quite a bit of a body count. So much that it becomes a problem for Ethel on how to dispose of the bodies. You're gonna love the answer, I just know it. Stay tuned for the ending.

For a low budget flick that's about a homicidal women who kills when people try to stop her from eating, it's actually very well made and the actress playing Ethel (the late Priscilla Alden) really did a damn good job. As I mentioned earlier, it's hard not to find her performance hypnotic. Not sure how how old Ethel was meant to be in this movie, as she's being cared for by her grandma, but the actress was 36 when this movie was released, and Ethel looks a hell of a lot older then 36. I would have estimated somewhere in her 40s. She looked almost as old as her grandma!

I don't have much else to say about this movie, except to highly recommend it. For a bad movie, it's one of the best, and one I imagine many people enjoying.
8/10

Here's the trailer

New Feature: Media Ratings

Oh, hi audience. Today, we can finally rate movies here on Trash Epics. It's a simple 1-5 system, but you have multiple categories to rate for each title:

Acting (performances)
Audio (score, sound mix)
Story (screenplay, story, writing)
Video (sets, sfx, visuals)
Tilt (personal preference)

Each on a scale of 1 for awful, 2 for bad, 3 for neutral, 4 for good, and 5 for awesome. Fair enough, yes? And your user ratings will determine the winners of the upcoming Trash Awards.

black mirror

so i just got into this short tv series, black mirror, its pretty fucking sweet if anyone wants to check it out, all episode seems to be independant of the rest, the first one, for instance, takes place sometime in the near future, and the princess of the UK gets kidnapped and the kidnapped posts on YouTube he will kill her unless the prime minister fucks a pig on live tv and the pm has to do it lol

#Blackmirror

For all you Phantasm fans out there.

I had no idea this was even still happening, but here's a teaser for Phantasm V: Ravager. And well, holy (silver) balls, it looks like it's going to be a lot of fun!



#Phantasm #Trailer

I love Mink Stole

So many awesome lines!









IS THAT WHAT YOU LEARNED IN PRIVATE SCHOOL!!!!

Garbage Day

Most of you are probably wondering what the aim of this website is. On one half, we have the word 'Trash'. No, not actual garbage and waste byproducts, but old school horror movies, gritty exploitation films, and especially bad movies, like Troll 2, or Things. Then on the other half, we have the word 'Epics'. Now, when one thinks of an epic, trash typically isn't factored into there, anywhere at all, and that's because epics are often percieved as being "better than trash", but look at Troma. They don't just make movies. They make the hell out of them, and that's why they're a true inspiration to any low budget film-maker.

As webmaster of this site, I aim to be fair, functional, and frivolous with the site design, taking it in whatever direction it happens to go. The site is to be the canvas for my art, and any art that our members would want to create. My art? Well... I have movies to film, books to write, songs to sing, games to code, and soap operas to sort out. And they're all gonna be dirty, dumb, and filled with filth, because I believe in filth. I believe in John Waters. I believe in Harmony Korine. I believe in trash epics.

Om nom nom

Flying cocks



Well, it speaks for itself, doesn't it...

#Castration #FlyingPenis

A jolly campfire song...



When one of your camp counsellors is a human incarnation of sleaze, calls himself TP, and comes up with this ditty at the campfire - you may want to rethink leaving him in sole charge of young boys in the woods.

Still, could be worse. He could have been with them in the hot tub...

#Campfire #CampfireSong

One of my favourites