The Scarlet Gospels - Just finished the book

Repost of my imdb thread - Thar be some spoiler below matey's

Let me preface this by saying I haven't read Barker since he went more fantasy than horror, though I really liked his earlier stuff.

So, the epic battle of Pinhead vs Harry D'Armour...a long time in the making and touted as a story which was gonna be the final hellraiser movie.

I'll start off with saying that I was very disappointed in this, for a few reasons.

It was more fantasy than horror (apart from an amazing opening, which really is horror). It turned out to be some sort of sub par lord of the rings "adventure" through hell

Its about pinhead vs lucifer(?)...that may sound good, but I dunno, Barker delving into christian mythology just felt like a cop out IMO. I would have liked a mythology that he built absent of that...plus god seems to be not there? You can't have one without the other!

Hell is a place where a bunch of people/demons live and carry on normal-ish lives(?) But then they can get killed and die? Where to then? Why don't they just kill themselves?

The characters spouted off the worst kinda lines, and did the most unreasonable things. Oh and for the most part I didn't feel that most of them were under any sort of real threat (ie that they would make it through all this with only a few scratches) despite being in hell for a lot of the book.

Apart from some nice descriptive passages, I felt the whole book was a bit of a waste of time...almost like some fan fiction or something.

I see reviews are mixed, but a lot of "reputable" ie paid reviewers gave it good reviews, but unfortunately I wasn't in their camp.

Maybe I've gotten too far away from Barker's writing to appreciate it, or perhaps it was just the wrong genre for me or something.

Anyone else read it, thoughts?

Tell me more about this Horror Mansion...

I know it's a forum that many horror boarders used, and I know there's a lot of drama regarding bad moderation there. Wasn't klownz a head honcho over there? How does something like that go south?

Share your thoughts, so we can be constructive and make sure that shit wont happen here.

Murder Party (2007)



A low budget horror comedy film that's set on Halloween (is there any better time of year to set a horror film?), that also happens to be a real gem. Written and directed by Jeremy Saulnier, it's a clever mix of horror and comedy with a butt ton of Halloween imagery and critiques the pretentious urban artists and hipster types.

The film opens with various shots of Halloween decorations, jack-o-lanterns, and trick or treaters to establish the atmosphere and setting. We're then introduced to our main character, Christopher (Chris Sharp), a lonely man who works for the NYPD and gives people parking tickets. He doesn't live a very exciting life and by chance, he stumbles upon an invitation to a "Murder Party" on the street. Instead of spending Halloween night staying in and watching horror flicks with his cat, he decides to attend the party. He constructs a shitty knight costume out of cardboard & duct tape, bakes a loaf of pumpkin bread (with non-organic raisins), and ventures out to attend the party. Once he arrives, he's horrified to discover that the hosts of the party, pretentious art students intend to murder him for the sake of art by doing so in a profound way.



What makes the film so great is that the art students take themselves too seriously; we as viewers can't help but find it humorous. They're condescending towards Christopher and consider themselves to be "important artists" and aren't above criticizing and mocking each other. Alexander (Alex Barnett) is the leader and happens to be the biggest self-absorbed douche of all. The rest of the group includes: Macon (Macon Blair), dressed as a werewolf, Lexi (Stacy Rock), dressed as the Darryl Hannah replicant from Blade Runner, Sky (Skei Saulnier), dressed as a female zombie cheerleader, Paul (Paul Goldblatt), dressed as goth/vampire, and Bill (William Lacey), dressed as Baseball Fury from The Warriors. Alexander also brings his friend, Zycho (Bill Tangrandi), a drug dealer who loves fish and chips just because he does. As the film progresses, their insecurities get the better of them and when some dark & comedic mishaps occur, the film to really lives up to its title.



Also, you can't help but feel bad for Christopher as he witnesses the horror. You're rooting for him to survive the whole ordeal, a tense and bloody climatic chase scene in particular. He just wanted to get out for once and have a little fun and unfortunately for him, he ended up attending the wrong party. The moral of the film: If you happen to stumble upon an invite to a mysterious party, just ignore it, stay home and watch some damn horror flicks instead!



Overall, it's a fun low budget horror comedy film with excellent cinematography and surprisingly great acting. I highly recommend it if you're looking to watch a film that's set on Halloween.

Blood & Gourd



Okay fookers here is a pretty cool horror comic about killer pumpkin stuff... i don't know bo diddley squat about comics or pumpkins but i read issue one & its the dogz nuts!

Issue 2 is now crowd funding on kickstarter: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/bloodandgourd/blood-and-gourd-issue-2-escape-from-henderson-farm

If you are into comics give this one a butchers!

Skeelo reviewed issue one & interviewed the makers.... if i remember right but i can't find the link?

Cinemageddon Invites Available!

Love rare horror films & exploitation? I have plenty of spare invites for CG. If anyone wants one, just give me a shout... if you join though don't "hit & run" its a torrent site so you have to seed or your account will get deleted & the admins over there take away invite privileges from people who invite to many cheating bastards.

Terror At Blood Fart Lake (2009)



The films of Chris Seaver are for loving or for hating only. I doubt there's anyone out there who thinks his films are "just okay", or "kinda dumb". This guy will leave an impression one way or the other. And in the world of micro-budget filmmaking, that's quite rare, especially these days. The first Sevaer flick I ever saw was Terror At Blood Fart Lake. For years, I had heard about an earlier movie of his, Mulva Zombie Ass Kicker, and its reputation as one of the worst films ever made. But after reading a couple of positive reviews about one of Seaver's newest films, Terror At Blood Fart Lake, I finally thought it was time to give this guy a shot. Guess I was feeling a bit open minded that day.

So, I took a chance and bought the dvd. And when the day came that I finally watched it, I was far from pleased with my most recent purchase. This movie started out very annoying, and continued to get more and more annoying by the minute. I expected stupidity, considering the title, but this obnoxious shit really caught me off guard. I cracked not one smile for the 70-something minutes this film went for. I'm now fighting the urge to eject the dvd and break it right before it goes in the trash. I haven't thrown a dvd away since suffering through Meir Zarchi's Don't Mess With My Sister. And I watched all of that one, so, I figured I'd go aheadand see this one through, too. After it was over, I just stuck it in a drawer with the rest of the mistakes I've bought, and tried to forget. Oh, but I couldn't.

I kept thinking about how stupid this movie is, and how the idiot who made it, and the dumb fucks who starred in it, shouldn't be allowed to do anything like this ever again. And then, I thought to myself "I really need to see this, again". I don't know why. I just do. So, I open the drawer back up. Still stupid, still annoying. And a week or so later, I find myself watching it, again. Oh, shit! This has a commentary track. I gotta hear this. An explanation is definitely in order. So, I watch it again. But when listening to the commentary, which included Seaver, and 4 or 5 cast members, I found them all strangely likeable and entertaining to listen to. These people were all friends that just liked hanging out and making stupid B-movies together, who didn't take themselves one bit seriously. I can respect that. And while even Seaver admits to being a not so great director, It occured to me that some of the material, which he wrote, was absolutely hysterical, dare I say borderline genius. I finally got the joke. Chris Seaver and the LBP (Low Budget Pictures) gang finally won me over. And not only do I now want to see more of these movies, but I kinda want to hang out with these people. This is weird.

And of course, the next one I buy would be Mulva. Yeah. I totally had that one coming. That's a story better left for another day. Anyway, still excited about my discovery of this hilarious POS, I go on an Amazon shopping spree for any Chris Seaver films I can find. Not long after that, I owned about 15 LBP films. All awesome, all pretty bad. All ridiculous, but mostly in a good way. Some lower budgeted than others, depending on how old they were, but none quite as amazing as Blood Fart Lake. And years later, after seeing countless more of these, I still stand by that. But let me tell you about Terror At Blood Fart Lake.

This movie is just crazy. Wacky, silly, goofy and obnoxious as hell. Pretty damn vulgar, too. I can always understand why someone wouldn't like it. But there's just this upbeat charm about it. And a "we don't give a fuck" attitude that goes with it. Not much of a plot, really. 5 young people spend a weekend in a cabin by a a lake, owned by their pal, Hambone, who is killed in the first scene, shortly before they get there. His absence throughout the movie is barely acknowledged. The 5 young people consist of a loud yet friendly chick who has delusions of being an actress from the 30's, a 5,000 pound horny goth chick, her douchebag boyfriend who can't even get her name right, some idiot who only knows about 5 words, as well as some guy. Some guy is the main character, I guess. He seems completely out of place in this movie and seems dull compared to everyone else, because he's normal. That in itself is ammusing.

The ridiculous group is joined by who may be the funniest character in film history. An odd, feminine young man with an afro and abnormally large calves, named Caspian, forces his company on everyone and assures them he can be trusted since he "taught Hambone everything he knows", which is good enough for the gang. Besides the occasional killing by a masked scarecrow, not much happens to further the plot. Just Caspian and pals partying, talking about Ernest, and spouting some of the most ridiculous lines ever put to a script. Meanwhile, Thunder Ambrosia, a badass bitch with vengeance on her mind, is heading towards the cabin and hitches a ride from dumbass redneck, Leo DeChamp. These two bicker, flirt, say alot of stupid shit, and eventually take a fuck break where Thunder gets tons of fake-looking jizz sprayed all over her in what is one of the most pointless scenes in the movie, believe it or not. It's all pretty much pointless. But so much fun. The actors who portray Caspian and the gang continue to make asses of themselves, and clearly having a ball doing it. Hats off to the eccentric Josh Suire, who portrayed both Caspian and Leo. He really carried this movie, and made it far more entertaining than it should be. But considering there were no real actors in this movie (besides Ambrosia and Hambone), these guys actually did a really good job. At being funny more so than the acting. Which is far more important, anyway.

And so, that's where my Chris Seaver/LBP obsession started. Since 2009's Blood Fart Lake, Seaver has made many films, some of which are superior, quality-wise, but none have surpassed my first experience. A film I once hated so passionately now holds a special place in my heart for. For anyone who checks this out and likes what they see, you should also get a kick out of Wet Heat, Moist Fury, Sexquatch, Evil Dead Inbred Rednecks, Evil Night, I Spit Chew On Your Grave, Teenape Goes To Camp, and Deathbone, Third Blood Part VII: The Blood of Deathbone. All starring the same likeable non actors, along with the same spastic behavior, random weirdness, and vulgar humor, all from the mind of the great Chris Seaver. The most prolific and underrated B-movie director of the 2000's. A man whose fantastic ideas have long been ignored and shunned by most due to tiny budgets. But I believe that someday, the man will get noticed by the right person. And his crazy shit will finally get the recognition it deserves. Then someday, everyone will know of the greatness of Terror At Blood Fart Lake! 10/10



#Review #Slasher

Hardest User on Trash Epics

Endure a stint in prison.

The Epic Trash of Giuseppe Andrews

This is Giuseppe Andrews -



The more perceptive among you will recognize him as the party-loving Deputy Winston from Cabin Fever (2002). Giuseppe has been acting since he was a child and starred in some fancy Hollywood fare like Independence Day (1996) and American History X (1998). But that's not what this thread is about...

Giuseppe is also a musician. Here he is singing one of his originals in the 2007 movie Look. Dig it, man -



That is one seriously motherfucking bitchin' song right there, I'm sure you agree. And he's got other classy tunes too. But again, that's not what this thread is about...

You see, Giuseppe Andrews is a filmmaker. More specifically, he's a maker of trash epics. Among his small fanbase, there are those who honestly believe him to be the greatest filmmaker in the world. Werner Herzog is a fan. So am I. If you've ever watched an early John Waters film and found yourself thinking that it was a little too slick, too polished, too coherent and too high-budget, then you might become a fan too.

Giuseppe lives in a trailer park, which is where he makes his films. Rather than work with trained actors, he casts friends, fellow trailer park residents and others from his area. These include his mental mate Miles Dougal, a homeless dude known as Vietnam Ron, and a 70 year old man named Tyree with a foul mouth and a compulsive urge to get his dick out on camera. The films are all shot within 2 or 3 days, with a budget of roughly zero. Often near scriptless, Giuseppe will make up dialogue within minutes of when the camera starts rolling. What results from this totally unprofessional, disaster-in-the-making ethos is a bunch of movies that are weird, crude, trashy, immensely fun and totally fucking original.

So this thread will be an ongoing project of mine: To watch and review all of Giuseppe's feature films and shorts (those that are available anyway). I'll also get to the recent documentary Giuseppe Makes a Movie (2014), a behind-the-scenes look at the unorthodox filming of his latest trashterpiece Garbanzo Gas.

First review up soonish. Get ready for some poop, teddy bear fucking and old man cock. You know you're excited. So am I.

Bill Cosby Week with Alcoholic Ninja

As a personal challenge to myself, I've decided to have Bill Cosby Week. You can probably guess that this challenge is about watching as many cinematic rapes as possible. How nasty or disturbing the movie is has no bearing here. Bill Cosby Week is purely about quantity of rapes. So, pinku, Cat III and roughies are the order of the day.

This is a terrible week for me to undertake such an endeavour, both timewise and emotionally. Which is why I'm doing it now. It seems appropriate. This week will be a throbbing, black, non-consensual hardon thrust into my drugged and unconscious life. It's gonna be difficult to keep going, but I'll just shut my mouth and take it like the whore I am. It's my fault for wearing such a short skirt.

As previously mentioned, this is just a personal challenge. But feel free to watch some rape flicks too, if you're in the mood. Or you could use this thread as a source of recs for the December Extreme challenge. Or you could recommend some rapey faves for me to watch. Or you could dismiss this whole thing as a sickening way to make light of a monstrous criminal and the lives he's destroyed. Do what you want. Unlike Bill Cosby, I'm not here to make anyone do anything against their will. I just wanna watch some cool flicks and write tasteless mini-reviews.

Halfway through my first movie now. It's gonna be a fun week. Kinda. Hopefully I can make this thread worth reading.




#Billcosby #Rape

Funko ReAction Figures

Anyone here a nerd like me and collect these things? There's a lot of cool ones out there and you can find them online or at stores like Barnes & Noble.

Here's my collection thus far:


I still need Gill-man, the Bride of Frankenstein, and the Phantom (from the Opera, duh!) to complete my Universal Monsters collection.


I got all the Terminator ones. They just came out with a new series for Terminator 2 as well.


A few others I have, Jason, Michael, Freddy, and Snake.