I Spit On Your Grave (2010)



I'm pretty much set in my ways when it comes to these modern Horror remakes. Not to sound narrow minded, but when I hear about a remake in the works, especially when it's of a beloved 70's or 80's classic, I almost always automatically dislike it. Can you really blame me after such shit as the Platinum Dunes flicks? Not to mention the absolutely abysmal garbage from the last year or two, like Martyrs and Cabin Fever. I'm still shocked those even exist. But even me, with my narrow mind and everything, can admit when a Horror movie is good. Even a post-2000 remake. Today, I'm going to say a few words about my favorite one. Or really, the only one I consider to be any good. A remake of a movie https://trashepics.com/post/9/51/ I wasn't THAT impressed by to begin with, to be perfectly honest. This is I Spit On Your Grave: The remake!

It's significantly slicker, with cgied, Saw-esque gore. But even aside from my "take it or leave it" attitude towards the original, something about this one makes me want to give it a break, and just enjoy it for what it is. Let's find out why, shall we? Well, things start out similar enough. Hot writer chick from the city takes a vacation in the country to write a new novel in an isolated cabin. On the way, she stops for gas, already getting looks from local rednecks, while the more confident one makes a pass, and makes quite the fool of himself, as the condescending Jennifer does his now damaged ego no favors. Now leaving the most macho of the group open to ridicule from the others.

I like this Jennifer. she's a pot head, she jogs, but is kind of clumsy, which is cute. This Jennifer has an attitude. But not to the point of being annoying like Emilia Clarke from Terminator Genisys. After Clumsy Jennifer drops her phone in the toilet, she realizes it doesn't work, and gets the local retard on it asap. After saving the day, Jennifer pays him with a kiss, which shakes him up, being the retard that he is. Later, Matthew and the redneck crew, who, I guess he's apart of, discuss the nearby city poon as the leader is noticeably angered by Matthew's bragging. This leads to testosterone-fueled shit talking, and one thing leads to another, and before we know it, a raping is being planned out.

As the rednecks drag Matthew along, it first seems like they've broke in Jennifer's cabin to simply pick on her and push her around, but we know better, and so does she. Jennifer gets away, and luckily runs into the sheriff. Looks like the day has been saved early, this time. That was a close one. As Jennifer takes the sheriff back to the cabin to explain what just happened, he seems more interested in the half-smoked joint he just found than what she's telling him. He acts all serious as if it was an 8-ball, or something, but soon makes his intentions clear. Intentions clearly involving rape! As Sheriff is joined by the rest of the crew, it finally hits us. This time, the fucking sheriff is in on it! And not only that, but HE is the leader of this pack. Unfortunate for Jennifer, as this is one sadistic, slimy little bastard. And he has his sights set on an ass raping.

So, the ass rape happens, as well as plenty of traditional rapings leading up to it. Even Matthew gets in on it, popping his tard-cherry, which sends him into some sort of rage, causing him to attack Jennifer, which was unexpected. The plan was to kill Jennifer to cover their tracks, but she manages to disappear after jumping off a bridge, into the river. Time to start panicking! Sheriff gets nervous, which makes the others nervous. We take it these guys are scared of him, as they quickly do whatever he says, spending the next few weeks looking for a body, but never finding one. The raping was also recorded, and naturally, the tape is missing. Rednecks continue to panic. But soon, they will really have something to panic about, as Jennifer prepares for gruesome revenge.

One difference I noticed about this, and it's quite typical of the times, is that less emphasis is put on the rapings and more on the revenge scenes, which are all very much worth cringing over. Pretty creative stuff they came up with, here. I guess it's good they didn't try to outdo the 22 minute rape from the original. I assume this takes place in the south, as there are attempts by the actors at southern accents. Things like that make all the difference, as Connecticut rednecks just never pack quite the punch.

The modern remake trend of revealing a bigger picture was actually a nice touch, as there's no denying the sheriff being involved does make this situation all the more intimidating. Oh, and I mustn't forget the new retard. I suppose the original Matthew was funnier and had better chemistry with the original Jennifer, but this guy is far more realistic, and reminds me far less of Woody Allen. I say pretty much everyone was better in their roles compared to the originals. But that's just one man's opinion. Maybe this remake is still a tad too slick for most fans of the old stuff, and maybe it doesn't exactly capture the feel of the first one , but in a sea of terrible remakes, I Spit On Your Grave proves to us that it's never a good idea to judge a movie by it's contemporaries. 7/10

https://assets.mubi.com/images/film/30669/image-w1280.jpg?1445876769

#Review

What is Wes Craven's worst film?

I just watched Shocker for the first time in a long while and it is a real stinker. Not long ago I watched Deadly Friend, which, cool basketball death scene aside, is also a turd. Cursed was almost unwatchable. My Soul To Take is one of the few of his films that I haven't seen, but by all accounts it blows. What is the worst Craven film in your opinion?

Black Sheep: The History Of Born Again



I usually keep my review writing within the safe confines of movies. And I'll admit that music is something I'm not nearly as educated on. But I do know what I like: Metal! But I've not always dug the sweet tunes of this genre. But bands like Candlemass and My Dying Bride eventually proved to me that there is much, much more to Metal than Pantera and Metallica. But years before my Metal awakening, or even before I really loved music at all, there was one band that I always loved. A legendary band that has been far more influential than most people realize. A band that gave birth to all four bands mentioned above, as well as the Metal in general, and its many sub genres. Yeah. There was alwys Black Sabbath!

And I'm not even going to attempt a review for the band itself, as such a chore would take more time than I am willing to give, and more knowledge than I possess. But instead, I'm going to focus on one particular album that a lot of us, even 33 years later, still don't know quite what to make of. Personally, I love this album, but it actually took years for it to grow on me. Black Sabbath's Born Again is an absolute mess. An impulsive as fuck collaboration between the three original instrumental members and their new pal, Deep Purple's Ian Gillan on vocals. At first glance, it seemed like a good idea. After listening to the album, one might rethink this. But perhaps a few more listens might make one rethink their opinion yet again. A couple hundred in my case.

In the beginning, there was Ozzy Osbourne; their original (and most beloved) singer. Many consider an album without Ozzy to not be Black Sabbath at all. I strongly disagree with this theory, but Once Ozzy was out of the picture, a decision was made at some point to not so much replace him, but find a singer with a completely different approach. And with the 70's coming to a close, it only seemed right to go in a different direction all together. And so "Dio-Sabbath" was born. Ex-Rainbow front man, Ronnie James Dio, was welcomed into the fold. And Mr. Dio was much more than a singer. He was an amazing singer, with the songwriting skills to match. A singer-songwriter that was not only good enough to fill the legendary Osbourne's shoes, but a presence and style that would breath new life into a band that people were on the verge of getting tired of. Ozzy is Ozzy and we love him for that, but they don't call this Dio guy "GOD" for nothing.

Unfortunately, God's stint in Sabbath would not be a very long one. After only two studio albums, there would be a disagreement between the band members, involving the mixing of a live album. A disagreement heated enough to end this dream team for an entire decade. So, what now? They already lost their original drummer, Bill Ward (for the first of many times). And now, Dio's pissed off, and has even taken Drummer #2 (Vinny Appice) with him back to Dio Land to form another band. But that's another story. Sabbath needs to either get their hands on another singer who will stand out like the last two, or just call it quits and start a new band entirely. "Not today", says Tony Iommi. I got drunk with that Deep Purple guy last night and talked him into being our new singer, says Tony Iommi. And that's how Born Again was Born.

One thing about Ian Gillan is that he never was and never will be a good fit in Black Sabbath. His look, his voice, his entire style. Just not all that Sabbathy. He knew it all along. Or atleast once he sobered up, but he stuck to his word just the same. Ian Gillan is now a part of Black Sabbath, and he will be providing vocals on their 11th album, and will be hitting the road with Tony, Geezer, and the recently returned Bill Ward, for the Born Again Tour. But this incompatible new group would prove to be doomed from the beginning. However, before I go into any more of this, a few words on the tracks.


Trashed: A great opener, and the catchiest track on here, in my opinion. Sort of a cross between Paranoid and Neon Knights. By far the most Sabbathy song since the mid-70's. 6/10

Stonehenge: Worthless bass noise. Kind of eerie, I suppose. 2/10

Disturbing The Priest: This is the heaviest, and most sinister-sounding track on the album. Fantastic song. 10/10

The Dark: More worthless noise. Usually, the instrumental tracks are decent, but this is shameless filler. 1/10

Zero The Hero: This is one people seem to either love or hate. It's been accused of being a bit rappy, as well as ripped off by Guns N' Roses for Paradise City. Another catchy one. I like it. 6/10

Digital Bitch: Not bad. Not great. This one has the most attitude of all the tracks. Rumored to be inspired by Sharon Osbourne.. 4/10

Born Again: It's an absolute sin this isn't the final track. Born Again is a melodic, somber masterpiece. And has long been in my tpp 10 favorite Sabbath songs. 10/10

Hotline: My least favorite track that is an actual song. Similar to Digital Bitch, but not as good. 3/10

Keep It Warm: Not as fitting as Born Again would have been but still a great closer. And one of the strongest tracks on the album. 7/10

And then there's the album cover. One of the most unpopular things about Born Again is that damn album cover. I'm sure they could have come up with something better than "red Devil Baby", but I think it's pretty cool. And besides. Since when is this band known for having awesome album covers, anyway? I never hear anyone bitching about the cover for Technical Ecstasy, for fuck's sake!

A lot of people hate Born Again because they think the songs are stupid. That'd be a matter of opinion. I happen to disagree. I just find it to be some good old fashion drinking music. But what is an undisputed fact is that this album sounds like shit. The guys actually did a fine job, but I don't know what they we're going for in production, because the final product is very harsh on the ears, at times. The whole thing sounds too screechy and staticy. Certain guitar solos make it necessary to turn the volume down. It almost sounds like this album was recorded in a garage. Recently, I heard the unmixed demo on Youtube and it was a world of difference. It took a while for this album to win me over in the first place, but since hearing this so-called rough version, I love this album all the more, and finally see it for the masterpiece that it is. Hopefully, someday, we'll see an official remixed re-release. Born Again deserves another chance.

Before touring could begin, Another problem arose. Bill Ward, who recently quit drinking, and drummed sober on an album for the first time in his life, had fallen off the wagon, and was in no shape for the tour. So, once again, the original drummer was gone. And sadly, Born Again would be his last hurrah for the studio. Next up, Tony Iommi's friend, Bev Bevan. I haven't heard him do his thing but hear he was one of the worst drummers the band ever had. Another unfortunate issue for the tour was Gillan's inability to get down all those Ozzy and Dio Lyrics. While he did have something to read off, the smoke, which was part of the show, often made it impossible to see anything, messing up a lot of his performances. Born Again just can't win.

So, this short-lived incarnation of the legendary band isn't exactly the "Purple Sabbath" fusion everyone was expecting. Regardless of what you think of this album, most seem in agreement that Ian Gillan fronting Sabbath just wasn't meant to be, and possibly jinxed. Gillan himself has admitted he was the worst singer they ever had. But one could say the album they left behind has actually aged pretty well, and has maybe even developed a bit of a cult following over the years due to the all around uniqueness of it all. I myself find the mystique and the legend behind this misunderstood LP quite fascinating. Love it or hate it, It's just plain weird no matter how you look at it. And despite the fact that it includes three original members, you can't really compare this enigma to anything else in the Sabbath catalogue. Born Again is very much the black sheep. It shouldn't be, but it just is. Not that it's anywhere near the least popular thing they've done. Out of all the eras which came before it and after, Black Sabbath fans are still divided on this version more than anything. It seems to inspire a passionate response either way, and probably always will. Black Sabbath may have never fully been Born Again, but in 1983, they did enter The Twilight Zone. 7/10

The 100 Coolest dudes in history

1. Stacy Keach
2. Tom Atkins
3. Oliver Reed
4. Clint Eastwood
5. Udo Kier
6. Bobby Rhodes // though prolly the true #1
7. Ric Flair
8. Burt Renolyds
9. Jeffrey Allen ?
10. John Waters
11. Rutger Hauer
12. Kurt Russell
13. Fred Williamson
14. Henry Silva
15. Franco Nero
16. David Hess
17. Kevin Bacon
18. Ian McCulloch
19. Alice Cooper
20. Wilford Brimley
21. Paul Shaffer
22. Donald Pleasance
23. James Karen
24. David Warbeck
25. Nic Cage
26. George 'buck' Flower
27. William Shatner
28. David Hassellhoff
29. Wilford Brimley
30. Paul Shaffer
31. Donald Pleasance
32. James Karen
33. Keir Dullea
34. Dennis Quaid
35. Burt Lancaster
36. Vincent Price
37. Roy Scheider
38. Charton Heston
39. Ronny Cox
40. Harold Ramis
41. Danny Glover
42. Sam Neill
Matthew McConaughey Rory Cochrane, and everyone else in Dazed and Confused (except Bannion, ha ha),
43. Ben Affleck (just to differentiate... Bannion was not cool, but I think Ben is)
44. Sam Elliott
45. James Brolin
46. Jim Beaver
47. Harry Dean Stanton
48. Tracey Walter
49. George Romero
50. Ken Foree
51. Tom Savini
52. Sid Haig
53. Stan Lee
54. Rober Kirkman
55. Lloyd Kaufman
56. Tony Iommi
57. Warren Oates
58. Matthew Lillard
59. Bruce Campbell
60. Reggie Banister
61. Tom Hardy
62. Oliver Sacks // died a few days ago
63. Shia LaBeouf
64. Ivan Rassimov
65. Klaus Kinski
66. Christopher George
67. David Bowie
68. Lou Reed
69. Christopher Lee
70. Peter Cushing
71. Gary Busey
72. Malcolm McDowell
73. Brad Dourif
74. Lance Henriksen
75. Weng Weng
76. Tom Baker
77. Dan Haggerty
78. Ralph Macchio // under duress
79. Michael Berryman
80. Hugo Stiglitz
81. Humphrey Bogart
82. Robert Mitchum
83. Peter Weller
84. Ravishing Rick Rude
85. Peter Bark
86. John Saxon
87. Michael Ironside
88. Casper van Dien
89. Charles Bronson
90. Paul Naschy
91. Chuck Norris
92. Antony Wong

New Friday The 13th is cancelled

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/friday-13th-reboot-shut-down-972644

How do you feel about this?

I don't think we missed anything special. All the best Friday movies belong in the 80's.

Cannibal Ferox: Coke Or Pepsi?



Italy has been very good to us Horror/Exploitation fans over the years. Perhaps more than any other country. If you want cheese, they got plenty, if you want gore, no problem. If you're in the mood for a genuinely scary masterpiece, there's more than enough to go around. This country offers a bottomless pit of Giallos, Women In Prison flicks, Zombie epics, and all sorts of cool, supernatural Horrors with tons of atmosphere. However, there's one sub genre that sticks out among the rest. The cannibal films, or jungle atrocities. Whatever you want to call them.

A type of film started by Umberto Lenzi, with 1972's The Man From Deep River. However, the film that really put these things on the map was Ruggero Deodato's Cannibal Holocaust, which is widely known as the most extreme of the bunch. But is it really the cream of the crop? Most seem to think so, but not everyone. Most people who don't, favor Lenzi's Cannibal Ferox more often than not. Both are great in different ways. Both undisputedly take up the number one and two spots. But there can be only one Coca-Cola. In my humble opinion, that would be Ferox.



Before going into why I favor this movie over the other one, let's talk about the story. first. We begin in New York City, witnessing an innocent man losing his life at the hands of gangsters. A senseless casualty, but far from the last. The gangsters were looking for the guy's dealer friend, who owes them a lot of money, but is currently M.I.A. We already get the idea that Mike is trouble. And we haven't even met him yet. Meanwhile, Gloria, her brother, Rudy, and their slutty friend, Pat, head out to the rainforest. Gloria is an Anthropologist who is writing a thesis on Cannibalism within ancient tribes. An attempt at disproving the theory. After several inconveniences and setbacks deep within the jungle, the trio run into Mike and his partner in crime, Joe, who have been hunting for Emeralds. Mike quickly reveals himself as a cokehead and a dick, while Joe happens to be badly wounded. Already, this doesn't look like it's going to end well.

Mike feeds them some story about how they were with a Portuguese guide who, for some reason, got on the bad side of a local tribe, and was tortured, castrated and killed right in front of them, while they somehow managed to get away by the skin of their teeth. Later on, Joe, in his last moments of life, reveals what really happened. Joe, being the sadistic, coke headed rascal that he is, went ape shit on their guide and did all the things he had pinned on the cannibals. Mike is a bad guy. The cannibals know this because they were forced to witness Mike's meltdown. And anyone they see with their enemy is of course guilty by association.

As Mike pushes it by murdering a young girl, the tribe is angered even further, and eventually captures Mike and his new "friends". I suppose trying to explain that they aren't actually with him is out of the question. Explanations won't do them any good out here. These primitives know nothing of trials, lawyers or fairness. But there is one thing they have an understanding of. That'd be Revenge! Guilty or not, everybody's fucked, now! Especially Mike. Rudy runs off and gets himself killed. Mike, castrated. He and the ladies are held captive to await their inevitable demise.



Oh, and some animals get slaughtered for absolutely no reason. This being something that almost every Cannibal atrocity includes. Why, I don't know. I've heard it was meant to be senseless entertainment. They got the senseless part right. I've never lost any sleep over it like some seem to, but I think we can all agree that was shitty.

Also known as Make Them Die Slowly, Cannibal Ferox was released the very next year after Cannibal Holocaust, gaining an equal amount of notoriety, and most likely offending an equal amount of movie goers. I do love both these films, but as I said, I tend to favor this one. Sure, it's not quite as disturbing, the score isn't quite as nice, and neither is the location. But that's all I'm seeing that Holocaust has over Ferox.

But what does Ferox really have over Holocaust? Well, for starters, it's more fun. I think it's more of a typically cheesy Italian Exploitation than it's counterpart. The dialogue is pretty stupid at times, which is good for a few laughs. We get to know the characters a little better. Characters who are far more likable. There's also this sense of dread which Holocaust fails to offer. Mike and the gang are held against their will for some time, forced to live the rest of their short lives in terror, picturing their own deaths over and over until it finally happens in a way more gruesome and painful than they could have imagined. In Cannibal Holocaust, it's just a bunch of assholes killing for no reason and eventually paying for it. Cannibal Ferox is certainly the less gruesome of the two movies, but all things considered, it still has my vote as the superior brand. 7/10


#Review

Rank The Friday The 13th films

This topic has made its way to Trashepics

1. Friday The 13th Pt 6: Jason Lives
2. Friday The 13th Pt 4: The Final Chapter
3. Friday The 13th Pt 3
4. Freddy Vs Jason
5. Jason X
6. Friday The 13th Pt VII: The New Blood
7. Friday The 13th PT VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
8. Jason Goes To Hell
9. Friday The 13th (1980)
10. Friday The 13th Pt 5: A New Beginning
11. Friday The 13th Pt 2
12. Friday The 13th (2009)

Cry of a Prostitute

Is this any good? I've never heard of it but came across it on YouTube the other night. Sounds like a giallo.

Top 6 Sweary Characters

I've sworn all my life. I swear all the time and I think it's rather good language. People say it's limited vocabulary that makes you swear, well I don't think so. Cause, my vocabulary I know at least, ohh, one hundred and twenty seven words. And I still prefer fuck.... It always works, you know? And you never read, '"Fuck off", he hinted.' - Billy Connolly

I'm with Billy. Coarse language is a wonderful thing. It sounds good, it fucking feels good and it always gets the job done. Fuck, shit, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, prick... These are strong words. Powerful words. And, under certain circumstances, they are necessary words. Sometimes no other word will suffice.

When it comes to movies and TV, there are few things I love more than a good, forceful, creative hit of profanity. I'm clearly not alone in this, because many screenwriters and playwrights have filled their works with foul-mouthed characters, and great actors have played these parts with gusto, spitting out every fuck as if their life depended on it. Obviously, there's far too many great sweary characters to list them all. This was originally intended to be a top 5, but then I remembered one that I couldn't leave out. But if I don't set myself a strict limit, then this list will be end up being longer than War and fucking Peace.

So, without further a-fucking-do, here's my list of 6 great sweary characters. Enjoy!


6. Harry - In Bruges

In Bruges is a great movie. A fucking great movie. Colin Farrell is at his most charming, Brendan Gleeson at his most grizzled and soulful, and the two of them have fantastic chemistry together. It's hard to imagine anyone stealing the show from this pair... until Ralph Fiennes enters the picture as crime lord Harry.

Harry is one miserable motherfucker. I don't think he smiles once in the entire movie. He doesn't even seem like he's physically capable of smiling. About all he does is hurl abuse at anyone who even slightly annoys him. And he gets annoyed very easily. This is bad news for any other character in the movie, but it's great news for the audience, because his outbursts of rage are hilariously awesome, as is his apparent inability to speak 7 consecutive words without including at least 1 fuck.




Best Sweary Moment: Harry responds with disbelief when told that someone doesn't enjoy being in Bruges.



5. Francis Begbie - Trainspotting

It's difficult to tell because the Scottish accents are so thick, but if you switch on the subtitles for Trainspotting, you'll notice there's a motherfucking shitload of swearing going on. While every character drops their fair share of F and C-bombs, it's Begbie who who easily holds the heavyweight championship belt for coarse language.

Not just one of the sweariest, but also one of the scariest characters ever, Begbie can snap at any given time. In fact, he probably swears less when he's angry, because that's when his fists do the talking. Sometimes he'll call you a cunt in a friendly way; other times in an unfriendly way. The latter generally means you're about to lose some teeth.

Best Sweary Moment: Violent, unpredictable psychopath he may be, but anyone who can fit 2 cunts in a single sentence is A-OK in my book. I'd buy him a beer anytime.



4. Susie Greene - Curb Your Enthusiasm (TV)

I'm all for a bit of gender equality, which is why I love Susie so much. She can curse with the best of the boys. In a show that never shied away from crudity, she was the most consistently crude character. Even in the more light-hearted episodes, you could always count on Susie for some foul-mouthed filth. You go, sista!

Larry David once said that when he's verbally abused, his natural reaction is laughter. Hard to imagine how he even filmed his scenes with Susie, because they all involve her laying into him for some reason... or for no reason at all. So this is a well-earned #4 spot for the small screen's ultimate highly-strung hebe cunt.







Best Sweary Moment: This clip will mean nothing when taken out of the context of the show. Doesn't matter. It still works as its own self-contained, expertly delivered snippet of vulgarity.



3. Ricky Roma - Glengarry Glen Ross

Glengarry Glen Ross is much more than just a tale about real estate. It's an epic tragedy showing salesmen as modern day gladiators, doing battle and taking each other apart using words instead of swords. It's also a veritable catalogue of verbal abuse. Ricky Roma is the Spartacus in this arena - the biggest, baddest fighter of them all.

That's not to say Ricky ain't a nice guy. But, in the movie's climactic scene when a careless fuck-up costs him an important sale, he delivers one of the greatest ass-kickings in cinema history. That's right, he kicks a guy's ass... with words. Awesome.

Best Sweary Moment: I just fucking told you, didn't I?



2. Al Swearengen - Deadwood (TV)

One thing's for certain about Deadwood - once you're done watching it, you'll find yourself saying cocksucker a lot more. Easily the sweariest TV show ever (and will probably never be topped in that regard), it has received criticism, even from fans, that there was a little too much swearing. It's certainly excessive and from some of the actors, it sounds a little stilted and unnatural. Not so with Al Swearengen aka the man with the most appropriate surname ever.

Under Ian McShane's transcendent performance, every single fuck, every single cunt and every single cocksucker exits Swearengen's mouth as a perfectly formed, majestic work of art in itself. Whether he's abusing his employees, defending his interests or philosophising about life itself, Swearengen shows that every statement becomes a little more compelling when you sprinkle it with a handful of expletives.

Best Sweary Moment: There's so many of them that it's hard to decide. But I think I'll go with a little bit of Al's pillow-talk with a lucky young woman. Romance ain't dead, ladies!



1. Malcolm Tucker - The Thick of It (TV), In the Loop (movie)

Before he became the new Doctor Who, actor Peter Capaldi was best known for playing Malcolm Tucker in one of the finest political satires ever made. In real-life, Capaldi is a pleasant, charming, soft-spoken fellow, which makes it all the more impressive to see him as Tucker - a human dervish of pure fury; his interactions with others ranging from utter contempt to berserk explosive hostility; his only words a constant stream of vituperative bile.


Tucker is a truly diabolical creation, not least because of his charisma. Ostensibly a villainous character, you still can't help rooting for him. Not cause his actions will serve any greater good. Hell no, careers and lives will casually destroyed by him without a trace of sympathy or conscience. It's simply that Tucker winning means that we, the audience, get the thrill of seeing him go on more blistering rampages of vitriolic rage.

Best Sweary Moment: Impossible to pick. Tucker's Law is a classic. And so many examples of outright abuse that are awesome, a personal fave being this one - "This is a government department, not some fuckin' Jane fuckin' Austen novel. Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your purview and ram it up your shitter with a lubricated horse cock."

But I'm gonna go with a moment that sums up this whole article nicely. You see, there are folk out there who feel that swearing is unnecessary and crude. They don't like it on TV, in movies or in person, and some of these people would like to restrict language in order to protect their feelings. On behalf of every character on this list, on behalf of myself and on behalf of anyone who loves to say fuck, Malcolm Tucker responds to these people...



So, that's my fucking list! Like I said in the intro, it's far from complete. I'm already kicking myself for leaving out Don Logan from Sexy Beast, Ray from Nil By Mouth, Walter Sobchak from The Big Lebowski and many others.

That's where you come in! Add your favourite sweary characters and sweary moments that I may have overlooked or never heard of. But please, for the sake of the fucking children, try to keep your comments tasteful.

Thanks for fucking reading, cunts!

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/3369936896/h84BC5479/

#Cocksucker #Cunt #Fuck #Motherfucker #Piss #Shit #Tits

Any fans of Mark Pirro?

I don't see this guy's name mentioned nearly enough. He has directed a lot of great micro-budget comedies. I'm a fan of everything he's done.

A Polish Vampire in Burbank (1983) - About a vampire who has always had his blood provided to him by his parents and now has to go out into the real world and learn how to bite people himself.

Deathrow Gameshow (1987) - About a gameshow where the contestants are on deathrow and have to compete to not be executed. Things go wrong for the host when the show accidentally executes the mother of a mobster. This one is clearly the highest budget of his movies; it's comes the closest to actually looking like a professional production.

Curse of the Queerwolf (1988) - Based on a character from Polish Vampire in Burbank, a man is bitten by a transvestite and starts to turn into one during the full moon!

Nudist Colony of the Dead (1991) - As far as I know, it's the world's first zombie musical. After the church forces a nudist colony off their land, they vow to take revenge from beyond the grave, with some great toe-tapping tunes!

Buford's Beach Bunnies (1992) - The owner of a Hooters-esque restaurant offers his waitresses $100,000 to whoever can cure his son of his fear of women. His son is played by Tom's younger brother, Jim Hanks. If you squint, you can imagine you're watching a Tom Hanks movie. Be sure to watch the director's cut, or else it will make no sense.

Color-Blinded (1998) - A black woman believes her white boyfriend might not be so into her and wishes she was white. Her wish comes true and comedy ensues.

Rectuma (2003) - After being bitten by a Mexican butt-humping bullfrog, a man's ass develops a mind of it's own, detaches from his body, and quickly grows into a monstrous creature terrorizing the city!

The God Complex (2009) - Follows God, a short, fat, bald, idiotic, asshole, from the beginning of creation to the present.

The Rage of Innocence (2014) - His only serious film to date. About a girl who will do anything to stop a man from dating her single mother. If you can look past the acting and cheapness of it all, it's actually a surprisingly well done little thriller.

He has a new one called Celluloid Soul coming soon that sound interesting. This is from his website, pirromount.com:

"2016 is the year Mark Pirro began production on his 10th feature film, Celluloid Soul. Another departure from the standard Pirromount fare, this movie is about a down on his luck writer who becomes obsessed with an actress from a 1939 movie. He has no idea who she is or what ever became of her. When he finally does find out about her, he gets the shock of his life when she calls him, and then arrives on his doorstep, looking exactly like she did in the 75 year old movie, complete with a black and white hue and vertical scratches. Celluloid Soul features Dennis Kinard, Lauren Baldwin (both from "The God Complex"), Bill Devlin (Rectuma, God Complex) and comedian Judy Tenuta, . Director of Photography Bruce Heinsius Associate Producer John Ahern Music by Jerry Danielson Written, Produced and Directed by Mark Pirro."