Easter-iffic Thoughts on 4-20

Easter is a weird holiday. Jesus came back! Only this time, it wasn't on the actual anniversary of it, but on a Sunday, just because God loves Sundays. So how do we celebrate? We look for our dearest egg man, who thinks its a good idea to dress up as an over-sized rabbit this time of year, and disperse eggs in a discrete manner. Very inconspicous, egg man; he who delivers our eggs filled with all kinds of random, sugary crap that's not good for us. The egg man goes rogue and gives us these fake plastic eggs, but you know what? I want my regular eggs back, damnit!

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Easter Eggs
...are a very fun thing to work into this site too. For example, I can hide text to be visible only in the page's source code. There is actually text between this sentence and the last one, but using regular page markup, you can't see that except if you view this page's source code.

Of course, I've also scattered other easter eggs, everywhere. This could be in various forms, such as password protected info, source code comments, search keywords, and all sorts of other irrelevant things. However, it's your job to find them (and hope that it all pays off in the end).

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Easter Movies?
I can't think of many. I tried watching Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill!, but my dvd is fucked. There's also a pointless Easter egg hunt scene in one of my favorite Shriekshow titles, "The Being". Are there any other good ones? I suppose you can include actual Easter movies too. I've been meaning to see The Last Temptation of Christ for years now, because it's Scorsese, and Scorsese probably is God (and Morgan Freeman isn't?!).

What say you on this, or any other matter, regarding easter and/or marijuana?

#Easter #Egg

The Trashy Music Jukebox


Having set the tone, post your Trash Hits here!

#Penis #TrashJukebox

Don't be a regular user. Be on the team.

Yes kids, you too can earn a user subtitle to display valiantly among your fellow man. If you could be the official representative of something... anything on this site... what would it be?

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I run this bitch, but calling myself an "administrator" makes me sound like a robot, so I went with "director" instead. @DerTables is "producer". What he produces is for me to know, and you to find out. @Tromafreak is "The Professor Stokes of B-Movies", because he knows his shit, so you better listen to him. @Moffat is the "Vigilante Man", because he's now the official vigilante for Trash Epics (or at the very least, a blatant fall guy for the real vigilante). And @Qwerty is "The Blood Turkey" for Satan knows what reason... I suppose his job for us is either to watch bad movies with "blood" in the title (Blood Lake, Blood Freak, Blood Shack, Blood Junkie, Blood Fart Lake, etc).... OR, his duty literally has to do with blood and turkeys, in some sick fetish kind of way. I'm hoping it's both.

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Are you man, woman, or other enough to be part of the team? That's for you to decide. In the words of Tyler Durden, "You decide your own level of involvement".

Now you must ask yourself one question. What do you want to contribute to Trash Epics? I want to do it all, and that's why I'm building the best means to do that, one line of code at a time. Somewhere along the line though, the scope of everything just got bigger, hence the "epics" part of our fair site's moniker, and well... let's just say there's a lot going on under the surface that no one ever sees. Be part of the team.

"Don't dream it, be it"

The Warriors - a personal reflection

I posted this on another forum, but, with a few edits, this seems a fitting place to add it.


This film is my favourite of all time. Simple as that.

Don't get me wrong, I know it has it's flaws - there are hundreds of 'better' films out there - hell, it's not even Walter Hill's best film, and it's certainly not one for all tastes, but for me, it's simply unbeatable.

For anyone who hasn't seen it, it's the (tall) tale of Coney Island street gang (or 'boppers') The Warriors, who agree to a city-wide gang truce to attend a meeting in The Bronx. After the grand, city grabbing schemes (and life) of Cyrus, head of the Big Apple's biggest gang (The Gramercy Riffs) is cut short, our earstwhile heroes are blamed, and must 'bop' their way back to Coney, in a very loose adaptation of Sol Yurik's source novel, and looser adaptation of Xenephon's Anabasis.

Now, there's enough cheesy 70's goodness in this film, that it would automatically appeal to a man of my tastes - If you don't believe me, here are the Baseball Furies...


But this one has something else - an X-factor that no other film can have, and no other viewer can share in the same way.

I finally actually saw The Warriors in its entirety when I was about 14, but I felt like I knew it off-by-heart as I watched - I knew what was happening, to/by whom, who'd be bopping by next, and who wouldn't be making it back to Coney. I was nervous as I watched, because, for reasons outlined below, I had a clear image of this film in my head, and I hoped it would live up to my expectations. I was not disappointed.

You see, my dad went to cinema to see this about five times because he loved it so much - it was the B feature (when they has such things), and he can't even remember what the A was - I was about 2 at the time. Now that may not seem like much, but bear in mind this was 1979, in Newcastle upon Tyne - at the time an economically depressed region of England - and he was a married man with three small children, and bugger all spare cash for anything other than the essentials (scran, tabs and bottles o'broon!).

He bought the soundtrack LP, and played it constantly. The cover was awesome, and the inner sleeve was covered in movie stills. When we were older, my brother, sister and I also played it constantly. I know every song by heart. I still listen to it, now (though sadly the CD version cuts the DJ's line from the end of Desmond Child's 'Last of an Ancient Breed').

Dad did paintings of it (sadly lost, though I am attempting my own, if I can ever get the damned thing finished), drawings of it, doodles of it, stick figues of it... Well, maybe not that last one.

I knew the story, and all the characters - my bro, sis and I used to play The Warriors. One halloween I even attempted to dress up as one of the Furies - and that was incredibly hard, as an 8 (or so) year old in Newcastle - old-time baseball strips were hard to come by. Sadly, no photos exist of that - but I think I made a pretty good fist of it. I even had dreams about the dude getting thrown in front of a train.

All of this, before I'd even seen the film it all related to. Watching it that first time was almost like a religious experience. It felt like...

I was going to say it felt like deja-vu, but that's not quite right, it felt like... coming home. It felt like I belonged there, in that movie, bopping along with the gang.

That's pretty sad... right?

This familial bond with The Warriors had us all. Even my mum still enjoys it - to give that some context, she's a pacifist, and hates films that 'glorify violence', my folks have been divorced for over 30 years, and can barely stand to be in the same hemisphere as each other!

When I finally found it, it was immediately bought on VHS, and was quickly upgraded to DVD when the time came - one of my first. I still watch it regularly - at least a couple of viewings a year. I could put The Warriors on at any minute of any day, and sit enthralled for ninety-odd minutes. I've got plans for a tat or two of it (if/when I can afford it, and convince Mrs M. that getting some more ink doesn't warrant a divorce...) If any of my kids had been boys, there's a fair chance there'd have been a Swan, Ajax or Cochise in his name, and in a couple of years, I'll start indoctrinating my girls into it, so another generation of Moffats keep The Warriors' spirit alive..

I haven't bothered with the director's cut - that's not the film I want to see. That's not the film that's important to me. There was talk of a remake a few years back - that doesn't interest me. There's even a game of it, and comic books, too. None of that interests me (though I've heard the game captures the spirit of the film brilliantly). I'm happy with the film that means something - even if I'm not sure exactly what that something is - to me.

This film was part of my childhood - part of my life - before I'd even seen it. It's a 'good' bad film, I know that, but to me, it possibly the best thing ever made.

The Diane Linklatter Story (1970)

HG Lewis Horror

The Godfather of Gore has had a series of blood-drenched b-movies to pick from. Are his hixploitation movies any good? One of these days, we just may find out!

#Blood #FuadRamses #Gore #MontagTheMagnificent

The Strange Vengeance of Rosalie (1972)

A man named Vigil is driving across the American desert, on his way to a long deserved holiday. He stops to pick up a young and pretty hitchhiker, who says she's been travelling from Chicago to meet up with her grandfather, a man she's never met. Our young little hitchhiker is named Rosalie. She's a teen who comes across as quite simple minded. Not only that, but strange as well. Little Rosalie claims she knows where her granddad lives because she saw it in a dream. Virgil pays no mind to this nonsense and humours her. And being the good Samaritan that he is, goes out of his way to drop off this peculiar stranger to her grandfather's shack, way out in the middle of no where.
Now I know what you're thinking, Virgil might not be such a good Samaritan after all. We all know that tale. It is fortunate that Virgil's intentions happen to be pure in this instance, all he wants to do is make his flight to his holiday destination. Rosalie however, has other plans that aren't so pure. Virgil won't be making that flight of his. He won't be leaving that shack ever again.

Sound familiar? I have to say, there is something about crazy chicks keeping males as captive, that I find so interesting. Usually, it's the other way around, guys keeping girls captive, so it's a nice change. Still, this story has been told a few times before. A few years ago, we had The loved Ones, a brutal display of torture and hilarity. Before that, Misery, which I feel Stephen King may have used this for inspiration. Misery had a crazy antagonist that succeeded in being a proper villain to the story. But here we have something far more interesting. I can't say for certain that Rosalie is actually the villain of this story.

Naturally Rosalie isn't a good character, but it's hard to call her a bad character as well. Bonnie Bedelia plays Rosalie and she does such a fantastic job. At times she comes across as batsh!t crazy, at other times, she is sympathetic, and at other times still, she's beyond annoying and vindictive. Many of her actions come across as calculated, as if she is toying with her victim, promising a doctor, a car pump, and never delivering etc. But Rosalie isn't a malicious character. She isn't out for revenge like Lola, she isn't obsessed with authors, like Annie, she just wants to love someone. Something I imagine we can all relate to. Sure Rosalie's actions are far beyond reprehensible, but at the heart of it, she's just a lonely girl desperately wanting to love someone, and be loved back. It's hard to hate her character, but at the same time, it's hard to completely sympathise as well. Rosalie might just be one of the most complicated characters I have ever seen.



Then we have Virgil, our victim. When Rosalie asserts her dominance and breaks one of Vigils legs (with the back of an axe...cough...Misery...cough), his reaction isn't pleading for mercy to be let free. No, his reaction is to yell at her and belittle her like a child. Rosalie has an axe, but that won't stop Virgil being "mean" to her. Most of their dialogue is Virgil calling her names and belittling her time and time again. Now Virgil might have some right to be pissed off, since she's keeping him captive and what not, but I started getting confused whether I should have been feeling sorry for him, or finding him to be an arsehole, in the same way I wasn't sure if I was siding with Rosalie or not. Ken Howard does a great job at being our helpless and nasty protagonist.

We have one more character in the mixes here, by the name of Fry. If there is a villain in the movie, that would probably be Fry, who doesn't have any shred of sympathy from the audience. He is the pure bad guy that'll hurt both Rosalie and Virgil to get what he wants, which is gold that Rosalie supposedly has hidden away. I like how the dynamic between Rosalie and Virgil always changes whenever Fry is onscreen. I found that quite interesting.

This movie runs for almost 2 hours, and those three characters are the only actors in the movie. You'd think that would make things boring, but it doesn't. I was actually captivated the whole way through. The way the dialogue changed constantly between Rosalie and Virgil made them a very entertaining pair. Set in the desert, this movie feels isolated, lonely and cut off from life. It creates such an atmosphere to this movie, which I feel is helped more with its incredibly low budget look. This movie was hypnotic to watch.

The ending is bound to divide audiences. I can see people hating the movie or loving it. I'm in the latter camp. To me, the actions of certain characters don't seem out of place, it makes this movie all the more memorable. I say this loosely, cos I am not sure just how well known this movie is. I certainly had never heard of it till Tromafreak gave me the heads up. But it is a movie that deserves more recognition. More people should see this film.

If you enjoyed Misery, you'd love this flick too. But where Misery is an effective horror tale, this is an intense drama piece. There is no blood or gore, just fascinating dialogue and imagery. Characters that feel real, who are equally good and bad. All in all, this is just fantastic story telling. A must watch for all.

9/10.


Watch it here.



Thankyou for reading. Cheers.

Shatter Dead (1994)

A few weeks ago, I was lucky enough to get to hang with Tromafreak and raid his dvd collection. While trying to figure out what to watch, he suggested a movie called Shatter Dead, a title that meant virtually nothing to me. Intrigued enough by the title, I thought sure, why not! Little did I know that Shatter Dead was no ordinary movie. What I was about to experience in the next 84 mins, cannot be described by words. Never have I seen a movie, so shithouse, yet so intriguing at the same time. Be warned, the following review is highly uninteresting.

Played on a scratchy VHS tape, ominous music played as the opening credits appeared. From very early on, I was feeling a sense of dread and uncertainty. The title appeared, "Shatter Dead", plain white letters, simplistic and straight forward. Drums started playing as a female voice sung a sweet melody in the background in some foreign language. Sensually and seductively, a white haired lady was making love to a woman doggy-style. The drums kept playing and the voice kept singing. It climaxed in the white haired lady growing large white wings from her back. Then as quickly as it started, it was over as the scene cut to black and I sat there confused by the most bizarre opening scene I have ever seen. What the fuck was that?!

The scene cut quickly to 17 months later where the streets were empty as church bells rung, and our main actress, Susan, played by Stark Raven, made her way down the street. As isolated as the streets were first implied, Susan was passing many people who were hurt, bleeding and mutilated. They are all dead, yet alive. Zombies who don't need to feast on brains, but who are homeless and poor. Zombies who need to beg the living for money. As a news reporter states, the freshly dead are unsure what to make of themselves. They are simply there. Of course, not all the zombies are helpless bums, some of them are thieves. No, scratch that, RELIGIOUS thieves! Not sure why they need cars and petrol, it's not like they really do anything with it. Maybe they're zombie hoarders? They gotta do something with their eternity on earth I guess.

Now if any of you are still reading this boring write up, some of you might be wondering, "But Shaz, what caused this zombie apocalypse of useless zombies?"
Well there's a very simple and obvious explanation to that. You see, that angel chick that was rooting the other chick at the beginning of the movie, well that angered God and now people can't die. See? Makes perfect sense. They don't even need to explain that in the movie, that obvious answer is so obvious that only idiots wouldn't make that obvious connection. But director Scooter McCrae helps out the idiots by putting that little tidbit on the back of the dvd box just to help them out anyway. So yeah.... The more you know.

Anyway, we follow Susan through this post apocalyptic film and see the world through her eyes. And yeah, that's pretty much it. I don't really know why we're following her. Hell I don't even know what she's even doing. I think she might be looking for her boyfriend. They don't really make her motives very clear. Why is she wandering around aimlessly? Why does she have a gun? It's not like she can kill anyone anymore. So many questions, so little answers. Don't try to understand this movie, it's a pointless exercise. Explaining this movie is like explaining why chocolate tastes so damn good, it just can't be done. All you can do this just roll with it.

So what can I tell you about this movie? It's an SOV 90s flick for starters. But don't let that discourage you, it's actually kinda decent. It has a really awesome apocalyptic and depressing tone. The best way I can describe it, is similar in the vein to Leif Jonker's Darkness. Now that's actually quite the compliment. But let me empahsise that this movie is no masterpiece. In fact, it's severely flawed. I would even go as far as to call it sh!thouse. Despite its excellent concept, the execution sucks, often times it's kinda ridiculous to the point that I have no idea just how serious this movie is supposed to be. I suspect the filmmakers were very serious when they made this movie, yet somehow saw past the atrocious acting, terrible sounding and weird dialogue. I can only conclude that they were all high on something. And when I say atrocious acting, I mean fvcking terrible! Stark Raven has got to be the worst actress I have ever seen! No offense, Miss Raven, but they could have hired a robot with more emotion. She only has one expression. Whether she's cautious, or angry, or happy, or horny, she still has this same look on her face! And this is it!



I took that screenshot right after a character complemented her looks (proving that there is some decent acting in this). But I might as well have taken any screenshot of her at any point in the film, her expression would have been exactly the same. The only time it ever changed was during a sex scene. Must have been damn good sex, is all I'm saying.

If you visit the imdb page for Shatter Dead, you won't see many good reviews for it, in fact quite a few people hated it. If you're expecting Dawn of the Dead, you'll hate it too. But if you go in with an open mind, you'll see something truly unique. Sh!tty acting aside, this low budget SOV has some passion. Certainly there was a message in this about religion. I'm not sure what it was, but the tagline "God hates you!" might have something to do with it. Even though I might not have understood the interpretations the filmmakers had intended, they still made a damn interesting and creepy movie, with some unintentional humour and out of place jazz music to boot. And on top of that, this movie finally answered the great philosophical question that I believe everyone single one of us have all wondered in some point in our lives. No longer shall we have to wonder how to get it on with a zombie, since the lack of blood flow will prevent an erection. Shatter Dead provided the answer, that I believe shall satisfy all viewers. That comes with a Shaza guarantee.

Now, on a completely unrelated note, I visited the imdb page for Shatter Dead, and I couldn't help but notice the plot keywords. "Unsimulated sex". Really?! That can't be right...can it? I wonder which scene it was? Well there were only two sex scenes, one involving two chicks doing it doggystyle, so I tend to believe it was the other one. The one where Susan actually showed some acting range. Perhaps that was the only way the director could get her to smile? Damn that chick really needed to get laid!

So, what the final verdict? I don't know, from a cinematic standpoint it sucks the big one, but I can't help but really like it. There's just something so terrible yet so fascinating, that can only ever be experienced.



Now if any of you poor buggers are still reading this boring write up, I offer you my sincerest condolences. But to make up for it, here's a picture of a cat with a top hat.



Thankyou very much for reading this shithouse rambling. Cheers!

A .45 from the Vigilante Man!

Well, here I am. Belatedly hopping on the intro train, as it leaves the station (and hopefully not fumbling my grasp on the rail, and spectacularly flailing for a few seconds, before crashing with a sickening thud onto the rails, and lying in a crumpled heap, wondering what's worse, the embrassment at the fall, or white-hot shoot pain of my fractured physical self...).



Basic facts - I'm a Geordie - technically that makes me English, but really I'm Geordie first and foremost. I live in New Zealand with Mrs M, and the three little M's - daughters all. Can't leave the house without tripping over hobbits, elves, and whatnot. It's a bloody pain when you're putting the bins out, I can tell you. The scenery is breathtaking, though - I've been here for more than a decade, and I'm still blown away when I look out of the window.

Oh, and we also have our very own white trash - The Bogans!
https://tvnz.co.nz/seven-sharp/makes-bogan-video-5519288

Me and pop-culture:
I was born the day after The King died, and sadly, rather than being The King Reborn, I have neither the musical ability, smoldering looks, money, or killer side-burns, that made a generation of ladies wet their pants and scream.

My formative years, in terms of pop-culture at least, were the eighties - a decade which has left an indelible mark on my psyche. A chance purchase of The Incredible Hulk #297 ignited an uhealthy interest of comic books (bear in mind that in the UK at the time comics were not at all cool outside a sub-culture of nerds, geeks and later goths), augmenting (with adamantuium, naturally) an already strong love of reading. Flights of fancy were further extended by film and TV. I love the escapism, and imagination.

I inherited my love of films, and the wide range of trivia that's lodged in my grey matter, from my dad. He introduced me to the world of 'so bad it's good', B-movies, and so on. He also gave me a good grounding in good-good stuff as well, and I'm one of the few people I know who likes films that are black & white, and even ones with subtitles! I'm a fan of pretty much anything, as long as it's entertaining. He also introduced me to a world of music that went beyond the pop crap of the day, and non-superhero comics - the likes of Robert Crumb, and so on.

I've never been the most social (I met my wife in a fit of uncharacteristically sociality), always on (or slightly off) the fringe of the social groups. Generally, that guy in the background who doesn't talk much to others and gets tongue-tied around girls was me. Other factors left me feeling like the man of a thousand faces, but never knowing which one was the real me. Not until recently, anyway.

Hmmm. This shouldn't be a sob story - that's uncalled for.

Me and trash:
I think my love of trash started back in the '50s, (although I don't look old enough). There's just something about that decade that just screams trash and sleaze to me. I think it's born of several factors, amongst which are chiefly:

1. The cracking veneer of respectability. People have always had dirty little secrets, but the explosion of TV, lurid magazines and the like, seemed to start breaking through in the fifties. The nuclear family of Mom, Pop, Junior and the chick seemed so outwardly proper, but just behind the facade Mom was screwing the negro gardener, Pop was hiring rent boys, Junior was mainlining H, and the chick was banging the biker gang.
2. The birth of Rock & Roll, the Beat generation, the burgeoning civil rights movement - times were starting to change, and people were starting to take risks - this echoed through art as well as society.

There are more, but that's perhaps something for another post, but I say there's no denying the influence had on trash luminaries - in cinema John Waters and David Lynch, literature James Ellroy, comics Daniel Clowes and Charles Burns, music Frank Zappa & The Mothers - all seem to have this '50s style, with the trashy uderbelly becoming exposed.

What I really vibe to is Exploitation cinema - not every kind, but it's just what I want to watch. Chop-socky, Bruceploitation, Blaxploitation, Revenge films, Zombie films, Gang films... I love 'em. I love the cheapness, the trashyness, the grittiness, the bad acting and FX, the killer soundtracks and lurid titles. Man, I'm getting shivers just thinking about it.

I tend go through stages of just being into one sub-genre, then I move onto the next - I've been on a horror kick for about 18 months, but at the minute, I've a hankering for Urban Violence - hence my role as the Vigilante Man.

Like many others, I'd love to create. I have a thousand ideas - from kernal to fully fledged - jostling for space in my cranium, and a million scraps of paper and Word docs cluttering up my space, both real and virtual, with a scribble or a doodle on. Some (admittedly few) I think are genuine contenders for being actually good, most are rubbish, and several have mated with each other and left bastard hybrid ideas gestating in my think-box. These thoughts cover a wide range of media - e.g. I have an entire comic-book universe, complete from 1930s - present day curdling away in there, next to a hundred film ideas, a soap opera (based on my and the wife's families), paintings, a prose & animated homage to Lovevraft, a LOtR rip-off fantasy trilogy, and many, many more. All share the fact that they'll probably never see the light of day, because I have a strong tendency toward self-doubt and procrastination.

I also do a fine line in voices - probably should have been a voice actor in cartoons, but, hey I got a steady job and a family to feed!

What do I want from this site?
A cool place to hang out online, with like-minded guys and gals. To find out new shit, to get some sweet recs, and generally have a good bit of craic. And hopefully I can contribute something similar to others. That would be nice. If nothing else, I reckon I'll get your word-count-per-post average up!

So that's me in a (large) nutshell. A comic-book nerd, poor(ish) social skills, trivia buff, and tenuous connection to Elvis. I'm like a latter day Clarence Worley, though I haven't married a call-girl, shot a pimp, found a suitcase full of coke, been chased by Sicillians, or lost an eye in a gunfight with police in a Hollywood director's hotel suite. I do love a Sonny Chiba Triple Feature, though...
https://archive.org/details/TheStreetFighterTrilogy

#Introduction #Jono #VigilanteMan

black mirror rp

okay now that i finished the second season i think i feel obligied to get the word out about this awesome and unique series, black mirror. im on the bullshit community college computer right now and idk if this is the reason the java wont work, but im also really excited for the upcoming games, whenever i get a chance to use my computer at home i will be (attempting) to upload a torrent link for black mirror, so watch it bitches