All of my adult life, I have lived with a woman as a life-partner, lover, spouse, what-have-you. That's right, all of the weird shit you've seen me post through the years, there's been a woman next to me.
This week my chick-person-who-I-own is away to participate in a wedding ceremony for one of her friends. I stayed home to work. I hadn't anticipated a lax schedule, so now I'm just sitting around, jackin' it.
On one hand, I feel like a teenager whose parents have left me alone for the first time. On the other hand, I don't want to invite any one over, have a party, get fucked up, advance my social life and I don't feel like there's anything sneaky I want to try to pull off that I don't already do regularly.
Day 1:
Got a call saying someone called off from work and was I busy? Could I make it? I said "Gotta take my woman, who I own, to the airport." It was a lie; she was going there herself, I just wanted to be home to hug her good-bye up to the last second.
Jacked off 3 times.
Watched a ton of movies that would be either too bloody, sexist or just plain bad for her to enjoy with me (Maniac, New York Ripper, I Don't Want to Be Born, The Farmer's Daughters, etc...)
Cooked a 10-lb. pork shoulder which will be my food for the entire week. I didn't season it so it could remain versatile for multiple uses. (I ate my supper, pork with rice and sriracha, with a giant spatula)
Got a 12 pack of Squirt soda, a giant bag of jelly beans, a handle of bottom-shelf vodka, a bag of BBQ potato chips, a bag of jalepeno chips, a 10-pack of Reeces Peanut Butter cups and a bunch of ice cream.
Day 2:
Woke up at 9:36, texted the missus, asked her to call me when she woke up. Sleeping alone sucks. She called me, felt better, but not good.
Plugged an old hard drive into my TV, saw some old files I don't remember. What is this? Turns out, it was random tranny porn. Jacked off to that.
Looked up "How to send tasteful dickpics." Hey, are you guys aware of this tumblr? -- https://critiquemydickpic.tumblr.com . It's pretty useful. I posed around the room, trying out some shots. But I don't have a camera and my phone is a geezer. So I just--
Wow, I just realized that when you're typing and a spider walks into your text on TrashEpics here, it falls dead. Cool.
Anyway, so I just aimed my laptop all over the place with my wang out. My first dickpics ever, probably won't send 'em. Just was fantasizing, "Maybe she'll miss me?"
Did Laundry. Texted Her about which dryer in the basement (there are 3 in my complex) actually works 'cause I always forget. She said the middle one. I asked what she was doing. "At the Hotel pool." I asked for a swimsuit selfie, got one. Hoped she would ask for a dickpic, instead she said she ordered an over-priced pina colada. I responded with a dumb pun including the phrase "penis cocklotta" and hoped she got drunk enough to ask for a dickpic. What am I thinking though? She never wants to look at my lousy dangus in real life-- why would she want to see it all pixelated and unfocused? Maybe that would make it better, though? Anyway, I told her I was going to clean the house.
Shat constantly, a liberated freedom crap with the door open. It lasted at least an hour was segmented into multiple bathroom visits, and required grunts, groans, moans and loving sighs. There were too many segments of poop to name, they came out like 101 dalmations. And after it was done, I just sat there, as if it was still happening.
Took a shower. Listened to DJ Quik
The house is a mess and I'm not going to clean it.
Being without your loved one sucks. It's not meant for the sensitive modern man such as myself. Who am I to blame for mistakes now, but myself?