Alright, so, back to the S.O.V. shit. In past reviews, I've touched on the different types of shot-on-video Horror movies. The levels of quality, I mean. First, there's the Black Devil Dolls From Hell of the world. Namely, the unprofessional sins against filmmaking, which can only be enjoyed by those who love the schlock enough to love just about anything. These can prove to be a very good time, depending on how much you like these things. Then, you have the Blood Cults of the world. Otherwise professional productions, but with one huge problem: They're really, really boring. A quality far less excusable than bad acting/lighting. Then, there's the rare exceptions like Video Violence, which are totally not boring at all, despite being of surprisingly professional quality. And then there's... Aw, who am I kidding? I have no fucking idea where I'm going with any of this. I thought maybe if I name dropped a bunch of S.O.V.s, then, at least it would sound like I know what I'm talking about. The truth is, I picked a hard movie to review, this week, and have absolutely no game plan.
I should probably just write about Video Violence, since there's plenty more to say about it than the one I'm attempting. But after my most recent viewing of Las Vegas Bloodbath, the other day, it's on my mind, and this is really the only way to get it off. But for the record, this here is one of those S.O.V.s that are so bad, so inept, that... eh, to hell with it. It's just bad, ok?
Bad, but somewhat redeeming if you enjoy total trainwrecks. If there was ever a reason to be a closet fan of one of these, I'm sure plenty of them can be found right here. But I'll tell you what can't be found: Ideas. It just seemed like nobody had any real ideas for this. It all feels a little incomplete. There's killing, gore, titties, cheesiness, sleaziness, but this movie feels very thrown together, as if someone just wanted to make one of them S.O.V.s, and just went out and did it. Preparations be damned. Not to say there's not a story. I mean, there's not at all, I guess, but there is a reason for the madness. Some dude's cheating whore of a wife. She gets caught in the act and pays for her infidelities with her head, leading to a bunch of random murders. So, there's your story.Ok, there's also the B.L.O.W. chicks. Beautiful Lady Oil Wrestlers, they call themselves. From the shitty footage I saw, It doesn't look like these ugly bitches are very good at it. Then again, I'm no oil wrestling expert. The B.L.O.W. chicks are hanging out, having a girl's night in with some pizza and beer. Nobody ever says anything remotely interesting, or anything that sounds like it was memorized from a script. A lot of mumbly small talk that reminds me of Blood Lake. Hopefully, someone will show up soon to put them out of their misery.
So, yeah. Sam mutilates B.L.O.W. one my one. Drilling a hole in one's head, and pulling an arm off another. The ugliest got the worst of it, though. The pregnant chick, whose hairy areolas are the size of pancakes, gets her stomach sliced open, and is de-fetused the old fashion way. The still pissed off Sam then throws said fetus like a football. Meanwhile, the others are tied up in the other room, doing an atrocious job at acting scared. One of them insists that there's nothing to worry about because he's probably just a lunatic who aims to rob them. This is one of those movies that makes it easy to root for the bad guy.Despite everything, this is actually one very mean-spirited movie. A tone, which is greatly overshadowed by a mountain of flaws. I detect a little bit of Tim Ritter inspiration, with the cheating wife, killing spree, etc. However, director, David Schwartz, does it all with far less talent and taste, which would be fine if this wasn't so one dimensional. Much like the entire Slasher sub-genre, shot-on-video Horror had seen better days by 1989. As the heyday was coming to a close, countless nobodies came out of the woodwork to throw in their half-assed efforts. Perhaps Las Vegas Blood Bath arrived a little too late to be appreciated like the earlier entries, few of which are all that much better, to be honest. But despite the dark humor, titties and gory mutilations, this one is extra rotten, and seems to be proud of it. Recommended to S.O.V. enthusiasts only. 3/10
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