I'm not entirely sure why, but I really get a kick out of Night Of Horror. A movie where nothing happens. A story that seemingly goes on for years, yet never really gets started. And then, there's that Civil War reenactment footage that makes everything else seem more bearable, in comparison. Yeah, I find it all pretty funny. I find it funny that the guy who made this, actually made this. I find "the smudge" to be hilarious. And I honestly wouldn't want to know someone who didn't. But one thing I find funny. More "weird funny", I guess. But one thing that sticks out like a sore thumb, is that, despite the title, Night Of Horror isn't a Horror movie at all, technically speaking. But, if not Horror, then what is it?
Well, we finally made it! The bottom of the barrel. We'll get back to the genre issue, later, but there is a lot to be said about the more obvious issue. It's just so mind numbingly bad. Usually, that statement is meant as a figure of speech. But not in this case. Night Of Horror, at one point, had to be the worst, most incompetently made Horror film in existence. And to this day, it's probably in the bottom five, if you exclude movies that are intentionally bad. Coming up with words for this non existent story is going to be a chore, but you need to know about this one, so, here goes.In this inappropriately titled sleep-aid, we have this guy, Steve, who has some issues that we can barely hear him elaborate on. His friend, Chris, wants answers, as Steve is even too messed up to pull his weight in the band. The mumbling and lack of conviction from both these non-actors makes it hard for one's mind to not wander within the first minute or two. However, if you pay close attention, it sounds like they're talking about something important. At least important to Steve. As this guy incoherently confides in his friend, who thinks he's on drugs, we learn that Steve has recently had an encounter with the supernatural, which has left him a bit shell shocked, for the lack of a better word. He just needs to be alone for a while, to clear his head. Chris still doesn't understand. Steve clears it all up with what may be the most boring story ever told.
It all started during a road trip Steve recently took with his half-brother and his wife, Colleen, along with her sister, Susan. The trip is mostly an opportunity for the half-brothers to check out a cabin in Virginia which they recently inherited. This trip can only be described as "ordinary". It doesn't seem like a movie road trip. It's like any road trip you've been on with your family. Sitting, waiting, some small talk, silence. Maybe a little bickering near the end. It becomes clear what few ideas they had to work with for this movie, after several drawn out scenes which included nothing but outdoor shots of the car moving, while narrator, Steve, comments on his preference for the backseat, countless times. He seems to have a crush on sister-in-law, Colleen, because he thinks she's deep. She proves this by reading him some Edgar Allen Poe. Steve approves.
Colleen is even deeper than Steve thinks, because she happens to be able to see and communicate with spirits. One night in the woods, Colleen is approached by the spirits of some Confederate soldiers, who talk far too slow, and without Southern accents. After a seance is held, these ghosts make it clear they need assistance of some kind, so they can rest in peace. But first, they want to talk about The Civil War for a while. And at this point, we are plunged into an eternity of boredom that makes us wish we were still out there in the woods with these people, merely hearing about it, as it would have to be more interesting than the Civil War reenactment footage that would not die! And let me just point out that I have never been one to fall asleep during a movie, regardless of how boring. And this one was no different until about half way through this scene, which only turned out to be about 6 or 7 minutes. An hour later, I awaken and immediately realize what had happened. Goddamn that Civil War footage! It was too much, even for me.Later on, I run the tape back and finish the remainder of the movie, which is incoherent as ever, leaving a lot of questions. Questions concerning what these depressed ghosts actually wanted, as well as why Steve was so messed up by this completely harmless situation. After several more viewings, It finally dawned on me what exactly was happening, here. Still no idea what Steve's problem was, or if there was ever danger on any level. I don't think there was. And I don't think Night Of Horror is a Horror movie. It's just a bunch of stuff that happens.
Night Of Horror is a movie without a pulse, a movie without a story, a movie without a clue. Night Of Horror takes the cake in a lot of areas. None of which are very favorable. However, there is something about it that is somewhat hypnotic. A no doubt unintentional dreamlike atmosphere, along with the most unfitting score imaginable, does make the mind wander. Or depending on what time you watch it, might make the mind shut down, all together. That score, though. It's a pretty one. But it also sounds like it was meant for something far more meaningful than this. Music like that usually has a story attached to it. Director, Tony Malanowski, must be one of those Civil War weirdos, because the very next year, he made another movie which could easily be seen as a loose remake of Night Of Horror. Originally titled Cuse Of The Screaming Dead, it was later retitled Curse Of The Cannibal Confederates, by Troma. A far, far better movie. However, Night Of Horror is special. This isn't just another bad movie. This isn't just another boring movie. Night Of Horror is part of an exclusive breed of schlock which transcends what we know these qualities to be.So many things should have been done differently, and any single one of them could have improved things immensely. Cutting out about ten of the most unnecessary minutes might have been wise. Not all movies need to be over an hour. Despite everything, I still like Night Of Horror, and would recommend it, just so you can see how bad these really get. If it's too much for you, there's certainly no shame in it. I couldn't withstand the first viewing, myself. But for those of you who are interested in finding the true bottom of the B-movie barrel, this could be it. Just don't watch it at night. 3/10
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