Stunning & Brave: The History of Never Go Back
Man, there's some stupid motherfuckers making movies these days! Not just people who are clueless about filmmaking like the good old days, but seemingly clueless about life and people in general. Sometimes, it's not easy to tell because so many movies are so tongue-in-cheek or intentionally dumb these days, but other times... yeah, stupid, stupid people! I saw one this week called Never Go Back. A two hour drama made by a guy who obviously has something to say. Not necessarily someone with a high school education, or a single fucking clue for that matter, but whoever made this movie I just watched definitely has things to say.
Some dufus and his old geezer daddy recently lost their mother/wife. This woman was a self-righteous, tree hugging hippie type. She always talked about how she wished the three of them could live out in the wilderness so they could be free of society and the evils and hassles that come with it. As the dufus and the old geezer head home after the funeral, they get to talking. The son recently got fired from his job and is super frustrated and depressed. The father is dying of a brain tumor, although he's keeping that to himself for some reason. These two feel as though there is nothing keeping them here. When I say "here", I mean civilization. They're done with society. They're disillusioned by corporate greed and inequality and are just plain done with the rat race and all the materialistic bullshit. So, after a 5 minute discussion, they decide to head out to the wilderness... like immediately. And these asshats really seem to believe it's what their fallen matriarch would have wanted for them. And they're probably right. She seemed like an idiot, going by the flashbacks.
Does this comically impulsive father and son head home first to pick up some things? Do they stop anywhere to pick up anything? I don't think so. If they did, it was never shown on camera. They just happen to have a tent for some reason, but mainly just the clothes on their backs. The son has a few weeks worth of pot and some cigarettes left. The dad warns him it's gonna really suck once he's out of nicotine and pot. The son understands this, but also assures his father that he won't need that stuff anymore because life in civilization was what made it so necessary to begin with. So, the father and son go find some woods, record a quick video explaining that they're never coming back, and leave it in the car to be found by whoever... then, they just go. They just walk into the woods and start living like Grizzly Adams, hoping they can somehow manage to learn how to survive as they go along.
These two retards mainly just sit around, stand around... and, uh, walk around, talking about how glad they are to finally be free of the ball and chain that is society and the obligations that come with it. When they're not doing that or patting themselves on the back for so easily weening themselves off the creature comforts the rest of us take for granted, they're usually eating grasshoppers and talking about how much more noble they are than those who AREN'T living in the wilderness. Sometimes, they eat frogs. After a while, the son finally runs out of cigarettes and pot, and takes a few weeks to act like he's getting off heroine. I must say, these guys are seriously sticking with this bullshit. I'd actually be kinda impressed by all of this if it wasn't so stupid.
So, dufus son finally recovers. Father and son continues to go on about naive, pretentious, hippie bullshit. Father catches son jerking his dick and calmly lets him know he's never going to find a wife if he lives his life out in the middle of nowhere. Son realizes this and has come to terms with it, but is fine with jerking his dick forever. The old geezer dies, son buries him and spends the rest of his short life wandering around and going on about naive, pretentious, hippie bullshit.... yes, to himself.
Unbelievable! This was one hell of a dumb movie. I can't imagine why it was decided this had to be 2 hours long, but I can't exactly say I didn't get a bit of a kick out of it, as annoying as it was at times. But as I was saying, this isn't merely a case of a director being bad at making movies. More of a case of a guy being a silly, ignorant, twat, who just happens to make movies. And again, there is nothing resembling parody in this. It's played completely straight, and heavily implies that the guy who made this piece of shit not only wants to do what these characters did, but would attempt to do it all the exact same way, with zero thought and zero planning. Ya know what? I genuinely hope he does that. 3/10
