In a Violent Nature (2024)

This movie was based on a simple idea. What if an undead slasher was told through the perspective of the villain? So that's our movie. We follow some wronged "slow" person who revives when his bling is taken from his grave site. So, he pulls himself out of hell or wherever and goes on a search for his good luck charm.

The curiosity keeps it interesting for a while. I like seeing what he does and where he goes and how he kills. I had read reviews calling it shallow, but it is what it is. A halfwit brute walking through a series of victims.

It doesn't need to be any deeper than that, and I think it works very well as a Jason clone, and the side characters don't matter. They never matter, because they'll get pwned either way. One girl had one of the most wacky & fucked kills I've ever seen. The girl at the cliff.

What I didn't like was the ending. Or lack thereof. We're all waiting for something on that long road... and nothing happens. I guess Johnny Voorhees doesn't teleport. The climax was hidden in there somewhere, I guess. Then again, that whole epilogue might make it brilliant.

Someone had to make a movie based on that simple aforementioned idea, and it was actually pretty great. A little boring at times, but that keeps it real.

Also, his mask was kinda dumb. He should have kept his peripherals open and skipped the mask, but he is retarded, after all. Retarded killers are my favorite kind of retard.

#Review

The Boogey Man (1980)

Directed by some weird German guy, this movie is all over the place. It feels like it's trying to rip-off a lot of things, but it doesn't know quite which one to focus on. I thought it was Italian at first, but it wasn't dubbed enough.

There's some backstory that traumatizes two kids, who resume the rest of the movie as young adults in the "present". Basically, there's a slasher who appears through reflective surfaces. However, John Carradine advises the heroine on how to progress this story, while at the same time telling her it's all in her head. They put that old fart in there to make it a credible horror film, but it doesn't matter. This film would have been awesome with or without him.

Awesome is a strong word. I was invested enough, not to the characters and plot, but to the vibes and weirdness of it. Like how they keep showing you the mirrors over and over again as if reminding you that the killer is using mirrors to do his thing. In case the viewer didn't catch that the other dozen times it happens in the movie. This movie thinks its audience is dumb, and I am.

This movie is shallow. It thinks it's original, but it's really just... an Amityville clone! That's the twist ending, because it turned out the house was a rip-off of the Amityville, with its glowing eyes. Remember in the first Amityville when he window comes down on the kid's fingers? Well, in this movie, the window comes down on some dickhole kid's neck. That scene right there really brought this movie up from a 2/5 to a 4/5. It added depth and meaningful social commentary.

#Review

Death Ship (1980)

A happy cruise ship experiences technical difficulties. Probably because it was piloted by that dumb fuck George Kennedy. Only a handful of survivors are left to crawl aboard some abandoned Nazi torture ship from decades ago. And guess what? This ship is haunted!

As the merry band of heroes navigate the ship, it randomly kills them in dumb, psychic ways. It threw Saul Rubinek overboard before he could ever make his war epic Coming Home in a Body Bag.

Fortunately, this Nazi ship didn't account for one thing. One of the passengers on board was Richard Crenna. Colonel Trautman to some, That other guy from Rambo to others.

I fell asleep during the third act, but I'm pretty sure it played out exactly like this: The psychic ship read Trautman's mind and she knew that Rambo would come to blow her to bits if she fucked with his homeboy Trautman, so she let him go.

What I don't understand is how they can even call it an Expend4bles movie when Stallone wasn't even there on the boat with them in that movie. And most of the movie was on that boat. It was Statham and a few other cunts trying to avenge Barney's^Rambo's death. So Stallone never even got to fight the Death Ship, but it was the threat of war that had caused the death ship to surrender because it faced its own mortality. The End.

#Review

The First Omen (2024)

The first original Omen from 1976 is a classic. Very ominous and unsettling all the way through, so where do you go next? The second film was a rehash that bears a mild charm, and the third one confused everyone with its disregard for any relevant timeframe. How is Damien born in 1976 an adult in 1981?

Honestly, forget the sequels. Although part 4 is mildly amusing and apparently a heavy influence on a plot thread of this movie, but ask most people and they'll agree, "There was a part 4?"


So our story solidifies the original film's setting by opening 5 years before it, in 1971. It features a to-be nun in Italy who runs into increasingly familiar territory for franchise fans. Reviews are somewhat mixed, but I was expecting way worse. I think the director of this movie might have actually been a fan of the original or something. Weird.

Also, this movie wasn't full of jump-scare BS, which pleased me plenty. Instead, it decided to build up a story and pace itself. I only zoned out a few times, but I was pretty happy that the movie wasn't shitting on the original. It actually stood on its own two feet. Mostly. There were obvious homages here and there, and they thought we wouldn't notice how they stole the ending of part 4. I'm pretty sure part 4 exists, people!

I give this movie 3 sixes out of 5.

#Review

Furiosa (2024)

I was skeptical about this one. Not only was I not impressed with the character in Fury Road, but 2.5 hours long? Sheesh. Theaters booted it quickly for some damn reason, so it's probably rubbish, right?

Honestly... it was pretty damn good. The wasteland has never looked better. A visual feast with loads of action that somehow doesn't get boring. Seriously, how can a movie about constant car chases stay entertaining? I don't know, but it does.

I was surprised that Anya Taylor-Joy doesn't appear until about an hour in. That only leaves her with a mere 90 minutes of screentime. Gay. But she teams up with some Max-knockoff who looks like Stacy Keach. He's even got the lip thing going. There's a lot of connection to Fury Road with the citadel and Immortan Joe, but the timeline is still bogus. George Miller doesn't care much for the chronology and timeline of the movies, so why should we?

Since we're at that point where we've had one spin-off, I'm guessing this is intended to spawn a universe of endless dystopian car and desert hijinks. Low performance here indicates otherwise, so will the Mad Max universe fade away when George Miller does?

#Review

Total Recall (2012)

This remake is just like the 1990 movie, except there aren't any mutants and it isn't set on Mars.

Wait, what? So instead, we're on Earth and there's a lot of robots and some conspiracy going on. I zoned out a lot in the later half, but I still don't know what the cover-up was. It was much more clear in the original movie, in which Arnold gives one of his most sincere and emotional lines ever:

Come on, Cohaagen! You've got what you want. Give doz people ay-uh!

They wanted to tax people for air, but in this one? Fuck if I know why anything was happening. All I know is that it was directed by Len Wiseman, which explains why Quaid's "wife" (Kate Beckinsale) is in a lot more of the movie.

Total Recall? I'll forget this whole mess by tomorrow.

#Review

Twilight Zone 2002

You don't hear about this one much. The original is a classic of its era and sets a high standard. Apparently, the 80s version was good enough to last 3 seasons. Then we have a 2002 version hosted by Forest Whitaker. This only lasted 1 season, 22 episodes, 2 segments (20ish minutes each) per episode. They canceled it.

Honestly, this was such a pleasant surprise, though. Most anthology shows have plenty of dud episodes, but I really enjoyed most all of these episodes. And so many guest stars, too!

Scroll down that page to view a list of guest stars:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twilight_Zone_(2002_TV_series)



A few noteworthy episodes:

Katherine Heigl goes back in time to kill Hitler as a baby! She poses as a nanny, working for Hitler's father (James Remar), and he hates the dirty Jews!

A woman is stalked by a bus! Well, some bus nobody ever knows about keeps stopping where she's at, waiting for her to get on. She keeps telling it to fuck off, but it keeps coming back. Will she get on?

Jeremy Piven gets struck by lightning! From that point on, he can hear people's thoughts. A full episode in length, but interesting enough to justify it.

Frank Whaley, the guy who says "what" one too many times in front of Sam Jackson, lives a mundane and tedious suburban life. He gets an offer to trade his life for someone else's. He's got a lot of questions, but then he wonders who he can trade lives with. Maybe a rich person with a perfect life and a hot wife? It's some food for thought on how much is too much and what has real value.

A sequel to "It's a Good Life", the original episode of the boy who could think anything to happen. He has a daughter now. This ep has Stephen King vibes.

Eriq La Salle has 6 months to live! Then he gets hit by a car! When he wakes, he's in the year 1968. Stephen King definitely ripped off this episode for 11.22.63 (written in 2011).

A hypochondriac with an over-active imagination manifests a fictional disease... and that neurotic character is played by Jeffrey Combs! That should be enough to sell it.

Shawn Hatosy is a magician trying to learn the best trick ever from a retired magician (Xander Berkeley). I got really sucked into this one. How is the trick really done, though?

Jessica Simpson is stalked by dolls! A more horror-oriented episode about a babysitter and a sad little girl who has a collection of dolls that she has an anxiety and trust issues with. A tad creepy at times, even.

Jeremy Sisto is on death row! He pleads to the end that he's innocent, but what do you know? The execution machine is botched and they have to try again later. Stay tuned to find out what happens next! Great fuckin' episode. I'll call it my favorite of the lot.

Some archeologists dig up an Aztec chest with a gauntlet of blood in it. They accidentally spill the blood, and just like that... the sun is gone. Huh. It doesn't take long for the earth to start freezing, so they hide in their cave and consider if it was their doing, and if so... how do they fix it? A great disturbing ending.

So yeah, I had a lot of fun with this series. If it went on for more seasons, it probably would have turned shitty, so 1 season was good. Recommended to anthology fanatics.

#Review

Betelgeuse Part Deuce!

Who thought this was ever going to happen? They were talking about it for years and years, I wrote it off as a pipe dream. But here we are, 36 years later, and they finally did it. They made Tim Burton great again.

The first movie is great. Weird as hell, original, and a promising start for Tim Burton. He channeled his filmmaking process at that time to make a very practical effects oriented movie. Finally, a Tim Burton movie with very little CGI. The story is a lot of fun, too.

Beetlejuice himself only has so many minutes of screentime, in which most of his scenes are set in the afterlife as a service worker. Michael Keaton rules. You can tell he loves every minute of being such a douchy character.

Most of the movie is set in the real world, and we're given a grander scope of the town. It's a great setting. Autumnal and set primarily on Halloween. Winona is some solid glue to entry, as is her annoying mother Catherine O'Hara. Jeffrey Jones couldn't be in it for reasons we'll not get into here, but they did include his character in a pretty hilarious way. Jenna Ortega is obviously great. She's a wonderful scream queen as of late, and this movie is slightly closer to the horror genre than the original. More life and death stakes. And afterlife stakes.

The Day-O song is only briefly homaged, thank God, but there happens to be an equally hilarious musical number in there. I got plenty of laughs throughout. Willem Dafoe is an actor in the afterlife, acting like a police officer for some reason, and he cracks me up. Danny DeVito is only in one scene, but he's welcome in every goddamn movie ever made. Justin Theroux is the equivalent of Glenn Shadix's character in the original. A phony psychic foil.

I wont say much about Monica Belluci's character, but Monica Belluci is fucking Tim Burton now. That's probably important to the story for some reason. It's strange how a weirdo-looking creep like him attracts women like Belluci and Lisa Marie. And Helena, if you're into zombies.

Basically, everything about BJ2 comes together really well. I think everyone involved had fun making it, and it's a return to form for Tim Burton. This movie didn't even have Helena Bonham Carter or Johnny Depp in it!

#Review

Mindwarp (1991)

Starring Bruce Campbell and Angus Scrimm! With KNB effects! When I saw that cast and crew, I didn't even read the synopsis. I simply turned it on, thinking I would be in for a good time, but...

This movie was so unengaging. It didn't get me invested at all. There are a few good effects moments, but otherwise, this movie was a big letdown. At least Bruce Campbell screams a lot. It's always fun hearing him in pain.

#Review

Yonkers Joe (2008)

I was getting desperate for a 'Y' movie, so I settled on the first one I could find. I've been on a Chazz Palminteri kick, and this one places him as a gambler trying to scam the casinos for a big win with the help from his wife.

Now things take a more personal/domestic turn when Chazz's son drops by, having been kicked out of his group home because he's a down syndrome guy with violent/inappropriate tendencies. So the movie is Chazz trying to reconcile things with this son of his, who can range from tolerable to asshole.

Now, I've dealt with special-needs before, and I don't have much patience with them. But with that said, this guy doesn't seem totally unbearable, though he does have a potty-mouth and some rapist tendencies. 😦

So I started wondering if this guy was actually retarded or not. It appears as though he is not retarded, so I guess that means he did a great job. This movie would be canceled if it were made today. Some snowflake would bitch that this movie is taking acting jobs away from the real 'tards who want to work ^{don't know the difference either way}.

There's not a whole hell of a lot to say about this movie otherwise, but I liked it.

#Review