Back in the late 80's and 90's, when I used to browse the video rental stores, I mainly kept my choices within the Horror genre. And almost always picked weird B-movies and obscure cult classics. But occasionally, I would come across something not of the Horror genre, while still trashy, weird and low-budget. Stuff like Eating Raoul, Pink Flamingos, and The Doom Generation. There's one I came across early on that we don't really hear much about, even nowadays. A movie called Andy Warhol's Bad. The first cult comedy I remember renting. A very 70's, comically mean-spirited film starring a still very hot, middle-aged Carroll Baker. Along with Perry King who is playing a role originally meant for Joe Dallesandro. Unlike the always laid back Joe, Perry King just looks like a dick. Which works, because the character he's playing is in fact a dick. Come to think of it, everyone in this movie is a dick.
In this gloriously un-PC tale, Perry King playes L.T. Not only a dick, but a dick with no conscience. A small time hitman-for-hire. L.T. recently got hooked up with a woman named Hazel. A seemingly normal suburban housewife who runs an Electrolysis business out of her house, which is nothing more than a cover for her real source of income. Hazel provides ruthless hit women to her clients who need certain jobs done that they don't necessarily have the guts for. Usually murder. Sometimes a kid or a baby. L.T. recently got a sweet job where all he has to do is murder an autistic kid whose ashamed mother has basically ordered a very late abortion for her little disappointment. That's fine. L.T. is up for just about anything as long as he's getting paid. Unfortunately, in an age before cell phones, L.T. has to stick around Hazel's crib all week and wait for her call. And Hazel's a much bigger dick than he is. Constantly nagging him, and being flat out cruel at times. At one point, Hazel even stoops to injuring the man just because she's tired of looking at his stupid face. A bit harsh, but who cares? L.T. sucks.Hazel is a cold, greedy bitch. Hazel has her whiny, hopeless daughter-in-law living with her. Mary appears to be the most depressed person on the planet. Hazel's no-good son took off on Mary some time ago, and left her with a crying infant, whom she holds all day while sitting in the kitchen, whining to Hazel, who she gets zero sympathy from, as well as zero financial help. But I suppose letting her stay there is good enough considering what a horrible person she is.The hot hit women who pass through sometimes pick on poor Mary, which usually makes her cry and/or freak out.
I Mary is hopeless because she is surrounded by evil people who hate her and probably her baby. Meanwhile, we get to sit in on some of these hits. One chick cuts a guy's thumb off in a fairly bloody scene. A couple of other chicks stabs some old guy's dog on the orders from a paranoid woman named Ethel, who thought the guy made fun of her fatness the other day. And later on, a baby gets thrown from a tall building in what is no doubt the most memorable scene in the movie. With the exception of Mary Everyone in Bad is cold and ruthless. Even those who aren't complete dicks are still somewhat fucked up. When it comes to money, these people will do anything. Even the cop, who has been breathing down Hazel's neck, is willing to look the other way if the price is right.
I tend to think of Bad as the black sheep of the Warhol movies. In fact, it's not really even one of the Warhol movies at all. Atleast not the ones I saw years later. I'm not sure if the man even had anything to do with this one. Or any of them for that matter. But the original "Andy Warhol films" did star Joe Dallesandro, and were directed by a guy named Paul Morrissey, who often casted his regular group of weirdos and misfits in some very raw, highly improvised films, far more low-budget than this one, and usually offering far less story, which also had a bit of a gay vibe to them. Not entirely unlike an old John Waters epic. Just less interesting. Bad, however, has none of these qualities. Besides being directed by the guy who edted a couple of Morrissey's films, the only thing Bad has in common with any of the past Warhol films is Stefania Casini (Andy Warhol's Dracula) who plays one sick bitch in this one. And a hot one, I might add. Bad is farmore entertaining than any of those other films, yet lacks the specific flavor that made them unique.Also worth mentioning is Gordon Oas-Heim, who played Adam Sorg in Herschell Gordon Lewis' Color Me Blood Red some years earlier. Oas-Heim makes a couple appearances as Hazel's discouraged-looking husband whom she verbally abuses and controls. Unfortunately, this fine actor was not given one word of dialogue, which I guess worked on a comedic level. Most of the comedy in Bad works well. Not so much with Perry King, though, as he's really the only one of all the unlikeable characters that I didn't find the least bit ammusing. Most of his attempts at humor don't even make sense.It's a shame they couldn't have gotten Joe Dallesandro for this. Although, it probably wouldn't have made the movie THAT much better. Either way, this would-be cult classic is hilariouss and pulls no punches. One of the sleaziest comedies to come out of the 70's, and deserving of far more notoriety than it's ended up with. A decent dvd/blu-ray release is long overdue. But I'm sure it'll happen sooner or later. Bad is not bad at all. Not eve close. As far as I'm concerned, they should have just called this movie Andy Warhol's Awesome! 7/10
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