#DeathScreams 1982

Out in the dark, a couple is killed abruptly and in an unclear way. Their bodies are dumped into the river and we're given the opening titles, accompanied by an entirely awkward score. This music doesn't know what the fuck it's doing! If the goal is to confuse the viewers, it's a smashing success.

After this quick opening with no buildup, we're off to follow our primary characters through a super 70s aesthetic as the narrative meanders aimlessly through their time working at the diner, flirting with their love interests, going to the fair, talking with grandma, and generally doing nothing of importance.

The fat-ass sheriff is present, but he's so rotund, you can absolutely call him pointless. Fortunately, there are a couple pointy things you'll see under some women's shirts. Finally, this movie has some redeeming qualities to it.

Every now and then, there's a completely random kill that holds no emotional weight, because we don't know these people. At an hour in, we see that those dead fucks are still floating down the river, because that's what turds do.

In the final 20 minutes, the film finally remembers it's supposed to be a horror film, so we venture off into a graveyard, tell ghost stories, and then get caught up in a bunch of quick and violent kills from our machete-wielding maniac as our heroes hole up inside of an abandoned house in the woods.

The ending gets pretty nuts, and we get a lot of that over-the-top and confused score again. Our resolution is as quick and confusing as you'd expect by now. Was that reveal supposed to mean anything? Was that guy even in the fucking movie before that?! Then comes the cherry on top when you see what the fatso sheriff does.

The movie is pretty generic, but definitely has its high points. It also makes a good argument about why home video is important. This movie is so forgettable, but I could definitely understand people growing fond of it if they had it in VHS. With no streaming services to fall back on, one might be forced to revisit the crap they had on tape over and over again until they trick themselves into thinking they like the movie.