This is one of those movies that you're either going to love or hate. Me? I actually hated it the first time I saw it. I found it to be an obnoxious pile of shit, but with the occasional rewatch over the years, I grew to appreciate Decampitated for what it is. An insightful, yet silly statement on the state of the Horror genre. A self aware 90's slasher which actually manages to get it right. Imagine that.
Decampitated is about seven friends who don't seem to like, or even know each other very well, who decide to go camping together. Although they seem to know nothing about the activity. The leader of our group, Garrett. A hyper, enthusiastic twig of a man who is determinded to treat his pals to a weekend in the woods. Despite not being very bright, he seems to really know how to take charge. For whatever reason, Garrett's lazy, bitchy friends reluctantly decide to join him in his quest to rough it. The happy campers decide to camp as planned, but we soon discover, there's a killer in the woods, but luckily, there's seven of them, which should be more than enough to fight off the killer. Especially if they all stick together. Of course, when times get tough, they all scatter out like dumb fucks, and make one stupid decision after the other. Even when they get the killer down, and have him right where they want him, they'll yet again run off again into the woods to duct tape their wounds, and of course bicker amonst themselves.
With all the unnecessary re-releases Troma has put out, hopefully, one of these days, this one will get a better release with lots of extras, including commentary, alternate/cut scenes. Maybe some interviews with that peculiar cast. That totally needs to happen. But for the life of me, I can't understand why this film never ended up with the cult status one would just assume it would simply end up with. And why is isn't spoken in the same breath as Troma greats such as Combat Shock or Redneck Zombies. This film was made during a strange time for B-Horror, as well as Horror in general. The genre wasn't taken quite as seriously as it once was, despite actually becoming more serious. But the 90's needed more movies like this. Perhaps if it had, the decade would be remembered a little more fondly by some of us.Decampitated is a bad movie. A feel good clusterfuck of a slasher that's smart enough to know how stupid it is. In alot of ways, the perfect Troma movie. These guys definitely got it right. Perhaps one of these days, this film, which was clearly ahead of its time, will find the audience that it's always lacked and gain the status it's always deserved as one of the elite Non-Kaufman Troma films. And one of the greatest Horror comedies ever made. Check it out! 7/10
#Review
It's been a while,Trash Epics. But Ballz is back (at least for the duration of this post) and he has a new review for you, along with a slightly changed format. The other night, I had the pleasure of finally seeing Jim Mickle's Cold in July after waiting for what feels like such a long time now and was that wait worth it? Yes, I'd say the wait was well worth it.
The movie starts out with family man Richard Dane (Hall) asleep in bed with his wife when they're awakened by sounds coming from within the house. He gets out of bed to investigate only to discover an intruder, who he proceeds to shoot and kill. The police are called and after they're at the Dane's house for a while, Richard is taken to the station to take care of the usual stuff that comes with blowing away a burglar. It's all pretty straight forward and later that same night, he's allowed to return home to his family.
Once he's back at his house, he helps his wife clean up the blood left behind by the burglar. Now, during this, I could only think of Dexter. Dexter was an expert at cleaning up blood and, also, while I'm not sure where the movie takes place exactly, it's definitely in the Southern US. And where did Dexter take place? Florida. Richard was a pretty good shot with that gun too. Sure, it could have been a lucky shot and Dexter was more of a stabber than a shooter, but I'm certain he could have used a gun pretty well if he'd needed to. Could this movie be Dexter's life after Dexter? Probably not actually, since this is based on a novel from 1989, but can you really blame me for thinking such things?
Anyway, a short while later, Richard has an encounter with the burglar's father. Some unfriendly words are exchanged and this is where the movie really starts to pick up. I won't reveal more of the movie after that point, as I think it's one of those movies that's definitely best seen instead of read about in some asshole's review. I feel that even reading IMDb's basic storyline description takes away from what the movie builds up in the beginning. It's one I definitely plan to buy at some point and I do highly recommend checking it out for yourself.
Sure. It's original alright. But what exactly is IT? Well, a lot of things, really. Wacky, vulgar, bizarre, confusing, trippy, peculiar, pointless, strangely upbeat, definitely hilarious at times, but mostly random. Very, very random. What kind of childhood must one endure to one day grow up and have ideas like these go through their head, and then actually manage to make a movie about it? What type of delusional fuck has the balls to explain this nonsense to the people he wants as his stars? And how'd he get so many semi-hot naked chicks to lend him their naked bodies and shitty acting? Alot of mystery surrounding this one. I've seen Meat Weed Madness a couple times over the years, and I can honestly say that I still don't know quite what to make of it. And I'm pretty sure that's a good thing.
Marijuana grown with human flesh.Yeah. That's what this movie is about. The Farmers of a magical Southern plantation called Meat Weed Manor grow the best weed on the planet using said method. How or why this works obviously isn't the issue here. That subject is just never really tackled. What is the Issue, you ask? Well, uh... nudity, I guess. Nudity and sleaziness. We'll just go with that. I'm sure there's something more to it, but whatevs. Anyway, four Southern Belles stumble upon the beautiful plantation, and are immediately welcomed by Lord Meat Weed, to stick around for a while, and to try out some product, which makes them go mad and make out with each other, which is by far the most normal thing to happen the entire duration of this movie.
So much happens that it's almost impossible to keep it all straight. What sticks out in my mind the most is the dumb, yet disturbingly surreal music. pointlessly dubbed voices, weird images, many, many random acts of vulgar sleaziness. Oh, And Bullpucky the Minotaur. We mustn't forget that thing. Watching that thing move about is one of the funniest things in the movie. Just don't be trying to take it all seriously. Just appreciate Meat Weed Madness for what it is. Whatever it is. Nothing against films which are shot on video. I'm definitely not one of those weirdos who can't take s.o.v's seriously. And it's not even the obvious micro-budget. I love low-budget movies. I just find all of this a bit hard to swallow.
Maybe there is some kind of message, hidden deep down beneath all the stupid, surreal shit. Maybe this film isn't just insanity disguised as a comedy about pot. Perhaps there's a little genius beneath all the bullshit. I can see how Lloyd Kaufman would watch this and think just that, and take a chance on it on the off chance that it might just be the next great Troma movie. Poor old bastard. I'm pretty sure my original assumption was correct, and Aiden Dillard is a retard with no future, and Troma fans will never give a fuck about Meat Weed Madness. Regardless, I'll say it's definitely worth at least one viewing if you happen to be fascinated by the unique and the weird, or even if you simply like weed movies. Although, that one's a maybe. ?/10
I had heard about this one for a long time. An LBP masterpiece backed by Troma that was meant to be "The ultimate LBP/Teenape film", but somehow, for some reason, ended up being a film which both Chris Seaver and Lloyd Kaufman would rather us all not see and just forget about. The only words to come to mind after reading this is WHY, WHY and WHY???
Well, that was just sad! It's like this big story with a much bigger budget than normal and tons of returning characters. Reading about this unfortunate movie, it really does sound like the ultimate Seaver epic. But the humor was toned WAY down. The wacky randomness was simply not there. Not even a trace of it. And it seemed as if the actors just didn't wanna be there and were merely spitting out the lines they were being paid (?) to say. I can't believe this film was written and directed by Chris Seaver. But I can now see why he wouldn't want anyone to see it. Cuz it does sound like something worth getting excited about if you're into LBP. But it would turn out to be nothing but a disappointment. This movie simply has no soul. Teenape isn't even an ass hole. I can imagine Troma ruined this film the same way Hollywood is gonna ruin the Toxic Avenger remake. I guess that's justice for ya.
This movie's about a bunch of incestuous, white trash cousins, all shackin' up together, with the half-retarded mute (?), Jessicka as their neglected, big-breasted pet. At first, it seems as if she's a victim, being held there against her will, but they actually take her places, sometimes, and sorta acknowledge her as a member of the family. Mostly by trying to molest her or fuck her in the mouth.
Yet, there's also the parts where they cage her up, simply cuz it's more convenient. Now that I think about it, she's definitely a victim, too, considering all the rapings and beatings. I mean they hose her down, from time to time, & they give her plenty of dogfood & whatnot, so, it's not like she's got it THAT bad. But being that Jessica's too slow to know good treatment from bad, she's oblivious to any treatment that might not go over well with a non-retard. But ain't it funny how a little rabies can change everything?
This one of my favorite post-2000 Troma movies. They done good this time. There's not a dull moment to be found in this tasty little sleaze-fest. The first thing I noticed was the quality of the film. The movie is shot grainy, fuzzy, purposefully out of focus in parts. It's got the old school look down better than alot of films like this, which compliments the tone of the movie very much. Jessicka Rabid is as good of a modern old school B-Horror throwback as I've seen.
Not a lot of the circumstances are explained, and the movie never tries too hard to be something special. And in doing so, it actually succeeds. This is a mean-spirited film, with little to no retribution in sight. With just enough subtle dark humor thrown in to make it enjoyable, yet never self parodying. Not to mention, plenty of gore, depravity & incest, which I always love. Starring the legendary Trent Haaga. So, any Haaga freaks will definitely be diggin' this one. And keep in mind, sometimes Troma manages to come through. And this is absolutely one of those times. So, do yourself a favor and check this little beauty out. 6/10
For my first ever review here in the Troma zone, I had planned on writing a review for what most people consider the greatest of all Troma movies, the Legendary Toxic Avenger. But in true Tromafreak fashion, I've decided to write about some random piece of shit that nobody cares about instead.
We begin with Father and son playing and frolicking amongst nature. Awkward little scenes involving the father quoting Beowulf for fun, and father and son singing sweet tunes like "Old McDonald". One day, Father gets careless whilst frollicking with son, and gets his leg stuck in a bear trap. Son sits by dying father's side, listening to him babble and go insane, and obsessively quoting Beowulf, and eating beans.
A lot of talk about cannibalism. Father eventually croaks. Newly brain-washed son ditches beans, and mutilates and eats freshly deceased father for supper. What a little asshole.
Fast forward 10 years. John Dewolfe, along with his irritating little family, is driving out to rural New Jersey to help out his old army buddy (sheriff of Rural New Jersey) and his irritating little family, who are all stressed because his daughter was kidnapped some time ago. Actually, a lot of kids from this town have turned up missing. Is it foul play, or did they simply take off just to get away from their unreasonable, religous fanatic parents? Well, whatever the case, Sci-fi writer, John Dewolfe, Army-buddy-Sheriff, his pal, Dr. Fish, and some psychic chick who calls everyone "dearie" should have enough brain power between them to get to the bottom of this. The bottom being that the little kid from the beginning is still lurking the woods, and has grown into one mean bastard who thinks his name is Grendel, and has kidnapped all these missing kids and brain washed them into a small army of little pussy killers.
If there is any reason to seek this movie out, it's the unexpected ending that almost makes the experience worth it. If this movie is known for anything, it's definitely that. As the rest of the movie goes, there is some potential somewhere in there. It's a good idea for a movie. Reminiscent of Children of The Corn at times. But the delivery is abysmal on so many levels. From the little pussy kids who never acted a day in their lives, to the annoying cheap key board score to the unsuccessful attempts at humor by an ugly as fuck cast. Beware: Children At Play sucks. But not unwatchable. And that ending I spoke of should leave you with atleast one fond memory of rural New Jersey. 3/10
Last time we saw our hero, Jason Voorhees was in Manhattan, practically killing anyone he could get his hands on. Does anyone know how long ago that was? Or what he's been up to since? And most importantly, why he's still alive? No? Well, so far, it feels like a genuine Friday tThe 13th movie. And besides, these minor details don't matter much since Jason just got blown up by the F.B.I. And we're not even 10 minutes in! No. This is no typical F-13. This time, they're thinking outside the box. And maybe that would be a good thing if they hadn't just blown up the only reason anyone wanted to see this abomination in the first place.
So, yeah. Jason's dead for realz, this time. As his remains get examined in the morgue, something strange is happening to the examining doctor. Something evil, which can be seen in his face. What we are now seeing is one more example of the fact that our hero, Jason Voorhees can never be stopped. Even after death, even after getting blown to pieces, he still keeps coming back. But without a body of his own, he has willed his own soul into the body of this doctor. You can tell because he just took a big bite out of Jason's heart, which made sparkly stuff (Jason's soul) invade his body. So, Jason's back. Just in another form. Clever, right?
These movies actually made some sense before now. But no longer. Jason has a sister, a niece and a great niece, and for him to finally be ressurrected as a guy wearing a hockey mask, he must make one of their bodies his own. Hopefully, someone can get a hold of the Voorhees dagger. Because apparently, stabbing him with that is the one and only thing that will send Jason to Hell and keep him there. But of course it has to be someone who is related to him. Something tells me all those F-13 fans who wanted something different are feeling pretty silly right about now.
Today, I'll be covering: Tombs of the Blind Dead (1971) 
The basics: The blind dead were the Knights Templar, who were blinded and executed for doing shit like tying women up and drinking their blood. In death, apparently they still seek the blood of the living. For that, I hesitate to call them zombies. In fact, the Wiki page refers to them as revenants, which I'd say is more accurate.
Other shit: When Tombs of the Blind Dead was originally released here in the US, they tried to pass it off as a sequel to Planet of the Apes called Revenge from Planet Ape.