Demented Death Farm Massacre (1971)

Yeah. Something Weird Video must have missed this one. Believe it or not, this is in fact a Troma movie. Not quite the type of thing these guys usually go after/settle for, but a Troma movie nonetheless. Co-directed by Fred Olen Ray, and originally titled Honey Britches, The Troma Team retitles it Demented Death Farm Massacre, adds a diffrent score (apparently), and inserts scenes involving a 500 year old John Carradine, chiming in every now and then, attempting to act as narrarator, to I guess give this movie a little star power. Not quite the end result. It didn't seem as if he had even seen the movie when rambling on about it. Still pretty cool that old man Carradine graced us with his presence. I'm sure he would have thought this movie sucked. But I don't. I think it's actually pretty good for what it is.

Good, Yes, but certainly not great, as most anyone will figure out within the first few minutes. A whole lot of awkward acting/dialog. Mostly from two bickering couples who are on the run from the law after stealing a bunch of diamonds. The plan is to hide out in Nowhere, Florida, and move in on some unsuspecting hicks, and use their house for a hideout. A hot little bumpkin chick offers the thieves some shelter, and of course Southern hospitality. Let's hope her loud-mouth, religious fanatic, moonshine-sellin' husband isn't feelin' ornery when he gets home. Despite being a dishonest, drunken old prick, Harlan turns out to be easygoing enough, as he doesn't want any trouble. That is, until one of the jewel thieves sets his sights on his affection starved lady. That, he cannot overlook. In fact, it might be time to dust off the ol' pitchfork. And why the hell not? Ol' Harlan just bought her off her pa last week. He doesn't like her much, but ya don't fuck with a man's property. It just ain't Christian!

Alright, well, maybe "good" was a bit of a stretch. Demented Death Farm Massacre is actually quite terrible. I'll admit that, but I stand by my claim of entertainment value. Oh, it's there. Even if it's just mostly some outlandish fat hick yelling at women, or there's always the acting. If schlock ain't your cup of tea, then you probably won't find anything this trashy Hixploitation flick has to offer to be even remotely appealing. This surprisingly entertaining Troma flick (which clearly belongs in the Something Weird Video universe) can be found on the first of seven "Toxie's Triple Terror" set. I was equally supprised as I was delighted to discover that the other two movies on this set, Curse Of The Cannibal Confederates, and Deadly Daphne's Revenge, were also pretty good... well, not exactly good. You know what I mean. 5/10



#Review

AVGN: The Movie

I've been following James Rolfe's work for years now. To most people, he's The Angry Video Game Nerd, but to me, he's more than that. He's an inspiration. He reviews shitty old games for a living, but he also knows film, and has a true passion for what he does. He wouldn't have become such a legend if his heart wasn't in the right place.

Over the years, he's always teased us with a review for the alleged worst game of all time: Atari's E.T. However, he would take it up a notch and not do a mere review, but an entire movie based on the mystery of this turkey, taking the premise of his debut feature into the Atari landfill territory. This bases our film on actual facts, whereas several Atari games where in fact buried in a landfill in New Mexico. Read about it on Wikipedia if you don't believe me, because Wikipedia always tells the truth... right?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atari_video_game_burial

---

This is the basis for our film's premise. The Nerd (as he is so named in the film) reviews bad video games for a living, and people love his obscene rants that pick apart all the flaws of said games. An evil video game company named Cockburn decides to cash-in on the statistics of how people play games that they hate, and decide to make a sequel to the worst game ever. They want to make "EeeTee 2", and market it as being even worse than the original, because bad is the new good.

With this, the Nerd is pressured into reviewing EeeTee (spelled differently due to copyright reasons, I'm guessing), though the mere thought makes him spout off more obscene remarks. And vomit. With much reluctance, The Nerd is swayed into the idea by his sidekick/protege, as well as a Cockburn employee posing as a female nerd, hoping to further Cockburn's "EeeTee 2" marketing campaign. The Nerd uses this as an opportunity to debunk the myth about the landfill, and spare all of his die-hard fans away from the horrid game that awaits them. However, the situation continues to complicate itself with the addition of military conspiracies, robots, aliens, and of course... video games.

Fans of James Rolfe's videos are guaranteed a good time with this movie. The jokes are funny, the film never takes itself too seriously, and all of the nerd's influences are represented, ranging from Atari, horror movies, bad movies, Troma, Godzilla movies, and even some slapstick. The special effects also stand out, as many of them are practical, utilizing a lot of miniatures. There is plenty of green screen and CGI, but what can you ask for in a movie about video games? Realism? I have no gripes with any of it.

The film likes to poke fun at its low-budget nature and exploit it for all its worth. "Even my dreams are low budget". But with low budget comes the passion that most Hollywood films will never achieve. Low budget forces you to get your vision out at all costs, and put your love, sweat, tears, and jizz into whatever you're doing. The Angry Video Game Nerd is a true trash epic, if there ever was one. The only flaw however... was a significant lack of Motherfucker Mike Matei.

#Review

Bloodsucking Freaks (1976)



Anyone who is familiar with Troma knows that Bloodsucking Freaks (AKA The Incredible Torture Show) is by far the most vile, most depraved, most pitch black evil thing those guys have to offer. A film that shows us exactly how rotten this world we live in can be. But this is a special film, as it somehow manages to successfully sneak in a ton of humor. Successfully, meaning this is done in a way that is actually funny without decreasing the disturbing nature of it all. In my opinion, that's what makes Bloodsucking Freaks so great. Well, that and the fact that, at one point, a midget fucks a freshly severed head right in the mouth.

This dismal, yet oddly humorous tale is about a bad man named Sardu, who is one the most despicable, power-hungry individuals you will ever come across. This guy runs his underground "Theater of the Macabre" in Hell's Kitchen where he and his eager assistant, Ralphus, torture and mutilates kidnapped, naked women in front of audiences. All this, a front for their slavery ring. Except the extremely gullible audience thinks this is all just a show with top notch FX. And that all these lades aren't being slaughtered for realz. Those who die for the show get off light. Some are made into mindless slaves. Some are starved. Some are electrocuted, decapitated, de-footed. Some are used as dart boards, toilets, or just for Ralphus' amusement. In the Theater Of The Macabre, Sardu is God. And anyone who gets out alive will only become someone elses slave. And whether that's a good or bad thing is unclear.

They even managed to throw in a storyline. Sardu decides he wants to add a little class and legitimacy to his theater, and has Ralphus kidnap local ballerina, Natasha De Natalie so she can perform in his up and coming show. Asking her first might have been a better idea, but Sardu doesn't have time or patience for bullshit, and has pretty much decided right off the bat that this thing WILL go down exactly the way he wants. Unfortunately, now that they got her, she's being an unreasonable little bitch and refuses to dance for her kidnapper. But Sardu and his midget companion have ways of persuading those who will not cooperate. And if threats of dismenberment don't work, then there's always brainwashing. Either way, SHE SHALL DANCE!!!

Some people seem to think that Bloodsucking Freaks is a bit uncalled for. Something about promoting, and possibly even making light of cruelty towards women. I'd love nothing more than to come up with some clever argument, disproving this theory, but I suspect there isn't one. Sardu and Ralphus ain't nice to the ladies, and that's just the way it is. In a strange way, Bloodsucking Freaks was ahead of it's time. You just didn't see extreme Horror mixed with such humor in those days. But humor or no humor, this griminess of this film should make most of us want a shower.

As I was listening to Eli Roth's commentary on the DVD, I couldn't help notice how deeply this guy was reading into every little thing that occurred. I'm going to just go ahead and assume he was pulling our legs with some of those claims. If not, then this guy knows waaaaay too much about Bloodsucking Freaks. Although, I tend to belive his claim that after shooting, the cast and crew had a big drugged out orgy to celebate, only because that's fuckin' awesome! And also, a bit of sad news, as Seamus O'Brien, the man who played Sardu was unfortunately shot and killed shortly after filming was completed. That's too bad the guy never got to see his greatest role in what would eventually become known as one of the greatest B-Horror flicks films the 70's has to offer. Our fallen lead actor may never get to see the splendor that is Bloodsucking Freaks. But it's not too late for you to witness this evil, legendary movie. It'll put some hair on your chest... or take years off your life. 8/10



#Review

Reviews with Ballz: Electra Glide in Blue

John Wintergreen (Robert Blake; In Cold Blood, Lost Highway) is a short, by-the-book motorcycle cop patrolling Arizona's highways, with hopes of soon moving up from being a highway patrolman and becoming a homicide detective. He eventually gets a chance to prove himself too when he discovers a body in a house in the desert and ends up helping with the investigation, quickly finding himself involved in something much more complicated than a simple murder and finding out just how difficult investigating a homicide can be.

Released in 1973 and directed by James William Guercio, Electra Glide in Blue isn't considered an exploitation movie, but it has a lot of characteristics that you might associate with the exploitation genre, including drugs, hippies, and a motorcycle gang. Those characteristics combined with the desert, murder mystery theme make for an interesting movie, to say the least.


So sit back and (hopefully) enjoy another... Reviews with Ballz!

---

This movie starts out with a mysterious little scene involving a person cooking a couple pork chops while putting their dentures in a glass and loading a shotgun. They then seemingly kill themselves with the shotgun and we see someone else tending to the pork chops. This is the body John Wintergreen later discovers and of course, it turns out to be a lot more than a simple suicide, a fact that Wintergreen believes from the start despite the doubts others have.

Of course, Wintergreen's investigation into the murder doesn't go smoothly at all, encountering plenty of obstacles which slow his progress, a lot of which deals with bullshit from other cops. Wintergreen is closest to another cop named Zipper, but even when around this supposed friend, you can tell that Wintergreen doesn't exactly agree with everything Zipper does as a police officer.

Now you might be wondering why I mentioned that Wintergreen is short. Well, in real life, Robert Blake is only 5' 4" and this movie exploits that fact through both its dialogue and camerawork . Wintergreen's nickname however is Big John and considering the fact that the first time we see him in the movie, he's with a woman who implies he's been giving a good dicking to, apparently not everything about him is short.


Electra Glide in Blue has a few small faults, but the previously mentioned exploitation characteristics combined with a decent script, acting, and music make for a good crime-drama that I do recommend checking out, especially if you're a fan of cop or motorcycle movies.

My Rating: 4/5

Want more of Ballz? Check out the Ball Zone https://trashepics.com/zone/ball/ , where you can find my Twitter feed and some other junk.

#ElectraGlideInBlue #JamesWilliamGuercio #Review #ReviewsWithBallz #RobertBlake

Cannibal! The Musical (1993)



Like most people, I hate musicals with a passion. That is, all but one. A musical which not only manages to not be annoying, but is also quite hilarious. Dare I say the musical aspect makes that even more true. The songs are actually catchy. Stupid but catchy. But musical or not, this would be our first glimpse of the genius humor of Trey Parker that would not only make him millions in the long run, but make this little student film that started it all, the most beloved Troma movie of the 1990's. Although, this film is in desperate need of a new trailer. Just sayin'.

Cannibal! The Musical is the true story of alleged Colorado cannibal, Alferd Packer. At least his version of the story. Packer, a somewhat dim-witted Utah miner in the 1870s, who is coaxed into leading a gold-mining expedition into Colorado. Not wanting to let down the nice Mormon fellows, Alferd leaves out the fact that he has no Idea where Colorado (or anything) is. And that settles it! Now, an extreme horse-lover, a horse, a grumpy butcher, a chronic-liar, two mormons, and a little gipper pussy would then embark on a comically hopeless journey which could only end with frozen starvation, or cannibalism, with a soundtrack that would become legendary within the Troma universe.

Each character is hilarious in his own way, especially Dian Bachar, as the eager little virgin gipper who is convinced this trip will somehow earn him some sweet poon. The ridiculously positive Mormon is also a riot! So many hilarious one-liners. They just keep coming. Regardless of how low budget or unpolished a film is, one this funny and witty cannot be ignored. And many of the jokes would years later be recycled into South Park. Little things about this movie, I find funny. Like the fact that very few of the characters attempt to act like they're in living in the 1800s. In many ways, this one of those "so bad, it's good" type films.



When watching Cannibal! The Musical for the first time, I didn't realize exactly how true of a story this is. Minus a few obvious jokes (Chinamen portraying Native Americans), and of course the songs (I sssume), and this is one helluvan accurate portrayal of the story. Originally titled Alferd Packer The Musical, the title was changed by Troma mainly because such a title would only mean something to those who live in the area in which it all happened. That, and the fact that Cannibal! The Musical is a sweet fuckin' title!

Watching this trash epic, and another Parker film, Orgazmo, really makes me want him to ditch South Park, and start making movies again. Movies which don't include animation or puppets. Of the hundreds upon hundreds of Troma movies out there, there are quite a few good ones. But only a select few that are Must see. And as you could guess, this here is damn sure one of them. And the fact that this film can only be found within the Troma catalogue, pretty much ensures that regardless of whatever future success he stumbles upon. Cannibal! The Musical will forever remain Trey Parker's best kept secret. 9/10



#Review

Combat Shock (1986)



Frankie Dunlan isn't doing so well. Living in extreme poverty in Staten Island, New York with his homely sow of a wife who's a dick to him due to the fact that she originally thought she was marrying into money. Not quite, Miss America. The happy couple have also been blessed with a depressed-looking freak baby with, who brightens their days and nights with it's constant, freaky sounding crying that probably gives them both nightmares. Although, impregnating that woman must have been the biggest nightmare of all. so, again. Frankie Dunlan isn't doing so well.

Oh, and he's also pretty fucked in the head from his longer than expected stay in good 'ol Vietnam as a tortured P.O.W. So, on top of whatever damage that brought on, the poor, out-of-work bastard can't afford any of the comforts of home, including food, so, nobody's eating any time soon. Not to mention rent's due. Time to get out there and look for work, and hopefully not run into the crime boss whom he owes alot of money. But this just isn't Frankie's day. So, you know the worst is inevitable.

Great news! Mr. crime boss is totally willing to let Frankie's wife suck some dick on the side to pay the debt, and maybe even earn their little family some extra cash. Oh, but Frankie's too proud or whatever to allow such a thing to occur. Otherwise, I'm sure there'd be a line of horny men a mile long outside, waiting to get some of that. But nothin' doin' says Frankie. He's determined to take care of his family by himself, the old fashion way. Especially since there's nobody around to mug just yet. But we'll see how it goes.

As calm and accepting as he seems while roaming the streets, Frankie is a ticking time bomb. He's had just about enough of this day, and quite frankly, enough of this shitty life as well. The only thing keeping him going is the fact that his ugly wife and freak baby are counting on him to come up with something. All the ass kickings, verbal and physical. All the regrets and disappointments, all the pain and sorrow he has witnessed is just about to catch up with his damaged mind. And when Frankie hits rock bottm and finally explodes, nobody will be safe. NOBODY!

Obviously, this film is not for everyone. Even the Troma lovers who enjoy fucked up shit might find this one a bit off putting. One must have have a very dark sense of humor to see the beauty in this miserable tale. And I for one see the beauty, crystal clear. One of the all-time great Tromasterpieces. Combat Shock (AKA American Nightmares) offers No redeeming charcters. No redeeming situations. Nothing gets sugar-coated. Just non-stop bleak, gritty, and depressing, with something ugly around every corner to remind you what a unforgiving world this can be. Thank you, Troma! 8/10



#Review

Killer Nerd (1991)

Poor Harold. A life long nerd. This guy has no social skills. He's an ugly motherfucker with greasy hair, stupid clothes, an, annoying voice. He's irritating, his peers make fun of him and his only friend is his mother, who he seems to not like all that much. Yeah, Harold Kunkle is a nerd if there ever was such a thing. A frinedless, comic book-collecting virgin for life. But he's still a person with feelings just like everybody else. And just like everybody else, Harold has his breaking point.

Poor awkward bastard wants to be cool so bad. But just doesn't get it. And nobody gets him. It seems as if it's simply not in him to be cool. Is there seriously no hope for Harold? Enter Slick Dick. Possibly Harold's one and only hope for social salvation. Infomercial douche bag, Slick Dick seems to know all the right things to say, and do, and how to dress, and most importantly, how to be confident. Or maybe it's just those Back To The Future Part II Solar Shades he was wearing. Either way, Harold the nerd needs all the advice he can get if he's serious about getting out of this rut and possibly getting his fuck on. Harold is desperate enough to try anything at this point. So he orders Slick Dick's motivational tape. Finally, the secrets of coolness will be revealed. And if Slick Dick turns out to be full of shit... well, then there's always that killing spree Harold has been considering.

Killer Nerd is a comically hopeless tale of one sad, lonely man-child's burning desire to rise above his own reject status, only to be sabotaged by those who hate him simply because he looks diffrent. And the mental breakdown he suffers because of it. Brought to you by our pals at Troma, Killer Nerd is some entertaining Z-grade Horror. Far more than it should be. Also a very satirical tone typical for the 90's. Not so much a good performance by Toby Radloff as much as it just being a case of him being a genuines nerd in real life. Atleast that's what I get from all this. Anyone looking for another performance from the now legendary Radloff, you may want to seek out Townies (1999). Now, that's a real trash epic! And we mustn't forget Bride Of Killer Nerd, which, like this one, is also not as bad as it sounds. And can be found on the same dvd. As you'd expect, this probably won't be getting a 2-disc Tromasterpiece edition dvd/blu-ray any time soon. Just another piece of shit which has its moments. Don't expect a hell of a lot, and you might have a few laughs. 4/10



#Review

The Chainsaw Sally Show: Season One (2010)

Here's a very fitting addition to the Troma catalogue. The Chainsaw Sally Show: Season One acts as a sequel to the 2004 cult classic slasher, Chainsaw Sally. A 3 hour plus sequel broken up into 11 episodes, with an optional laugh track, among many other extras. any fans of the gory, tongue-in-cheek original, or April Monique Burril's tits, ass and charismatic personality, should find this first ever B-Horror sitcom to be highly entertaining.

By day, Sally Diamon is a quiet librarian. But a bloodthirsty vigilante by night. Not so much the type of vigilante that goes after other killers, like Dexter. More like anyone who so much as gets on her nerves. Like a healthy person who parks in a handicapped spot. Or a girl scout that dared to sell her the wrong flavor of cookies, who she kidnaps and keeps as a pet for her and her idiot brother's ammusment. But I suppose she is making the world a better place in her own fucked up, Horror lovin' way. Because most of her victims are atleast kinda sorts dickish.

Come to think of it, Sally's a crazy bitch who probably should be on death row. But who cares? because Sally happens to be really, really hot. See?



Despite being a bit obsessed with rules, Sally is actually quite likeable, and does a good job of looking after her her idiot brother, who also shares her love for cold-blooded murder, cannibalism, and fun games such as using corpses an Piñatas. But at times, it almost seems even Sally's bother might be in danger of getting it if he was to get too out of line. Which would be fine by me because that guy sucks. But is a huge improvement over the last guy who played her brother. But that's another story. The poont is, Sally is not to be fucked with.

Truth be told, I'm actually not a huge fan of the work of director, Jimmyo Burril. His amateurish shit really just seems like an excuse for the guy to show off his hot wife, which is fine by me. But just sayin' However, Chainsaw Sally, the character is a diffrent story. She really makes it her own, and makes her love of the Horror genre quite obvious. Plus, she's just genuinely likeable and funny, and makes her husbands's little projects worth watching. April Monique Burrill makes it all okay. Goddamn, she's so hot!

Uncle Lloyd knows what I'm talkin' about! He got this shit real quick and put it all on a 2-disc dvd, and loaded it up with tons of extras. Which is more than I can say for season 2, which I still haven't been able to locate. But most definitely will asap. And anyone who takes my advice and checks out season one, and likes it, keep an eye out for Chainsaw Sally: The Animaed Series, coming in 2015. Hopefully, this isn't a sign that the bloodthirsty goddess hasn't started showing her age. Aw, fuck it! She's still hotter than most every other scream queen out there. Check her out! 6/10



#Review

Sucker The Vampire (1998)

Here's one of the more underseen Troma movies out there. But also a fine example of a film which doesn't quite live up to its premise. And the premise being "Vampire catches AIDS". A hard premise to screw up. Not to say Sucker screws it up, exactly. But I expected something more than this when I first saw it in 1998. The idea of a vampire contracting the aids virus sounded a bit more taboo way back then, so, of course I had certain expactations for this film that weren't exactly met. But have recently given it a rewatch. And despite still being a tad underwhelming, it really is a fun little film.

Sucker: The Vampire focuses on the growing friendship of a vampire and his awkward henchman. A friendless loser, and raging Necrophiliac named Reed, who vaguely resembles a werewolf but isn't one. Just a tool, really. He seems to want to be Anthony's buddy pretty bad, but of course the brooding creature of the night isn't interested. He just needs him to dispose of the corpses of the hot young ladies that he sucks dry on a nightly basis. which is the perfect job for Reed, being that he gets to stick it to them good before sending them to their final resting place.

Once Anthony catches the aids and seeks advice from his dimwitted henchman, Reed is there for his master like a real friend should be. Although, he's a bit concerned thathe may also have aids, now, due to all the corpse fucking he does, which leads to an awkward little scene between the two where Anthony gets all huffy and self righteous when he learns of his henchman's fetish. But slowly, they form a warm friendship as Anthony lets his guard down along with his immune system. Bonding over aids, so to speak. And Reed proves to be a true friend to Anthony until the bitter end.

One of the many overlooked Troma movies to come out of the 90's, Sucker is a pretty cool Horror comedy. Although, it could have stood to be a little less silly and a little more surreal which is what I expected for some reason. The premise alone is funny enough without so many attempts at dumb shit. However, this movie's attempt at making AIDS funny without making fun of those who have AIDS is accomplished rather well. Sucker is nothing mindblowing, but for those Troma fans who think they've seen it all, here's a little gem you might have missed. 4/10




#Review

Buttcrack (1999)

So, a movie about a killer ass, huh? Well, I'd be lying if I said that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard for a horror movie. But it's certainly up there... Or down there, I guess. Still pretty enjoyable.

Wade is a clueless lardass reject of a human being who spends most of his time playing Atari and being fat and nasty. Wade lives with his so-called friend and college roommate, Brian. Why these guys live out in the middle of nowhere is a mystery, but Brian's not all that happy with this living arrangement. Brian despises Wade for his rudeness, for his body odor, for the way he always barges in on him and his girlfriend when they're trying to be all romantic and shit. But mostly because this waste of space doesn't have the damn common courtesy to pull his pants up now and then.

While he is loud, homophobic and annoying as fuck, Wade is still a nice enough guy. Just a poor choice for a roommate for a guy who's lookin' for a little privacy so he can pop the question to his girl. I suppose Brian could have always taken her out on a date or something, but I'm guessing it was the principle of the whole thing. He SHOULD be allowed a little time away from Wade and Wade's ass in his own home. But it ain't gonna happen. Atleast not while Wade's still kickin'.

Finally, Brian convinces one of his friends to take Wade out for a matinee, just long enough for a quiet afternoon at home with his girlfriend so he can finally pop the question with no interruption. But not long after they leave, Wade gets the idea that Brian's pal is trying to fuck him, so, Wade demands he stop the car, and he just walks his fat ass home, destroying the mood, once again, and he even gets vomited on by Brian's weak-stomached girlfriend.

At this point, Brain's pretty steamed. Almost mad enough to throw a (plugged in) stereo in the bath tub when Wade finally decides to take a bath to get the vomit off. And by almost I mean Wade is now dead from electrocution. Serves his fat ass right for being such a thoughtless, cock blockin' oaf. What Brian doesn't know is that Wade's sister is into voodoo, and somehow she knows exactly what went down. Hell bent on revenge, sister Wade puts a curse on... her dead brother, I guess. Fat Wade is now resurrected as a zombie. Although, he thinks he's still alive, and really doesn't mean any harm. He just wants to come home and play Atari. But the mere sight of his crack melts faces.

An all around terrible yet entertaining performance from Caleb Kreischer as the fat piece of shit that is Wade. Personally, I would have liked this movie better if it remained a "roommate from Hell" comedy, and things had continued until Brian blew his brains out right before the credits, but that's just me. As bad as this movie is, it does have style, and a really enthusiastic feel, as well as a catchy little score to go with it. On top of that, it has the decency to not wear out its welcome, as it's only 68 minutes long. I recommend Buttcrack to anyone with a love/tolerance for low brow humor. If you like a Troma movie or 2, chances are good this one will make you laugh. And ultimately, that's all that matters in Tromaville. Yay for Buttcrack! 5/10



#Review