Murphy's Law 1986
Charles Bronson is a cop trying to catch a serial killer with the reluctant help of a dyke he hates. Yeah, he uses that as an insult, but of course, he gradually grows fond of her.
There's a bit of a clusterfuck aspect going on in which the killer is doing their own thing, but the cops are also trying to catch Bronson, accused of some wrongdoing or another.
What I liked about it is that it was mean-spirited. They killed without discrimination here. The movie is comparable to 10 to Midnight, also directed by frequent Bronson collaborator J. Lee Thompson. Pretty interesting filmography from that guy.
Charles Bronson is the coolest. I should make him my avatar.
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Spider-Verse 2
Miles misses Gwen, who now works for Spider-Man 2099. After his parents nag him about his life choices, Miles & Gwen's paths cross once again, and Miles must stop a universe from getting destroyed. However, he recklessly opts to save a single person over an entire planet. He also finds out he has a nemesis who has some portal and reality-hopping abilities. Can he be stopped? Just when you think you're about to find out... TO BE CONTINUED!
Suffice to say, the movie is inconclusive. He doesn't really get to complete an arc and nothing is resolved, therefore I can't have a strong opinion on it. Don't you hate that? We get some good backstories for our characters though. We also get some a few decent cameos and references to various canon: the MCU, the Venom movies, the Raimi movies, the Garfield movies, and just about every SM inbetween. So it's there if you want it.
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Miles misses Gwen, who now works for Spider-Man 2099. After his parents nag him about his life choices, Miles & Gwen's paths cross once again, and Miles must stop a universe from getting destroyed. However, he recklessly opts to save a single person over an entire planet. He also finds out he has a nemesis who has some portal and reality-hopping abilities. Can he be stopped? Just when you think you're about to find out... TO BE CONTINUED!
Suffice to say, the movie is inconclusive. He doesn't really get to complete an arc and nothing is resolved, therefore I can't have a strong opinion on it. Don't you hate that? We get some good backstories for our characters though. We also get some a few decent cameos and references to various canon: the MCU, the Venom movies, the Raimi movies, the Garfield movies, and just about every SM inbetween. So it's there if you want it.
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You Might Get Lost (Yeah, no shit)
I'm a pretty big time travel movie fan. Always have been. Even a bad one, I often find at least a little fascinating. Lucky for me as I recently came across one that's not great. However, it was anything but boring. It's like a Butterfly Effect type deal, but not as creative. British film about this poor excuse for a wife/mother. A woman sleeps around on her husband, stays out every night, drinking and getting it on with a co-worker, without a care in the world. Just an irresponsible, selfish person, this woman. Her husband is quickly losing patience, however her young son is far more forgiving. One day, after being late picking her up son from school again, the two of them get in a wreck on the way home. As Arlene was stopped at a red light, she dropped her phone on the floor board, and as she reaches to pick it up, she accidentally takes her foot off the brake. The car rolls into traffic, causing a wreck as well as the death of her son.
A totally avoidable accident, but honestly, it could have happened to anyone. However, this incident is treated like the result of Arlene's history of being an irresponsible piece of shit, but it really isn't. However, this doesn't stop her husband from leaving her, pretty much sending her straight to rock bottom. But what's weird is how random people this woman runs into in public are furious with her and have no problem expressing it. They're all like "Oh, you're that woman who accidentally caused her son's death, aren't you?" Well, fuck you, cunt! I hope you rot in hell!" One woman even walks up to her in a store and spits in her face. People acting like it was their own child that was killed, or that this woman is some known child murderer who somehow got off. It feels like the poor woman is one step away from being tarred, feathered and ran out of town. I'm not entirely sure what's going on here.
What's the solution to all this, you ask? Well, time travel, of course! Arlene is offered a second chance by the Endeavour Institute who can make time travel possible, but for a hefty price. Basically, they give Arlene a pill which kills her but allows her to wake up on her desired date with all memories in tact and a chance to do things differenctly. So, it doesn't take much effort to make sure the wreck doesn't happen. However, Arlene is so grateful to get her old life back, she immediately decides to change once and for all and become the wife and mother her family deserves.
One problem: Arlene uncontrollably kills a bunch of people. First, she stabs her ex-lover in the eye when he tries to convince her to keep their fling going, then, after burying him in the backyard, she strangles her father to death. Unfortunately, he was the only one she had to confide in about all of this. Arlene decides she must get in touch with the Endeavour guy who originally approached her so she can travel back in time again. He says "fuck off", but gets himself killed after Arlene accidentally pushes him down some concrete stairs. Before this happens, he explains to her that she's been reliving memories that no longer exist and it's messing with her brain, which is a really flimsy excuse for why she's been murdering people. Arlene steals the card key from her latest victim and uses it to get into the Endeavour building so she can steal another pill and die again.
Awakened once again and now faced with two sets of memories as well as the current reality. Arlene wisely takes a little vacation in an attempt to not hurt anyone while all of her memories hopefully get straightened out. And they supposedly will as soon as Arlene can make it to the point in time she originally time traveled. She does pretty good this time around as her biggest mistake is strangling a dog to death. That is, until she makes it back home. Let's just say it ain't pretty. And there will certainly be a need for more time travel.
Back To The Future, this is not, however, You Might Get Lost is still a fairly watchable little movie. Especially if you just dig time travel, and maybe not mind a bleak premise. The tone of regret and sorrow offers some extra layers and substance. Although at times, it almost felt like someone really wanted this to be part horror and decided to wedge in these uncontrollable murders to make it so. While funny, this ultimately felt a bit out of place for the particular story. A story that could easily draw you in either way, but an all around inept movie with seemingly not much thinking outside of the box. Mostly for time travel enthusiasts. And maybe for those who like to laugh at dumb movies. 5/10
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I'm a pretty big time travel movie fan. Always have been. Even a bad one, I often find at least a little fascinating. Lucky for me as I recently came across one that's not great. However, it was anything but boring. It's like a Butterfly Effect type deal, but not as creative. British film about this poor excuse for a wife/mother. A woman sleeps around on her husband, stays out every night, drinking and getting it on with a co-worker, without a care in the world. Just an irresponsible, selfish person, this woman. Her husband is quickly losing patience, however her young son is far more forgiving. One day, after being late picking her up son from school again, the two of them get in a wreck on the way home. As Arlene was stopped at a red light, she dropped her phone on the floor board, and as she reaches to pick it up, she accidentally takes her foot off the brake. The car rolls into traffic, causing a wreck as well as the death of her son.
A totally avoidable accident, but honestly, it could have happened to anyone. However, this incident is treated like the result of Arlene's history of being an irresponsible piece of shit, but it really isn't. However, this doesn't stop her husband from leaving her, pretty much sending her straight to rock bottom. But what's weird is how random people this woman runs into in public are furious with her and have no problem expressing it. They're all like "Oh, you're that woman who accidentally caused her son's death, aren't you?" Well, fuck you, cunt! I hope you rot in hell!" One woman even walks up to her in a store and spits in her face. People acting like it was their own child that was killed, or that this woman is some known child murderer who somehow got off. It feels like the poor woman is one step away from being tarred, feathered and ran out of town. I'm not entirely sure what's going on here. What's the solution to all this, you ask? Well, time travel, of course! Arlene is offered a second chance by the Endeavour Institute who can make time travel possible, but for a hefty price. Basically, they give Arlene a pill which kills her but allows her to wake up on her desired date with all memories in tact and a chance to do things differenctly. So, it doesn't take much effort to make sure the wreck doesn't happen. However, Arlene is so grateful to get her old life back, she immediately decides to change once and for all and become the wife and mother her family deserves. One problem: Arlene uncontrollably kills a bunch of people. First, she stabs her ex-lover in the eye when he tries to convince her to keep their fling going, then, after burying him in the backyard, she strangles her father to death. Unfortunately, he was the only one she had to confide in about all of this. Arlene decides she must get in touch with the Endeavour guy who originally approached her so she can travel back in time again. He says "fuck off", but gets himself killed after Arlene accidentally pushes him down some concrete stairs. Before this happens, he explains to her that she's been reliving memories that no longer exist and it's messing with her brain, which is a really flimsy excuse for why she's been murdering people. Arlene steals the card key from her latest victim and uses it to get into the Endeavour building so she can steal another pill and die again. Awakened once again and now faced with two sets of memories as well as the current reality. Arlene wisely takes a little vacation in an attempt to not hurt anyone while all of her memories hopefully get straightened out. And they supposedly will as soon as Arlene can make it to the point in time she originally time traveled. She does pretty good this time around as her biggest mistake is strangling a dog to death. That is, until she makes it back home. Let's just say it ain't pretty. And there will certainly be a need for more time travel.Back To The Future, this is not, however, You Might Get Lost is still a fairly watchable little movie. Especially if you just dig time travel, and maybe not mind a bleak premise. The tone of regret and sorrow offers some extra layers and substance. Although at times, it almost felt like someone really wanted this to be part horror and decided to wedge in these uncontrollable murders to make it so. While funny, this ultimately felt a bit out of place for the particular story. A story that could easily draw you in either way, but an all around inept movie with seemingly not much thinking outside of the box. Mostly for time travel enthusiasts. And maybe for those who like to laugh at dumb movies. 5/10
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Schwarzenegger is FUBAR
Netflix, 8 episodes, ~45 min each. Arnold is a spy who finds out his daughter is also a spy. They argue a lot before eventually reconciling and making a good team. You've probably seen this plot before.
Now when you mention "Arnold" and "spy", one will inevitably compare it to True Lies, which is a fucking great movie. You may have it in the back of your mind, but one of the best references... is an appearance by Tom Arnold.
The cast is decent. Arnold's T6 co-star Gabriel Luna is in this, and Arnold's character's ex-wife is played by "Alotta Fagina" Fabiana Udenio. The daughter character has trouble deciding whether to bang the funny buff co-worker Travis Van Winkle, or marry her nerdy lame boyfriend Jay Baruchel. Seriously?
In the end, it's an okay enough show. I got a few laughs out of it, and Arnold is always fantastic. He's a 75 year old playing a 65 year old. I think it's great that these old guys like Stallone and De Niro can still play tough guys. I'm fairly certain one punch from Arnold could kill me.
Watch it or don't. I did, and my life wasn't changed, though I was mildly amused. I'm not sure if they said the F word, come to think of it. They merely insinuate it with the title for all I can remember. It wasn't very violent, either. And now Arnold has been hired by Netflix with some made up sounding title "Chief Action Officer". I wonder what that means.
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Netflix, 8 episodes, ~45 min each. Arnold is a spy who finds out his daughter is also a spy. They argue a lot before eventually reconciling and making a good team. You've probably seen this plot before.
Now when you mention "Arnold" and "spy", one will inevitably compare it to True Lies, which is a fucking great movie. You may have it in the back of your mind, but one of the best references... is an appearance by Tom Arnold.
The cast is decent. Arnold's T6 co-star Gabriel Luna is in this, and Arnold's character's ex-wife is played by "Alotta Fagina" Fabiana Udenio. The daughter character has trouble deciding whether to bang the funny buff co-worker Travis Van Winkle, or marry her nerdy lame boyfriend Jay Baruchel. Seriously?
In the end, it's an okay enough show. I got a few laughs out of it, and Arnold is always fantastic. He's a 75 year old playing a 65 year old. I think it's great that these old guys like Stallone and De Niro can still play tough guys. I'm fairly certain one punch from Arnold could kill me.
Watch it or don't. I did, and my life wasn't changed, though I was mildly amused. I'm not sure if they said the F word, come to think of it. They merely insinuate it with the title for all I can remember. It wasn't very violent, either. And now Arnold has been hired by Netflix with some made up sounding title "Chief Action Officer". I wonder what that means.
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Clerks III, 2022
It took 12 years for the second movie to come out. Then it took 16 years after that for the third movie to come out. Obviously, it faced a lot of difficulty getting off the ground, but something finally clicked in the 2020s and here we are, almost 30 years into Kevin Smith's filmmaking career. If you didn't already know, this movie stems from a very personal experience from the director, and this whole movie feels very personal.
I never expected the movie to be so sad. Yeah, there are laughs throughout as Randal essentially remakes the first movie in a very meta way. There's some backstory that might break your heart a bit, as well as an ending that makes this trilogy fairly conclusive. Not exactly what I was expecting, but that doesn't make it any less worthwhile.
Movies about making movies are always fun, especially when you showcase the fuckups, which seems to be the story ofRandal'severyone's life here. One of these days, I'm going to get a heart attack and confront my life goals and finally decide to make a moviejerk off even more. Solid end to a fun series.
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It took 12 years for the second movie to come out. Then it took 16 years after that for the third movie to come out. Obviously, it faced a lot of difficulty getting off the ground, but something finally clicked in the 2020s and here we are, almost 30 years into Kevin Smith's filmmaking career. If you didn't already know, this movie stems from a very personal experience from the director, and this whole movie feels very personal.
I never expected the movie to be so sad. Yeah, there are laughs throughout as Randal essentially remakes the first movie in a very meta way. There's some backstory that might break your heart a bit, as well as an ending that makes this trilogy fairly conclusive. Not exactly what I was expecting, but that doesn't make it any less worthwhile.
Movies about making movies are always fun, especially when you showcase the fuckups, which seems to be the story of
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Knock at the Cabin
M. Night is back, andbetter than ever! A group of armed assailants intrude upon the cabin of a small family. Now this family is two gay dudes and a little Asian girl, so M. Night is going there. It's all about that inclusion.
So intruders try to convince happy gay family that the world is going to end, but the family refuses to believe it after all the signs and bizarre shit that goes on. Maybe it's a metaphor? Maybe it's bullshit? Well, one thing's for sure. It's not very cool. For an R-rated romp, they try to go that whole less-is-more approach. Bautista is cool. He has weird wrinkles on his head. Skip this movie.
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M. Night is back, and
So intruders try to convince happy gay family that the world is going to end, but the family refuses to believe it after all the signs and bizarre shit that goes on. Maybe it's a metaphor? Maybe it's bullshit? Well, one thing's for sure. It's not very cool. For an R-rated romp, they try to go that whole less-is-more approach. Bautista is cool. He has weird wrinkles on his head. Skip this movie.
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The tit patrol, that's who!
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Tales from the Darkside, season 3
I did this for the first two seasons. Then I started on season 3, but lost all my mini-reviews when my computer crapped out. Years later, I found a backup of some of them, so I finally finished this fucking season.
s3e01 - The Circus - directed by Michael Gornick
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716981/
This was an okay start to the season, featuring the weird and creepy William Hickey as a circus owner who had a bizarre assortment of cliche monsters. A reporter goes to the circus to get a feel for what's going on there, and he doesn't believe it at first, but it quickly becomes too obvious that it's legitimate monsters going on. I'm talking vampires, werewolves, and Frankenstein monster shit. The end is slightly amusing, even if it is completely expected.
s3e02 - I Can't Help Saying Goodbye - directed by John Strysik
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716949/
A little suburban girl suddenly and sadly says goodbye to her mother before leaving her in the kitchen, and she dies. This girl says it and she means it! It's an okay episode, but it plays out as you would expect.
s3e03 - The Bitterest Pill - directed by Bryan Michael Stroller
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716979/
An annoying and erratic salesman bothers an irritable dad and a pushover mother about a pill that increases your brain capacity. Dad thinks this guy is full of shit and gets rid of him, leaving a mess of pills that the son has to clean up. However, being a dumb-ass kid means that a pill = candy, and he tries it, and the result is just as the salesman said it would be, but a bit too abrupt for a 30-minute story that spends most of the time dealing with the salesman trying to convince them of the merits.
s3e04 - Florence Bravo - directed by John Lewis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716943/
After a troubled history of cheating and mental instability, a couple buys a new house to start over. Lori Cardille from Day of the Dead plays the wife, and she's beginning to hear voices from the previous tenant who murdered her no-good cheating husband. Is history about to repeat itself? This is the darkside. What do you think? It's nothing new, but it's a pretty good episode either way.
s3e05 - The Geezenstacks - directed by Bill Travis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716988/
A girl gets a new dollhouse under mysterious circumstances. Dad (Craig Wasson from Dream Warriors and Body Double) is the only one who seems to pick up on the eerie coincidences about the dolls and the real family. A paranoia episode that ends up being justifiably so.
s3e06 - Black Widows - directed by Karl Epstein
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716932/
A reclusive mother with a bizarre appreciation for spiders laments her daughter's new fiance. She doesn't want to lose her daughter, even if it's to a decent man, but the spider meanings take on a whole new meaning in this episode. Pretty amusing episode.
s3e07 - Heretic - directed by Jerry Smith! aka Gerald Cotts
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716947/
This was a good one about a greedy art dealer who receives a rare painting about religious punishment. This is also a karma story about walking in the shoes of those you step on, and it never ends well in the dark side. Featuring Roberts Blossom as the inquisitor who demands confessions while his lackeys inflict punishment.
s3e08 - A Serpent's Tooth - directed by Frank De Palma
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716922/
A mother finds the means of making her children actually listen to her for a change. An enjoyable cautionary tale on the errors of frivolous wishing.
s3e09 - Baker's Dozen - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716927/
A con-man extorts a voodoo baker lady. She gives him the recipe all right... one he plans to take advantage of in ways you can't imagine! But what is a baker's dozen? There's the twist! Romero wrote the teleplay for this one, and it's got some great moments in it.
s3e10 - Deliver Us from Goodness - directed by Warner Shook
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716934/
A woman is too saintly for her own good, and it simply will not do! She can't be a saint! I suppose it's time to commit some sins to counteract this supreme goodness! Another great episode from the great Warner Shook! His episodes are real standouts.
s3e11 - Seasons of Belief - directed by Michael McDowell
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716972/
This is a Christmas story, and it's strange. Not so much because of the narrative, but rather the fact that old E.G. Marshall played the husband of a woman nearly 40 years younger than himself, and nobody said a thing about the age difference!
When you get beyond that, it's actually a pretty good episode with an abruptly dumb and seriously wtf ending about traumatizing little children for life. A highlight.
s3e12 - Miss May Dusa - directed by Richard Blackburn
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716960/
A blind sax player in the subway meets a lady he's not allowed to look at. I was a little slow at figuring out what the hell the name meant, but it played out interesting enough.
s3e13 - The Milkman Cometh - directed by John Strysik
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716992/
Robert Forster! This one is basically about getting wishes from a mystical milk man/monster thing, and you know how any story with wishes goes. Typically, there's a twist and things don't come out with the desired effect. Damn milkmen, cumming all over the place...
s3e14 - My Ghostwriter - The Vampire - directed by Frank De Palma
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716963/
I remember catching bits of this on tv and not knowing wtf it was until the end credits when I saw Romero's name as exec producer. Ah, the good old days when you could work cliche vampires into a tv episode and it didn't seem dated. In fact, it works just fine here, where a guy blackmails a vampire for good stories, but what do you think happens when you mess with a vampire? Nothing good, that's what!
s3e15 - My Own Place - directed by Theodore Gershuny
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716964/
A guy in the city gets a great deal on an apartment... only there's this obnoxiously tranquil Indian dude who wont fuck off. I can sympathize with the guy for going insane because of him. Then it turns into some social commentary about third-world poverty or some shit...
s3e16 - Red Leader - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716970/
The devil tries to recruit a business man who believes he isn't all that bad. What I remember most about this episode is how the "red leader" looked like such a fucking asshole. Good job to the casting department and the makeup guys for making me hate this guy with just a glance!
s3e17 - Everybody Needs a Little Love - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716940/
Two noir-esque businessmen share a mannequin and it becomes this weird lifestyle with jealousy over an inanimate object. Is she a metaphor for an actual woman, or what?
s3e18 - Auld Acquaintances - directed by Richard Friedman
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716926/
Two bickering old witches nag each other about some powerful artifact.
s3e19 - The Social Climber - directed by Armand Mastroianni
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716999/
This one has something to do with haunted shoes. At this point, they may be losing a little bit of steam with these bogus stories. It's not the worst, but it still is a story about shoes.
s3e20 - The Swap - directed by John Drury
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0717001/
A woman has an agreement to be with an ugly old voodoo creep for his money when he dies, so the woman and her real boy-toy plot to kill the man. There's a swap in there somewhere with the old idea of be careful what you wish for.
s3e21 - Let the Games Begin - directed by John Lewis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716955/
Two entities battle for the soul of some normal jerk and get carried away with each other. Basically a joke of an episode.
s3e22 - The Enormous Radio - directed by Bill Travis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716985/
A woman gets an "enormous radio" delivered to her place. Obviously, the thing drives her insane. This seems like a pretty redundant plot device, doesn't it? Some haunted item haunts some nobody.
When you have seasons of 22 or more episodes, you know you're getting some filler in there somewhere. Overall, it's a hit-or-miss season, but it's still a great age for horror. Horror anthologies are great, and I'm glad we had a resurgence in Creepshow (another team-Romero series). Black Mirror is coming back too, if anyone wants an interesting sci-fi anthology.
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I did this for the first two seasons. Then I started on season 3, but lost all my mini-reviews when my computer crapped out. Years later, I found a backup of some of them, so I finally finished this fucking season.
s3e01 - The Circus - directed by Michael Gornick
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716981/
This was an okay start to the season, featuring the weird and creepy William Hickey as a circus owner who had a bizarre assortment of cliche monsters. A reporter goes to the circus to get a feel for what's going on there, and he doesn't believe it at first, but it quickly becomes too obvious that it's legitimate monsters going on. I'm talking vampires, werewolves, and Frankenstein monster shit. The end is slightly amusing, even if it is completely expected.
s3e02 - I Can't Help Saying Goodbye - directed by John Strysik
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716949/
A little suburban girl suddenly and sadly says goodbye to her mother before leaving her in the kitchen, and she dies. This girl says it and she means it! It's an okay episode, but it plays out as you would expect.
s3e03 - The Bitterest Pill - directed by Bryan Michael Stroller
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716979/
An annoying and erratic salesman bothers an irritable dad and a pushover mother about a pill that increases your brain capacity. Dad thinks this guy is full of shit and gets rid of him, leaving a mess of pills that the son has to clean up. However, being a dumb-ass kid means that a pill = candy, and he tries it, and the result is just as the salesman said it would be, but a bit too abrupt for a 30-minute story that spends most of the time dealing with the salesman trying to convince them of the merits.
s3e04 - Florence Bravo - directed by John Lewis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716943/
After a troubled history of cheating and mental instability, a couple buys a new house to start over. Lori Cardille from Day of the Dead plays the wife, and she's beginning to hear voices from the previous tenant who murdered her no-good cheating husband. Is history about to repeat itself? This is the darkside. What do you think? It's nothing new, but it's a pretty good episode either way.
s3e05 - The Geezenstacks - directed by Bill Travis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716988/
A girl gets a new dollhouse under mysterious circumstances. Dad (Craig Wasson from Dream Warriors and Body Double) is the only one who seems to pick up on the eerie coincidences about the dolls and the real family. A paranoia episode that ends up being justifiably so.
s3e06 - Black Widows - directed by Karl Epstein
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716932/
A reclusive mother with a bizarre appreciation for spiders laments her daughter's new fiance. She doesn't want to lose her daughter, even if it's to a decent man, but the spider meanings take on a whole new meaning in this episode. Pretty amusing episode.
s3e07 - Heretic - directed by Jerry Smith! aka Gerald Cotts
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716947/
This was a good one about a greedy art dealer who receives a rare painting about religious punishment. This is also a karma story about walking in the shoes of those you step on, and it never ends well in the dark side. Featuring Roberts Blossom as the inquisitor who demands confessions while his lackeys inflict punishment.
s3e08 - A Serpent's Tooth - directed by Frank De Palma
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716922/
A mother finds the means of making her children actually listen to her for a change. An enjoyable cautionary tale on the errors of frivolous wishing.
s3e09 - Baker's Dozen - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716927/
A con-man extorts a voodoo baker lady. She gives him the recipe all right... one he plans to take advantage of in ways you can't imagine! But what is a baker's dozen? There's the twist! Romero wrote the teleplay for this one, and it's got some great moments in it.
s3e10 - Deliver Us from Goodness - directed by Warner Shook
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716934/
A woman is too saintly for her own good, and it simply will not do! She can't be a saint! I suppose it's time to commit some sins to counteract this supreme goodness! Another great episode from the great Warner Shook! His episodes are real standouts.
s3e11 - Seasons of Belief - directed by Michael McDowell
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716972/
This is a Christmas story, and it's strange. Not so much because of the narrative, but rather the fact that old E.G. Marshall played the husband of a woman nearly 40 years younger than himself, and nobody said a thing about the age difference!
When you get beyond that, it's actually a pretty good episode with an abruptly dumb and seriously wtf ending about traumatizing little children for life. A highlight.
s3e12 - Miss May Dusa - directed by Richard Blackburn
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716960/
A blind sax player in the subway meets a lady he's not allowed to look at. I was a little slow at figuring out what the hell the name meant, but it played out interesting enough.
s3e13 - The Milkman Cometh - directed by John Strysik
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716992/
Robert Forster! This one is basically about getting wishes from a mystical milk man/monster thing, and you know how any story with wishes goes. Typically, there's a twist and things don't come out with the desired effect. Damn milkmen, cumming all over the place...
s3e14 - My Ghostwriter - The Vampire - directed by Frank De Palma
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716963/
I remember catching bits of this on tv and not knowing wtf it was until the end credits when I saw Romero's name as exec producer. Ah, the good old days when you could work cliche vampires into a tv episode and it didn't seem dated. In fact, it works just fine here, where a guy blackmails a vampire for good stories, but what do you think happens when you mess with a vampire? Nothing good, that's what!
s3e15 - My Own Place - directed by Theodore Gershuny
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716964/
A guy in the city gets a great deal on an apartment... only there's this obnoxiously tranquil Indian dude who wont fuck off. I can sympathize with the guy for going insane because of him. Then it turns into some social commentary about third-world poverty or some shit...
s3e16 - Red Leader - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716970/
The devil tries to recruit a business man who believes he isn't all that bad. What I remember most about this episode is how the "red leader" looked like such a fucking asshole. Good job to the casting department and the makeup guys for making me hate this guy with just a glance!
s3e17 - Everybody Needs a Little Love - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716940/
Two noir-esque businessmen share a mannequin and it becomes this weird lifestyle with jealousy over an inanimate object. Is she a metaphor for an actual woman, or what?
s3e18 - Auld Acquaintances - directed by Richard Friedman
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716926/
Two bickering old witches nag each other about some powerful artifact.
s3e19 - The Social Climber - directed by Armand Mastroianni
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716999/
This one has something to do with haunted shoes. At this point, they may be losing a little bit of steam with these bogus stories. It's not the worst, but it still is a story about shoes.
s3e20 - The Swap - directed by John Drury
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0717001/
A woman has an agreement to be with an ugly old voodoo creep for his money when he dies, so the woman and her real boy-toy plot to kill the man. There's a swap in there somewhere with the old idea of be careful what you wish for.
s3e21 - Let the Games Begin - directed by John Lewis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716955/
Two entities battle for the soul of some normal jerk and get carried away with each other. Basically a joke of an episode.
s3e22 - The Enormous Radio - directed by Bill Travis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716985/
A woman gets an "enormous radio" delivered to her place. Obviously, the thing drives her insane. This seems like a pretty redundant plot device, doesn't it? Some haunted item haunts some nobody.
When you have seasons of 22 or more episodes, you know you're getting some filler in there somewhere. Overall, it's a hit-or-miss season, but it's still a great age for horror. Horror anthologies are great, and I'm glad we had a resurgence in Creepshow (another team-Romero series). Black Mirror is coming back too, if anyone wants an interesting sci-fi anthology.
#Review
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Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 3
I was hesitant to give Disney any money, but I needed some exercise today, so I walked to the theater and bit the bullet. Guardians 3 is a decent conclusion this "trilogy". It may be a part 3, but the parts between Vol 2 and Vol 3 have a big impact, so it's hardly a real trilogy, but in that regard, the director can make it feel bigger than it is.
I'm hopeful for James Gunn's DC, and his Marvel efforts have always been an alternative style to the cookie-cutter other entries in the MCU. He picks interesting soundtracks, and I was happy to see Alice Cooper in the mix, and even happier that it wasn't some overplayed drivel like "School's Out" or "No More Mr. Nice Guy". It was a lesser known track from Alice Cooper Goes to Hell, "I'm Always Chasing Rainbows". So good for him calling out to the overlooked things in life.
The movie's main plot is more personal this time around, although they do shoehorn in some free-the-oppressed subplots, but the main plot is Rocket's, for sure. How he came to be, caged, neglected, and more animal cruelty in the mix. Maybe Peta made Gunn an offer he couldn't refuse? It was pretty interesting though, with some surprisingly violent moments sprinkled throughout, especially regarding the irritable High Evolutionary antagonist.
One bit that annoys me is the pacing sometimes. They really really try to milk some of those emotional moments too long. In this and No Way Home. It's like, "Yeah, we get it. It's a sad scene. Can we move on please?" Could've chopped maybe a minute or two off the runtime, but maybe they wanted that even 150 minute length?
Chris Pratt carries it well. He seems like he'd be a cool guy in real life too, especially if Schwarzenegger likes him so much. And on a similar note, Stallone is in the movie, but barely. He should be in every movie ever made. It's also good to see Nathan Fillion in there, as well as a cameo by Michael Rooker and Gregg Henry. Remember him?
Bautista is one of those wrestlers turned actors that I've liked in everything I've seen him in. He's a funny guy, especially when playing such a dumb character.
Groot is there when he's needed, but still just a tree in the end. Vin Diesel probably got paid millions for his intricate dialog in these movies. He's a way to make the team bigger without actually having a character for it.
Zoe Saldana has a nice body, that's for sure. It's fun to watch her gradually come around to Quill all over again, and I'm glad they didn't solidify anything. Leave it ambiguous.
Will Poulter (aka weird eyebrows) as some gold-painted man-child superhero is mildly amusing here. Still a pretty meaningless side character used only to get the ball rolling, but I didn't hate him.
Mantis is a little more fleshed out here than we've seen before. Not as useless this time around.
Finally a piece from Marvel that isn't a let down. Of course, the guy who helmed it is done with them now, so it's goodybe to this chapter of hopeful Marvel storytelling. They had me rolling my eyes when they worked some of that generic Avengers theme into the score, just to remind me that I'm riding the coattails of a convoluted bigger mess of a movie universe. Get that shit out of here.
#Review
I was hesitant to give Disney any money, but I needed some exercise today, so I walked to the theater and bit the bullet. Guardians 3 is a decent conclusion this "trilogy". It may be a part 3, but the parts between Vol 2 and Vol 3 have a big impact, so it's hardly a real trilogy, but in that regard, the director can make it feel bigger than it is.
I'm hopeful for James Gunn's DC, and his Marvel efforts have always been an alternative style to the cookie-cutter other entries in the MCU. He picks interesting soundtracks, and I was happy to see Alice Cooper in the mix, and even happier that it wasn't some overplayed drivel like "School's Out" or "No More Mr. Nice Guy". It was a lesser known track from Alice Cooper Goes to Hell, "I'm Always Chasing Rainbows". So good for him calling out to the overlooked things in life.
The movie's main plot is more personal this time around, although they do shoehorn in some free-the-oppressed subplots, but the main plot is Rocket's, for sure. How he came to be, caged, neglected, and more animal cruelty in the mix. Maybe Peta made Gunn an offer he couldn't refuse? It was pretty interesting though, with some surprisingly violent moments sprinkled throughout, especially regarding the irritable High Evolutionary antagonist.
One bit that annoys me is the pacing sometimes. They really really try to milk some of those emotional moments too long. In this and No Way Home. It's like, "Yeah, we get it. It's a sad scene. Can we move on please?" Could've chopped maybe a minute or two off the runtime, but maybe they wanted that even 150 minute length?
Chris Pratt carries it well. He seems like he'd be a cool guy in real life too, especially if Schwarzenegger likes him so much. And on a similar note, Stallone is in the movie, but barely. He should be in every movie ever made. It's also good to see Nathan Fillion in there, as well as a cameo by Michael Rooker and Gregg Henry. Remember him?
Bautista is one of those wrestlers turned actors that I've liked in everything I've seen him in. He's a funny guy, especially when playing such a dumb character.
Groot is there when he's needed, but still just a tree in the end. Vin Diesel probably got paid millions for his intricate dialog in these movies. He's a way to make the team bigger without actually having a character for it.
Zoe Saldana has a nice body, that's for sure. It's fun to watch her gradually come around to Quill all over again, and I'm glad they didn't solidify anything. Leave it ambiguous.
Will Poulter (aka weird eyebrows) as some gold-painted man-child superhero is mildly amusing here. Still a pretty meaningless side character used only to get the ball rolling, but I didn't hate him.
Mantis is a little more fleshed out here than we've seen before. Not as useless this time around.
Finally a piece from Marvel that isn't a let down. Of course, the guy who helmed it is done with them now, so it's goodybe to this chapter of hopeful Marvel storytelling. They had me rolling my eyes when they worked some of that generic Avengers theme into the score, just to remind me that I'm riding the coattails of a convoluted bigger mess of a movie universe. Get that shit out of here.
#Review
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Evil Dead Sinks 2023
I didn't want to believe the heckler at the early screenings, but he's the real hero for calling it like it is. This movie is garbage. Right away, you can tell it was more inspired by the 2013 movie than by the real series. Hell, this movie makes the 2013 movie look good, even though it suffers from the same flaws as that turkey, only they took those eye-rolling tropes and turned them up to 11. It's like they didn't learn anything from that movie.
I mentioned in another post about remakes failing so hard that they have to go back to the original to recalibrate. Ash vs. Evil Dead was the perfect recalibration, going back to the right tone, but here, we lose all of that. Here, we aim for straight horror again, and we fail hard. Again.
I'm assuming this movie is set in Michigan due to the inclusion of another cabin in the woods as well as our main location, that of a delinquent high-rise apartment. Wiki says Los Angeles, but I'll debate that. The aesthetic is grim, and by that I mean it's so dark, it's hard to see anything. Our characters are completely forgettable and our deadites are again inspired too much by that J-horror jump scare bullshit. If this is the future of the Evil Dead franchise, I'm out.
What a fucking disappointment. Also, there's a whole parking garage they could have put the oldsmobile in, but nope. I guess Sam Raimi, despite producing this mess, didn't want to include his trademark in a subpar product. Gory? Yes. Fun and scary? No and no. They need to stop giving these movies such big budgets, because that shit ruins the magic. Fuck this movie.
#Review
I didn't want to believe the heckler at the early screenings, but he's the real hero for calling it like it is. This movie is garbage. Right away, you can tell it was more inspired by the 2013 movie than by the real series. Hell, this movie makes the 2013 movie look good, even though it suffers from the same flaws as that turkey, only they took those eye-rolling tropes and turned them up to 11. It's like they didn't learn anything from that movie.
I mentioned in another post about remakes failing so hard that they have to go back to the original to recalibrate. Ash vs. Evil Dead was the perfect recalibration, going back to the right tone, but here, we lose all of that. Here, we aim for straight horror again, and we fail hard. Again.
I'm assuming this movie is set in Michigan due to the inclusion of another cabin in the woods as well as our main location, that of a delinquent high-rise apartment. Wiki says Los Angeles, but I'll debate that. The aesthetic is grim, and by that I mean it's so dark, it's hard to see anything. Our characters are completely forgettable and our deadites are again inspired too much by that J-horror jump scare bullshit. If this is the future of the Evil Dead franchise, I'm out.
What a fucking disappointment. Also, there's a whole parking garage they could have put the oldsmobile in, but nope. I guess Sam Raimi, despite producing this mess, didn't want to include his trademark in a subpar product. Gory? Yes. Fun and scary? No and no. They need to stop giving these movies such big budgets, because that shit ruins the magic. Fuck this movie.
#Review
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