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The Psycho Sequels.

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Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho is what it is. A legendary Horror-Thriller from a legendary director. One of the five most well-known Horror films of all time. But I've chosen to disclude it from this review, as I'd like to focus on the underrated sequels that would follow many years later. A trilogy of sorts that gives the fans, as well as Norman Bates himself, the closure we never knew we wanted. Psycho is a classic, and a follow up of any kind might not have been completely necessary. Much less three of them. And Hitchcock not being around to over see this revival doesn't do it any favors. But between 1983 and 1990, three different directors gave us three different follow ups with three very different tones. Maybe none of which quite as memorable as the almighty original, but these are three worthy sequels, nonetheless.

Director, Richard Franklin had some mighty big shoes to fill in 1983. A sequel 23 years in the making was to be made and he was the one to make it. For any Psycho fan who hasn't seen this film, the thought of a Psycho II coming out of the 80's may sound a bit off-putting, as this decade is mostly known for cheesy, bad entertainment with little to no point, but truth be told, Psycho II is anything but "One of those 80's Horrors". A film with its own distinct score and somber tone which very much makes it its own movie, and brings back a creepy, yet endearing character by the name of Norman Bates. And without making a total joke of him, I might add. For over 20 years, Norman Bates has been locked away, and today, he has been declared sane.


image As we see a judge let Norman out of the nut house, we also notice that Lila Loomis is present, and she's steaming mad. Lila Loomis is the sister of the woman Norman stabbed to death in the now-legendary shower scene. Lila doesn't really care if Norman is cured or not. She wants him locked away forever. And one can't blame her for her biased attitude. But like it or not. Norman is cured, and he's eager to get home. This movie doesn't waste any time showing us examples of things that have changed about society since Norman has been gone., except maybe the the Bates Motel. The slob running the place has turned the family business into a sleazy dump where people come to do drugs and have one night stands. Norman quickly takes care of him the best way he knows how... By firing him, of course. Besides restoring the motel, Norman has also landed a job at a local diner, where he makes friends with a girl named Mary, who needs a place to stay. Norman, being the good Samaritan, offers to let her stay with him in the house. Mary seems to like Norman, and even feels bad for him. But she is caught in the middle of a plot by her mother, Lila Loomis, to drive Norman back to insanity. A carefully planned scheme that could easily backfire if not handled carefully Mary is torn between family loyalty and the right thing. Despite everything Lila says, Mary believes Norman is fully rehabilitated, and deserves a fair shot at getting his life back together. But there is a lot going on that we don't know about. Murders are happening again. We get the idea it might not be Norman, but we're never sure. All of this leads to a twist that very well may change everything forever.

image This might not be the most popular opinion in the world, but I happen to prefer Psycho II over all the others, including the original. It might have something to do with the fact that it was the first one I saw as a kid. On top of that, I just have a thing for a part 2 that is actually great. A rarity, in my opinion. But Psycho II is great. And everyone involved did a superb job. Especially Anthony Perkins, whose interpretation of a middle-aged Norman is as interesting as one would hope for. And the older and bitter Lila was a nice touch. I love everything about this movie, and again, feel like no further sequels were needed, as things seemed pretty cool the way they left them. But this IS the 80's, after all. And the 80's demands more sequels! 10/10

Again. A Psycho III wasn't necessary. But why not see what happens when Anthony Perkins himself takes a crack at directing one of these. Yes. This is an Anthony Perkins film. And we are now smack dab in the middle of the 80's. And it shows. I wouldn't call this an official slasher, but Psycho III does have that cheesy 80's Slasher vibe to it. This movie doesn't have the original to live up to as much as the previous installment, This one's all about the trashy, bloody fun. So, now, let's see what's been going on with Norman. But first, let's meet our little ray of sunshine, Maureen.

THEEEERE IS NOOOO GOD!!!!!

image Those are the first words we hear as this movie begins. Maureen is a nun, and she seems to not be 100% okay with her chosen profession. Maureen is hysterical and about to jump to her death. Not having a god day That's made pretty clear from the beginning. One of her fellow partners in crime falls to her death while trying to help her. Maureen feels like this might be a good time to find a new place to live. So, she hightails it, only to get picked up by a shmuck named Duane. Played by the legendary Jeff Fahey. He tries being friendly, but Maureen's not having it. The classy Duane kicks her out in the rain the second he realizes she wants nothing to do with his penis. Duane is a shady little bastard who probably fancies himself a playboy, and probably thinks he's a far better liar than he is. He stops at a motel up the road, and soon notices there is a job opening. He figures he could use a few bucks, so, he askes the man in charge, and is soon hired. Duane is now assistant manager at the Bates Motel.

image Soon, Maureen catches up with Duane, and also catches Norman's eye not long after arriving. Norman now has two visitors. One who obviously can't be trusted. And the other, a damaged ex-nun, just looking for a reason to off herself. Norman doesn't have time for this shit, as he still has his own issues to deal with, considering "Mother" is now back in his life. We never learn much about Maureen, or why she is the way she is, but we know she's confused and vulnerable. Despite an attraction, she freaks Norman out, due to a striking resemblance to Marion Crane. At least in Norman's eyes. Although, Diana Scarwid ain't no Janet Leigh. Meanwhile, Duane, the opportunist, is being coaxed into spying on his new employer, by a reporter, who is getting far too close to the truth. And the truth is, Norman is back to doing his thing: Killing in drag. And at this point, nobody is safe from "Mother".

It was a fun, semi-sleazy installment. But not exactly necessary, It could not exist and the series would have ended up no different. Psycho III is Just for fun. And probably Perkins' most entertaining performance as Norman. Duane didn't do it for me, but Maureen made a believable love interest for Norman, as he finally found a soul as lost as his own, only for his demons to threaten it all. A bleak story where the stench of religion seems to linger. Unnecessary or not, I'm glad it exists. 6/10

Or does it exist? According to 1990's Psycho IV, I'm not so sure. In fact, I'm thinking Psycho IV is trying to be the new Psycho II, as it seems to ignore everything that's happened since the original movie. Not cool. But here we have another Psycho sequel. A sequel which serves as prequel, with many a flashback, detailing Norman's younger years, growing up with Mother. But still sequel enough to be a sequel. But definitely not a part 2. It IS called Psycho IV, after all.

https://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/psycho/images/8/8c/Husseylarge1.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130518175541 I'm not positive if the previous sequels are being disowned, here, but definitely ignored. Either way, Norman is a free man, once again. Living in another house with his wife, although, it isn't clear how long they've been married. Norman seems okay. He's hanging out at the house by himself, tonight, and has decided to call in a radio talk show where the topic of the night is Matricide. He calls in, and under a fake name, gives his two cents on the subject. As ratings rise, Norman is convinced to tell more and more of his story. First, giving details on his first couple murders after Mother's death. And eventually going back further and giving us a glimpse of what it was like growing up Norma Bates' son. The mood swings, the abuse, the sexual feelings she made him feel, only to make him feel like shit about it. Norman loved her, and was as dedicated as a son could possibly be. He didn't mind the abuse because he understood her. But when Norma moves in her new man, Norman's understanding quickly turns to jealousy. Norman puts up with the new beau for a while, but is clearly simmering. The abuse is fine as long as he's the only man in her life. And currently, he is not. The feeling of rejection is what finally did it for Norman. And as for our present day Norman. He's informed our radio host that he has plans to commit one last murder which will put an end to the madness. Atleast in his own mind.

image One thing is for sure. Norman is really bad at imitating his mother's voice. I doubt Olivia Hussey will ever sound like that no matter how long she lives. But I like Psycho IV. I definitely do not love it, nor do I favor it over the others. But Mick Garris' Psycho IV gets respect for trying something a little different and it not backfiring. A semi-prequel which explores Norman's background was the way to go for the final installment. Psycho IV, above all, gives plenty of closure to Psycho fans, as well as the character of Norman Bates, which Anthony Perkins played so well. 6/10

Again. Not that any sequel was ever needed for Hitchcock's classic, but I think it all went pretty well. Watching all three of these films, recently, I couldn't help but notice that these films are all a good example of how horror movies evolved from the early/mid-80's to early 90's. In my opinion, Psycho II is the stronger of the three. And has a little bit of that leftover quality the 70's enjoyed. Psycho III, while entertaining, is the only expendable. It feels as if the series is just sort of killing time and having some fun between 2 and 4. Psycho III is simply there if you want it. Psycho IV recaptures a little more of the old school Horror feel. And maybe a bit of a TV movie feel at the same time. Or maybe that's just me. Three great sequels which don't seem to piss off very many fans of the original. Something I would have assumed would be an easy thing to do. So, thank you Richard Franklin, Anthony Perkins and Mick Garris for not fucking this up. I think Hitchcock would be proud... On second thought. He probably wouldn't.

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Return To Sleepaway Camp (2008)

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The Sleepaway Camp franchise is an unusual one. Some might even say an unnecessary one. And I might tend to agree. The first installment is an otherwise mediocre slasher from the early 80's which flaunts a mind blowing ending. One of the scariest as well as shocking endings in Horror history, in my opinion. And an ending which permanently put this film on the map. Some years later, Two sequels were made. Two very different sequels taken in a new direction by a new director, and starring a new actress in the lead role, as Angela. Practically a new character all together. Played by Bruce Springsteen's little sister, Pamela, Angela 2 was more of a wise cracking prude in these sequels who just went around killing people who annoyed her. Both these films lacked storylines for the most part, and came off more like shameless cash-ins, having almost nothing to do with the original. Both dissappointing if you're a huge fan of the original, but somewhat fun if you don't put too much thought into it.

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Alot of people probably don't know it, but there was a part 4 in this series made in the early 90's. Almost, that is. An abondoned project with only a fraction of the intended scenes intact. They were released on dvd a few years ago mixed with scenes from the first three movies in order to pad it out and make it somewhat relevant to the series. It didn't work. In 2008, original director, Robert Hilzik, finally returned to make some sense of all this and once and for all give us the real sequel we've all been waiting for. It didn't work.

First of all, Return To Sleepaway Camp is a bad movie, and there's no getting away from that. It's absolutely mind blowing that THIS is what Hilzik finally came up with after 20 years to think it over whilst watching these pseudo-sequels tarnish the series. Return is universally hated, And for many good reasons. I could never fault anyone for seeing it as anything but a dissappointment. BUT I personally found it to be one of the funniest goddamn movies I've ever seen. But only because of one character. One very pointless, random character that seems to exist mainly to mess with the viewer's heads. No other explanation makes sense. Some might say this person is annoying. And he certainly is. But I very well might be the only person on the planet who sees Alan as a positive for this movie. Because, without him, there's not really anything left to say. Like it or not, Alan IS Return To Sleepaway Camp.

image Alan is a ridiculous sack of fat shit with serious anger issues and an apparent fear of bathing, or changing clothes. A whiny spaz who allegedly has mental problems, and milks this for all it's worth to get sympathy. He gets picked on mercilessly by his peers to the point that you might feel sorry for him. But then he turns around and does the same to the smaller kids. And is a complete dick to the authority figures who could otherwise be on his side. But nobody cares about Alan's fat ass. And within the first minute of watching him in action, you can't really blame them. As unhappy as he is at camp Manabe, Alan is stuck here for the Summer. He seems to take great pleasure in tormenting those smaller than him, yet, one could easily picture him going on a killing spree once the tables are turned. That's what this movie mainly is. Just one teaser after the other. Is Alan insane or simply misunderstood? Does it even matter? No, it does not. We are treated to a few inventive murders between Alan's tantrums. So, there is a killer amongst all this stupidity, which doesn't seem to have anything to do with anything. It's painfully obvious who is doing this, but then we keep on going back to the fat kid. Insane or misunderstood? Again. Doesn't matter.

Besides Alan, and the return of the original "you know who", Return To sleepaway Camp also has South Park's Isaac Hayes playing the role of "Chef", that Big Pussy guy from The Sopranos, the counselor with the short shorts from the original, and also, Angela's cousin, Ricky. If there was anyone in this movie to root for, I guess it would be those two. Although, they're nowhere near being significant characters. Oh, no! There's only one significant character in this movie. And he's got plenty of sand in his vagina. Alan goes back and forth between getting shat upon by everyone, to fucking with the little kids, to having an emotional breakdown, to taunting those who pick on himn, to telling the authority figures "your ass stinks". A phrase used about a dozen times in this movie. And God help me, it never gets old.

image I'm sure most people find the Alan character a confusing one. And most likely, an infuriating one. Especially if you were hoping for a sequel where Felissa Rose is the main attraction. I'll admit, it does take alot of nerve to pull something like this after making fans wait decades for the real sequel. Like it or not, this one's it. But I think I get what Robert Hilzik was going for with this kid. Alan is a parody of the idea that the kid that gets picked on could one day snap and kill everybody. It's all just done in a completely outlandish manner. And while I think it was a great idea that was done very well, at times, Hilzik seemed to neglect every other aspect of the story. and the movie, as a whole, turned out pretty bad. At times, It seemed as though Hilzik put no thought into what Sleepaway Camp fans might want to see, and just got high and lost track of everything after coming up with this weird plot that should have been more of a comical sub-plot. At some point, he should have realized this approach would kill the movie's chances of ever gaining a fanbase. But he just never did.

Unfortunately, not enough people got the joke (or thought it was funny) for there to be future sequels. I heard about a possible Sleepaway Camp Reunion for years after this came out. A finale, I asume. But I'd imagine funding isn't so easy to come by for Robert Hilzik, anymore, because I haven't heard a thing about this in forever. I guess that's all she wrote for Angela Baker. Thanks alot, Hilzik! You and your fat little asshole finally killed the franchise just when it was getting back on its feet. But I don't care what anyone says. I still like this movie. Hopefully, one more will happen one of these days. But I'm not holding my breath. Like it or not, Return To Sleepaway Camp IS currently the finale, and probably always will be. Who knows? Maybe future generations will get the joke, and be able to overlook the horrible mistake this movie actually is. 7/10

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Killing Spree: Florida Gore in the 80's

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The Florida gore film has a long, rich history. Created in the early 60's by Herschell Gordon Lewis, and continued on by others with such epics as Blood Freak and Blood Stalkers. It wasn't until the mid-80's until a bright young filmmaker by the name of Tim Ritter would try his hand at the gore film. I mean, it's more of a slasher, I guess, but it is really gory, and shot in Florida, so, just go with it. Tim Ritter already had a few movies under his belt. One of which being a poor man's Halloween called Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness. Quality wise, a better movie than the one we're going to discuss. Ritter's fourth film, Killing Spree, was to be a fun, stupid gorefest. A movie which epitomizes the 80's B-Horror flick. And one of my all-time personal favorites.

https://www.stomptokyo.com/otf/Killing-Spree/Spree3.JPG Killing Spree revolves around a subject that would linger on in Tim Ritter's films for years to come. Cheating wives, and the damage it does. Namely, the damage it can do to a man's mental state. Tom Russo, a scrawny, scruffy airplane repairman, keeps his wife on a short leash. It's not that he doesn't trust Leeza, but his last marriage ended badly, as his wife made a fool of him with her cheating ways. So, he's just being cautions by not letting the wife work. It's really all those men out there he doesn't trust. But Leeza has picked up a little hobbie in her spare time that Tom is about to discover. Writing. Leeza writes about a woman who cheats on her husband with anyone and everyone she can. Leaving out no details. One details Tom probably wished he hadn't picked up on is that the woman in these stories is Leeza herself. Tom's been reading her diary. Made a fool of once again, Tom goes off and has a nervous breakdown and hangs out at the beach for a while where he kicks some guy's ass for no reason. But then decides to go on home and carry on, and act as if nothing has happened. But doing a very bad job at it. Not unlike Asbestos Felt's performance

As Tom sneaks a peak at the wife's stories from time to time, he finds out Leeza has spread her legs for the TV repairman, for the delivery man, and even for the lawn man. Tom is now boiling, and soon tracks them all down, and makes them all his victims, with some of the most creative and gruesome kills in Florida gore film history. Tom doesn't look all that bright, but when he puts his mind to it, he can really make shit happen. We witness scenes of retribution such as Tom lifting a guy up into fan blades which have been replaced with machetes, and he even managed to kill his elderly best friend by throwing the severed head of his teenage girlfriend at him. I have no idea how that works, but it sure was funny. Tom kills and kills, seemingly with no real game plan. Things soon take an unexpected turn which might just make Tom rethink everything. Or not. Tom has pretty much lost his mind at this point. And the movie itself seems to be going in a similar direction.

image Killing Spree is 80's camp at its finest. A movie up there with the likes of Return Of The Living Dead, as far as fun 80's Horror goes. Good enough to be taken seriously, but really stupid at the same time. In all the best ways, of course. One thing I've always said about Tim Ritter is that the man is way too talented to limit himself to such low-budget movies. Especially the micro-budget stuff that was to come. It works out great for me, because low-budget movies is what I love. But it's still a shame the man never had much money to throw around, because even the lower budgeted ones he did are all really damn good. But no money, no noteriey. That's just the way it goes in the movie biz. The highlight of course, is the now legendary Asbestos Felt. With his hysterical performance as a jealous husband on a rampage. A performance seemingly taken less and less seriously as the movie goes on. And I have no idea how true this is, but when listening to the Sub Rosa dvd commentary for this, Asbestos Felt did confess to co-star, Joel D. Wynkoop, that he was pretty drunk in just about every scene he appeared in. So, keep that little tidbit in

This would end up being Tim Ritter's last film using actual film. And as the 90's rolled arouund, he would descend into the already dying world of shot on vhs Horror, which does say something about his love for the genre. Ritter would go on to make sequels to his earlier film, Truth Or Dare?, another slasher called Creep, and a hilarious dark comedy/mockumentary called Dirty Cop No Donut, a mean-spirited parody of the tv show, Cops. So, in 1987, Tim Ritter was just getting started. It took a while for Killing Spree to aquire an audience, and even longer to aquire the cult following it eventually gained. But someday, when Tim Ritter's fans look back on his career with fondness, I have no doubt it will be the this cheesy gorefest they think of first. 7/10

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Shot-On-Shiteo: Bottom Of The Barrel

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Back in the days of the video rental store boom, I rented from alot of different places. One of which was Blockbuster. Despite being known for offering the most popular titles in cinema, the one I went to offered an unusual amount of offbeat B-movies. Especially in the Horror section. Even a few obscure ones here and there. I remember renting such films as Beyond The Darkness, Vampyres and Silent Night Deadly Night, all from Blockbuster. I even saw my very first shot on vhs disasterpiece courtesy of the now dead video chain. And at the tender age of 12 or 13, I guess I just wasn't ready for the world of SOV Horror, because I pretty much loathed this so-called movie. As soon as it began, I knew exactly what it was. I just didn't know that was something people did to make money. So, you can understand how the opening credits might have confused me. With the video format already forcing me to not take this seriously as an actual movie, I wasn't willing to give this much of a chance. Which is irrelevant because this was still one unbelievable piece of shit like I had never seen before, and wouldn't again for many years.

image The day Blood Lake was made, the slasher genre bottomed out. I'm pretty sure it never got any worse than this. The storyline is a big reason why. We got two fun loving teenage couples and a tag-a-long pre-teen couple, heading down to the lake house of one of the girlfriends. Everyone's got thick Oklahoma accents, the guys got their short shorts, and everybody is ready for some sweet 80's partying. One character, which is usually the first thing someone mentions about this movie, is li'l Tony. A loud mouth little blonde cocksucker who constantly tries to impress the big kids by bragging about how hard he's going to stick it to his little friend. An obnoxious pre-teen that would no doubt make things a tad awkward if this were real life. But this is definitely not real life. Everyone laughs off the little virgin's attempt at coolness, as we witness some very incoherent dialogue between the characters, which come off very improvised. Atleast I hope it is. The first 20 minutes is mostly mumbled banter and horsing around between the teens, until we get to the good shit. Water skiing! Gosh, that looks like fun!

image Not all that fun watching these tools do it in a movie for ten minutes at a time, when it's clearly meant for filler. But in real life, sure. The gang make friends with a couple of guys and invites them over that night for some beers and countless games of quarters. After leaving late at night, they are slaughtered by a prowler, which leads to what is by far the most incoherent and mindblowing scene in the movie. The next day, a deputy stops by and has one of the guys come outside with him, where he shows him the bodies of the victims, and asks if he has any information about what happened. And you would think they were talking about what they had for breakfast, going by their mannerisms. Plus, the music was just loud enough that you could barely hear alot they were saying. A portion of the conversation could very well have been about breakfast for all we know. Yet, they were pointing at corpses. so, that's probably it.

image I get that he didn't know his new friends very well, but Christ! Atleast one of you try and appear as though you're looking at something bad. I get no indication that the bad acting in this is anything but unintentional, which to this day, is amazing to me. The brutal murders which couldn't be seen due to no lighting has surprisingly put very little damper on the weekend festivities. It's not even clear who knows about this tragedy and who doesn't. Instead of leaving immediately, everyone continues with their beer drinking, fucking and kidding around with li'l Tony, until one of the couples randomly goes for a wallk late at night, and of course gets it. I forgot which couple it was. Like I said. Terrible lighting in this movie. I hope their deaths were gory. I like gore.

image It wasn't until the late 90's when I rented Redneck Zombies that I would finally watch my second shot-on-video Horror. That of course was a more enjoyable experience, so, I finally warmed up to the idea that there might be something to these awful little home movies. But it wasn't until 2010, when I bought Cannibal Campout on dvd, that I knew I had to get every single one of these. So, I started with the first one I ever saw. About 17 years had passed since I had seen it, and couldn't really remember what it was about it that I hated so much. So, I bought a rather pricey vhs tape off Amazon, and as it would turn out, the very qualities I once despised were the same qualities which would finally win me over as an adult. Though, I'm not sure what that says about my own mental development.

I've seen countless SOVs since then, and some of them might even be a little worse in ways. But I've yet to find any type of movie with such amazingly dead acting, incoherent dialogue, and pointless characters. Seemingly no effort was put into making this atleast as good as the other VHS stuff that was coming out at the time. This is Todd Sheets territory, friends. Maybe worse. In an ironic twist, this is one of those bad movies which is only made watchable by its worst quality. The cock sure wannabe playa, li'l Tony, who is just pathetic enough to be funny. And another ironic twist, he would also be a significantly better actor than the big kids, which of course says very little. Blood Lake is one of the few "80's SOV's" left that is still without a dvd release. I look forward to the day it gets one, and any extras that might give us a better understanding as to how this thing ended up the way it did. But even after that day comes, any time I think of Blood Lake, I'll still imagine direcor, Tim Boggs, sneaking into Blockbusters in the late 80's and placing his piece of god awful shit amongst the real movies I would recommend Blood Lake to slasher completists, fans of vhs flicks, and anyone interested in obscurities which still haven't made it to the digital age. However, for those of you with standards, you may want to pass on this one. 4/10

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Terror At Blood Fart Lake (2009)

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The films of Chris Seaver are for loving or for hating only. I doubt there's anyone out there who thinks his films are "just okay", or "kinda dumb". This guy will leave an impression one way or the other. And in the world of micro-budget filmmaking, that's quite rare, especially these days. The first Sevaer flick I ever saw was Terror At Blood Fart Lake. For years, I had heard about an earlier movie of his, Mulva Zombie Ass Kicker, and its reputation as one of the worst films ever made. But after reading a couple of positive reviews about one of Seaver's newest films, Terror At Blood Fart Lake, I finally thought it was time to give this guy a shot. Guess I was feeling a bit open minded that day.

So, I took a chance and bought the dvd. And when the day came that I finally watched it, I was far from pleased with my most recent purchase. This movie started out very annoying, and continued to get more and more annoying by the minute. I expected stupidity, considering the title, but this obnoxious shit really caught me off guard. I cracked not one smile for the 70-something minutes this film went for. I'm now fighting the urge to eject the dvd and break it right before it goes in the trash. I haven't thrown a dvd away since suffering through Meir Zarchi's Don't Mess With My Sister. And I watched all of that one, so, I figured I'd go aheadand see this one through, too. After it was over, I just stuck it in a drawer with the rest of the mistakes I've bought, and tried to forget. Oh, but I couldn't.

I kept thinking about how stupid this movie is, and how the idiot who made it, and the dumb fucks who starred in it, shouldn't be allowed to do anything like this ever again. And then, I thought to myself "I really need to see this, again". I don't know why. I just do. So, I open the drawer back up. Still stupid, still annoying. And a week or so later, I find myself watching it, again. Oh, shit! This has a commentary track. I gotta hear this. An explanation is definitely in order. So, I watch it again. But when listening to the commentary, which included Seaver, and 4 or 5 cast members, I found them all strangely likeable and entertaining to listen to. These people were all friends that just liked hanging out and making stupid B-movies together, who didn't take themselves one bit seriously. I can respect that. And while even Seaver admits to being a not so great director, It occured to me that some of the material, which he wrote, was absolutely hysterical, dare I say borderline genius. I finally got the joke. Chris Seaver and the LBP (Low Budget Pictures) gang finally won me over. And not only do I now want to see more of these movies, but I kinda want to hang out with these people. This is weird.

image And of course, the next one I buy would be Mulva. Yeah. I totally had that one coming. That's a story better left for another day. Anyway, still excited about my discovery of this hilarious POS, I go on an Amazon shopping spree for any Chris Seaver films I can find. Not long after that, I owned about 15 LBP films. All awesome, all pretty bad. All ridiculous, but mostly in a good way. Some lower budgeted than others, depending on how old they were, but none quite as amazing as Blood Fart Lake. And years later, after seeing countless more of these, I still stand by that. But let me tell you about Terror At Blood Fart Lake.

This movie is just crazy. Wacky, silly, goofy and obnoxious as hell. Pretty damn vulgar, too. I can always understand why someone wouldn't like it. But there's just this upbeat charm about it. And a "we don't give a fuck" attitude that goes with it. Not much of a plot, really. 5 young people spend a weekend in a cabin by a a lake, owned by their pal, Hambone, who is killed in the first scene, shortly before they get there. His absence throughout the movie is barely acknowledged. The 5 young people consist of a loud yet friendly chick who has delusions of being an actress from the 30's, a 5,000 pound horny goth chick, her douchebag boyfriend who can't even get her name right, some idiot who only knows about 5 words, as well as some guy. Some guy is the main character, I guess. He seems completely out of place in this movie and seems dull compared to everyone else, because he's normal. That in itself is ammusing.

image The ridiculous group is joined by who may be the funniest character in film history. An odd, feminine young man with an afro and abnormally large calves, named Caspian, forces his company on everyone and assures them he can be trusted since he "taught Hambone everything he knows", which is good enough for the gang. Besides the occasional killing by a masked scarecrow, not much happens to further the plot. Just Caspian and pals partying, talking about Ernest, and spouting some of the most ridiculous lines ever put to a script. Meanwhile, Thunder Ambrosia, a badass bitch with vengeance on her mind, is heading towards the cabin and hitches a ride from dumbass redneck, Leo DeChamp. These two bicker, flirt, say alot of stupid shit, and eventually take a fuck break where Thunder gets tons of fake-looking jizz sprayed all over her in what is one of the most pointless scenes in the movie, believe it or not. It's all pretty much pointless. But so much fun. The actors who portray Caspian and the gang continue to make asses of themselves, and clearly having a ball doing it. Hats off to the eccentric Josh Suire, who portrayed both Caspian and Leo. He really carried this movie, and made it far more entertaining than it should be. But considering there were no real actors in this movie (besides Ambrosia and Hambone), these guys actually did a really good job. At being funny more so than the acting. Which is far more important, anyway.

And so, that's where my Chris Seaver/LBP obsession started. Since 2009's Blood Fart Lake, Seaver has made many films, some of which are superior, quality-wise, but none have surpassed my first experience. A film I once hated so passionately now holds a special place in my heart for. For anyone who checks this out and likes what they see, you should also get a kick out of Wet Heat, Moist Fury, Sexquatch, Evil Dead Inbred Rednecks, Evil Night, I Spit Chew On Your Grave, Teenape Goes To Camp, and Deathbone, Third Blood Part VII: The Blood of Deathbone. All starring the same likeable non actors, along with the same spastic behavior, random weirdness, and vulgar humor, all from the mind of the great Chris Seaver. The most prolific and underrated B-movie director of the 2000's. A man whose fantastic ideas have long been ignored and shunned by most due to tiny budgets. But I believe that someday, the man will get noticed by the right person. And his crazy shit will finally get the recognition it deserves. Then someday, everyone will know of the greatness of Terror At Blood Fart Lake! 10/10

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Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985)

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Every great Horror franchise must come to and end. And for Friday The 13th, that would be part 4. "The Final Chapter" arrived in 1984. And a hell of a final chapter it was. The best of the series, some still say. This film had it all. Tits, gruesome kills, Crispin "the dead fuck" Glover. And it was actually pretty scary. But most of all, it gave us Friday The 13th fans closure. So, anyway. By 1985, The greedy dicksuckers at Paramount wanted another sequel. Preferably a resurrected Jason, or possibly a returning Corey Feldman, taking over as "the new Jason". Unfortunately, neither scenario became reality. But this movie was to happen either way. Because Paramount demanded more... of something.

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The original plan for Friday The 13th Part V was to bring back the kid who killed Jason didn't exactly go as planned due to Mr. Feldman being too busy filming The Goonies at the time. But he was available for a cameo which we see in the opening scene. It's a stormy night, and for some reason, young Tommy Jarvis is hanging out in the woods. The boy watches in terror while grave robbers dig up his worst nightmare. And continues to watch as Jason Voorhees once again rises from the dead and slaughters said grave robbers. Frozen with fear, the kid watches as Jason walks towards him with his machete which some idiot buried with him. And just as Jason is about to get even with his destroyer, Tommy wakes up. But he's no longer Corey Feldman. He's not even a kid any more. But he is blonde, now. So, that's good. However, he's now semi-insane and on his way to a halfway house/semi-asylum called Pinehurst. That's bad. But good for us viewers. At Pinehurst, they got hot chicks, all with various breast sizes, a white-trash/hillbilly mother and son who ive next door, and look suspeciously close in age, a wiseass kid named Reggie the wreckless, who happens to have a big brother named Demon, who lives near by in his van with his bitch. If you ever need any enchilladas or jewelry, he's your man.

https://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/fridaythe13th/images/1/13/78404-6836.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130629174102 A key member of the Pinehurst gang, an unwanted sack of fat shit named Joey, who no one seems to have much patience for, makes the mistake of offering Vic a candy bar while he was busy chopping wood. And informing him that he's out of line when Vic yells at him. The nerve of this guy! Of course Vic is going to stick that axe in his back and end his miserable life. How else is Joey going to learn some manners? It does suck that Joey's dead because more scenes involving him would have only added to the campiness that lies before us. But I guess he's better off dead. Although, somebody doesn't think so. Back to the new Tommy. This guy doesn't say much of anything. And has no desire to know any of these Pinehurst weirdos. He just wants to stand around and stare at mirrors, and have hullucinations of Jason. He seriously needs to get over that shit. I mean, he DID win, after all I guess his presence at this place is somehow supposed to make things easier. But someone is going around killing gay greasers and coke heads using some very familiar methods. Is Jason back from the dead? Is Tommy more damaged than we thought? Is someone so pissed off about Joey's murder that they're going around killing everyone except the guy who murdered him? Now, that wouldn't make much sense.

But who cares? What about that one sex scene? You know the one I'm talking about. Debi Sue Voorhees and that guy who has to go wash up after only 30 seconds of pounding her sweet vagina whilst her glorious, milky white tits bounce up and down. As hot as it was, I would have preferred this scene to go on another half hour, but Debi Sue gets her eyes cut out by some ass hole who apparently doesn't like amazing tits. so, that's the end of that. THAT being the peak of the entire Friday The 13th series. I hope it was as good for you as it was for me.

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Meanwhile, back at Pinehurst. Tommy isn't doing so well. Demon got it good in the out house, the hillbilly mother & son got sent to Heaven with Demon and his bitch, Pinehurst residents are dropping like flies, and seemingly nobody else is getting laid for the rest of the movie. I sure do wish that one scene was still going on. But you can't beat this type of bloody 80's action. Especially now that there's a rainstorm going on now that shit's now gotten real. just like in Tommy's nightmare. Nice touch, I think. But again. Is it Tommy who is doing this? It's starting to seem like it.

Despite being far better than it has any right to be, this film has gained an unnecessary amount of criticism over the years, and is wrongfully considered the black sheep or just the flat out worst installment of the franchise by many, simply because a certain reoccuring character took the night off. Thanks to exploitation director, Danny Steinmann, This movie does offer something a little different, though. but not too different. All the elements which we all love about the past installments are present. But with a higher bodycount, better/funnier characters, and a sleazy B-movie atmosphere never before seen in a Friday The 13th film. The killer even wears a hockey mask. To some, A New Beginning may have been the slump of the series, and a lazy way of making a few bucks off a once thought dead franchise. But in my opinion, this is not only one of the mast entertaining 80's Slashers out there. But arguably the last great Friday The 13th film. 7/10

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Berserker(1987)

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An average slasher from the 80s. Berserker is a suggested watch for any slasher completionist.

Berserker starts off with an elderly couple being murdered in the woods. And then cuts to a group of 6 teenagers heading to the same woods. The teenagers get into with owner of the camping site because they want the best camp site. Eventually they give in and take the other camp site and drive off, but sneak over to the camp site they wanted in the first place. Later on the viewer finds out that where the teenagers are staying is where the elderly couple was killed. And eventually the teenagers find out too when they find their bodies. The teens learn about a tale of the Berserker that haunts the woods. But is it the legendary Berserker killing everyone or is it a bear. And if it is a Berserker who is the creature because the Berserker can turn into human form.

Like I said Berserker is a standard slasher, but it's fun. I liked it, but I do like most slashers. 7/10

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To All a Goodnight (1980)

image So I watched this movie again the other night. But it felt like for the first because Scorpion released it to Blu-ray restored. Before it was dark and I could hardly make anything out. To All a Goodnight(1980) is a typical Christmas slasher. It's directed by David Hess of all people, but there isn't any rape scenes in this slasher.

The film starts off with a heading Calvins Finishing School for Girls two years ago. Here we see a group of girls chasing another girl up the stairs. When they corner her the girl falls over the railing to her death. This is obviously a set up for revenge. Two years later we see girls heading home for Christmas break while a few girls have to stay at the school. The girls at the school plus their boyfriends start getting picked off one by one.

As a typical slasher, the killer isn't revealed until the end. Being a Christmas slasher the killer is dressed up in a Santa Claus outfit. The viewer gets plenty of sex scenes, some decent kills, and some goofy cops(well semi goofy). But all and all To all a Goodnight is a good slasher. 7/10

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The Ultimate Horror Timeline

Updated: I've been adding a lot to this timeline lately, and it now encompasses 60 franchises. Whoa!

When you think of horror icons like Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers and so on, you always group them together because they're the most familiar slashers. Yet interestingly enough, you can also go as far as saying they all co-exist in the same universe, despite rarely appearing in films with each other, or at all. That's where the art of referencing comes into play, where you find little hints here and there to connect the movies, and while this is purely speculative, it's never denied (unless specifically noted).

The specific horror franchises in question are Halloween, Friday the 13th, The Evil Dead, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, and Hatchet. It seems like a lot to include, but the most clearly connected of these are Freddy, Jason, and the Evil Dead.

image All three series are linked by Jason Goes To Hell. This film includes the Necronomicon and the Kandarian dagger from the Evil Dead films, as well as Freddy's glove pulling Jason's mask into hell. This was due to New Line (who owns the rights to the Elm Street series) obtaining the rights to the Friday the 13th series at the time. Furthermore, New Line previously had distribution rights to The Evil Dead, though the props were most likely used simply as easter eggs, yet it leads to an almost canon fan speculation of the connections of each series, and ultimately spawned the un-used film treatment for "Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash", which resulted in a comic.

The others are connected through Behind The Mask, which treats Freddy, Jason, and Michael Myers as real characters with real histories, and even takes a brief tour through the appropriate settings of these franchises. Furthermore, Leslie Vernon is referenced in Hatchet II, connecting it to that franchise as well (along with the Adam Green film "Frozen", which is also directly referenced in Hatchet II). Through Leslie Vernon, all of these film series are connected, or at least implicated with one another.

It isn't an unlikely concept, considering five of six franchises include magic and supernatural elements. The Evil Dead franchise utilizes the supernatural most obviously with the Necronomicon ex-mortis, aka the Book of the Dead. The Elm Street seres utilizes supernatural via the dream demons Freddy Krueger acquired in the flashback scenes of Freddy's Dead that explain his power over dreams. The Friday the 13th series didn't involve any aspects of the supernatural until Part 6 when Jason became undead, but it was most prominent with its supernatural influences by Jason Goes to Hell when the whole plot revolved around Jason's body-jumping abilities and the tie to his bloodline. As of Halloween 6, the franchise inherently involves the supernatural through the curse of Thorn. Hatchet II included supernatural elements regarding the condition of Victor Crowley as an undead character whose soul wanders the bayou.

The horror-verse goes on...

Several years ago, I arranged a chronological timeline for the fictional events that occur within in several of our heroic horror franchises. View the Horror, Film, and Franchise Timeline https://junkepics.com/calendar/timeline/ , covering nearly 60 franchises.

#Horror #List #Slasher #Timeline
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Devil's Night (2007)

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Also known as Left for Dead. The movie starts off with fraternity brothers in masks chasing another guy. When they catch him they start pushing him around and then someone pushes him on a rock. Everyone gets scared and decides to leave him there without knowing if he is dead or not. And then a year later the fraternity brothers start getting picked off one by one.

Devil's Night is supposed to be a throwback to 80s slashers or at least that is what I thought. Anyways it seems more like a throwback to 90s slashers. It has some okay kills and so so acting. Probably it's biggest claim to fame is it stars Danielle Harris. This movie is predictable and boring at times. I really didn't like it. With that being said I would probably give this a 4/10. It really isn't that good kind of a shame because some of the ideas have promise. I would only watch this if you are a die hard slasher fan that wants to watch every slasher movie that comes out.

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