#Spawn (1997)

In the early 90s, my brother was into Spawn. He had the comics, we both had the action figures, and I figured he looked like a pretty cool character. I guess my instincts kicked in good at an early age, because I never felt compelled to watch the movie that was aimed at my age demographic. Yes, that's right. They made this dark hell-centric comic into a PG-13 kiddie movie.

This movie is a CGI shit-fest. Michael Jai White is an awesome fit for the character, but he can't save this movie. It's cheesy, pretend edgy, and John Leguizamo is a stupid piece of shit. Also, he sucks in the movie.

Martin Sheen is an over-the-top joke of a villain. One of his henchmen is Melinda Clarke from Return of the Living Dead 3, and they only put her in the movie to showcase her in really tight leather, but those dumbasses killed her off too soon. Had there been more shots of her ass, the movie would've gotten a higher rating.

It's no wonder McFarlane's attempts at a new Spawn movie have been facing constant hurdles for decades. This movie really fucked it up and made damn sure that Spawn would never be a household name like Marvel or DC characters.