📜 My History with Texas Chainsaw Massacre

When I got my first job at 16, my first instinct was to build a DVD collection. I had seen trailers for Platinum Dunes The Texas Chainsaw Massacre on TV and it seemed like a horrifying movie. I had only ever heard of the original before, but it wasn't common enough to get my hands on yet. The first horror movie I ever bought was a blind-buy of the 2003 remake, and this movie scared the shit out of me.

These movies are known for putting dirty ideas of what Texas is into people's minds, and TCM is most definitely that: dirty, grimey, sweaty, and surprisingly beautiful. The cinematography and mood are out of this world, the performances were top-notch, and the horror gets under your skin... and wears it. Leatherface is horrific, but R. Lee Ermey is downright terrifying. If a remake was this good, then the movie it's based off must be incredible.

It wasn't too longer after I had seen the 2003 movie that I was able to catch the original 1974 film, on MySpace no less. That's right, in the early days of the internet, people were sneaking movies on there and YouTube and I took full advantage of it. However, my first viewing didn't quite click with me. I understood that the movie was good, but streaming it in ultra low resolution didn't showcase the movie properly. Once I bought it on DVD and watched it on a real TV, it all made sense.

Whereas the remake had a polished dirtiness to it, the original was simply raw. The film grain is something you can't fake, and this movie seemed brighter, hotter, sweatier, and even more uncomfortable. I want to compare the two films, but they're ultimately very different from one another, and that's a good thing. The 2003 version is cinematic, but the original is documentary style, and it transcends the screen. You can literally feel this movie enveloping you with grime and unease. What makes it truly stand out is that a majority of it is set in the bright sunlight, further disorienting you with the idea that sunlight doesn't keep the monsters away.

While I was very much interested in the sequels leading up to the remake, I had to take what I could get. The Platinum Dunes prequel The Beginning was next on my list. I happened to catch that one in theaters and while I enjoy it for what it is, it is more of the same. R. Lee Ermey is back, the cannibalism is here, and the brutality is off the charts, but the ending is a real slap in the face. The remake didn't leave them with a lot of options except to go back, so the story can't deviate from its ultimate destiny.

The 1986 sequel eventually crossed my path in the form of a blind-buy, and that's where the series took a comedic turn. With the horndog Leatherface, L.G.'s constant spitting, and Chop-Top's insanity, you can't help but laugh at the absurdity. And Dennis Hopper's duelling chainsaws? Oh, my achin' banana! The horror is turned way down, but the fun is way up. It almost seems unrelated to the first movie in terms of tone, but who needs a carbon copy of something that can't be replicated? It's a product of its time, and it works.

If part 2 was a dive into comedy, then part 3 is a step toward (cheesy) action. Ken Foree and Viggo Mortensen make this subpar sequel watchable. It doesn't feel like Texas and it's more swampy than one might expect, but that makes it stand out. Definitely my least favorite of the originals, but that doesn't mean it's bad.

You're probably wondering how I like it less than The Next Generation. Well, that's because I fucking love The Next Generation. Widely regarded as a piece of trash, that drew me in immensely. Everything about this movie is wrong, and that very wrongness is worked directly into the plot. Rothman's whole dilemma is that he knows he's delivering an inferior product, but even McConaughey admits the movie was a lot of fun to make.

This movie has everything going against it. Our protagonists are wooden, bad actors, or assholes. Leatherface is a whiny bitch. The family eats pizza instead of people. There is no chainsaw massacre. How is this movie good? Vilmer, that's how! After a certain point in trying so hard to horrify, everyone in this movie simply gets up and walks away. In that regard, it has social commentary to it that's lost on most people, and I absolutely love it.

By this point, the old series is dead and so is the new. The only place left to go is back to the beginning, and Texas Chainsaw 3D takes us exactly there. For a moment, anyway. Now, this is a sequel that gets a lot of shit, but its heart was absolutely in the right place. Legacy cameos, modernized setting, and Daddario's fine ass make this highly entertaining. It definitely lacks the grit, but the story is pretty slick, despite a skewed timeline. I would have definitely been down for more of this storyline, but if there's one thing we've learned about the TCM franchise, it's that nothing is canon, and we're always working up to the next reboot.

The prequel titled Leatherface came out a few years later. Prequel to the original or the remake? Either or. We're always given a new family to deal with, and the only real staple is man in a skin mask waving a chainsaw. I wasn't terribly impressed with the movie, but I was also biased against it from the start. When you announce a 6 movie deal and cancel that, you're bound to break some hearts. I wanted to see the next chapter of the previous story. We finally took things to the present, but that was all thrown out the window for another period piece no one asked for. It's not a bad movie, but it's not exactly a justified movie either.

Then, a few years after that mess, we finally took things back to the present with Netflix's movie, simply titled The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. At this point, they're more like A Texas Chainsaw Massacre rather than The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Even so, I'm glad we took things back to present day, when Leatherface is running out of caretakers. He may be old, but he's still violent as ever. The vibe is basically the same as the 2013 movie, but never quite matching the grit of the 1974 or 2003 films. We sacrifice the dirty charm for throwaway Hollywood polish, but the franchise will forever own my heart. It's more than just movie. It's what people imagine the emptiness of Texas to be. You can't take that image out of people's minds. The Texas plains will always be associated with a chainsaw massacre.